The Harvest
by Johnny Wycliffe
Summary: The author gets warped to the world of Vandread, a world where gender politics are a thing, and he has to pilot the allied forces to victory. Sounds easy, what with his foreknowledge, but it soon turns against him: You can't hide your thoughts from the Paksis.
1. Chapter 1: Cliché

I finally decided on a universe I could add myself into without being a Mary-sue. It's Vandread!

 _GENDER POLITICS HO!_

Just as a note, the spelling for worlds and names is completely inconsistent. Paksis is sometimes spelled paxis or paeksis or whatever. I'm going to use what I remember being correct from my first time watching it.

* * *

Waking up here was the oddest thing.

I've always imagined entering an anime, becoming one of the main characters and swooping in to save the girl. You might say I had eighth-grade syndrome, and I had it bad.

Of course, any time I put myself in that situation, I was alway the hero, the cool guy with the smarts. Maybe Lelouch from Code Geass. Maybe Shirou from Log Horizon. I could be the magnificent chess master, the evil smile that makes the world a better place while simultaneously striking fear into the hearts of the masses. In fact, I had a dream recently about entering Steins;Gate and getting to time travel around.

So, the metal shelf I woke up on, covered in the slimmest of sheets, kind of threw me off. Obviously not my home, and it's not somewhere I remember. Looking around, there's lots of electrical components strewn about, much like my own room. There's a window on one wall, but looking out only lets me see another building, neon signs glowing from below. So, I'm in a city, and a big one at that.

I reach into my pocket and draw out my phone. I don't have any service, what a surprise. Not even WiFi.

"This is the last time I ever go drinking." I mutter to the empty room.

I grab the nearest gadget on the floor and turn it over a few times. It looks like some sort of card reader. It's screwed together, and I don't see any screwdrivers sitting around. Maybe if I straightened up a bit?

After a few minutes of fumbling around, I find a few things. Not a screwdriver, but important none-the-less.

First, my messenger bag I carry with my everywhere. Next, a duffel bag with a few changes of clothes. Lastly, an ID card. It's got my face on it but the name is wrong. It reads "Hibiki Tokai."

"Hibiki... Hibiki... I know the name from somewhere." I look around the room again. "It sounds Japanese, so... an anime name?"

Of course, it's then that it hits me. I got so drunk I ended up at an anime convention. Now to find my costume.

Thrown into drawers haphazardly are maybe seven sets of a uniform. Orange top, made of some fire resistant material, and black pants. I slip into one set, noting how well worn the costume looks. A tan bandana completes the look.

It's not until I see myself in the mirror do I recognize the outfit, minus one blue scarf. Hibiki Tokai, protagonist of VanDread. Or as I like to call it, Gender Politics _IN SPACE!_ I really need to watch it again.

"So... assuming this is the hotel, where is the convention?"

The entire hotel fits the whole VanDread theme as well, much more spartan than any hotel I've been to.

I grab the ID and head out of the room after checking that the ID card will unlock my door. When I reach the bottom floor, the receptionist gives me an evil eye. "Hibiki, what are you still doing here? You're supposed to be at the factory!"

I grin. "Yeah, yeah. I slept in. Where's everyone else?"

The clerk looks at me with astonishment. "Did you hit your head? GO TO WORK!"

Something's not right. I raise my hands defensively. "Okay, sorry to disturb you." I turn and walk quickly to the door leading out to the street.

The sight of the street in front of me instantly halted my movement. I am in a city, one I don't recognize. It looks dystopian. Kind of like Blade Runner.

Also, I despite the through way being crowded, I don't see any females at all.

Alarm bells start sounding in my head. Something is up.

Above me, a screen turns on. A bald man with a fu manchu appears.

"Citizens of Taraak! Today we unleash our newest weapon in our fight against the women!"

Hey, it's that general. I can't remember what his name is, but I remember he was in charge of the spaceship before the pirates captured it.

"The Ikazuchi utilizes long lost technology to bring the fight to our most hated enemy."

I tune out the rest as he spouts more of the same. Interesting how well this speech was rehearsed. The guy cosplaying as the general most have really liked the character...

My gut starts to sink. "Wait, don't tell me." Several of the passersby turn to look at me, but I pay them no heed. "I got abducted to some kind of bizarre LARP, didn't I?"

"Today, the Ikazuchi will launch, signalling the start of our righteous campaign!"

Sounds like fun- _TODAY?_

That means I have to be it! I'm the main character, dammit! I turn back and head up to my room, sling both my bags over my shoulder, and grab some devices that look vaguely like I could use them to gain entrance to a facility. Let's see, I need the glove, the hacker tool...

For some reason, all the signs are in Japanese. I vaguely remember the text in the show being in English, but I haven't seen the show in... two years? This city is way too complicated for me to get to the ship without directions, and if I remember correctly the whole getting to the ship part was glossed over in the anime.

Alright, I'll ask someone. I stop a random passerby, a older gentleman with a pleasant look to his face. "Sir, can you tell me how to get near to the Ikazuchi? I want to see it take off in person!"

The man scratches his beard. "Boy, I don't know who put what idea into your head, but you best get it out. For your own sake."

"Er, thanks." I back away and look around. So...

As is my habit, I pull out my phone. Still no signal. Where the hell am I that I can be in the middle of a city and still not get a signal?

I notice a large map displaying different locations. I head up to it, and it does seem to show the general area, if only I could read Japanese.

I take a snapshot of the map with my phone. If I can get someone to translate this-

Oh. I'm stupid. I have google translate on my phone, and I have the entire Japanese dictionary downloaded. Yay for being obsessed.

A few scans later and I find the general direction of the starport. I've always been good with directions, and once I had the whole language barrier problem solved, I found my way to the dock easily. Infiltration is another matter entirely though, as the Ikazuchi is understandably well guarded. I skirt the edges of the starport, easy with the crowds gathering around and allowing me to move unnoticed. Once I find the baggage area, I decide on a plan. I can drop my gear into one of the passing baggage vehicles, and use the same vehicle as cover to get closer. I wrestle with my backpack and pull out a pair of wire cutters.

Now, I just need a distraction to get a chance to cut open the fence. Fortunately, I didn't have to think one up myself. Two guys in their teens jump the fence and start running to the ship, provoking all the guards in the area. I take the opportunity to cut a gash in the fence, duck through and sling my bags into the baggage truck. The driver doesn't stop or slow down, so I must have been successful.

I follow the truck right up to where the baggage gets unloaded and climb through the cargo chute. Someone spots me, but I duck out of his sight before he can raise the alarm. Unfortunately, this ship is completely unlabeled. I have no idea of where to go. My uniform is only of a standard workers, so I can't just try to mingle with the men in the party.

Of course, I can still follow them. The Vanguard bay is supposed to be right next to the banquet hall. I stick to the many shadows created by the boxes still being loaded into the Ikazuchi. It's not long before I make it to the banquet hall.

I peek in, taking in the sight of the all-male party. Hilariously, from what little I can make out, it sounds like what my own friends and I discussed back in college. In other words, Tarak parties are frat parties. I spot both Bart and Duelo doing their own things.

Wait, I mean, cosplayers dressed as Bart and Duelo. Really convincing cosplays though.

I move to the next door down, and wet the glove, slip it on my hand and press it onto the palm reader. Unlike the original Hibiki, I managed to wet the glove properly the first time through.

I stroll through the hanger bay, eventually finding the Vanguard with the symbol carved into it's crotch. I never found out what it meant so I scan it with my phone.

"...Spoon?"

Suddenly, the ground jerked underneath me. I lose my balance and fall over, and the pressure on my back pins me to the floor.

Wh... what?

Eventually, the pressure lets up, and I get to my feet. That felt like an elevator ride from hell; way too fast.

Light floods in from the opposite end, and the Vanguards all turn to face the party, leaving me exposed.

I plaster a smile on my face. "...Hi?"

* * *

The cell is cramped. They threw me in here with all of the supplies, and I barely fit. They have some sort of high energy plasma being used as the jail bars of all things, which means it's a bit warmer in here than I'd like. The stupid robot hovers on the other side of the bars. It's not been affected by the Paksis yet, so it's nothing special.

It would be nice to be able to override it's systems to let me out.

Somehow, I'm surprisingly calm despite this whole mess. These bars, the robot... It's clear that this isn't some weird LARP. Somehow, I had ended up in every anime nerd's dream.

I need a plan.

The original Hibiki used... what did he do? He got out of the jail cell somehow.

I recognize my bags among the rest of the stuff crammed in here. At least I know where those are.

The ship rocks again, sending the small robot my direction and into the bars of my cage. The screen fries as it slips into the room.

"The attack must have started." I look around again. I need something to fry the bars... I could short some of the circuitry, probably.

I pull the snips I had used on the fencer out of my pocket and open the panel, which was secured with screws. I then proceed to drag the metal end across as many different parts of the circuit as I can.

The circuit suddenly explodes as I cross two things that really shouldn't have been crossed. The snips have melted into a pile of slag in my hand from the massive current that went through them. I discard the useless tool and grab Pyoro and my bags.

I retrace my steps back towards the Vanguards, but a shutter comes down to block my path. Red strobes light the way down the path to...

Holy crap.

The Paksis is huge. Probably over a hundred feet in diameter. It's not doing anything though.

Another explosion rocks the ship and one of the walls burst open. A blue fighter comes through the wall, and the pilot ejects. She is launched in an arc...

And lands on me, bowling me over.

I open my eyes to find one of Mejare's pirates straddling me. She sits up, causing her chest to bounce, and pulls off her helmet and speaks. Not in English though, but in Japanese. So women speak Japanese, and the men speak English. Wow.

Sitting on top of me is the red haired, blue eyed Dita Liebely. She starts doing some hand gestures with an expectant look in her eyes.

Right, she wants me to copy those. I slowly copy what she did. Palm raised, flat, fist, fist, handshake?

She starts cheering and saying something else. The only part I make out is "Firsto Contacto!" in rough English.

Given I know her intentions, it's slightly less creepy than it would be otherwise, but I can see why Hibiki was terrified the first time he met the girl, not to mention all the rumors of women eating men.

Dita start saying more things, pulls out a camera and snaps a picture before I can blink. She's so energetic.

THe males should be attempting to destroy this section soon, so I should find my Vanguard.

Dita has other ideas though. She grabs my arm to her chest and starts dragging me off somewhere. Before we can get far, two more of the pirates crawl out of a hole near us and start talking to Dita.

It's Meia and Jura, both in outfits that might as well be body paint.

The three girls start arguing about something, and I start taking a few steps back. I need to find that Van before the missiles hit.

Dita starts yelling and I take a look over my shoulder. She's struggling against Meia and Jura, who are trying to haul her back to her crash landed fighter. Sorry, not helping you.

Looks like everyone's in escape mode. I locate the Van just in time to trow my gear and Pyoro into the cockpit and seal myself inside. The Paksis starts pulsing, and I look up to see Dita's Dread being thrown in my direction. It slams into me, I hear a lot of mechanical whirring, and-

I see the missiles through a blue fog, and two beams of green energy lance out to smash into the missiles.

Without warning, my body feels like it's being ripped apart before I'm thrown into a blue void, falling. I hear three other voices, screaming after mine.

When I land, I land amid crystalline spikes. In the shattered reflections I see...

Wait, I see me. But that can't be me, because my eyes don't glow red, and I'm certainly not grinning right now.

The other me sprouts claws like wolverines as stalks towards me. My heart races and I quickly get to my feet to run away.

Okay, okay, this has to be the Paksis' doing. But why is it chasing me?

In one leap, it catches me.

Instead of the rending of claws, my body freezes in place.

"What are you?"

"What am I? Uh, a human."

"Human. Term for this organic being or personal name?"

"Organic being."

"What is your personal name?"

"Johnny- I mean, Hibiki Tokai."

"Why are you here? Is your objective from instinct or responsibility?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe you brought me here."

"Unable to comprehend. What is a Johnny?"

Not gonna make the rude joke.

"Your proof that you are you, what is it?"

I... proof that I am me? "I'm right here, aren't I?"

"That answer is primal, three dimensional."

The world starts to distort around me, fading to black.

* * *

I jerk awake, smacking my head into a desk.

"Ouch!"

"So you've come to." I turn to the side to see Duelo, also in handcuffs, sitting beside me with a smirk on his face. "Do you have a name, third class citizen?"

"Hibiki Tokai." Looks like I'm back in a cell. Pyoro's here too.

"You interrupted the ceremony, correct? How did you sneak in?"

"Baggage chute."

Pyoro start beeping and his screen starts displaying eyes. "Where is this? Who am I?"

"The brig, and a stupid robot." I deadpan.

"Hey! I'm not stupid! Pyoro!" His screen starts to fill up with static.

"Do you want me to see if I can fix you?" I ask.

"I'm not broken!"

Footsteps announce the presence of people before we can see them around the corner.

Leading them is BC, and there are four other guards around her. I don't remember their names, which means the were probably not that important.

I smile slightly and put on a pleasant tone. "Hello. Can you tell me what's going on?"

"I need to ask you some things." Says BC. "You're coming with us."

Duelo and I are led to the bridge, where we're sat down and told to wait under the guard of BC and two others. Meia shows up momentarily with Bart.

"What, another one?" Asks BC.

"Yes. He was hiding in the platform." Meia informs.

"Oh, comrades. Nice to see you." Bart strains to put a smile of his face. He is forcibly sat down next to us, though I notice he's not handcuffed.

"Oh my. I came here to see the prisoners, but they're all kids!" The leader of the pirates, whose name escapes me at the moment, shuffles through the door with the aid of her cane.

Pyoro starts getting all excited. "Interrogation time! I'll tell you everything!"

"Oh, how nostalgic. A navi-robot. There's still a functioning one, I see."

"What do you mean by that?" Asks Duelo.

"This is an colonization ship." says the old lady. "This was one of many ships that left a planet called Earth. Of course, that was before this was cut off. Your cowardly grandfathers took it from us and escaped."

Pyoro cuts in. "They refitted the battleship with crew quarters."

"And now we are unexpectedly back on that battleship. We'll take this ship, as that is our business. The problem is what to do with all of you."

Meia speaks up. "Let's get rid of them. The situation is unstable enough."

"No need to rush. We'll carefully consider how we want to cook them up."

I see Bart start. Duelo seems as stoic as ever. I have to choke down a laugh.

The old lady says something to BC, who relays it to somebody else. A few nervous minutes of staring at each other go by before one of the pirates hands the old lady a bowl of red jelly. I have to fight to keep a grin off my face now.

Scare tactic only work if I don't know what it is.

"Is-" I begin, but Meia raises her fist with the laser ring on it.

"Let him talk." Says the old lady.

"Is that male?" I gesture towards the jello. "If so, I want some. I've never had a chance to taste flesh before."

Everyone in earshot turns to look at me with horrified expressions. Even the old lady and Pyoro.

"What?" I look around. "What? Look, I know it's not human flesh, it's Jello. I just want to know what flavor."

"What's Jello?" Asks Bart.

The old lady sets the bowl aside, apparently having lost her appetite. "Boy, who are you?"

"Hibiki Tokai. Mechanic-"

"He's an attacker." Meia interrupts me. "I saw him climb into one of the enemy armored units."

"No, I'm a-OOF"

Bart elbows me in the stomach. I glare at him silently.

"Oh my. Tall and dark over here is a doctor, and lastly-"

BC touches a hand to her ear. "Captain, we have an emergency. It seems we're under attack."

An explosion rocks the ship, throwing the bowl of Jello to the ground.

"My snack!" Complains the captain.

The crew scatters, Meia starts ordering the Dreads out, and BC starts working on some tablet

A shriek comes from behind us, and everyone turns to look at the girl trapped under the rubble from the collapsed door.

Duelo vaults over the back of the chair, and the second security girl points her ring at him.

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor. I just want to see my patient."

Bart leans back in his seat confidently. "It looks like you need our help. It is true that we are enemies, but under these circumstances, survival must come first. Well, you know I am actually a helmsman."

 _Liar._ I think to myself.

"Oh? _You_ a steersman?"

"WARNING! WARNING! This guy sounds bogus!" Pyoro starts dancing around and pointing at Bart.

"You stay quiet." Chides the Captain.

"Sorry."

"So, what do you want to say?" The captain addresses Bart.

"Well, right now we can call a cease-fire. We can provide each other with what the other doesn't have; we can momentarily gather all forces, and get over this crisis. I believe that would be wise."

"I see... That's not a bad idea."

"So, we should shake on it."

The old lady bats Bart's hand away. "I have no wish to be chummy. I'll still be treating you as a prisoner."

"U-Understandable." Bart backpedals.

"It's impossible here." Duelo turns back to the captain. "I'm taking her to the medical bay."

"Alright." The old lady turns to Bart. "You, come with me to the bridge. BC, take the attacker to the warehouse."

Oh boy, real life combat.

BC leads me down a hallway. There's someone behind me, and my wrists are still cuffed.

"Er, just so you know, I'm not actually a pilot. I'm more a mechanic." I say.

"I see, then why are you here?"

Because fate decided, and I'm clueless enough to sneak aboard a doomed starship. "I got suckered into something stupid, and..."

Wait a second. Isn't this the perfect opportunity? If I can get BC alone, I can get a leg up on the situation. If I can control the vice-captains actions...

"I see. I thought the men of Tarak were a proud race, but it seems we were mistaken... Hmm?"

But if I reveal my hand here...

"Hibiki?"

"Oh, sorry. Hey, can you get these cuffs off? I can't pilot a Vanguard like this." I flash my teeth, which puts BC on edge.

She slowly grabs the remote and releases the cuffs.

"Don't worry. I'll prove my existance. Just you wait and see." I say before tearing down the hallway.

* * *

Back on the bridge, BC walks up to Magno.

"That boy is strange." BC says.

"In what way?"

"He just read my mind. I was planning on giving him a motivational speech to rouse him to fight, but he jumped right to the conclusion."

"Hmm. Is he in his armor yet?"

"I don't know. Let me see if I can get the comms working."

* * *

In the hangar, I find the mutated version of a Van with a mark on the codpiece. I clamber in and...

How the hell do I start this thing? There aren't many controls, just two pistol grip handles, one on each side.

"Oy, stupid robot. we need to get out there and save the day."

No response.

I press the buttons on top of the grips.

No response.

Okay, what do I know about this Vanguard?

1) Hibiki can pilot it.  
2) It's part of the whole Paksis thing.  
3) It can combine with the Dreads of Dita, Meia, and Jura

"Did I miss the start button?"

Suddenly, a cold feeling crawls down my spine. My vision goes out, replacing the interior of my Vanguard with a blue sea.

"What are you?" Says the Paksis in Pyoro's voice.

"The guy that's trying to save all of our hides." I growl. I don't have time for this.

The blue sea mottles with red. The red light feels like ice on my skin.

"Oh come on."

I figured it out.

The Paksis is a sentient being, one that reacts to fear. The reason the one Earth has is red is because it was overwhelmed by fear. The Nirvana's Paksis, however, responds primarily to hope and guts and reckless abandon, which I... can't do because I'm too logical, thinking things out. This may not go well. In fact, I may not be able to pilot this Vanguard entirely.

I take a deep breath. Calm. No point in antagonizing the large blue dimension-hopping sentient power source. "I'm sorry I'm not a lovable idiot like the real Tokai. Please, let's go. Otherwise, I can't stop your other half from rampaging across the galaxy. I'm not here to hurt you, or anyone on this ship, just... let's save people, okay?"

The red fades away slowly, and when I open my eyes, the Vanguard is powered up.

I smirk. "See? That wasn't so hard."

I feel small spike of ice enter my back. The Paksis is clearly not happy with me.

* * *

"Did you hear that?" Magno turns to BC.

"Yes. Thankfully, only us two heard it." BC copies the recent comm logs onto a external device and erases the original. "I'll interrogate him once he's back."

"Thank you, BC." Magno looks back out to the bridge. "If that boy isn't who he says he is, we may have a larger problem on our hands."

* * *

Using the Google translate app was useless. I got "spoon" which doesn't seem right. Does anyone know what it's supposesed to say on Hibiki's Van's Groin?


	2. Chapter 2: Establishing Home

Whoop whoop, time for more self-fellating fan fiction.

If you don't know what that means, ignorance is bliss.

* * *

I swing out into space, Vanguard finally responding to my controls.

It's not particularly hard to pilot, but the controls are a bit lacking. No fine control over the fingers or legs, just movements. The finger automatically grab anything inside the palm, which might end up being a pain.

For now, I step onto a launchpad and wait.

I don't have to wait long.

The launchpad rips forwards, mashing my lips against my teeth with the massive acceleration.

Before I have time to think, I'm thrown out into the midst of a large scale battle between the Dreads and Earth's forces. It doesn't help that I was launched at an angle that sent me tumbling through space.

The stabilizing thrusters turn on automatically after a moment, and I get a chance to observe the battlefield. The Dreads are clearly losing, the Nirvana is drawing back, and that damned pasta shell keeps spewing out more drones.

Four of said drones approach me.

I pull on the handles, attempting to draw my sword. I finally get the blade in front of me just in time to deflect a probing claw. I slash at the blocky robot, cutting it in half and making the other three back off.

"Look! It's Mister Alien!" Dita's voice comes in over the radio.

"He's out reinforcements?" Meia says.

"Just you watch." I say.

I push forwards on my handles, and follow the enemy units.

I catch up to one of them, slice it in half, and immediately reverse thrust as hard as I can to let the next one zip past me. It doesn't hve time to move aside before it disappears in a ball of fire.

I can feel the smile growing on my face. This must be why people hunt.

I go after a few more before I notice something odd.

The Nirvana isn't dodging anymore. The Dreads are no longer taking massive casualties. That's not that odd though.

The Earth forces are retreating. That's odd.

"Oh, no you don't." I bite down a laugh.

My Vanguard soars towards the shell shaped robot. It spits out two clumps of eight, and I get four of them with one swipe before they can disperse.

I dispatch six more before three of them succeed in grabbing my Van. They accelerate hard in the opposite direction of the shell.

"Dita! What are you doing?" Meia's voice comes through.

"I'm going in to assist Mister Alien!"

"No, you're going to crash-" Jura starts, but I don't hear the rest, due to the impact of Dita's Dread. My eyes cloud over with stars.

I can hear things whirring at high speeds. When my vision clears, I find an attractive girl in my lap. My hands are laid on top of hers, on her set of controls.

The drones grabbing onto me are destroyed, leaving a few stragglers and the main shell shaped carrier.

I push forward on the spherical controls, quickly reaching the shell. It tries to close itself shut, but Dita darts her arms forward in time to intercept the gap.

We force the gap wider, and i flip the cannons over.

"Choke on this." I bark.

The lasers penetrate right through the enemy, causing a massive explosion which blows up back towards the Nirvana. I manage to stabilize the unit with before I collide with our ride home.

Now that I'm not busy, I stop focusing outside and start doing a self diagnosis.

I'm unreasonably tired, there's a hot girl in my lap, and we're very, very close.

I had always suspected joining the Vandreads together caused some sort of mental fatigue, but this feels like I just completed a 5k.

"You're amazing, Mister Alien."

...If I say "That's what she said." I can expect to be beaten to within an inch of my life, right?

* * *

Back in the Nirvana, all three of us guys were rounded up and hosed down. I can't say it was entirely unwelcome.

The Paksis is still adjusting the ship around, and the environmental system seems to on the fritz. Thankfully, it's only sent the heating system into overdrive and not interfered with the oxygen levels.

Presumably, Miss coke-bottle glasses is working right now to clear the issue. I really need to remember some of these names.

Bart is talking about some made up exploit of his, so I interrupt. "Hey, I've been thinking. How come you two can understand the females?"

Yes, I had noticed. After the Paksis got to us, I was able to understand and speak Japanese. It's weird. I'm not converting it to english first in my head, but just understanding it as it's said. Another weeabo dream realized.

"First class citizens are required to learn both the language of Tarak and the language of Mejare." Duelo responds evenly. "What's more surprising is that you can speak Mejare."

Whoops. "Er, I found a book that had dropped from the higher levels. It looked interesting, so I read it."

Bart, obviously miffed I had interrupted his story, sits in front of me. "So what was that Van type? Why did it merge with a woman?"

I school my features to avoid letting my eye twitch. "Whatever warped us all out here merged the two ships and messed with my Vanguard. I blame that."

"Out here? Where are we?" Duelo fixes me with his stare.

"Really, really far away from Tarak, I can tell you that."

"But why does it fuse with a woman?"

"It doesn't." I sigh. "It fuses with one of their Dreads. Also, if you keep saying it that way, I'm going to kick you."

"What? You got a problem?" Bart growls.

"Lay off it, both of you." Duelo says calmly. "Bart's just covering his nerves with talk, no need to argue amongst ourselves."

I sigh again. "Sure. Sorry, Bart."

Bart calms down a bit as well. "Say, Duelo, you're pretty smart. As expected of an elite." He puts his hand to his chin. "I bet that with your brains and my charm, we could take over this ship easily."

"You could do what?" BC says from right behind Bart.

"AHG! Uh, nothing."

"I need you and Hibiki to come with me." BC says.

I narrow my eyes. "Is there more enemies?"

"Not yet." BC says neutrally.

BC deactivates the force field and gestures for us to come out. Before we can get anywhere, Duelo speaks up.

"If you don't mind me asking, where are we?"

BC turns back to him. "We're not sure, but w're nowhere near home, that's for sure."

Duelo looks at me with his peircing eyes, but says nothing as I'm escorted away.

We're led to the bridge, where the temperate is absolutely scorching. Still, one of the girls is wearing a bear costume. Her name was... Cel.

...I can't remember the captains's name, but I remember the girl in the bear costume. Priorities, amiright?

"Bart, I want you to show us how to pilot this ship." The captain gestures to the protrusion where Bart can pilot from.

Bart smiles his superior grin, and BC releases his cuffs with a sigh. "Look, this is a male ship, so only males can pilot it see? You should all be glad I was on board or you'd all be stuck-"

He gets cut off by the Paksis grabbing him and throwing him into the piloting area.

"Hey, it's best Bart goes in and none of you go in. The dumb thing strips you naked." I say offhandedly. When I notice there's a lot of attention on me, I look around. "What? I assume none of you want to be naked, piloting a ship where it feels like everyone can see you."

A few of the girls wince and turn away with some color in their faces, but two distinctly do not. BC and the captain.

BC walks up to me. The captain and I need to have a word with you."

Alarm bells start ringing in my head, but I keep my smile. "After you."

"No." BC pokes me with a stick with two shiny prongs on the end. "After you."

* * *

We end up in a dark room, BC, the captain, and I.

"What's up then?" I start, seeing as the two women are just staring at me.

BC slides a disc into a player and the speakers in the room turn on. There's a lot of hiss, but I can make out a voice. My voice.

"I'm sorry I'm not a lovable idiot like the real Tokai. Please, let's go. Otherwise, I can't stop your other half from rampaging across the galaxy. I'm not here to hurt you, or anyone on this ship, just... let's save people, okay?"

Oh.

Yeah, I can see why they'd be worried.

"Who are you?" BC commands.

"Hibiki Tokai."

She pulls out her whip. "Don't make me use this."

"Check my DNA. I'm Hibiki Tokai." I struggle with the cuffs to pull the card off my neck.

She cracks the whip against my thigh.

"OUCH. The fuck, lady?"

"Language!" Calls the old lady almost absentmindedly.

"Who. Are. You."

I narrow my eyes. Time to have a little fun. "Tenmei Uragasumi." How the hell I remembered that I'll never know.

BC stops in her tracks. She stares into my eyes, her face contorting with conflicting anger and worry.

"I'm just a poor worker, but there's this great guy named Hibiki. He was going to steal one of the Vanguards from-"

BC slams her hand down on a nearby table, startling me enough to stop talking.

"BC, are you alright?" The captain asks.

"Captain, can I ask you to have a moment alone with this boy?"

The captain examines BC's face before nodding. "I want him alive."

"He'll only wish he was dead." BC mutters loud enough to hear.

Once the door shuts, I let a predatory smile cross my face. "What's the matter BC? Why, it's almost like you know a Tenmei Ura-"

BC slams her hands on the wall on either side of my head. "How."

"Wouldn't you like to-"

"Magno said alive. Nobody said intact."

Magno, that's the captain's name. Okay, time to make a big choice. I stop smiling and put on a cold, flat face. "How far are you willing to stretch your suspension of disbelief?"

"Try me."

"You know that big blue sphere that's eating the ship?"

"Yes."

"It's actually sentient. It's what teleported us all the way out here, and..." I take a deep breath.

"And what?"

"And put my mind in Tokai's body." I relax my neck letting my gaze wander to the ceiling. "I'm just playing the part of Hibiki."

"Who are you really?"

"I'm getting tired of that question."

"Then answer it."

I stare at BC for a few more seconds. "I don't know if I'm from the past, or another dimension, or what. I had to apologize to the Paksis because it doesn't like angry people and I can't be the dense idiot Hibiki Tokai is. Hibiki is naive, but he can just say 'Screw it, i want to protect everyone!' and he can do it. The Paksis loves that attitude." I blink once. "Think a male Dita, but slightly less clumsy."

"How do you know this? And why am I supposed to believe you?"

"Your male name is Tenmei Uragasumi. You wear a jewel on your neck to alter your voice to a females'."

BC grinds her teeth. "So?"

"There's no way for me to know this." I say bluntly, looking her in the eye for the first time. "I know lots of things I shouldn't. That's why you need to trust me."

She backs up two steps and holds her head in her hands.

"Look, I won't tell your secret." I sigh. "If you want to tell anyone, you can, but just consider what that kind of knowledge will do to your fellow crewmates."

"Why would you keep my secret?" BC asks.

I give her my evilest grin. "Why ruin the surprise?"

* * *

"BC. How did it go?" Magno asks.

BC lifts her head. She opens and closes her mouth several times.

"He's... not a threat to this ship at least." She shakes her head. "Past that, it's better not to ask."

Magno looks at BC, but the latter has her head turned away.

In the cockpit below, Bart is fiddling with some of the controls to the Nirvana. He opens a menu-

* * *

The Nirvana rocks as it suddenly changes course. I look back at the security guard walking me back to my cell. She's got orange spiky hair.

"Ohma."

She blinks. "Excuse me?"

"You're more an Ohma type, aren't you?"

"D-do you want me to shoot you?!" Her cheeks go redder than her hair.

"No, just an... obserrrrrr-" My the ground is getting awfully close.

When my eyes open back up, I'm back in the glowing blue sea.

"Really?" I ask the void. "I'm trying to walk out there."

Instead of talking, the Paksis shows me an image. It's me, back when I took karate. A sparring match.

"Wait, I recognize this match."

Sure enough, I'm paired off with the lazy kid of the class. We start sparring, until he trips. The sensei calls stop.

But I don't.

I raise my right leg up, and stomp on his chest pad as hard as I can.

 _Get up, you loser. Get up and fight._

I can hear my own thoughts.

One of the senseis grabs me and pulls me away form the group.

 _What are you doing?_

I can feel my anger, directed now at my teachers.

All at once, I see myself stuff all I'm feeling down, and a blank look comes over my face.

I'm sat in the corner like I'm a five year old, lectured to by the master of the school, and I go home.

"So what?" I ask the Paksis. "I already know I'm a horrible person."

Another memory surfaces. Lying on a trampoline.

"You can't live like that. You should go see a therapist."

My eye twitches. "If you're trying to make a point, using _her_ is a terrible way to do it."

The Paksis remains silent. The blue sea fades away and I wake up in my cell.

Duelo currently has his head pressed onto mine.

"Um."

"Oh, good. You're awake. Your temperature is a bit higher than normal." He sits back.

"...Thanks."

"Duelo."

I turn around to look at BC, who's standing on the other side of the plasma bars. She ignores me completely.

"Yes?"

"Your turn."

* * *

It's so hot that I'm soaked in sweat before I see anyone again. I refuse to strip down to a loincloth though. I have my pride.

It's BC. God, I'm starting to get tired of her.

"What do you need?" I groan.

"We have two people stranded out in space."

I sit up straight. "Alright, Gascone and Dita, right? I'll go get them."

BC stares at me.

"What?"

"Can you see the future?" BC asks me bluntly.

"Nope. Well, not quite."

"Not quite."

"Look, do you want Gascone back or not? I can't get them if I'm locked in here."

The plasma bars fizzle out, and the cuffs drop off my wrists.

"I've decided I can trust you for now, but I'm going to keep my eyes on you."

"I look forward to it."

We head down the passageway towards the Modified Dreads and my Vanguard.

"By the way, why don't any of the women around here wear bras? I get that we're in zero-g a lot of the time, but certainly not a hundred percent of the time."

BC turns back to me. "What's a bra?"

* * *

I get launched towards Dita's last signal. I need to figure out a way to use the catapult without tumbling end over end. It's relatively embarassing to be thrown out like that, and in combat I need to take precious time to reorient myself.

I spot Dita on the radar before I can see her against the black void of space.

Something you don't really consider when your life doesn't depend on it is that space is _dark._ Yes, we have these giant balls of fusion called starts, but if you're not near one it's really hard to see anything.

In the anime, everything was well lit because it was a show, but it's dark here. Thankfully, the Dreads all have running lights, generally in the colors of the Dreads themselves, making easy visual identification possible.

Then again, I don't have running lights, and nobody changed my IFF before launching me.

Three destroyed earthling ships and a merge later:

"Next time, look at your target." I grumble. "If I hadn't dodged, I'd be that much space debris."

Dita twists around in her seat (read: my lap) and apologizes with does eyes. "I'm really sorry, Mister Alien. It won't happen again." She dips her head and her cheeks color slightly. "I knew you'd come to save me."

"I was sent to look for you two. Saving wasn't discussed."

She turns back around to look forward, and turns the Vandread around.

Uhg. I can feel the Vandread draining me. I check again that we're heading in the right direction, and we are. Whatever these ships use to violate the limit of the speed of light makes the trip back only about ten minutes.

Ten minutes, locked into a metal coffin with Dita.

She keeps hopping up and down, which contrary to popular belief, hurts my hips rather than being arousing.

"Calm down, you excitable idiot."

"But! I get to hang out with a real alien!"

I sigh. "Can you do that without bouncing?"

She settles down somewhat. "I'm so happy! You're a good alien, unlike those bad ones out there."

"I'm not an alien." I protest.

"Of course you are!"

Stunning logic there.

"Look, aliens usually have grey skin, right? I can't be an alien then." I say.

"But, Meia told me that alien meant anyone not like us. Males are an entirely different species, so that makes you an alien." She turns back again and looks up at me.

Actually, given the definition of alien... I guess it does apply. "Whatever." I look back at the ETA. Eight minutes.

Dita starts humming happily. It's not a tune I know, but it's pretty upbeat.

"What are you humming?" I ask.

Dita stops. "It's a lullaby. It always reminds me of happy times."

"It's nice." I lean back in my seat. "I've never heard it before though."

"You should hear Zan sing. She has such a pretty voice."

"...Zan?"

"She works for Miss Gasco in the dispenser."

I can't place the name to the face.

"Can you sing, Mister Alien?"

I laugh. "Not well, but I can."

She turns so she's sitting sideways and gives me big glittering eyes and a giant smile on her face.

"I guess you want a demonstration, huh." I scratch my cheek. "Let's see, how about 'Let It Die' by Starset?"

"Who are they?"

"Ah, you probably wouldn't have heard of them. It' a really old band." I clear my throat.

 _I cut you into pieces  
Searching for your imperfections  
I had plans to make you whole_

 _But all my threads couldn't stop the bleeding  
There's noting left, but I'm not leaving  
When all I know is you_

 _I've been looking for a way to bring you back to life  
And if I could find a way then I would bring you back tonight  
I'd make you look, I'd make you lie  
I'd take the cold look form you eyes  
But you told me, if you love me, let it die_

 _Your eyes stare right through me-_

Dita starts shaking, and I stop singing. "What's the matter?"

"That song is so sad." She sniffs loudly.

Huh? But I didn't even get-

"She can't see her lover again. It's so sad!"

"It's just a song." Sung by a guy, but I'll let her go on this one.

She cheers up slightly. "But you can really sing, Mister Alien!"

"Ah. Thanks."

I check the timer. Only a minute left.

"When we get back, we should have a karaoke party!" Dita exclaims. "It'll be fun!"

"You do remember that I'm a prisoner, right?"

"Oh. Right."

With that, the stars stop stretching and we pull up right in front of one of those shell ships.

The radio crackles. "Look's like it's finally my turn, huh?"

I pilot the giant mech swiftly to the shell, reach in and crush the drone about to dissect Gascogne.

"Putting it off until the last minute. What a great screenplay."

"We would've got here faster, but Dita can't tell friend from foe."

"Oh? They sent one of the prisoners?"

"Yeah! Mister Alien is helping!"

Dita lets Gascogne through the the airlock (While neither the standard Vanguards nor the Dreads have airlocks, Dita's new Dread does have one.)

Once inside, Gascogne peels the top of her suit off, exposing down to her shoulders. "Fresh air." She says quietly.

"How much did you have left?" I ask.

"Too little." She puts her metal stick in her mouth. "Let's get back to our ship."

I move us back to face the Nirvana. Dita starts talking to Gascogne.

"Miss Gasco, look at this ship! See how Hibiki's Vanguard merges right here, and here?"

The entire trip back is Dita gushing over the ship while Gascogne makes non-committal responses.

Once we get back, I can see a the Nirvana headed right for a giant ball of ice over twice the size of the conjoined ship.

"Oh, crap." I mutter.

Dita's eye light up. "Let's blast it apart!"

She redirects the weapons and fires them at the comet.

The large hunk of ice splits and the Nirvana makes it through to the other side unscathed.

My vision starts to darken as I feel _something_ being sucked out of my body. Is it sucking blood?

"See? See? Isn't this amazing?" Dita says to Gascogne.

"I get it, so get me off of this thing!"

I couldn't agree more.

* * *

Now that the ship is cool again, I take the time to get some rest.

I only had my eyes closed for maybe half an hour before a shipwide broadcast starts.

A screen shows up in front of me and I sit up to watch it.

BC starts talking.

"Upon conferring with the captain, we decided to inform the entire crew about our situation. Upon analyzing the data we got from the alien debris, we found out a part of the alien structure. We would like you to look at this:"

BC's image is replaced with that of a ball of gears surrounded by a yellow mist. Man, Earth just isn't the planet I remember nowadays.

"This is the enemy's home planet. We don't know the location, but they seem to have a lot of military power. We have entered the territory of this unknown enemy and are being attacked as invaders. In our trip back to Mejare, we expect more battles with the enemy for the same reason. Their objective, as we've found out, is to execute an operation which calls for the razing of Mejare and Tarak. In other words, the enemy is, for some reason, planning the destruction of our home planet."

Captain Magno cuts in. "We are pirates. We have no duty to Mejare or Tarak. However, it's not beneficial to have someone we don't know destroy all of our great 'customers.' Therefor, I plan to return home before the enemy arrives and inform them of this crisis. For this to happen, we need to incorperate our captive men into the crew as well."

I can hear gasps of alarm despite being all alone in my cell.

"This ship, and that giant robot... There are many things we don't understand. We will have to figure them out one-by-one during our journey. I look forward to the cooperation of the entire crew. That is all."

I look down at my hands. They're still cuffed, but hopefully, that won't last long. Things are looking up.

* * *

Self inserts are really kind of weird. I've always wanted to do one, and I'm not sure that's a good thing.

At least I'm writing, right?


	3. Chapter 3: The Reg

"I have a complaint."

Captain Magno eyes me with amusement. "Oh? and what would that be?"

I point to Dita. "She keeps following me into the bathroom."

"I heard that men have this tube between their legs, and I wanted to see how it works!" Dita protests.

My eye twitches. "Do you not have a nudity taboo on Mejare, or is Dita just that thick?"

The captain glares at me. "I don't like you referring to my crew that way."

I grit my teeth. _Who does she think she is?_

 _The captain. Duh. Try not to get spaced._

I stuff my anger down and put a neutral face on. "I apologize, but my point stands."

"We do have a 'nudity taboo' as you put it, but I don't think most of us would extend that to males." Magno responds cordially.

"Does that mean I can just walk into the girls' bathroom anytime I want to and stare at them?" I ask in a deadpan tone.

"Absolutely not." The captain turns slightly towards Dita. "Dita, you can't go into the men's bathroom. it's impolite."

"Okay." She seems genuinely remorseful.

Without thinking, I reach over and rub her head. "Hey, cheer up. Maybe you'll get to examine a male some day. Maybe ask the cooks before we get eaten."

"We don't eat men."

I turn slightly to see Meia. She's glaring at me.

"I know that, I'm teasing her." I say. "Nobody believes that women eat men."

A screen opens up, and Bart's face appears in the air over the bridge. "They don't?"

I stare at him with my mouth open. "Are you serious?"

"Well, dad always said-"

"Do these," I gesture to all the women on the bridge. "Look anything like the horror stories that Tarak jammed down our throats?"

"...I guess not."

"Tarak and Mejare are pushing an agenda of hating each other. Obviously, we need to take their words with a lot of salt." I glance around the bridge. Aside from Erza being missing, the rest of the crew is here, including the giant bear costume. "That goes for the women too."

"You can't give us commands." Meia says menacingly.

I glare back for a second before raising my hands in defeat. "Fine. It was a suggestion, then."

Meia still looks like she wants to tear my throat out, so I turn and head for the door. "I'll be in my bunk if anyone needs me."

Dita follows after me. "Mister Alien! Can I really see your tube?"

I smack my face. "You idiot..."

"I want to see!"

"Look, if you asked to see, I don't know, Ezra's crotch to see where her baby is coming from, would she say yes? Do you think it would be acceptable to ask?"

Dita looks confused. "But that has nothing to do with this."

"It does." I turn to face her fully. "Hey, do me a favor and tell me about how relationships work on Mejare."

Dita smiles brightly. "Okay!"

We head all the way to my bunk, Dita explaining the whole way.

"When two women like each other very much, they get married. That means they're exclusive to each other. Normally, one of them acts as an Ohma, and the other as a Fama. Occasionally, two Famas or two Ohmas get together, but it's rarer."

"I though every woman could be a Fama." I comment.

"They can, but a lot of Ohmas are completely disinterested in becoming Famas. They decide never to have children, so they get named their role in the process."

Interesting. "Do unmarried couples have children?"

Dita sags slightly. "Yes." She says a lot more quietly.

Okay, land mine. From that reaction, I bet that she's the daughter of two unwed women, and that negatively affected her life. I change the subject. "So... how does your society view nudity? Captain's answer wasn't very in-depth."

"Your naked body is something you're only supposed to show someone you're married to." Dita says, instantly perking up and pointing a finger in the air as if she's lecturing me, a smile plastered on her face again.

"And that is why I can't show you my body." I say with satisfaction. Thank god Mejare isn't a free love kind of planet, or I would have lost that excuse. We get to my bunk and I sit down on it, and start sifting through my bags. Dita sits down beside me with a confused look.

"But... I thought we were going to get married?"

...Huh?

HUH?

"What? No! What gave you that idea?" I stand back up and face her.

Her face isn't showing she's hurt, just confused. "Because-"

The alarms start buzzing, drowning her out.

I turn around and bolt for the door. "We'll continue this later. I need to see what's up."

I head for my Vanguard, Dita on my heels calling "Wait!"

I get into the Vanguard and launch. The Paksis sends me a slight chill, letting me know it hasn't forgotten the first time I climbed into the modified Van type.

Dispatching the enemies is easy, and I spend my sweet time getting back to the Nirvana.

I need to figure out what to do with Dita. I didn't realize just how bad she had it for Hibiki. I know in the anime Dita said she had fallen in love with Hibiki the first time she met him, but she thought they were getting married all the way back at the start? it's only been a few days!

I remember that she had a bad time back on Mejare, but what the hell kind of environment produced that attitude?

I need to have a talk with BC. She's the only one I can trust to give me a unbiased opinion, ironically.

I drift past the bridge, and I can see the bridge crew staring back out at me. I wave and do a loop, then head back to the docking bay.

I had initially planned to head straight to BC to ask about Dita, but once I open hatch to the Vanguard, I find a worried Dita and an angry Meia.

"Meia."

"Your solo performance was too dangerous. Next time, wait for orders."

I scratch my chin. "I didn't have time to get orders."

"And you thought you could take them all yourself?"

I sweep my arms out to the sides. "Obviously, I can."

"You mean, your Vanguard can. It's not you that's great, it's the machine."

I glare at her. "If I wasn't in it, it wouldn't do anything."

A now-familiar chill stabs at the base of my spine. _Not now, you stupid sphere._

"You need to get back in your place."

I hop off the gantry onto the deck floor, marching right up to Meia. "And where would that be?"

"You are our prisoners. Don't forget that."

I clench my fist. _Don't punch her, it will make your life worse. Don't punch her, don't punch her, don't punch her._ "Fine. I'll defer to you. Let's hope it doesn't get us blown to kingdom come."

She narrows her eyes, but she leaves without saying another word.

"Um... Meia is a good leader." Dita carefully starts speaking. "You should listen to her. Really."

"I know, Dita." I slump down to the ground. "I'm just not good with people yelling at me."

"Me neither."

* * *

I check my calendar once I'm back in the cell. The plasma door isn't powered up, and I'm free to leave, but it's still the cell.

I've been here all of four days, if you count that chaotic day when the Ikazuchi launched as the first day.

Something they never covered in the episodes is how long they journey was. I remember that stating from the second half, it was about ninety days of travel, but the first half has no time scale to speak of.

I know Christmas comes up, but I don't even know if that happens in the first or second season.

Four days. I'm counting starting from the day of the year I left my home, supplemented by my phone's calendar. It continues to count the days naively, as it has no network to connect to.

Dammit, Paksis, if you're going to upgrade things, make it so my devices work with the ship I'm on.

If I assume that each season was half of the journey, that means that the entire trip lasts about one hundred and eighty days. Since the last two episodes they've arrived at Mejare and Tarak, that means... about eight days between important events.

I am going to get so bored.

Being curious by nature and an engineer by trade, I thought I could get along with the engine crew, but they turned me away. Turns out, they barely accept having Duelo around, and that's because Parfet enjoys spending time with him.

The bridge crew doesn't exactly like me either. Especially Cel.

What else is there on this ship? Security is managed by either BC or Meia, neither of whom would like me on that end of a laser ring, I'm sure. I'm okay at baking, but I can't cook, so that's out. I could work in the registry, but I'd have to wear a maid uniform.

Hibiki spent his time maintaining his Van type, but he was a mechanic with intimate knowledge of how they work from his job before being abducted by pirates. I'm sure I'll have to figure out how to maintain the thing, but where can I get the skills?

I hear knuckles on my doorframe.

"You wanted to see me?" BC asks.

"Yes." I turn around and sit on my bed, gesturing to a stack of boxes against the wall for her to sit on. "It's about Dita."

"Dita? I was sure you were going to ask about Meia."

"Meia? Why?"

"She raised a complaint against you, for undermining her authority."

My jaw drops open. "But... I said I'd listen to her commands."

"She says you were insubordinate even while saying that. Something about a castle."

Castle? I replay the conversation in my head. Oh, kingdom come. "I'll have to apologize to her, I guess. She's doing her best."

BC gives me a strange look again. "So, what is it about Dita?"

"I was talking to her, and she..." I bite my cheek. "She seems to think we're in a relationship. I was wondering why happened to her that she'd form, or at least claim to form a deep attachment from so little."

BC narrows her eyes. "You don't know? I thought you could see the future."

"I told you, I can't." I fiddle with my sleeve. "All I know is that Dita was on that decommissioned section of Mejare. When I brought up unwed couples, she also seemed down."

BC shakes her head. "Your knowledge is so mysterious. I didn't know Dita was on that section myself, yet you come to me asking for information."

"So, you don't know?"

"No, I don't."

"I don't suppose you have a therapist on board."

"Aside from Paiway, we don't have any medical personnel." BC thinks for a second. "Duelo is a good addition, since he's a real doctor."

"But he wouldn't have Dita's records. Oh well."

BC clears her throat. "Anyway, I have news for you. Since Meia doesn't want you working under her, you've been transferred to the registry."

"...But I don't what to wear a skirt."

BC raises an eyebrow. "That's your complaint?"

I shrug. "It'll keep me occupied. Once I figure out how to appease Meia, I'll come back to the active fighting unit."

BC takes a single step back and scrutinizes me again. "You seem to get along well with us women."

I smile. "Yup."

"You weren't born on Tarak."

"Nope."

"...I'm going to get the full story out of you eventually."

"Maybe."

"Alright. Head down to the registry. Gasco will tell me if you don't show up."

"It's not Gasco, it's Gascogne!" I say under my breath, a slight smirk crossing my face.

Apparently, not under my breath enough. BC shoots me a look before turning and walking off.

Okay, time to head down to Reg.

It's a long walk.

Somewhere along the way, I start to hum to myself. A simple tune, nothing complex.

"Oh, it's you."

I turn to the side to see Meia join me heading down the hallway from a side passage. I continue humming to myself after acknowledging her presence.

After a full minute, Meias teeth grind audibly. "What are you humming?" She demands.

"Uh, sorry." I apologize automatically. "It's 'Closer' by the Chainsmokers."

"Well, stop, it's bothering me."

"Of course."

The next minute is spent is silence, the two of us taking several of the same turns. As the silence is starting to irritate me, I break it. "Are you headed to Reg as well?"

She raises an eyebrow. "Why would you need to head to Reg?"

"I'm being transferred." I shrug. "You'll have me out of your hair for a while."

Her glare is stabbing into my head. What? I thought she'd be happy with that turn of events.

"I thought you said you'd defer to me."

"I did. It's not like I asked BC to transfer me..." I stop in place and let my jaw hang a bit loose. "Wait, are you mad that the decision got taken from you?"

Her face ornament twitches as her cheeks color slightly and her frown deepens. Looks like I hit the mark.

I school my features to keep from laughing. "Well, the final decision will of course be yours. I doubt BC actually put through any paperwork yet."

This seems to mollify her somewhat.

What was Meia's deal again? Her Ohma wasn't home much, they both died due to her Ohma's experiments, and because of the packed rocket, she got claustrophobia. Both her parents died, and she became a punk to cope until she got recruited to the pirates.

I can't recall where she got her control issues from, but I remember that Jura isn't able to take over the squad when she goes missing.

We get to the Registry before anything else can be said. Most of the girls there eye me curiously. Meia heads over to Gascogne and starts talking in hushed whispers.

"Isn't that one of the males?" Comes a voice from the side.

I hold my head still, pretending I didn't hear.

"It is! Why is here?"

"Maybe they're making him pilot a Dread!"

"No, that can't be. He must be helping Meia get her Dread ready."

"I heard it got modified by those crystals, so it doesn't fit into our old bays anymore."

God, I forgot how hard it is to ignore gossip. Not to mention that they're stage whispering. I can clearly hear all of it.

Gascogne walks up to me, Meia behind her a few steps.

"So, I hear you're transferring to Reg?"

"So I've been told." I put a polite smile on my face. "It seems I've left a bad impression on the actual fighters, but I have to be useful somehow."

I can see Meia grinding her teeth.

Gascogne crosses her arms in front of her without accentuating her bust. "And you think you'll be of any use down here?"

"I don't see why not." I shrug. "I can lift heavy stuff in the back, or if you're short on..." I look around at the maid uniforms. "...waitresses, I can help with dispatch. Just don't make me wear the dress."

Gascogne smiles. "But you can't be a part of Reg without the uniform!" She turns around and heads towards the back. "Hibiki, follow me."

"...Yes ma'am." I grouse.

There's a changing room in the back, and Gascogne slips a red dress like thing, a white shirt with poofy sleeves, a pair of white gloves, a pair of pointy white boots, pantyhose, and most disturbingly, padding.

Specifically, padding to fill out the chest of the costume.

Don't get me wrong: I like cosplay. I have a sort of respect for those guys that cross-dress at conventions, and have considered doing it myself. It's just, I've never considered having to wear pantyhose.

At least I don't have to do anything like balloons for the chest area. Just a lot of cloth.

It's not that hard to put on, all said and done. For not actually measuring me, Gascogne got my size surprisingly close.

I step out to find that the entirety of Reg is waiting expectantly, with the addition of Meia.

Why is she sticking around?

"That's more like it." Gascogne smiles, the metal stick in her mouth pointing upwards with the motion.

"You're really going to force me to wear this." I exaggerate being off-put.

"Okay, now there's a few things you need to know about the Reg." Gascogne continues without acknowledging my remark. "One: Those terminals over there allow you to set up the various menus. Two: You need to memorize what each of the pilots likes to use. Three: We recommend the Kamikaze set. Forth and final:-"

"Don't forget to smile." I finish for her, scratching my head. "Why do you recommend the Kamikaze set? We don't know how long it's going to be until we get home, so why would we risk more... pilots..."

I look around the bay. Everyone is giving me a weird look, partly frightened and partly curious. Meia manages to add a good dose of anger on top of those.

"What? What did I say?"

"How did you know about the smile thing?" One of the girls to the side asks timidly. She's got a light blue shade of hair.

"Oh." I wrack my brains for an out. "BC told me when she told me to come here. She said that the smile is the important thing."

"Really? BC said that?" Another of the girls, this one with black hair muses. "That doesn't sound like the vice-captain."

"And how did you know about the Kamikaze set?" Gascogne says with her eyebrow raised.

"Well, duh. Kamikaze is generally ascribed to suicide attacks."

The blue haired girl steps up to me. She's clearly nervous. "Um..."

I smile politely. "Yes?"

"We recommend it to remind the pilots that they need to come back. Nobody is actually supposed to pick it."

"Oh. I... guess that makes sense." No, it doesn't, but I'm trying not to stir up trouble. "I don't think we've met. My name's Hibiki."

Amazing how easy changing my name has been. I offer my hand and she grabs it, the handshake thankfully not lost in translation.

"Oh! I'm Zan."

Zan...? I've heard the name... "Oh! Dita told me you like to sing."

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Meia and Gascogne give each other looks.

Zan smiles, her tension draining slightly. "Oh please, I'm not that good."

"That's not what Dita said." I decide to tease her a bit. "Why don't you sing for us right now?"

Her cheeks color. "I couldn't possibly-"

One of the other girls, one with brown hair, grabs Zan's hand. "Come on Zan, you haven't sung since we left we started this mission!"

Gascogne coughs. "We're on the clock ladies. No time to be goofing off."

"Okaaaaay" Comes a chorus of voices.

Gascogne steps up to me. "Looks like you'll fit in just fine."

...CRAP. It just hit me, a major reason Hibiki didn't _stay_ with Reg was because he didn't fit in at all.

"Hmm, since you need to learn the proceedures, let's have Zan teach you. You already know her, so it should make some things go smoother."

"...right." I sigh. How do I fix this?

"What happened to your enthusiasm?"

"Ah, just... Nah, I'll be fine for now." I head over to Zan's desk. "It looks like I'll be in your care." I say.

"Oh, okay."

We spend the next hour going over the most common sets used, and learning some of the pilot's preferences. The Nirvana has a lot more pilots than I'd imagined, about fifty.

I wonder how many of them make it home.

I start practicing, and it turns out my acting classes had come in handy. I can cheerfully smile and recommend someone goes and kills themselves.

I notice that the other girls are basically just talking among themselves in their downtime, so once I'd basically proven I could handle the job, I decided to slack off a bit.

"Hey Zan. What songs do you know?"

Zan blushes slightly. "I... I know most of Merfre's songs, and I am good at picking up a song quickly."

"Really." I'll have to listen to Merfre later. "So, if I sing something, you'd be able to pick it up?"

"I..."

I take a deep breath.

 _Hey.  
_ _I was doing just fine before I met you.  
I drink too much and that's an issue,  
But I'm okay._

 _Hey,  
Tell your friends it was nice to meet them,  
But I hope I never see them again_

 _I know it breaks your heart,  
Moved to the city in a broke down car, and...  
Four years no calls,  
And now you're looking pretty in a hotel bar  
And I~ can't stop  
No I~ can't stop_

 _So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover  
That I know you can't afford;  
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder  
Pull the sheets right off the corner  
Of the mattress that you stole  
From your roommate back in Boulder  
We ain't ever getting older_

I stick my tongue out. "Yeah, I know, I'm not good at sing-"

"That song sounds so pretty!" The Brown haired girl says.

Zan nods her head. "Is that song from Tarak?"

I hesitate. "Not really. I mean, yes, but it's not all that popular there. Most people wouldn't of heard it." Hopefully, that excuse will get me through any questions about how odd my stuff is.

"Wow. What other songs do you know?"

"Um... Actually, let me get my phone. I can play you the music."

I get some odd looks, but none of them try to stop me from heading into the changing room and grab my phone, opening my music application.

The six girls on duty all crowd around to see the relatively tiny screen. This means various bodies are touching me. I hold as still as I can to avoid any "Incidents." I cue up Closer, and let it play.

The girls are entranced by the music. I let it play to it's conclusion, and start scrolling through my list of songs for what to play next.

Five of the girls start chattering excitedly, but Zan narrows her eyes.

"Um..." She looks like she's trying to gather courage for something. "If that was from Tarak, why was there a female singer?"

My blood runs cold. I must be a colossal idiot. "Ah. I... That's really, really hard to explain." I look at the five others, still talking about the song... and my phone, for some reason. "Look, can you keep it a secret? I'm still trying to get the hang of..." I bite my tongue.

"S-Sure." Some color comes to Zan's cheeks.

"Anyway!" I say much louder. "Let's play... 'If You Only Knew' by Shinedown."

* * *

I made sure to only play song with males in it from then on. After an hour or so of goofing around, Gascogne comes back.

She gives all of us a scolding and we go back to our positions.

"Let's see how you do, Newbie." She says to me.

"Welcome! Here's is our easy to read menu. Today we are recommending the Kamikaze set. Do you know what you'd like to order, or do you need a few minutes?" I raise my right hand to shoulder height, close my eyes, tilt my head, and plaster my now-overused polite smile across my face.

"Hmm, I'd like the Glittering set." Gascogne says while rubbing her chin. "But add two extra missiles."

I cue it up and Gascogne watches as I type in the order.

"Er..." I turn to face her, as she's come around the counter. "I'm sorry, but the Glittering set doesn't allow for extra missiles."

Gascogne takes a step back and narrows her eyes. "So? I want extra missiles."

I wrack my brain over the sets we offer. This is obviously a test to see how fast I can think on my feet. "Would you like to try the Unicorn set instead? It has more missile room, but is less maneuverable."

Gascogne nods her head. "You pass."

...Wait, wasn't my goal not to pass?

 _Goddammit._

* * *

A few more days pass, and I get all sorts of acquainted with the Reg. I end up doing inventory, mopping, and practicing for combat.

We've had one combat since I've switched units, but it wasn't the one with the sea urchin, so I'm not doing anything too out of order, I hope.

That's all well and good, but I don't have any plans for getting back to the fighter unit. Not to say that I wanted to stay in the Reg, but...

But I'm not the complete fuckup Hibiki was in canon, and that's screwing me over. Gascogne hasn't really had anything bad to say about me, so that's a plus.

There's ten girls that regularly work in Reg, and I've learned some of their names:

Zan, with light blue hair, eyes to match, and a shy personality. Likes to sing in her spare time, though I haven't convinced her to sing in front of me yet.

Endoa is the black haired girl who was talking to me my first day, with brown eyes and a love of sweets

Yola is the enthusiastic brown haired girl, apparently a lifelong friend of Zan.

Nur wasn't on duty my first time in the Reg, a reddish pink haired girl with gray eyes. She's mostly quiet, but she liked my singing.

Right now, Zan and I are doing inventory in the back.

"Hey, Hibiki?"

"Mmm?"

"Why did you transfer to Reg?"

"Oh, I... kind of pissed off Meia."

"I-I see. She's scary sometimes, isn't she?"

"Not really." I mark that we have exactly three-thousand, four-hundred, and sixty-five guided rockets. "She just feels the need to be in command. When things don't goi her way, she doesn't know how to handle it, and she takes it out on others."

Zan pauses her work. "Wow. I didn't know that!"

"Yeah, well, it's obvious if you have any knowledge of psychology. I'm not really an expert, but I'm fairly sure I'm right."

"How about..." Zan thinks for a second. "BC?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Why her?"

"You seem to talk with her a lot."

It's true. She keeps pestering me to reveal more, or do some odd job or another. I'm sick of her face. "Yeah, you'd think she'd be too busy to pester me given she's the vice- captain, but whatever. Hmm, she's got a realistic attitude, which seems rare for Mejare. More militant. She wants people to do their jobs, but realizes people aren't perfect. I think that's the biggest distinction between her and Meia."

Zan writes something down. "I've never thought about it like that."

"Don't fret over it. It's a skill I picked up, but nothing I'm properly trained in." I laugh slightly. "I could be completely wrong, though.

Chatting with Zan is kind of nice. She's not afraid or suspicious of me anymore, and doesn't try to pry into my past. Most of my shifts have coincided with hers, and given the rotation that will continue for a while longer.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to ask. Do you have any of... Merref's music that I could borrow? I'm curious as to what Mejare's music is like."

"You mean Merfre's? I have a CD, but..." She hesitates. "I only have the one, and it's precious to me."

"Ah. Nevermind then."

"B-But... If you want... I can bring my player and the disk, and we can listen to it while we work?"

"That sounds good." I nod my head.

"Mister Alien!"

Dita's voice comes from the main area. I wave bye to Zan and head out to see what she wants.

What I get out, she thrusts a boxed lunch to my chest, causing the fake breasts to shift oddly. "I found out the kind of food you normally get on Tarak, and I felt sorry for you, so I made you lunch!"

It's true I've been living on those Tarak food pellets, but I don't really mind the poor taste. It fills you up, which is what matters. "Er, thanks. You didn't need to do this."

"Mister Alien, when are you coming back to the fighter unit?" Dita starts to pout.

"I'm part of Reg now..." Wait, this could be my opportunity. "Why?"

"I want to combine with you again!"

My eye twitches, and Endoa tilts her head in confusion. "Combine?"

"Yes! Mister Alien and I get together, and it goes swoosh and bang and then we're really close-"

I clap my free hand over Dita's mouth. "You... frigging innuendo factory."

I release my hold in time for her to question "What's innuendo?"

The ship lurches, and BC's voice comes in over the intercom. "We're under attack. All members to their stations!"

I smile weakly at Dita. "Look, I'll see what I can do, but the people in Reg are counting on me."

Dita's bright smile comes back. "Of course! We're counting on you out there too!"


	4. Chapter 4: Operation Desert Swarm

The Registry is hectic during combat. So hectic, all personnel have to be on their A game to make sure everyone gets what they need as soon as they can. As much as they dress it up like a diner, it doesn't change the fact that we're fighting.

After I oversee the initial launch of fighters, I turn around to find Gascogne smirking down at me. "Help me load up the Deli cart."

I look at her askance. "Deli cart?"

"That's what we call our refueling shuttle. While it's loading, we can watch the battle."

I agree and follow her to the set of controls set aside for the Deli cart. It's not long before requests come in.

"What the hell are slime rounds?" I mutter to myself as I dutifully load them onto the cart.

Once that's done and the automation kicks in, I look at the monitor with Gascogne. "...What are they doing?"

"There's a new type of enemy. It's good at repelling attacks."

I look down at the screen again. "But... why are they firing missiles at it if that's not working?"

"Too tough for regular bullets, I suppose." She sighs theatrically. "If only we had some sort of beam weapon at our disposal."

I wrack my head. "I... don't think I've seen any of those. Do we even have any?"

She looks at me with a slack jaw.

"Use your brain, moron. You and Dita have that laser, right?"

"Oh. Duh."

"Come on, I got your Vanguard inside one of the drop pods."

* * *

We head out, refuel and restock Dita, Jura, and Barnette's Dreads, then I clamber into the Vanguard and get released out into space. At least this is slightly more graceful than my typical launch. The Paksis is still giving me that chill though.

Over the comms, I can hear Dita and Meia arguing over how useful I'll be. Dita has complete faith, and Meia thinks I'm worthless. Nothing new, in other words.

The sea urchin fires a spike which stabs into the back of Vanguard, almost puncturing the cab and sheering off one thruster. Not the best start.

"Mister Alien! Let's combine!" Dita's voice comes to my ears.

"Er, yeah." I watch as her approach is interuptted by a hail of fire and another spike, which she narrowly dodges, and soars right past me. The spike continues on-

And stabs right through Meia's left engine.

Her craft spins wildly, suddenly heading in an arc... right towards me.

Well, not perfectly. I fire some of my secondary thrusters to align our trajectories. Looks like I'm gonna be combining with Meia.

The other craft opens up to swallow mine as it comes close, and the familiar whir of machinery sounds out as our Vandread forms.

Once I'm plopped down, I take stock of the interior. The controls are similar to Dita's which makes sense. I lean back-

 _Boing!_

Oh, I am SO screwed.

"What are you doing in here? I don't need your help! Get off!"

"OW! Hey! Stop pushing-"

I'm cut off by the Vandread being sent into another spin by a glancing blow.

"Look, lets fight later. Right now, we need to get rid of that thing!"

I press a few buttons and the drive kicks up, making our acceleration that much more ridiculous. This is space. You're not supposed to be able to stop on a dime. With this running, we might just be able to.

The sheer acceleration this combined ship provides tries to flatten my against Meia, who at least has a backrest of sorts. My vision starts to go dark around the edges, and I can feel the Paksis _sucking._

And I thought Dita's Vandread was bad.

Meia doesn't seem to be sufferer quite as much, and she quickly starts steering us around and around the sea urchin, making it so that it stops attacking our own units by cutting it off at every turn.

The urchin gets fed up and starts launching spikes at us.

They come in a wave, the point end brushing past us so fast I could barely follow them. Meia expertly spins the Vandread, pressing her foot on a pedal to increase our speed even further, getting around the last of the spikes.

I press some buttons and a green glow forms on the nose of the Vandread. "Ram it?"

"Ram it."

As soon as she says it, we're on the other side, and the Urchin explodes spectacularly.

I colapse on the console in front of me, and I can hear Meia panting behind me.

"If my friends could only see me now." I pant. "I'd never live it down."

"I couldn't agree more. But you see now? You couldn't win with just your Vanguard."

"Yeah, but maybe only Dreads isn't the answer either." I mumble back.

"This is terrible!" Come's Dita's voice through the radio. "Mister Alien was supposed to combine with me!"

"I see." Says Jura. "That means that I might be able to become elegant and awesome, too. I look forward to it."

"Crab." I say quickly.

"Huh?" Asks Meia.

"Oh, nothing. Anyway, let's get back to the Nirvana."

Meia squints at me, but says nothing.

* * *

Back in the modified Dread and Vanguard hanger, Meia and I stagger away as the repair crews start working on fixing our battered machines.

"...It seems I've an apology to make." Meia says grudgingly.

"Save it." I grumble. "I know you don't mean it. And just so we're clear, it wasn't my idea to head out there."

"I know. And you saved me, so..." Her voice gets really quiet. "I won't object to you coming back to the fighter unit."

"I'll consider it."

She nods and heads off towards the infirmary.

I head back to my quarters, where both Bart and Duelo are doing laundry. It reminds me that I need to wash this cosplay... Er, this worker's outfit. It'll be nice to get into my old clothes again.

"You're back! Hey, whats with that Vanguard?" Bart says.

"Are you alright?" Deulo asks.

"I'm good. The Vanguard is inhabited by an entity from another dimension that thrives on good feelings." I deadpan. "For now, I need a good rest."

I pull my duffel bag out and unzip it for the first time since I got to this universe. I pull out a hoodie and some sweatpants, since it's a bit colder in this area than I'd like. Bart looks at the clothes curiously, but I don't feel like talking to him about it right now.

He snaps his fingers. "I have some pellets left. Here-"

"Mister Alien!"

I sigh and toss my change of clothes onto the bed beside me. Dita comes around the corner like a rocket, knocking the red and white pill shaped nutrient into the air.

 _I'm going to have to find that later._

She sits down beside me, Pyoro springing up from behind her and grabbing my jaw. Pyoro jack my jaw open and Dita shovels some of the lunch she's tried to give me earlier into my mouth.

It's not the best I've ever tasted, but it is good. "Wow. Thanks, Dita." I take the chopsticks and grab another bite.

"Mister Alien, from now on, you can only combine with me, okay?"

"Er..." I cast about for distractions. "H-Hey Bart, Deulo. want to try some of this? It's delicious!"

"No thank you." "Uh, I've got to... do bridge things." They both decline, and quickly leave the area.

"Cowards." I mutter.

"You're one to talk." Grumbles Pyoro.

* * *

"And this bolt goes in... here."

Right now, I'm busy working on my Vanguard. It's a very complicated piece of machinery, and I understand so little of it. Unlike Hibiki, I haven't spent a few years building these to know how to maintain one.

So here I am, disassembling and reassembling it a portion at a time, praying there won't be another alien attack before I can figure out how this works.

When I hear footsteps behind me, I expect it to be Dita, but it ends up being Zan.

"Oh, hey Zan."

"Hey Hibiki." She holds up a boombox like you'd see in the early two-thousand's. "Want to listen?"

I give the wrench another haul, Hibiki's body's strength really coming in handy. If I was still the scrawny guy I was back home, I don't think I'd be able to do this at all. "Sure, just let me come down."

I climb down the steps and greet Zan properly. "So how's things?"

"It's a lot quieter without you around." She says softly. "Gascogne and Meia have had a few discussions about which division you're going to work for."

"They could always, I don't know, ask me." I say. We both sit down on the steel gray floor, Zan about a foot to my right.

She smiles. "I don't think that will happen." He smile fades slightly. "You probably like it better on the front lines, don't you?"

"Actually, no. I'm kind of a coward at heart. I just have to be out there." I shrug.

"You don't have to, you can stick with the Reg crew!" Her eyes are starting to glitter. This means I need to pick my words carefully.

I rub the back of my neck. "Well, it's like this. Have you ever been somewhere, and there a position that needs to be filled, like... when you first came to the pirates. Did you see something that needed done, and decided to do it?"

"Not exactly. I was picked up off Mejare and was told I could work in Reg or in the kitchens, and I'm not good at cooking..."

"Oh, well. For me, any time I see a position open, I feel I have to take it, sane or not. It means people have always been able to recruit me for whatever they wanted, sometimes without them asking specifically." I can't help the little bit of resentment that creeps into my tone. "Right now, it's not like I WANT to pilot the Vanguard, but it's more... an obligation. An obligation to myself that I'm kind of enslaved to."

"That sounds horrible."

"It could be worse. People back home liked me because all they saw of me was the ever helpful young man." A sudden sneeze comes over me, and I barely manage to cover my mouth. "Sorry about that."

"So you don't like helping people?"

Oh, better be careful here. Telling the truth would be bad, but I don't want to lie... "Not really. I do it because I feel I have to, not because of... genuine altruism, I guess." Okay, so half truth then.

Zan looks thoughtful.

"Hey, why don't we listen to the music?" I ask, attempting to change the subject.

"What? Oh, right." She sticks the player on the floor, pulls out a shiny black CD, and places it into a slot on the top. After a few seconds, music starts to play.

 _And I'd give up forever to touch you,_  
 _'Cause I know that you feel me somehow._  
 _You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,_  
 _And I don't wanna go home right now._

 _And all I can taste is this moment,_  
 _And all I can breathe is your life,_  
 _When sooner or later it's over,_  
 _I just don't wanna miss you tonight._

 _And I don't want the world to see me,_  
 _'Cause I don't think that they'd understand._  
 _When everything's made to be broken,_  
 _I just want you to know who I am._

The Goo Goo Dolls' Iris? Wait, no, it's a cover by some girl band, probably the one Zan mentioned. Since the song is one from my universe, that means one of a few things:

Either someone else arrived on Mejare from my world, or this universe is close in history to mine. Hey, maybe it IS my universe, but far in the future!

As I come back from my thoughts, I note that Zan had started to sing along. When it gets to the next chorus, I join in.

 _And I don't want the world to see me,_  
 _'Cause I don't think that they'd understand._  
 _When everything's made to be broken,_  
 _I just want you to know who I am._

"You picked it up quick!" She says once the song dies down.

I scratch at my head. "I guess."

"Did you like it?"

"Yeah. It's very touching. I can imagine two people, lying side by side, one of them confesses their feelings to the other in the form of the song..." I sigh.

"You're... very romantic, aren't you?"

I shake my head. "I'm not. Music just shows me a scene of a story, based on the lyrics and tempo and stuff. When I used to write, I'd always have songs playing in the background to set the mood of whatever story I was writing, and sometimes the best scenes came from music." I laugh quietly. "I think that's why a lot of my music is depressing."

"It's not that bad." Zan says, putting her hand on mine. I resist the urge to pull it away. "There's this one band, The Imperas, whose songs are all about killing themselves."

"I guess." Another sneeze overtakes me.

Before I can suggest playing the next song, Dita comes into the hanger. "Mister Alien! Hi Zan!"

I wave back half-heartedly. She places a box at my feet and sits down on the other side of me from Zan. "I made you lunch, Mister Alien!"

She opens the box to reveal what appears to be pancake absolutely soaked in syrup. As in, she had mad pancakes, chopped them up, and filled the bento box half up with syrup, then filled the rest with pancakes. Those are going to be more than soggy.

"Uh... Thanks. I think."

Dita pulls out a spoon and scoops up some syrup with a chunk of pancake and says "Ahhhh."

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Zan start to blush.

"Wait." I put a hand up to deflect the spoon. "What are you doing?"

Dita blinks. "Feeding you!"

I turn to Zan. "Is that normal?"

"It... It's normal for couples... I think." Her blush gets deeper.

"So then there's no problem!" Says Dita cheerfully.

Ah, right, I need to talk to BC soon- "Ahhh... CHOO!"

Suddenly, I don't feel so well.

"Er, Hibiki? Are you alright?" Zan says.

I feel a cool hand on my forehead. "He's really hot!" Comes Dita's voice. "Let's get him to the doctor!"

* * *

"Hmm." Duelo attaches a lot of sensors to my body once I got to the infirmary. The monitor displaying my vitals comes to life slowly as each disk clamps onto my skin.

I really hope these come off easily.

Duelo grabs my thigh and start squeezing it.

"Uh... what are you doing?"

"A clinical check-up."

"Right..."

"You seem rather spent."

"Ah, when I pilot the Vanguard it takes a lot out of me, you know? Especially when... combined with the women." It was harder to say that phrase than I would've thought.

"Let's not talk about women." Duelo says, right as Paiway pops up from behind him.

"What's this, a game?" She points to the vitals monitor.

"Haven't you ever seen a pulse meter before?" Duelo asks.

"It doesn't matter if I have. Organ problems can be fixed in the jacuzzi!"

No, give me modern medical science any day of the week. "Wait, we have a jacuzzi an board?"

Paiway smirks. "Yep! You can't use it though, because it's girls only!"

"No fair." I like hot tubs...

* * *

"I can't believe they're sending YOU on this mission." Meia stares at me.

I, for one, am staring at the gaudily painted Vanguards arrayed around me. "I'm the only guy who'se actually piloted that thing for any amount of time..." Wait a second. "Maybe Duelo? But he's busy with-"

"He's so sick his voice isn't steady!" Meia yells. I'm not sure who she's yelling at. Maybe Duelo. Wait, what was it about Duelo?

"I can't wait to combine!" Jura says.

"Don't worry." I say to nobody in particular. "I'm on antibiotics, so you won't catch it either."

"Mister Alien? Do you want me to paint your Vanguard too?"

Hey, at least she's asking. I think.

"No, leave it... leave it." I stop there. My vision is swimming, which makes the Vanguards look even more trippy.

"Whoops, too late." Says Jura.

"Should we stop her?" Meia says with exasperation.

"Do you honestly think you can stop her?" Jura sighs.

"U-Um..." I raise my hand. "Can someone make sure it's not pink she's coloring it? I can't see straight."

"Alright, back to the infirmary with you." Meia says firmly.

"Wow, she did go for pink." Jura remarks.

* * *

Later, I'm lying in the hospital bed while the Vanguard simulations are running in the next room. I can't hear whats going on, but I can remember the anime well enough. Meia isn't handling her claws- her claustruuu- her fear of tight spaces.

The ceiling swims above me as the sounds from the next room become louder. I struggle to piece together the mission details. Meia said something about a dead planet we're going to investigate, so it's the planet the sand attacks everyone. It's the only time the girls are in Vanguards, anyway, which makes sense.

Meia doesn't handle it well, which is to be expected, given her reactions up here.

In fact, I can see her walking out of the medical ward. I think.

Someone else enters my line of sight blocking the light from the ceiling. "Next time, you combine with me. Got that?"

I have the suspicion that this is Jura.

"B-but..." I groan out, but Jura is long gone. "Vanguards can't combine." I finish weakly.

* * *

After another day goes by, I'm back on my feet, scrubbing pink paint of my Vanguard. She didn't even tape anything off, so it's caking the camera lenses up too.

Why the hell did Hibiki put up with little miss hyperactive?

I hear a soft "Pshew!" behind me. Turning to look, Dita is standing there with a finger gun, a boxed lunch, and a carefree smile.

My stomach gurgles, having not eaten a proper meal in... a day or so.

I accept the food gracefully, and sit down on the spot to eat.

From somewhere in the shop, I hear the shutter sound of a camera.

Looks like Paiway's doing her Pai-check.

"You know, if you were going to ask me about painting it, you should've actually listened." I complain.

Dita turns on her does eyes. "But! You would have said no!"

"Right, which is exactly why you listen to someone saying no." I look back at the armor suit. "It's going to take me hours of scrubbing."

"Want me to help?" Dita asks.

"Yeah, that would be great."

"Okay!" She stands up abruptly, and then jumps down the ladder and practically leaves rubber tracks on the ground from how fast she's going.

"...What was that about?" I wonder aloud. I finish the lunch and resolve to make something for Dita to pay her back. Fair's fair.

Four minutes later, Dita shows up in a bikini, something I don't remember her having during the original run of the series. It's dark blue, the top ties in the center, and the whole thing is relatively modest compared with the late 2010's fashion standard. Then again, it would be racy if this was still the 90's...

She climbs the ladder and starts scrubbing away at the paint with my spare sponge.

I eventually tear my eyes away. "Well, thank you for helping my clean it."

It turns out the swimsuit was a good idea, because once the hose was brought out, nothing stayed dry. The amount of focus on the actual job got lower and lower as time wore on, more people came, and it eventually devolved into a high school car wash. Lots of people I'm unfamiliar with, only Dita, Jura, Barnette and Zan were people I could recognize.

Still, I managed to get my Vanguard back to it's pristine golden sheen despite the major distraction, multiple instances where the high pressure hose was turned on me, and several... _interesting_ proposals from Jura. Not to mention Dita and Zan both kept trying to drag me into the fight themselves...

Despite my worries about water being precious on a spaceship, they had turned the entire floor space into a pool half an inch deep. Soap and pink suds float around the collapsed participants. I suspect that the sight of ten or twelve hot, scantily-clad women breathing hard from laughing and slinging water everywhere should have had some sort of effect on me. Instead, all I wanted to do was take a really long shower, by myself, and head to bed.

As I passed by, Zan stretched a hand upwards from where she was lying on her back. I wave back as walk past.

This journey home... I'm pretty sure I'm trapped on a spaceship with an entire race of sixteen-year-olds, at least mentally. I'm pretty sure normal guys have a wet dream like this at least once in their life, but I can only think of how exhausting this whole thing is going to be.

It's going to suck. Hard.

I get to the door before I realize that if I don't drain the water somehow, I'm not going to be able to unseal the door leading deeper into the ship...

* * *

That night, Jura and Barnette ambushed me on my way back to my room, dragging me to the gardens under the bridge. There, a three course meal is laid out on a rolling cart.

They sit me down forcibly and Barnette uncovers the food.

Jura crouches next to me. "Hey, I know you like women's food. So, if you promise to combine with me, you can have all of this!"

I look at it suspiciously. Didn't Barnette do something to this? I take a few sniffs, and sure enough I can smell hot sauce. Not sure what type, but I remember burning my mouth on that smell.

I look up at Barnette. "So, I have a question. Are you and Jura dating? You two are always together..." I whisper to her.

Barnette deflates and tears come to the corners of her eyes. That's answer enough.

"Hey, what are you two whispering about?" Jura asks. "Never mind that, Hibiki, promise me!"

I groan. "Jura, Vanguards can't-"

"Promise me! I want to combine and see my glorious transformation!"

I stare at her in silence for a second. "I'm going back to my room."

"Hey! What do you think you're doing, ignoring Jura like that!" Barnette cried indignantly.

I turn back to her. "I'll try your food next time if it isn't slathered in hot sauce."

"Hot sauce...?" Jura reaches out, grabs a fork and brings a bite of steak to her mouth. She then immediately sucks down the glass of water. "B-Barnette, what kind of stunt are you trying to pull!"

I leave the two of them to bicker and head for my room.

After all, we have a mission pending, and I'm going to want to be rested.

Of course, real life isn't so lenient, even if I'm not convinced this is real life.

"This is our only chance!" Comes BC's voice. "All pilots prepare to disembark!"

But... there's only like four Vanguards. How can all pilots...? Maybe all Vanguard pilots.

I head down, climb into my Vanguard (Squeaky clean and not pink) and grab my umbrella.

Seriously. We're using umbrellas as descent mechanisms. They're not standard umbrellas, not with the heat shielding and some sort of antigravity device based on the spaceship ones, but still. The other three, Jura, Dita and Barnette, are attached to a transport vehicle that's one time use. It'll burn up in the atmosphere before we hit the ground.

I fly ahead, leading the automated craft towards the planet at a reasonable approach vector.

"Alright, approach locked. Still with me, Nirvana?"

"Nirvana?"

The captains voice cuts over whichever of the bridge bunnies asked the question. "We read you. Keep us updated."

"Roger." I switch to the communication channel for the team.

"-y turn to combine! you've done it several times already!"

"Too bad! Mister Alien likes me the best, so he'll be combining with me!"

I hear Barnette sigh before I close the channel. I get the main comms back. "Can I get permission to fire on annoying friendlies?"

"We didn't give Meia permission to fire on you." Comes Magno's calm voice.

"Point taken. Headed into atmo."

* * *

Back on the bridge, Magno squints her eyes. The boy already knows the name she chose for the ship?

There's something about him that's not quite right, and it's sending a chill down her spine.

She turns to her second-in-command. "BC. We need to have another talk about Hibiki. Once he's back on the ship, corner him and let's get him to talk."

For some reason, BC doesn't look thrilled at the prospect. In fact, sweat is beading on her face ever so slightly. "If those are your orders."

* * *

Our descent was relatively painless. Barnette and I managed to stay on our feet, at least. the other two crash landed.

Surveying the area, there isn't any really much. A few buildings jutting out of the sand, but nothing impressive. No life signs... Just some deadly nanite sand that hasn't quite activated yet. I start doing some scans on it anyway, looking for some sort of communications signal. Let's start with... microwave frequencies.

"Nothing." I comment. "Nothing of interest."

"Hey!" The red Vanguard bumps into me from behind. "Let's combine now."

"No!" Dita calls over the radio. "Mister Alien is going to do it with me!"

A shiver runs down my spine. Save me from that fate, oh Paksis.

"Hey you! Who do you think you're talking to?"

I cut in, unable to stand it any longer. "Both of you get the fuck off comms. I'm not combining, because nobody brought a Dread. Capisce?"

The radio is dead for a second or two. Then Barnette snickers.

From back on the ship, I can hear Bart comment. "Man, his voice gets _scary_ when he's angry."

"I-It's not funny!" Cries Jura.

I sigh heavily. "Nirvana, can I go home?"

"Nope. Meia's on her way."

Aw crap.

Meia comes down through the atmosphere, me keeping an eye on her descent the entire time. She lands a large distance away from to us, so I start trudging over to her. "Where- what are we looking for?" Her voice is strained.

"Meia, open you viewport and look far away." Deulo's voice reaches me as well.

"So... damn... nosey." She groans, and her panicked breathing lessens somewhat.

Suddenly, my Vanguard picks up a signal. It's a repeated broadcast, a binary sequence connecting the... laser tripwire grid I had forgotten about, to the sand. If I can fake that-

Dita and Jura are doing something behind my back, and when I turn around, I see Jura throw Dita off and into one of the exposed buildings.

One with a laser in it.

"Oh, goddammit to he-"


	5. Chapter 5: Unstable

Yeah... This fic is now rated M. Because.

* * *

The sand leaps up at us, cloying and attempting to get into the cracks. I can feel the joints start to lock up already.

This isn't how I planned this to go.

"Not good." I look at the map again. "Jura, Dita, Get to the edge of this area and get out of here ASAP. Barnette, follow me."

"Who are you to give-" Barnette starts.

 _"Shut up and follow."_ I snarl.

"...Roger."

I sprint as fast as I can through the sand towards Meia, mentally berating myself for letting my facade slip. I can't afford to mess up.

The lasers are ever so slightly visible once the sand starts to flow in earnest. Hopefully, the rest of the group won't be stupid enough to trip them. Before long, a horrified scream comes through the comms, signalling that Meia's mech has been consumed by the sand. Her panic is clear even over the comm system.

Okay, time to switch to plan B. Plan B wasn't constructed beforehand, so... default to what happened on the show. This may be a problem, since I can't remember this episode that well.

"Oh god! I've fallen! Somebody help me!" Jura's voice cuts through my concentration.

"Dita, use the forward thrusters at Jura. Blow the sand off." I command.

"O-Okay!"

"Barnette, get to Meia and see if you can get the sand off of her, we need to get out, now." I stop in place and start looking around, trying to get a handle on the situation. I'm not good at on the fly adjustments. I like to plan, and have a plan for every contingency. It's my fault I didn't actually make more than one for today.

Barnette doesn't even reply, just starts tearing across the sand as fast as her Vanguard will let her.

Now, assuming Dita and Jura can get past the laser grid-

"The self destruct sequence of the system has been activated!" Comes the voice of one of the bridge bunnies.

"SHIT!" I slam my fist on the wall of the Van. Just give me a break! I can't improvise if everything keeps changing.

A cold spike starts to settle on, no, _in_ my spine. "Not now, Paksis." I grit my teeth.

"I can't get the sand off!" Barnette says. "It's starting to cover me too!"

Behind me, two loud roars sound as Jura and Dita take off, the staff portions of their descent umbrellas turning into rocket boosters. Well, that's two saved at least.

"Barnette, pull out."

"But Meia-"

"I'll get her. You get out. We have no idea how big that blast is going to be." That, and with only me active on the battlefield, my plans can be a lot simpler.

My Vanguard beeps at me. It figured out the frequency the sand is using. "Now to hope the radio on this thing is as powerful as it seems." I mutter to myself.

I switch my comms over to that frequency, and my ears are assaulted by noise. I turn the sound off and grimace, toggling the speaker button as I do.

"FUCK YOU!"

The sand around me stops behaving properly for a fraction of a second, before resuming once I'd stopped yelling.

I hear Barnette's rockets fire. Three of five out.

Well, this might work...

See, radio jamming is just introducing noise over a system. The best way to think about it is playing static noise so loudly it drowns out a violin player. The violin player is still playing, just nobody can hear him over the static.

Thankfully, my antenna allows me to be loud enough, and... well.. my voice isn't the signal the robots are expecting.

Noise.

I keep up a stream of insults, the broadcast confusing the microscopic swarm. I keep it up, my throat scratchy, until I can get to Meia. I switch to regular comms temporarily.

"...Two-hundred seconds until detonation."

"Meia! Can you hear me?" I growl.

The sand is completely covering her, and as I watch, she starts to stand up. Then she swings a punch at me.

"Oh, no you don't." I tackle her unit back to the ground. Around me, I can see more of the imitation Vanguards forming out of the sand. I forgot about those.

"Stop it." Meia's voice is drained. "Don't bother with me."

"Shut the fuck up!" I roar. "Like hell you're allowed to lie down and die in a ditch!"

"I-I'm not worth... Save your-"

"You say another word, and I'm going to beat you up once we get out." One of my teeth chips with how hard I'm grinding my teeth. I switch channels and start screaming my frustration out, the sand flying away as it loses it's instructions. I can move again, temporarily.

How the hell did Hibiki get everyone out?

Something about cold wind...

I don't have anything like that though, and only one boost staff. Meia's is a good distance away from the two of us.

"FUCK!"

I wipe the sand off Meia's lenses, allowing her to see again. I grab her unit, stuff my staff into her hands, and activate it. Thankfully, she managed to regain her senses enough to steer and hold on.

"That's it then." I take a few calming breaths, though the effect isn't as good from the fact the Paksis has frozen everything below my head to a solid block of ice. I can feel my heartbeat settling down. "I... I'm not going to make it." The sand swirls around me, obscuring my view and locking up the joints. "I'm going to die here. Because I saved someone who hates me." Of all the things, that's what gets me?

My own low, hollow laugh fills the small compartment.

I switch back to comms.

"HIBIKI!"

"MISTER ALIEN!"

"fifty seconds!"

"Missiles incoming!"

...What?"

Several missiles crash down around me, cracking the buildings and releasing... a cold wind. It's probably liquid nitrogen boiling away. Whatever it is, it's stopping the sand's consistent advance. The sand covering me starts to crack and fall away even as my own systems start to freeze up.

Fighting the rapidly icing systems, I tear across the now freezing dunes to find that staff Meia brought with her.

It's my only shot, after all.

I barely make out "Twenty seconds!" through all the yelling and screaming.

I flip my comms off.

The staff is thankfully unburied. The sand robots must not have thought it as a priority. I lift it up, and press the launch button.

Nothing.

"Oh come on-"

I thumb it again and-

The robot's arm is almost yanked out of it's socket as the rockets kick it, yanking me high into the sky. My vision blacks out temporarily from the G-forces. Below me, the sands swirl around until-

A blinding light blocks out all else. The surface of the planet is covered in violent explosions, so large that I don't think they could be conventional weaponry. Well, there's a chance a significant portion of the surface was made of plastic explosive...

Great, I lost my composure. I strike out with my fist, slamming it into the plate armor in front of me. Dammit. DAMMIT! I... I...

* * *

Back on the bridge, Magno sits back in her chair.

Ezra sighs happily. "All Vanguards are safe!"

"We intercepted some data from the planet." Says Coco, the blond haired woman on the bridge.

BC turns to her. "Read it."

Coco turns around. "Huh?"

"What's wrong? Didn't you hear me?"

"I'm sorry, I'll read it now." Coco reads over the data again. "'This seasons harvest items: Red blood cells, white blood cells, platelets, lymph cells, etc. All components in good condition.' This is where the data ends."

BC turns to Magno. "Captain! This is..."

"It seems our enemy really wanted to harvest us. I guess they only think of us as something like vegetables. If there is one thing I have learned from this incident, it is that our enemy is truly formidable."

* * *

Four of the five pilots are draped around the hanger bay. Dita is snoring contentedly. Jura is laying in Barnette's lap, and Barnette is propped against a wall.

Similarly, Meia is propped up around the corner.

 _It looks like I owe a man a debt._ She thinks to herself. _And of all the men, it had to be him._

She glares up at the golden Vanguard, whose occupant still hasn't climbed out.

Duelo and Paiway show up with a few of the security forces to take them all to the medical ward.

Meia waves them to get the other three first, and pulls herself painfully to her feet. Slowly ever so slowly, she drags herself up the ladder to Hibiki's Vanguard.

"Hibiki?" She calls.

There is no response.

She raps her knuckles on the frame.

Again, no response.

Meia searches around for the emergency release hatch she'd made extra super sure she'd known where it was, but Hibiki's Vanguard is a little different. The release is still there though.

She pulls it, and the hatch opens.

The first thing that hits her is the smell of iron.

Hibiki sits in the seat, legs pulled up to his chest. His arms are wrapped around him. The backs of his hands are bloodied, and so is the vast majority of the interior of the Vanguard.

Meia comes to the conclusion that he was punching everything is sight.

"Hibiki?"

"I lost it again." He mumbles. "I told myself to keep it down, but I lost it. Again."

Meia reaches forward and places a hand on his shoulder.

He doesn't flinch. He instead looks up at her with eyes devoid of any light or life. "What do you want?"

"I was checking to see if you are okay."

All she gets in response is a long, cold, hollow laugh.

* * *

When I wake back up, the lights are all down in the hospital ward.

It doesn't bother me. I like the dark. I've never been afraid of the dark.

I'm not really afraid of anything.

Dogs growl and bite me, and I causally ignore them.

High voltage electricity that can kill you a million times over? I'm still playing around like it's no more harmful than a foam ball.

Driving? Who need to pay attention to driving?

I'm not afraid of anything. Anything but myself.

I sit up. There's a few tube running into my arms, and I know better than to just rip them out, no matter how badly I want to.

My knuckles are swathed in bandages. That's to be expected.

I'm... glad I wasn't able to reach anybody.

This time.

There's two other occupied beds. One has Dita, sleeping peacefully with a cute snore. The other has Meia, who is lying on her back, staring at the ceiling. Her eyes flick over to me.

"Hibi-"

"I apologize for usurping your command, yet again." I cut her off. "I'll see to it that I stay in the Reg."

"What happened to you?"

"I'll probably be fine in the Reg. Nothing there to... anger me."

I sound like the hulk. Wheeeee.

"As my subordinate-"

"Like I said. Not your problem anymore."

"...Thank you for not leaving me behind."

"It's my fucking job."

Meia rolls on her side, facing away from me, which translates to conversation over.

I lie awake for another hour before anything else interesting happens. BC comes into the room and pulls out my IV and two other needles. "Don't worry, Duelo's assured me that you'll be fine even if I pulled those out. Come with me."

I follow the vice-captain all the way up to the bridge and into Magno's quarters in silence.

Once there, BC gestures to a chair, and I obediently sit in it.

"Hibki Tokai." Magno walks carefully into the chamber from her room, with the aid of a walking stick. "A boy with... curious discrepancies."

My eyes track her, but my face is still completely blank. I haven't put any effort into a mask yet. Ha, I forgot I used to call facial expressions "masks."

"You know too much. Just a little too much." BC says. "About a lot of things."

"You knew I picked the Nirvana as the name of our ship." Magno says. "And you knew there was a trap on the surface of the planet."

I look up at her. "I overheard Parfet talking, and it's called prudence. You prepare for bad luck, and hope it goes better." Canned, pre-planned excuses.

"Parfet assures me she hasn't seen you around in days." BC says. Her eyes seem to be reminding me of our last conversation as well. Her secret.

"As for the planet..." Magno taps something on the table beside her, and some data shows up, scrolling too fast for any real analysis. "As soon as you landed, you started a frequency scan."

"Yep. Prudence."

"You also took charge as soon as things started to happen, with no delay."

"...I have good reflexes."

"But that's not your job."

"Actually, it is. It's my job to make sure everyone gets home safe because _nobody else can."_

Magno sits in her chair slowly. "Explain."

"Your pirates are so... lackadaisical that there's no good command structure. I get it! You're pirates. Still, four people almost died down there because they were incompetent, or emotional wrecks. Dita lives in lala land. Jura is so self centered it's surprising she's not a black hole. Barnette was... actually useful. She should be commended. Meia was literally _having a panic attack_ and still came to the front lines. These are our ace pilots."

"Oh, and what makes you so much better than them?" Magno says.

"I'm not better than them. Dita, for all her flaws, _is_ an ace pilot. She can and had pulled off ridiculous stunts that have saved lives, if indirectly. Meia is a good leader when she's calm, which is most cases. Barnette, aside from her questionable loyalty to Jura, is actually keeping up with Dita, Meia and Jura, which shows great skill. Jura is some sort of idiot savant like Dita. They could all easily, single-handedly beat me in a fight, dread or no."

BC crosses her arms. "What's your point?"

"I'm not better then them."

"Then why do we need you?" Magno asks.

"Because they need an anchor, and Hibki Tokai was supposed to be that anchor." I mutter.

"Hibiki Tokai? But not you."

"No. Not me."

Magno sits back in her chair and contemplates. "What was the real Hibiki like, then?"

"Stupid. Angry all the time, but easily swayed by food. Could easily be convinced to do something just by saying 'I bet you can't do this!'. Made a severe ass of himself at every junction."

"Really now."

"He also got along with the stupid Paksis, seeing as it values guts over logic."

BC raises her eyebrow. "The Paksis? You mean, our power source?"

I glare at her. "Yes."

"But it's not-"

"Sentient? Human? Who cares? It decided to send us half the fucking galaxy away because it was scared."

"So, this Hibiki. Did he have any good points?"

"He... forged ahead without fear." I turn my head.

"Interesting. Now, we've cleared up what you're supposed to be like, now let's discuss who _you_ are."

"Are you some sort of time traveler?" BC asks bluntly.

I shrug. It's an honest shrug too, since I genuinely don't know how I got here.

"Can you see the future?" Magno asks.

"Not really." Also true.

"What happened to you on that planet?"

"I was attacked by a swarm of microscopic robots disguised as sand."

"No, what happened to _you_. Meia said you were saying 'I lost it' over and over when she pulled you from the Vanguard. Our recordings of your comms system..."

She lets them play, edited down.

"Clearly, something happened for you to go from the normal boy you are to..."

She plays a section of the log again. Screaming and cursing, then some resignation as the sand finally overwhelms me, before the missiles come down.

I sit in silence. It remains unbroken for a long time.

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth."

Resisting the urge to quote a movie. So hard. "I don't think I'm going to tell you. I need something up my sleeves. Let's just say for now that I'm too useful to discard and leave it at that."

"You honestly think we're going to let you go just like that?"

I turn and look BC in the eyes."I can spill the darkest secrets of the most important members of the crew, publicly. While Dita might not be that affected, Meia would, and so would some of the other characters." I look meaningfully at BC.

Magno lowers her head slightly, concealing her eyes. "Is that so?"

I stare into the shadow cast by her hood. "Can I go now?"

"Yes, well." Magno coughs into her fist "Don't tell anyone else about what we talked about."

I smile, the first expression I had decided to bother with since I was dragged here. "Why would I? Blackmail is only good as the secret it contains."

* * *

Of course, I didn't actually get far without being accosted. Silly me, thinking that I might get some piece and quiet in a place where those two words are basically non-existent.

"Mister Alien!"

I stop in place, erect a tired smile and turn around. "Hi Dita."

Let's keep the facade up this time, hmm?

"I'm so glad you're okay!"

I take her flying tackle in stride, sucking wind as she gets her own feet under her again.

"I thought you were going to d-d-die on that planet." Her arms start squeezing me even tighter.

I stare down at her. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Really?"

How the hell should I know? "Really."

She wipes the tears out of her eyes. "I'm so glad." She lets go of me and I start walking back to my cell. Dita is still following me.

"Um... I cleaned the blood out of your Vanguard." She says.

"Mmm? Thanks."

Silence, aside from the steady rhythm of footsteps.

At least, until the choking sobs come.

"I... I... I didn't mean..."

I turn to look at her. She has her head in her hands. "I didn't mean to set off the tripwires."

I look forwards and backwards down the hallway. No sign of anyone else.

"Nobody's blaming you for that." Wasn't it Jura who threw Dita?

"B-But, I almost got everyone killed again."

...Can I get overtime pay for being this girl's therapist? "It was an accident. Nobody could have predicted that." Outside of me.

"But-"

"No, no buts. Seriously. Everybody's okay, so no harm no foul."

Dita wraps me up in a hug again, stopping my forward momentum. "Thank you." She says, then suddenly lets go and heads in the other direction.

* * *

Magno turns to BC. "What are your thoughts?"

BC shakes her head. "I don't like it." Her eyes narrow. "Did he refer to us as 'characters'?"

"And what about his... episode?"

BC brings the data back up, this time with an image of the boy inside the cockpit of his Vanguard, beating his fists against the interior, blood flying from the splits in his skin from the repeated motion.

"It looks like we've picked up a guy with control issues." BC frowns. "In all other fights, he's been calm and collected. There must have been something that set him off."

Magno nods. "It's strange he lost it on the same mission as Meia. Speaking of which, I know Meia's claustrophobia is an open secret, but who knows about Hibiki's episode?"

"Only us two, Meia and Duelo. Dita saw the aftermath, but she assumed it was rough handling due to the explosion."

Magno relaxes slightly. "Sometimes it's good that girl is so naive."

"Still... the only thing that stands out is his heart rate." BC points to several spikes in the graph. "They match up with Jura collapsing, and with Barnette reporting failure."

"He lost his calm when his teammates were in danger? There's nothing odd about that."

"Then why didn't it ramp up here where the entire system was set off?"

"He probably knew it would happen. For all his efforts to say he wasn't from the future, he certainly seems prepared."

"True... but that doesn't explain this." She points to where the heartbeat slows down to normal levels.

"Oh?"

"This is right after Meia took off."

"...Oh dear."

"There's a very real chance that our Hibiki doesn't care about his own life."

* * *

Despite how tired I feel, its actually not that late. Only about seven in the afternoon, according to the ship's clock. Still, that meant the the bridge lights are out and the garden area is dark enough that I can sit and look up at the stars outside without interior lights washing them out.

I know a lot of people who romanticize the stars. They act like the little points of light control their fates, or go outside to "bask in their beauty" on a regular basis. To me, stars are giant balls of fusion.

A clinical definition, not romantic at all.

Now I sit on a bench, staring at the points of light as we move past them, whatever warp drive the Nirvana using keeping us going without anyone actively steering.

I finally had some time to sort through my things, I found that my big bag of stuff included my headphones. I put them on to drown out... well, it's silent on the ship, so the only thing to drown out is my own thoughts. No point in dwelling on what happened on the surface. What's done is done.

One thing I've always been good at is putting the past behind me.

I don't sing along with my music this time, content to let myself relax into it. I close my eyes, and lie down on the bench.

Next time I open my eyes, my phone's clock tells me it's way past dinner and I might as well go to bed.

The hallways are silent, which I guess could be considered a blessing. I don't really want to deal with anyone right now.

Once in bed, I lie down and turn off my music. The silence creeps in, and I glance at my phone a few times to see how long I've been lying here. Back at home, if I was still awake at three in the morning, I would write, or go on YouTube or something.

A dim light appears, bobbing around as if carried in hand. It interrupts my thoughts, and I close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep, certain I didn't want to bother with whoever was coming by this late at night.

Soft footsteps come closer, closer, and eventually get close enough that whoever it was, they had to be right beside me.

I can feel the thin mattress shift as whoever it is sits down on the edge of my bed.

She starts humming.

It's a tune I know, but I can't place it.

It doesn't last very long.

When she's done, she gets up, and leaves without another word.

I wait for a minute after the steps fade away before removing my headphones.

That wasn't Zan. Somehow... Zan would've sung something else.

This tune isn't one I listen to often, but I know I've heard it before.

I wrack my brain, trying to recall what the tun could be.

I was still at it six hours later, when the ship's sirens started blaring, signifying the next fight.

* * *

Honestly, this fic should have been rated M from the start, given I'm pretty sure I can't go to certain topics that will come up in later chapters. This chapter gets the rating for excessive swearing, and...

Well, I listed it under "angst" for a reason.


	6. Chapter 6: Paying Attention

This had been our cleanest deployment to date. I'm surprised they had let me deploy.

The Dreads were scrambled on time.

I got into my Vanguard and managed not to completely embarrass myself upon launch.

Bart had gotten the shields up before the ship could sustain major damage.

Still, we're currently in a very bad position.

"To the left."

I adjust my controls ever so slightly, Meia slamming the pedal down as we dodge around asteroids in pursuit of our enemy. I'm even more surprised Meia had decided to let me combine my Vanguard with her Dread. I suspect she's trying to keep an eye on me.

Today, the enemy is these pink spears with and "X" shape cross section. They dart around much too fast for any of the normal Dreads to lock onto them.

That's not true for Meia and my Vandread, though. We approach one of the enemy craft from right behind it's main thrusters and shoot a lance of energy throught the craft.

"Squad A, return to formation." Meia says over the comms. "Squads B and C move to intercept."

I rapidly search out a new target. There's several of them bunched together, so I select the one in the middle as the next target and Meia skillfully manuevers down that way.

I have to say, this is nice. Meia barely grumbled when I suggested we team up to take these things down, a vast improvement.

We swoop down on another of the pink craft, and I neatly stab it with another beam. A grin comes to my face, unbidden. I could get used to this! Prescision, speed, and a no-nonsense partner-

Hell, even the Paksis was leaving me alone today!

I designate the next target as the comms come alive again. "Mister Alien! There's one on your tail!"

Meia immediately takes evasive action, weaving around and around to try and shake the enemy unit.

It sticks with us, and I curse the lack of rearward facing weapons.

Meia sounds strained as she starts to plan. "Hibiki, we need to get around behind them, prepare to fire the beam on a moment's noti-"

Suddenly, the ship rocks as something hits us hard. I smack my forehead into the console in front of me, and the Vandread starts to slow down. "Ahg... Are you alright, Meia?" I turn around in my seat.

Meia's eyes are open, but she's unfocused. There's a lot of blood coming out of her skull.

Oh, crap.

"Meia is down, I repeat, Meia is down." I say into the comms. "Dita, Jura, status?"

"Meia is down? What do you mean by that?" Demands Jura.

"She's been knocked out, and she needs urgent medical attention. I'm heading back to the Nirvana with her."

"I'll come too!" Dita's voice comes to a panic.

"No, I need you to guard us as we head back." I say.

"O-Okay!"

The comms are starting to devolve into chaos even before I land in the hanger, Duelo already there with several members of security and a stretcher. I haul the unconscious girl out of the hatch and set her on the stretcher, and then immediately see about disentangling my Vanguard from Meia's Dread.

I'm surprised they had stayed linked, honestly, given one of the users had fallen unconcious-

As I think that, the front of Meia's Dread pops open and my armor is spat out unceremoniously.

Right. I climb into the Vanguard and make sure it's all in working order. Might as well double check the systems before I head out there and find I don't have any weapons, right?

The chill comes back. Apparently, the reprieve was only temporary. "Look here, Paksis." I mutter after making sure the comms were off. "I know what you're doing with Meia, forcing her to confront her past. Have fun doing that, but if she doesn't survive or ends up brain dead because of you, you and I are going to have words. And believe me, I bet I can find a way to torment a sentient mass of energy."

The chill grows deeper, but at least I know the damned thing is listening.

I flick the comms back on. A torrent of voices crash through the speakers, resulting in a completely undecipherable mess.

"I need to contact Dita." I say to the Paksis, and all of the channels but hers is stripped out.

"I'm hit! I'm heading back to the ship for repairs!"

...Crap.

I remember how the original Hibiki had handled this situation, but it involved Dita to be alright. Vandread Dita fired it's cannons at the allies' shields, reflecting the beams in unpredictable patterns and destroying the enemy. It also wasn't very chaotic, somehow, but I blame that on the animation budget.

If only I had recognized them before Meia had gotten hurt.

Wait, maybe not. Meia became a much better person after the experience, due to confronting her past. If I messed that up, she might not become the person she needs to be in the future...

In any case, Dita's ship comes into the hanger and sets down.

Parfet and several of the other engineers scramble to work on the thing. Dita runs past me and back towards the medical wing.

"Dita, hold up." I say through the external speakers.

She pokes her head back around the corner. "Yes?"

"Come back as soon as you can. I have idea on how to end this."

She disappears around the corner again, her footsteps quickly being drowned out by the sounds of the engineering team working to repair her fighter. I climb back into my Vanguard to take a small break.

Well... I know what to do, but since I can't... I find myself with some time to kill. It might be worth it to go over the plans for the future while I wait. Since Meia just got injured and is going to go through her revelation, next is... next is... Wait, Meia got injured, specifically in combat with these pink cross things, just like what happened in canon. However, it was never shown _how_ she got damaged in canon, just that it happened against these enemies.

Yet, she got damaged in the exact. Same. Manner.

My hand starts to shake, making the Vanguard twitch accordingly. I've always thought that destiny was a stupid concept, one that people with minds too weak to tolerate reality use to excuse themselves for their actions. Predestination can and is used to justify lots of things, but in the end, it's just a silly way of absolving oneself of responsibility.

Or is it?

I don't act like Hibiki, yet all of my past encounters have gone roughly the same way they did in canon, fighting and winning, rescuing Gascogne in the nick of time, ending up in Reg for all of one battle. Could predetermination actually be true?

The shaking stops as I go over the situation again. I've always been the kind of person who accepts reality as it is, without clinging to beliefs. If destiny is real, then so be it. I'll just have to revise all my plans to accommodate that fact. Of course, given that fate could be real, it may not matter what my plans are.

Honestly? Leaving it to fate would be amazing. The world of Vandread has a happy end, with very few if any crew deaths, Earth defeated, and relations between Mejare, Tarak and the rest of the planets all looking up. With the complications arising from my... issues with the Paksis, I was worried I could screw it all up. If destiny forces a good ending, that would be a lot off my shoulders.

I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that the hatch opening is completely lost to me. When a hand clamps around my right arm, it startles me out of my stupor.

Without conscious decision, my body reverts back to my old karate classes, immediately lashing out to break the grab, throwing the grabbed arm's elbow straight forward at full force, where most grabbers would have their faces. I barely have time to recognize that it was Dita grabbing me and that she's off to my side, not directly in front of me, before my elbow impacts the screen in front of me. Something makes a loud cracking sound.

The Vanguard is perfectly okay, whatever screens are made out of in this era are a lot tougher than the glass we use at home. Thus, I come to the conclusion that it must be my arm. The blinding pain that hits me a second later confirms this.

"H-Hibiki?" Dita asks frantically. "Are you alright?"

I grit my teeth. I will not scream. I refuse. "I'm fine. How's you're Dread doing?"

"It's done with repairs, and you said you had an idea?"

I nod. "Let's go. No point in keeping the rest waiting."

I close the hatch behind me once Dita leaves. "Paksis, let's go." I say, waiting for the familiar chill.

It doesn't come. I move the controls around, and this time it doesn't respond. It worked even when I wasn't thinking about it earlier...

"Paksis? Hello? I need to go out there and save everyone. You know, spread that hope thing you love so much?" Man, this thing is way too picky. "If you want your sibling sphere to win that badly, then I can abandon them to their fate, ensuring the entire galaxy gets eaten by Earth for the sake of another hundred years of survival." I comment. "Or, maybe everything will work out without me. Is that a chance you're willing to take?"

The Vanguard lights up, even as the chill grows, much larger than last time I had activated it this battle, encompassing my entire spine.

I let my face contort into a feral smirk. Time to go kill some things. Too bad they're robotic though.

I could do with some bleeding to get out my frustrations.

* * *

Unlike canon, Meia didn't wake up as Dita and I finished off the enemy. Instead, she remained unconscious for another few hours, something that called into question my new idea that this entire world is governed by destiny. Thus, the hospital wing is current filled with all of the Dread pilots, though only maybe ten percent of them need to be here due to injuries. Meia wakes up to a lot of crying from relief, surrounded by all her fellow pilots. I din't participate, but watched from the sidelines. She solemnly takes her over-the-eye thing and puts it on. Duelo eventually usher everyone out so he can do some follow up checks.

I kept my broken arm from Duelo. It's not impeding my movement, it just hurts if I prod my bicep. My guess is that it's not a complete break, but something definitely cracked. This isn't the first time I've broken a bone or three. It's not hindering my movement too much, so I don't feel like I need to bother Duelo with it until after things calm down a bit.

Dita and Jura start saying something about a party, and before I know it, I've been dragged to the cafeteria with the others. The cafeteria staff cheerfully serves out massive quantities of food. Somehow, I had been dragged to the table where Barnette, Jura, and Dita are eating, and Zan comes by soon after. It seems that some of the pilots are starting to warm up to me a bit, at least enough to talk to me. I introduced myself to a lot of them, far more than I could actually remember off the top of my head.

Then the alcohol was brought out, and my night steadily got worse.

I don't care for any type of alcohol I've ever had, and given the way the rest of my family consumes all varieties of the stuff like it's water, I've tried a lot. It's not like I feel some sort of moral high ground over people who drink, I just don't like the taste. That is why when the rest of the ship was staggering around, laughing at some really stupid things, I was still sober and watching the proceedings with something between amusement and trepidation. Because of my family and a few of my old friends, I'm used to dealling with people in all states of drunk from buzzed to passed out blackout level.

"Ahhhhm jus' sayin'" Jura hiccups. "that MY Vandread is OBVIOUSLY the most beautiful of the lot!"

We've yet to combine, and it's a crab. You're not going to like it.

"Nuuuh uhhh! Mine's the best!" Dita says. Oddly enough, she's looking at me as if for confirmation. I shrug at her and go back to eating the cake that had been made. It's devil's food cake, one of my favorites.

"Is not! Ahm th' most beautiful, so it means my Dread is too!" Jura takes another swig from her bottle and points dramatically at Dita, which almost backfires when she throws her own center of balance. She barely recovers her footing in time to keep herself from falling down.

"Is too!" Dita counters, with all the wit and thought put into her argument of a two-year-old.

As they continue to shout back and forth, I scan the rest of the room. Since the fighting force of these pirates are all relatively young, not a lot of them have a high tolerance for alcohol. Several are asleep at their tables. In one corner, four of the pilots are 'whispering' to each other loudly enough to be overheard by me, detailing plans to get Dita to switch Dreads with them for a day. In the middle of the room, the head chef is currently singing completely off key because someone had dragged out a karaoke machine. The kitchen had basically shut down by this point, due to the inebriation of the entire food department of the Nirvana. Sometime earlier, Bart had joined the party and was sulking by himself in the corner, hugging a bottle of rum and muttering.

"Hey, Hibiki." Zan says, her eyes half-lidded. She's not really looking at me, more looking at my hands. "Let's go sing!"

"No thanks." I point to my cake. "I'm still eating."

She frowns and pins my left hand against the table with both of hers. "But I want to!"

Given this was the third time she'd asked, I already have an excuse ready. "I don't know any any Mejare songs." I repeat myself, calmly attempting to free my hand from her grasp. The excuse is a lie of course. Disturbingly, I've recognized every single song played so far. Mejare, or at least these pirates, seem to have a massive library of music consisting mostly of tracks from the sixties through about two-thousand ten. Given My dad's taste in music, whenever Boston come up, or the Cars, I instanly recogniozed the tracks. They're all covers made by females, but I guess that's understandable.

"But you have all that music on your phone!" She complains. "Sing that one song with me! The closer one!"

The last two times, she just dropped it once I gave that excuse. "I'm not really in the mood, but you can go ahead if you want to." I say politely.

Her frown deepens, then she gets an idea. Her face develops a mischievous grin. "If you don't sing with me, I'm going to spill your secret!"

Dita stops her argument with Jura after a few seconds, once Zan's words pierce her drunk haze. "You know one of his secrets?" Dita says with wide eyes. "No fair! Tell me!"

Zan looks all proud of herself. "Ha! It seems I'm doing better than you!"

I sigh. Another glance around the room reaffirms the fact that almost everyone is stoned out of their mind. In all likelihood, not a soul aside from me would remember anything that happens tonight, so even if Zan says anything, I'll probably be safe. After another moment's thought, I realize that I didn't want to risk it, and it's not like I haven't sung in public before.

 _And wasn't that a travesty?_ I think to myself idly. _No, shut up._

"You know what? Sure." I say. Zan cheers, and Dita looks between me and Zan with a confused expression. Zan drags me over to the Karaoke box.

The box is relatively high tech looking, despite clearly being designed with the sharp, late 90's early 2000's vibe. It's got a panel on the front that displays a track list. I turn to Zan. "What song do you want to sing?"

She blinks at me a few times. "The one you played for me!"

"Yes, that would be fun to duet, but it's not on the track list." I point out.

"Oh, that's no problem!" Says the head cook, still leaning on the device after her song ended. "Just plug in your device and it will get the song, remove the vocals, and display the lyrics on screen."

I stare at her for a second, then back to the device. Okay, aside from FTL drives, laser rings and power sources that make lithium-ion pack look like potato batteries, this is the most advanced piece of technology I've come across.

Okay, that sounds stupid, but it's true. To automatically generate lyrics, it has to be able to identify them from the track, which has lots of extra sound (I. E. the instruments) and then figure out which language they're from... I realize that most of these girls speak Japanese yet sing English songs, but I'm going to pretend I didn't for sanity's sake. Anyway, it has to get the lyrics, identify language, and actually get the word out. I remember that YouTube back home had auto generation, but even on relatively clean sources it was gibberish. Then the program has to remove only the voice component, which has to be a mind-boggling, super-complex program.

"Hellooooooo?" Zan leans in front of me, drunkenly swaying back and forth. "Is there anyone home?"

I snap out of my thoughts and look at the connector. It's... not anything I've ever seen. Hey, maybe I won't have to sing after all. Obviously, standards change when jumping through time and/or space-

Wait, is that the Bluetooth symbol?

I go to the settings and search for Bluetooth devices, and find "BLTH-SPK-KL25Z-2474G".

A little bit of me crumbles and dies, and I cry inward tears for the loss. It's not fair for the world to work this way.

The connection works, miraculously, and it starts grabbing some songs from my phone. I queue up "Closer" and accept the microphone from the head chef. As the opening bars of the song start, Zan sidles up to my left and grabs my arm again pinning my to her.

Zan and I sing the song, and it feels like the entire ship is watching. I know the song well enough that I sing it on autopilot, instead looking down at the girl at my side.

No use beating around the bush. She has a crush on me. I get it, I'm the novelty in town. Maybe in the future she'll encounter a wider variety of men, and either she'll back to her planet's enforced lesbianism, or find a better guy. Either way, I really need to get her to not target me. I can't return her feelings.

A face pops into my head, and I repress the image as well as I can. It's over. I'm never going to see her again. She hates me, and it's all my fault.

The song comes to a close.

"Wow! You can really sing!"

"Are you a professional?"

I hold my hands up. I don't know either of these girls, but I can practically see the stars in their eyes. "Er, no. I just like to sing in my spare time." And I'm actually not that good, they just don't have the massive amount of musicians to reference me against.

"Encore!" Shouts Dita. A few more of the drunks start cheering me on as well.

I glance down at the playlist. The next song is "We Don't Talk Anymore" by Charlie Puth. Talk about ironic. _Don't think about her._

I cue it up and plaster a smile back on my face. I wonder if I can get away any time soon?

* * *

The answer was no. At some point, Zan and Dita took my phone and started queue up songs one after another. I just kept singing, since nobody seemed to want to take the microphone from me. I think most of the crew is treating this like an impromptu concert. Hey, I'm not complaining. At least, not anymore. It's actually really gratifying to have a crowd that's cheering you on, even if it is a bunch of drunks. And that said crowd was starting to pass out. The entire place smells like booze by now, and I'm starting to wonder if you can actually get drunk off the fumes in this environment.

"Hey! Let's sing that one that you and Zan sang!" Dita says.

Zan is currently lying across our table, fast asleep.

"Sure, why not?"I say. She comes right up to me-

"OW! HOLY-" I bite my tongue. She had grabbed my right arm, still broken.

Dita leaps away from me, and once my eyes stop watering I can see that she looks really sad.

"I'm sorry, Dita, my arm-"

She turns and runs away before I have a chance to say anything more.

The few people left standing sober up slightly and hurriedly start trying to leave the room. Looks like I ended the party. Whoops. Once the room is cleared, I head over to the wall to turn off the lights. Once off, everything is enveloped in darkness, the only light coming from a star distant enough not to light up the room, but light enough for me to navigate by.

Instead of leaving, I head to the center of the room, surveying all of those around me. Most of them have smiles on their faces, which surprises me. I don't know most of these people. They're background characters. They're not even real, they're the product of someone writing up a script for a show.

Then why do they look so happy? Why are they allowed to be so happy, if they aren't real?

They've been thrown far away from their home, put through weekly battles, and are on the run from a force that barely considers them more than a nuisance by this point. Yet, when I poke one of the pirates, she murmurs about victory. As if we were already back on Mejare.

I don't understand. This must be part of what I'm missing.

I sit down on a bench next to a sleeping girl, one with drool dripping out of her mouth. I think she's one of the pilots, but it's hard to tell features and colors in this light. It's nice when none of them are glaring at me, or whispering as I walk past, or blushing profusely. It's nice to have some peace and quiet.

I quash that little bit of my mind that starts gleefully telling me to take advantage of some of them. It's not like they'd know, rig- STOP IT STOP IT.

Forcing myself to think of something else, that tune from last night enters my head.

I start humming it. I'm sure there was lyrics to this song, but I can't recall them.

My thoughts drift back to home. It's odd. When protagonist get warped places, they generally want to want to go back. I don't seem to mind much though. It's not like I wasn't happy back there, at least, not all of the time. I had a fun career, and I got to watch all the anime I wanted. I could indulge myself however I wanted. Here, I have to fight and put my life on the line.

Maybe it's because I have a concrete purpose? Get the pirates home safe, save the good parts of humanity... And then what? Work as an engineer on Tarak? I wonder if I can go home. I'll have to ask the Paksis.

Speaking of the Paksis, maybe I can get it to bring the proper Hibiki back, and I can go home. Then I don't have to bother with this whole ordeal. I can back to staying up to all hours, watching anime. Maybe I can even get a reset out of this whole mess. The Paksis can manipulate space and time... after... all...

Suddenly, A big blue sphere jumps to the top of my shit list.

I realize that I'm no longer humming, but singing.

"And I say to myself, what a wonderful world." I finish. Huh, I forgot that song.

Something from behind me crashes. I spin around in my seat, reaching for something to use as a weapon.

Standing there is Meia, who is staring at me wide-eyed. Unbidden, a whole flood of new information reaches my brain. Of course I recognized it; It's Meia's favorite tune after all.

Meia's face turns a slight shade of red, only visible due to her very pale complexion, and bolts from the room.

Great, now I have to go fix Dita AND figure out how to deal with Meia. Can I just pretend none of this happened? It mostly worked for Hibiki.

Another figure arrives, shuffling along with her cane. The captain, Magno.

I stand up and throw a salute. Might as well. She allowed me To continue fighting after all ...Allowed?

"I see you're still standing." Magno observes, a note of amusement in her voice. "You didn't join in the festivities?"

"More that Alcohol and I don't mix." I release the salute and look back over to Zan, who will be in a compromising position if she continues to slide like that-

"I think you could benefit from some liquid relaxant." She smirks.

"Trust me. You don't want to see me drunk." I don't want to see me drunk. I don't want to see next morning's newspaper after getting drunk either.

"Suit yourself. Still, I think you should find a way to unwind. Keeping everything inside can't be good for you."

"Who are you, my therapist?" I stick my tongue at her. "And as long as I don't lose control, I'm good."

"Why did you lose control, boy who is not Hibiki? What happened to you on that planet?"

I debate answering her. Why should I? It's not like she's a real therapist. Of course, there probably aren't any here, or else I'd have been dragged off to one already. Magno's also the most reasonable person in this entire galaxy as far as I can tell. I take a deep breath. "Well, everyone else was in trouble. I had a plan to resolve the situation, and when it fell apart... I forgot to make a backup plan. I had to revert to yelling to just make the situation better as fast as I could." I let my face revert to its default, blank. "I'm not a very good leader, for all the times I've been told I am."

"So, you needed to have more plans was it? Why would that have helped?"

Yeah, she's shrewd. "If I had a plan, then I could have brought that to everyone's attention, instead of taking charge. I'm not supposed to be in charge."

Magno turns to face the window. "But you saved everyone's lives."

"And if it wasn't me, they would all have been fine anyway." I grumble. "The original Hibiki did something very close to what ended up happening, but he figured out the cooling towers instead of relying on... whoever launched those missiles at those towers. Despite his idiocy, he actually did better than me. He even got Meia to defrost a little."

"Are you saying you didn't?"

"I... Maybe. I hadn't considered it seriously. Still, there's something like fate driving all these events forwards, and I'm not so sure why everything's still going so smoothly."

"How is getting attacked and almost losing our best pilot 'going smoothly'?" She asks.

I open my mouth, but I notice her eyes are once again focused on me, sharp like daggers. My initial response dies in my throat as I think over what I was about to say.

"It may not be obvious to the others." Magno say genially. "The only other person who could probably connect the dots is BC. So far, I've had you refer to us as characters, you know who Hibiki is supposed to be, and you seem to think everything is going according to plan. I'm guessing that you think of us as a story of sorts. Tell me, did you come from the future? Are we some sort of fairy tale to you, acting out our parts according to some grand script?"

"No, that's not it." Very close, but not it.

"Well, if you ever need help with your plans, my door is always open." She turns and heads for the door. "I'd rather not lose any of our crew to your lack of plans."

* * *

I would like to thank whoever figured out "therapist" is spelled "the rapist." I can consistently spell the former because of it.

My mind is a healthy place, I swear. I'm exaggerating this self insert.

I think.


	7. Chapter 7: Broken Mask

So, on my to do list:

1) Yell at the Paksis, see if I can get some answers.  
2) Figure out more about Dita's background. Attempt to break her crush on me.  
3) Break Zan's crush on me, preferably without hurting her too much.  
4) See if Meia is alright. Hope and pray she doesn't add to the confusing pile of crushes.  
5) See if I can get a ride back home from the Paksis.

I look up from the document I'm typing on my laptop. It needs rearranging. After a bit more thought, I add a few more items.

6) Figure out how Mejare and Tarak deal with sex.  
7) Find out Jura and Barnette's relationship, get Jura off my back  
8) Find a way to get the rest of the crew to stop avoiding me.  
9) Get my arm fixed up.

I sit back against the bulkhead and stare at the grey ceiling. I slept until about noon after the party, and then found that a lot of the ship was giving me a colder shoulder than normal. It's because I made the team mascot cry. Of course, actually saying that out loud wasn't a good idea, which is why the cuffs are back an and the laser grid is activated.

This laser grid is the only thing keeping me from going down to engineering, to go interrogate the Paksis. It's an inter-dimensional hopper, which means it could have reached out to my dimension and plucked me up. Why it thought I was a good candidate, I have no clue. If it's not the Paksis, maybe it has a way of telling me who did, or a way to track them down.

It would be nice to get back to my shows.

Well, I can't think of any other tasks for the moment, so I save the doc and close the lid of my laptop. Since I can't deal with number one or two, I'll think about number three on the list. I don't really have experience breaking a girl's heart. I've only done it once, and that wasn't on purpose. That also ended in tears and violence, so I'm not planning on going that route. I could just be up front about it.

Hell, I could just be up front about all of the things. Just say "I'm not interested" and move on, and ask the embarrassing questions without shame. It's like I ever had much shame to begin with. It will make me the first anime harem protagonist to actually resolve things near the start of the season.

Oh god. I just thought I was a harem protagonist. Maybe I _do_ need a therapist. Maybe I should be glad I can't watch so much anime while I'm stuck here.

I open my laptop back up and open up one of my random coding projects. It relies on the internet, specifically twitter, to work. I asked, there isn't twitter anymore. Or Facebook. Or reddit, 4chan, or even google. I don't know how google went under, but I bet it was spectacular. Really, they barely have anything that can be described as an internet anymore. Tarak has a military network that is basically a planetwide IRC server and that's it. Mejare has a TV system that allows for two-way communication, but no internet.

No wonder the spread of music is so slow and kind of outdated around here. They've regressed to the ninety's. Aside from Bluetooth, though that might have been around back then. I'm not sure. I still can't get over that karaoke machine though.

My code sits there, doing nothing. Even if I compile it, I won't get any signal, so it's useless. I close it out and bring out another of my projects, then another. I don't feel like working on my code to be honest, but what else can I do? I used to mock my dad when he told me I'd be useless if the internet ever went out, but it seems he was right.

The bars fizzle out, and I quickly close my laptop, instantly on my guard. Outside of my door is... not BC.

Meia stands there, arms crossed. She's glaring at me, which I guess shouldn't come as a surprise. What does come as a surprise is the faint red tinge on her cheeks.

After a few seconds of staring at each other, I break the silence. "Something you need, leader?" I use the term everyone else seems to be using.

"We're going to go over the formations while we're drifting through open space. I called a meeting and I'm here to escort you." She says. almost biting the words out.

You know, I never pegged Meia as a tsundere, but I suppose there's a chance. Or maybe she's just a bitch. Or maybe she has legitimate reasons to dislike me, and the strange ideas Magno put in my head are just plain wrong.

I set the laptop down, plug it into my external battery and get up off my bed. The external battery is running down, and once that's out I'll need to figure out a way to jury rig a power outlet from the Nirvana. "Alright."

Without a word, the cuffs pop off. I stand in surprise for a second, then pick them up and put them in my pocket. I no longer wear Hibiki's hand me downs, but my own clothes. They don't really fit that well, given I'm a lot shorter than I was back home.

My physique is something of a mystery to me. It seems like Hibiki and I joined bodies, as disgusting as that sounds. I'm a lot shorter, as I just mentioned, and I have the musculature he had. However, I still have my vocal cords and vocal range, and my face looks the same as I'm used to. My hair is now black instead of dirty blond, and strangest is the fact that one of my eyes changed from blue to brown, but not both. Hilariously, I don't have access to mirrors that often. The girls seem to have them, but they're personal items. It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out how I had changed.

Still, with a belt and liberal rolling of the cuffs, I can wear the clothes I had brought with me.

When I bring my mind back to the present, we're on our way to the meeting room. Meia keeps glancing back at me and quickly looking away.

"Something on your mind?" I ask mildly.

"No."

I shrug and let it go. She continues a minute later though.

"I am curious to how you found the words to 'It's a wonderful world.' I though it was just a lyricless song."

"Ah. I just heard it before. I don't know all the lyrics, just a few lines." I blow it off.

"Yes, but how did you hear Mejare music?"

"It's... right, we haven't learned much yet. It's also on Tarak, just not the prominently."

"With lyrics?"

"Yeah." Hey, if it's popular in Mejare, that means lots of girls could know it, and that means it might not have been Meia humming to me two nights ago. I could ask her... I will ask her, since I decided I'm not an anime protagonist. "Hey, was it you who was humming that tune to me after we got off of that desert planet? I was mostly asleep."

She turns her head away, but I can see the blush on the tips of her ears. Well, that's that mystery solved.

"I- I saw how bad you were coming out of your pod, so I thought I'd attempt to cheer you up."

I leave my face blank, resisting the urge to apply a mischievous grin. "Aw, how nice. I thought you hated me."

She glares at me, but the fact her face is as red as Dita's hair kind of ruins the effect. "I do hate you, but I need all of my fighters in top condition."

"Got it." I smirk just long enough for her to scowl at me before letting my face go blank again.

We reach the meeting room, and Meia's cooled down enough that her face is no longer glowing. Arrayed around the room are the five or so squad leaders, the people who are in charge of

We walk in and she takes stock of her surroundings. "Where's Dita?"

Jura shrugs. "I don't know. Why don't you ask mister heart breaker over there." She points at me.

I turn to the blond woman. "I have a broken arm. I accidentally yelled at Dita when she grabbed it. It wasn't on purpose."

"You have a broken arm-" Meia starts, but Jura just plows on regardless.

"You also ignore her when we're working on our Dreads, and when we're eating, and pretty much any time you can." Jura continues.

"I'm trying not to encourage her." I respond.

"Hello, Duelo? Hibiki says he has a broken arm." Gascogne says lazily into her radio.

"Still, you need to be more attentive to your lover!" She says, with an air as if she knows what she's talking about.

"About that, I don't actually like Dita that way. She just seems to have decided that on here own. Anyone know why that is?"

"He seems to be okay, but he is cradling his right arm a bit, so maybe." Gascogne continues to talk into the radio, blatantly ignoring the rapidly forming argument.

Jura stands up and starts walking over to me with angry steps. "You're playing with her heart? I'm going to-"

Whatever she was going to do, Barnette placed her hand on Jura's arm, stopping the blond.

"I don't know how you do it on Mejare." I say in a flat tone. "But where I come from, we look for mutual admiration in a relationship, not one sided crushes. Also, marriages can't be performed without one of the parties present, and since I haven't attended my own wedding yet, I'm pretty sure that doesn't count as playing with her heart."

"I'll send him down once the meeting's over." Gascogne says, metal stick dancing around her mouth.

Jura opens her mouth to say something, but Dita chooses that moment to enter. Everyone tracks her progress with their eyes in total silence. Once she sits down, Meia coughs and gets the meeting started.

"Alright, now that everyone's here, let's discuss formation. First of all, we need to discuss our formation when Dita combines-"

"It's all right... It's all right." Dita says. "I won't be combining anymore."

Suddenly, I recall something similar happening in the show. Only, wasn't it over a pillow before? Glad to see fate's still forcing things along nicely.

Jura breaks the stunned silence. "I get it. You've gotten tired of the alien, haven't you?" SHe wags her finger back and forth knowingly.

Dita shakes her head. "Mister Alien can't be happy with me. So, from now on you can combine with him, Jura."

I receive several glares. Hey, it's not my fault she's delusional.

Meia speaks up. "Dita, I can't acknowledge comments that mix public and private matters. This isn't a game!"

It is a RomCom though.

"I'm sorry." Dita somehow manages to fold in on herself even more.

The rest of the meeting goes swiftly despite, or perhaps because, the dark cloud hanging over the group.

Sure enough when the meeting let out, the pilots go to comfort Dita, and Meia and Gascogne strongarm me into heading to the medical wing.

At least Jura isn't still yelling at me.

* * *

A few hours later, I'm all ready to go (In the future, we can set bones in hours!) I climb into a simulator pod. As we go through the checklist, I notice Dita's not paying much attention. Meia has to keep forcing her to pay attention.

Meia has allowed more new tactics after her experience yesterday, and when she asked for help it surprised everyone. The reason we're in the simulators now is because the new tactics are so out there that we can't test them in the field without great risk.

Jura's face pops into view. It seems she's forgiven me, at least for the moment. "I'm all ready! I'm always ready to welcome you." She says with a wink.

"Jura... This is the simulators. We can't combine. Besides, what would Barnette say?"

"Barnette?"

Meia cuts us off before we can get any deeper into conversation. "We're testing the first new tactic designed for use with the Vandreads. Go to formation Delta-"

For the next half and hour, we attempt several patterns just to see if any of them are viable, but it's pretty clear the Dita's really not got her head in the game. Meia tells Dita to go to her bunk and get some proper rest, and the tactics sessions ends there. Most of the other's left quickly, but I'm in no hurry to get back to my cell, so I linger in the simulator, adjusting some of the controls and settings. I had thought everyone had left, so when the hatch opened behind me, it gave me a violent start.

At least I didn't punch anything this time.

"What are you doing?" Meia asks.

"Just... fiddling with the settings. I wanted to know if I could adjust how realistic some things are."

"Are you sure? It looks like you're delaying heading back to your cell to me." Despite her words, she shows no signs of dragging me out. Instead, she props herself up in the door of the hatch so that I can neither leave nor close the hatch to start the simulation.

"Heh. That too. It's not that great in there, and I can't fix it until I know how this ship's electrical systems work."

"Electrical systems?"

"My laptop's battery isn't going to last much longer, and my phone's all but dead." I laugh without any humor. "I don't do well when bored."

Silence descends as I adjust a few more levers.

"What... are laptops?" Meia ask cautiously.

"Er, portable computers. Don't you guys have those...?" I think. "Well, I guess I haven't seen any around."

Meia again goes quiet. I adjust the last few dials. After a few moments of inactivity, I twist around to see that Meia is looking at me speculatively. "What?" I ask.

"I've been talking with some of the others. From what I can gather, you're not a typical Tarak male."

My stomach drops out. It's okay, I have a plan. Plan's are good. I can stay in control of the situation with plans. "I was raised away from any of the main cities in Tarak, so I don't really know how most people are." So far from the city centers, it's an entirely different planet.

"Yes, but Parfet and the bridge crew say that Bart and Duelo act nothing like you. Even they find your behavior odd. You don't buy into Tarak's propaganda, and you have a different reaction to us females than would be expected."

"Dita also had a 'different reaction.' Shouldn't you be interrogating her?"

"I'm not interrogating you, I'm merely making observations."

I pause. She has a good point. "Okay, go make observations at her then."

"Do you know why Dita is the way she is?" Meia asks.

"Nope." Something something home got shut down if I remember correctly.

"Dita has had a very hard life up to this point." Meia says softly, probably the softest I've heard in in person. "Her Ohma abandoned her Fama before she was born, and her Fama abandoned her soon after she was born. It happens a lot when the partners aren't legal bound in some way." Meia grimaces slightly. "She was then taken in by her community, but she was never really at home. Nobody claimed her for their own to raise her, so she spent her time wandering all over her ward. At least, until it was shut down. When that area of Mejare was cut off from the power grid, she wasn't given many options for survival. I don't think she chose to be a pirate because of the lifestyle, more a choice made from necessity."

I continue to look at Meia steadily. "Okay. And?"

"And because of how her childhood turned out, she doesn't form deep attachments to others. Or, that's what everyone thought until you showed up."

"Turns out she was just repressing something about her parents?" I take a guess.

"Something like that." Meia confirms. "Which is why she was following you around like a puppy up until recently."

"Look, it was an accide-"

"I heard you earlier, but I also heard Jura. You ignore her, even more than you ignore the other pilots."

How do I explain this one? 'Oh, I thought she had a crush on me and was trying to disillusion her?' That sounds terrible, even if it is true. "Wait, I ignore the other pilots? I talk to them when they ask me questions."

"You do, but you never initialize conversation. You constantly mispronounce Janna's name, and I doubt you even know the rest of the pilots' names."

"...She's not Jeana?" I tilt my head. It _would_ explain the frustration on her face at the meeting.

"Exactly. So you have something against Dita, enough that it showed up before you knew her at all."

Uh oh. This is starting to go in a dangerous direction. "The first time we met, I didn't even understand her." I put some heat into my voice. "She just comes up out of nowhere, shouting at me and making strange hand gestures. It's no wonder I'm weirded out by her."

Meia shifts to stand over my seat. I can't exactly rise up to meet her given how the simulator pod is laid out. "I don't buy it. You have something off about you, and I've gone over the combat data from the past more than once. You aren't what you seem."

"How can I not be what I seem?"

"You present yourself differently depending on who you're talking to. It's subtle, but it's there. You refuse to actively engage any of the crew of the ship unless they approach you first. You don't seem to mind combat, despite not being trained to fight and the fact that our enemy is currently unknown. I can go on."

"I didn't realize you were a therapist. Tell me, how do I deal with the fact I like to hurt people?" I add a jovial component to my voice, smirking.

"The captain has showed me tapes of her and BC's conversations with you as well."

"...Well." I drop the smirk. "That changes things."

"They may not have figured it out, though I generally consider them more savvy then that, but i think I have. I've spent more time talking to you, after all."

I cross my arms. This seat is a bucket seat: too deep for me to spring out of. She has me trapped in here for the moment.

"Are we just a story to you? People with defined roles, lines and relationships? Are we just some drama that Famas watch in their downtime?"

I sigh. "No." Technically. I sure do love my technicalities, don't I?

"Enlighten me then."

"Why should I?"

"I could have all your stuff confiscated, have you stuffed in your cell, and left there until we get back to Mejare."

"If we make it." I respond neutrally.

She stares hard at me for a few more seconds. "When I was knocked out, I was put into a blue void, where something claiming to be the Paksis was talking to me." She says without much in the way of a tone. "It told me that you were an outsider, someone from a different universe. It told me that you are the greatest threat to the success of our trip home. Whatever it is, it's afraid of you."

"...I think it's about time I went and read that stupid sphere the riot act." I mutter.

"So, would you like to give me a reason to not shove out out of the airlock?"

"How much did it actually tell y-"

"Yes. Or. No."

I consider my options. "Yes."

"Yes what?"

"I'll tell you... some things."

"Not good enough."

I growl in the back of my throat. "Throw me out the airlock then."

"I'll do you one better." She forms a fist with her right hand, and I realize she has that ring laser on. "You have until the count of three to tell me who you are."

I stare into her eyes. She's clearly deadly serious.

"One."

I wasn't planning on this. At least I'm keeping my head. For the moment.

"Two."

"Fine." I throw up my hands. "Whatever. Don't blame me if none of it makes sense."

She doesn't lower her hand, the ring still pointed at my head. "Start from who you are."

"Hibi-"

Her arm twitches, and a laser penetrates the main screen of the simulator. I can smell the burnt silicon and burnt hair. "Not good enough."

"...John. I go by the name of John." I mumble.

"Okay, John. Why does the Paksis consider you a threat?"

"You saw the recordings, right? I'm not Hibiki. I can't act like Hibiki."

"How do you know what this other Hibiki is supposed to act like? And how does that even affect our chances of getting back home?"

"You know that the Vandreads are really powerful. If the Paksis is so afraid of me that it can't operate, we will lose to the stronger opponents we'll face."

"Again: How do you know the future?"

I finally lose my temper. "Because you're a fucking anime! Yes, you're just a stupid show just like you suspected." I point to her. "You're all following a script, and I'm just trying not to screw with it too much. Are you happy?" No, cram the temper down.

Meia blinks a few times, processing this new information. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Oh sure. I'm from another dimension, I know all of you, and i know the future. How long before I get thrown into a cell and abandoned like you just threatened me?" I glare daggers at her. "And besides, actually telling people tends to screw everything up. Soon I'll have absolutely no idea of what's happening because the story's so far of the rails that I can't predict what's going to happen!"

I can feel the synthetic material of the seat tearing under my hands as I grip it tightly.

Meia remains silently as I catch my breath from yelling. "You weren't planning on telling us at all then."

"No!"

She continues to stare at me. I stare back.

"Do you have proof?"

"Your Ohma developed some chemical compound that destroyed where you live. The blast killed your Fama, who you weren't on good terms with. Since they're both dead, you have guilty from that time, but the Paksis should have just finished helping you come to terms with that." I spit out quickly. "That's where the music box come into play, and why I know 'It's a wonderful world.'"

Meia is visibly taken aback by this, dropping her right arm to her side and eyeing me more warily than before. "How do you-"

"I just told you, idiot. You're a cartoon."

She suddenly grabs my arm, and I jerk trying to get her to let go, but she's got some serious muscles on her. She actually huals me out of the pod before I can get my feet back under me. She starts to drag me away, but I twist and break free before she can take me more than a few steps.

"Come with me." She commands.

"I refuse."

"Come with me, or I'll tell the whole ship what you just told me."

"They won't believe you." I close my eyes and start thinking of some calming music to override my anger.

She tries to grab my arm again, but I dodge her this time.

"Try that again and you'll get hurt." I narrow my eyes and sink backwards slightly.

"What? You think you can fight me?"

"I don't remember you having any hand to hand skills." I growl. "I know one form of martial art, and my body has never quite been as powerful as it has been since I came here."

Meia weighs her options before raising her arm, pointing the laser at me. "John, back down."

"Why should I?"

She blinks incredulously. "Because I-"

I don't give her a chance to finish, sweeping in before she can switch from 'talk' to 'react' and grabbing her wrist with my left hand. I place my right hand on her right shoulder and bring my knee up to her elbow.

The crack and subsequent scream are both my recurring nightmare and my favorite dream combined.

I follow it up with an elbow to her face, unfortunately with my right arm that's still technically healing. I'm unable to follow up due to the pain, and stagger away backwards.

Meia falls to the floor, clutching her right arm in her left as she writhes on the floor.

I take two breathes and come back in, giving her a swift kick in the stomach to knock the wind out of her and hopefully shut her up.

She gags and throws up from the pain.

I peel open her hand and take the laser. I need to get out of here as fast as possible. Once Meia tells the other what I've done-

Well, I'm as good as dead.

I fit the ring on my hand and hold it out in front of me, prepared for anyone to come and stop me.

 _Why didn't you kill her?_ My thoughts crowd my head. _You should've killed her. If she's alive, she can tell your secret. You can vent her out the airlock, say it was an accident._

 _Because I'm not indulging myself just to get myself killed._

Funny. Why does my spine feel all icy?

Okay, looks like I'll be making a detour towards the Paksis. I don't think a laser can do it much harm, but I can certainly try.

The hallways are suspiciously empty for this time of day. Several times, I see someone duck out of sight down a hallway only to be completely gone before I get to the corner they disappeared behind.

Someone figured out something was up, and told everyone to steer clear of me. That suits me fine, the Paksis can't move.

Once I get closer to the core, I start noticing that there are people following me. Security, if the brief glimpses I get are to be believed.

It's only once I get into the room where the core is housed that I realize I'm surrounded. Too bad, I reached my objective. I climb on one of the crystal growths, turn to the sphere which is currently in the process of turning red, and leap into it.

The blue and red void envelopes me, and the Paksis shake it's invisible head at me, or at least that's the impression I get from it. Then everything goes white.

"Here already?" Comes an unfamiliar voice. "Damn. I was thinking you'd last at least until Christmas before snapping."

I look up. Before me is a very plain man. Gray hair, gray eyes, gray skin, gray suit-jacket and suit. It's not anyone I recognize. "Who are you?" I point the laser at him.

He just chuckles. "My name is not important, but you can call me The Fixer."

* * *

This story us both going better and a lot worse than I thought. Better in that writing it is easier since I know myself well. Worse because I know myself well enough that I know had _badly_ I handle difficult situations.


	8. Chapter 8: The Fixer

Shoutout to Imaginos1892 for bringing several aspects of the Vandread world to my attention. Thank you for your help.

* * *

"The fixer." I say. "Well, I'm not betting on any horses with you around."

He laughs, a deep, booming sound. "Not that kind of fixer, my boy. No, I fix universes."

"Yeah?" My mind is racing. "Well, you seem to have screwed up at least one."

"No, I don't think I have." He turns his back and calls over his shoulder, utterly unconcerned I have a laser pointed at his back. "Follow me for a moment, and I'll show you something that you'll find interesting."

Reluctantly, I follow him, never letting my guard down. The environment is completely white, and while it _feels_ like I'm walking on tile, I can't see anything to actually show that I'm moving aside from the fact that if I stop Fixer gets farther away.

Eventually, he stops and points to the ground off to the side. I follow his pointer finger to see a hole in space, and a familiar picture can be een through the hole.

My room, back home. My room, and me, slumped over my desk. White, tubular pills are spilled across the desk, the bottle that was supposed to contain them on its side on the floor.

I don't remember having that bottle of sleeping pills, so this isn't a real image.

"What is this, the ghost of Christmas future?" I ask sarcastically.

"Unfortunately, no. This is you, as you are back in your world."

"I think I'd remember attempting to OD on sleeping pills. Again."

"Not if I split you off from that you before you overdosed." The Fixer responds with an arched eyebrow. "You've played SOMA, I know you know how mind scans were used in that game."

"Oh, so I'm a brain scan then?"

"No, but I thought it would be a good enough analogy to get you through the following conversation." The hole shrinks to nothing and he starts walking forwards. "My organization is in charge of making sure every universe gets it's happy ending." He says, turning and continuing to walk down the blank white world. "We take copies of people, for lack of a better term, and put them into other universes to solve the problems the other universes have."

I keep my mouth shut. It seems like I'll be getting at least some answers, so better not distract him.

"Usually, we take a hero from one universe where he succeeded and transplant him to another universe. This works remarkably well: most universes achieve the best outcome this way. However, U-39728, which you know as the world of Vandread, is a special case."

He falls silent, and afraid he'll stop talking completely, I prompt him. "Special in what way?"

"Most universes come to a bad conclusion unless left alone, but U-39728 would reach an ideal ending even without our interference. We decided not to interfere with it."

"Then, why the hell am I there?" I snarl. "I didn't ask to be shoved into that setting."

"Indeed." If he's perturbed by my harsh tone, he doesn't show it. "Which is why, when we found out that someone had been placed into that universe, we were concerned. It seems that one of our own has gone rogue."

He stops in front of another hole, and I peek through it. I can see a gravestone with my real name, not my internet pseudonym, and my mother crying in front of it. Dad is also there, staring blankly at the ground at his feet. I can't see my sister, which isn't that odd to be honest.

I look from the scene back to The Fixer and then back to the graveyard. "What does that have to do with me dying?"

"Whoever went rogue took you to universe U-39728, with the intent to screw it up. From our calculation made after we learned of your existance, we have determined that you are probably the worst thing that can happen to that universe."

I stare at the gray man. "What?"

He traces his finger through the air and a door appears. "You will be familiar with the concept of fate. Every universe, save for three, have a certain amount of fate. The more fate one has, the easier it is for the correct ending to happen. U-39728 had an extraordinary amount of fate. Good fate even. Usually, fate isn't enough to drive any individual event to a good ending, but U-39728 was, again, extraordinary."

"And _I_ am the worst thing that can happen to that universe." It's not a question. He's already stated it, and for some reason I'm not doubting his words. I really should, but I can't bring myself to question what he says.

"Indeed. You are just the right combination of mentally ill, intelligent, and suicidal to ruin even the fate of that universe. I thought it would last a bit longer than it did, but it finally broke. That is why I summoned you here."

"I don't recall being summoned." I state.

"Of course not. If you could detect that we were influencing your actions, you would try to resist us."

I can't exactly say he's wrong.

"In any case, things finally got so bad we decided to stage an intervention." He open another hole, this one into the interior of the Nirvana, specifically the Paksis' room. "The Paksis is not one of us, though it is congenial to our cause. It roams some universes near to U-39728 and provides help. It's what told us of your presence in the first place."

"Okay." I sigh. "So, can you reset U-397... whatever to what it was before I got there?"

The Fixer turns to me with an eyebrow raised. "No, we cannot. We are constrained by the flow of time just as you are."

"Damn. Can you put the real Hibiki back in?"

"Even if we could, they wouldn't trust him. Your actions have sent U-39728 into a bad ending, and running from it isn't going to make it better. Besides, why would we let you run away from your actions? You must atone for your sins, whether the situation was your fault or not."

"...So, I used up all the fate by not being Hibiki, and yet you want to send me back in to further fuck up what I've already ruined."

"No, we want you to fix it. It's an unprecedented situation, having someone actively destructive being imported. All of our calculation show that if we meddle, the chances of the universe heading for a good resolution grow worse. Our only recourse is to have you fix what you have broken."

"Okay, yeah, sure. Why do you keep saying universe though? Maybe I'll be saving a galaxy, but not the entire universe."

"Universes are incidents. Events. Without these, there wouldn't be." The gray man says cryptically. "Stories from your universe tend to outline other universes, leading some among my brethren to figure your universe is one of the most important. Your fiction more or less describes the billions of worlds out here, and as more are created, more works spring forth into your universe."

"Don't I feel special." I deadpan. "So, what Universe is mine?"

"One of the fateless ones, U-3."

"Three, huh. What are one and two?"

"Two is where I and my brethren come from. Nobody knows what U-1 holds, as it's secrets are locked from us."

He patiently waits as I sort through my thoughts. "So... The reason everything was going the way it went in the show was fate, and I just broke that."

The Fixer nods, his congenial smile never leaving his face.

"So, from now on, things can go very, very wrong."

"Not can. Will, if you don't make efforts to fix everything."

"...Look, you said it yourself. I'm mentally ill and suicidal. Why would I even care if this universe dies?"

"Why did you save the others on the planet of sand? Why do you fly through space attempting to save those around you? It's because of the one good trait you have, the one thing that makes U-39728 not a lost cause."

"And what would that be?"

"You help people without thinking. Your body moves to aid others on instinct, and only conscious effort overrides that. When you give no thought to an action, you save. When you think long and hard, you try to cause pain." The Fixer chuckles. "All in all, you are pretty entertaining at least in an academic sense."

...They've done their research, at least. I've noticed that about myself before, my tendency to reach out to people. If anyone wants help, they got it if I was at all capable. I never figured out why I do it, I just do. Was never happy about it though.

"So, I get dumped back out where I was, and I have to figure out a way to make everything better before they kill me for attacking their third in command." I state. "Then I need to bring everyone back on the right track to defeating Earth."

The Fixer continues to smile at me.

"What happens at the end? If I die, or if I somehow succeed?"

"We can only guess." The Fixer shakes his head. "The future isn't set in stone."

"Can I refuse?"

"You can. It won't do you a lot of good, since you have nowhere else to go, but you can if you fancy wandering these blank wastes until you die of dehydration." He doesn't lose the smile even while telling me of my fate.

My mind balks at the proposition. Looks like I'm not even willing to consider staying here. "Okay, one last question before I go back."

"GO ahead, and it doesn't even have to be your last."

"Can you give me super powers or guns or _something_ to make my life easier?"

"Of course not. That would be interfering."

"Fine." I wave my hand loosely in his direction. "Send me to face the firing squad."

The hole through which I could see the Paksis grows larger, large enough for me to be able to comfortably step through. Before I can cross the threshold, The Fixer stops me with a hand on my shoulder. "Oh, and don't tell anyone else about us, or your origin. That tends to consume fate quickly and send things towards bad ends. It's impossible for anyone to actually figure it out without you explicitly saying it, so you don't have to worry about that. Only Meia knows, and the other won't figure it out if you don't tell them. Off you go!"

He places his gray shoe on my back and shoves me through, sending me head over heals back into the Nirvana.

* * *

Hard landing. I'm fairly sure I didn't beak anything, but my right arm hurts like a sumbitch. Voices come from all three of the entrances.

Okay, now to survive the next few minutes, then I can figure out how to survive past that.

First order of business: discard the weapon. i toss the laser far away from me, then lie face down on the floor, hands over my head. I've never been arrested, but this is how those cops chases always end. Hopefully, the security will realize I'm surrendering.

There I lie, waiting as they slowly approach me from all three directions, cautious and waiting for me to make a move. When the eventually reach me, I get dog piles and handcuffed in a blink, then hauled to my feet and dragged not to my cell, but up to the bridge. After I'm sat down, they leave and it's at least an hour before anyone comes back.

The audience consists of Magno, BC, the bridge crew, Meia, Dita, Jura, and Gascogne. Bart is also here, nervously peeking over the rim of his command module.

Meia has her arm in a sling and is glaring furiously at me. Dita refuses to look in my general direction, and Jura looks mad but slightly confused.

Magno looks serene as usual. "John, is it?"

I remain silent.

"Meia has told me she figured you out, and when she did you became hostile. Is this true?"

I continue to remain silent.

"Have anything to say for yourself?"

I shake my head.

Magno turns to Meia. "Meia, as the person wronged, you may determine his fate."

My eyes slide over to Meia, who is still shaking visibly from fury. She takes a few breaths to compose herself. "Lock him up, and take all of his belongings away."

Yay. What I consider the worst punishment, boredom. Pain is better than nothing at all, am I right?

* * *

They threw me into my cell, stripped bare of everything but the toilet and the metal shelf I've been using as a bed, all sheets removed. I lie down and close my eyes. If I go to sleep, I can stave off boredom for longer. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people who can just fall asleep on command. Instead, I stare at the ceiling.

I wonder where Duelo and Bart are? I doubt they'll want to stay in the same area as me, especially after what I've done.

Hell. I'm just thirty kinds of screwed. Instead of moping, let's see some plans to fix everything.

What's next up? Either Rabat or that space station. I can't remember the order. Of course fate has now officially broken, so maybe those won't happen. Not sure exactly how that is supposed to work. Anyway, the best outcome is making sure Rabat doesn't fuck with our systems. Also, making sure nobody else gets locked up, and nobody gets blown up.

What's the best way to affect Rabat? I don't have any influence on this ship at all if I can't talk to anyone. My best chance is when they feed me... _If_ they feed me. No guarantees. If they don't, I'll have to bang on things... no, that won't work, this area is really soundproof. The sound barely carries as far as the hall. I have to hope someone comes down.

So when someone comes down, what should I do? Explicitly say not to attach any funny devices to the Paksis? Tell them he's a thief? They're more likely to trust him either way. Actually, in the original story, Rabat swindled a little bit, and got away with it. The crew of the Nirvana came out behind in all respects. So, how can this go wrong?

Problem solving is about asking the right question. "What could go worse this time?" is actually a pretty good question to ask.

Rabat could kill or injure some of the crew. He could seriously damage the Nirvana, rather than just disabling the engine temporarily. He could steal one of the Dreads or the Vanguards. His monkey could steal Pyoro.

Okay, that last one would be put under the improvement category, but I digress.

His ship isn't big enough to fight us, and his firepower capabilities is definitely below ours, so I doubt he'll try to fight us. Unless he's sure he can get away, there's little chance he'll try to kill any of us. Of course, these two thoughts only apply if he's a rational person. If he's let's himself get carried away...

He's not really the type to get carried away, though. He's generally kind of holier-than-thou, but he's a decent person inside, and makes smart decisions. Ah, he's psychic, isn't he? If Rabat and I are in the same room, that would be pretty bad.

Footsteps approach, rapid and angry. I sit upright and lock my spine up straight, freezing my face into a neutral expression.

 _"What did you do to me?"_ Meia hisses.

Not what I expected her to say, to be honest. "I broke your elbow joint and kicked you in the stomach."

"Not that. Why can't I tell the others about you?"

"Multiuniverse conspiracy. I only learned about it today." I say.

"Don't lie to me." She growls.

"I'm not. Apparently, I was sent here to fuck this entire universe up by someone as sadistic as I am. Someone else is making sure nobody but you and I know the secret. You can't tell anyone about it, I guess."

"You're serious." Her anger deflates slightly, probably due to exasperation.

"Yes, I'm serious." I continue to stare straight ahead at the wall opposite my bed. I can barely see Meia out of the corner of my left eye. "And believe me, I wish I wasn't."

"Because...?"

"Because it means _someone_ is manipulating me. I really, _really_ hate that." I takes a lot of effort not to growl there.

"You seem fine with doing it yourself." She snips.

"Yes, well, it's how I make it through the day. The same way you disguise your emotions with a layer of professionalism to keep people from getting too close." A cheap shot at an open wound, but effective.

"I do not-"

"Oh, grow up." I cut her off. "I already told you, I know a lot more than I should about you. You keep people at a distance to avoid hurting yourself. You dislike birthdays. You were put on a pedestal as a kid and treated like a star, only to fall with your family."

"I... I... I'm older than you!" Meia protests. "You grow up!"

"Oh, please. I'm older than I look. If I had to guess, I'd say you're in your late teens, twenty at the most. I'm twenty three, though stuck in a sixteen year old's body." At least mostly. I still have my face, which is admittedly kind of boyish anyway.

Her eye twitches. "Why should I believe you? Maybe you're actually just ten and you're actually a lot younger. You certainly don't act like an adult!"

"Really? Because I think I act like an adult."

"What about Dita? You're pretending she's invisible!"

"...Actually, you got me there. I probably could have handled that one better." I sigh and fold over a bit. "I don't handle girls who like me well."

"I'll say. You ignore them, treat them like they're inconsequential, beat them up-" She huffs.

"How did you know that?" I cut her off again. "Did the Paksis share my thoughts?" I belatedly note that I've lost my rigid posture and am now standing as close to the bars of energy as I can without singing myself. "How much did it show you?" Meia falls silent under my intensity, and I finally calm myself down enough to back up and sit back down on the bed.

"The Paksis didn't show me anything about you." She finally says.

"Then how...?" Oh. Ohhhhh. "Dammit."

Meia's cheeks color slightly, only noticeable because of how pale her skin is.

"Look, let me just state right here that I don't like or love you or anyone else on this ship." I decide to forestall any further developments right now. "Also, I'm pretty much the scum of the Earth. Right now, you don't see how many _good_ men are out there. With a reference pool of only three, I look a lot better than I am." I raise my hands in a defensive manner. "Please don't think most guys are like me. Most of them are decent, just like most women are decent."

She narrows her eyes, the flush gone from her face. "And you think you know women from just a ship full of pirates?"

I shake my head. "Where I come from, men and women get along a lot better. You may not believe me, but we're technically the same species. Both humans." I lean back against the wall.

"That's absurd."

I shrug. "I don't care if you trust me or not. There's planets we'll come across where boys and girls get along."

Suddenly, Meia's attitude changes, like she's remembered something. She speaks slowly, picking her words carefully as she continues. "I supposed you would know better than I would. It would be nice to know what we're facing, and what's coming up. That way, we can prepare better."

That wasn't exactly subtle. "Eh, the multidimensional being told me I broke fate. From now on, my future predicting powers won't work so well." Which, in retrospect, means all my earlier planning was for naught. If he doesn't show up at all... would that screw us over? He's important for later events, but mostly for the planet of psychics, and I'm pretty sure I can't learn that even if they were willing to teach me.

Meia glares at me. "Then tell me what was _supposed_ to happen."

I look at her face thoughtfully. She's glaring at me, which means she's irritated. However, she's only irritated, and not hysterical like... well, like I'd imagined anyone would be if they learned they were fictional characters. Meia's either accepted it, or is so far in denial that she's not really registering what I say. "The Nirvana gets to a space station called a mission."

"Vague. Is there anyone on the station?" Meia prods at me for more.

I hesitate. Rabat's psychic. If I tell her about him, it's just as bad as if I went near him. What should I say? "One person."

"Hib- John, give me more details."

"I can't" I set my eyelids at half level. "There's a good reason, I swear, but if I tell you it'll get bad."

"If you want, I can order the food staff not to feed you." She threatens.

"Or you could just space me and be done with it. I'm sure everyone else on the ship would like to see me did, after what I did to you." I let a lazy smirk cross my face. "Actually, you could just poison my food. Starvation's an option, but I'm not sure if the softer crew members would go along with-"

"They don't know." Meia says.

"...Pardon?"

"The captain covered it up. Everyone knows I was injured by you, but we're treating it like an accident. We decided to say that you panicked and took my laser, which is why you're locked up, for your own safety as well."

"That's awfully generous of you. That's twice the captains saved my reputation."

"She did it for the good of the Nirvana, not for you."

"Yes, I get the whole 'keeping up morale' thing, but doesn't allowing a psychopath to remain on-board kind of a _really bad idea?"_

"Nobody's said that you're a psychopath." Meia says.

"Please. I know I'm how fucked in the head, I just try to hide it most of the time. Pretend to be a happy, friendly guy, and you get a good reputation. People trust you, help you. It's a lot better than letting myself do what I want, since I'd be in jail in hours." I chuckle.

"Unrepentant, I see."

"If you want to hit someone, but don't, you're said to have the quality of restraint. I've done my best to be a model human back home. It fell apart eventually, but I was seen as a good person until... well, right before I turned twenty three." I look straight into her blue eyes. "I never saw a reason to hate myself for what I am. I like to hurt people. I make plans to screw people over for fun. I revel in other's pain. I stuffed it down for as long as possible so that nobody would lock me up or drug me. It worked for twenty two years."

Meia breaks the stare first. "You're surprisingly up front about it."

I smile, all teeth. "No point in hiding it. You've already seen enough that you could draw this conclusion on your own."

She shakes her head. "Maybe. I'll need to keep an eye-"

The loudspeakers crackle to life. "Meia, report to the bridge." Comes BC's voice.

I lie down in my bunk. "We can talk more later, if you want." I say in a sing-song. "I've got nothing but time, after all."

* * *

When Meia arrived at the bridge, she's greeted by the sight of what looks like a hunk of space junk on the big screens that make up the bridge's walls. It's roughly circular, with lots of antennae and other prongs poking out of it at all angles. From the lack of lights, it looks like it's been abandoned.

"Ah, Meia." Magno greets the new arrival warmly. "We're just about to start."

Meia joins the rest of the crew, but keeps her eyes trained on the image on the screen.

"That is a station." Magno begins. "It's not responding to hails, so we're going to board it and see if we can get any decent supplies out of it." THe captain looks curiously at Meia, who seems to have frozen up slightly, but continues nonetheless. "Meia, you're in charge of choosing who is going to be part of the boarding party."

Meia recovers enough to glance around at all of the expectant faces now pointed in her direction. "How many people do we need to send down?"

Magno rubs her chin thoughtfully. "I'd say about five. We're not scouring the thing yet, just checking for supplies."

Meia takes a breath to center herself. "Okay, this is who is going down-"

* * *

...Someone get me a leather mask, I'm turning into Hannibal Lector. Next chapter, less narcissism and more of the characters _you actually like._

Actually, wait, no. MORE NARCISSISM!


	9. Chapter 9: Therapists and Missions

Something I felt like I should point out: John only knows what I knew when I started this fic. That means all his bad assumptions, all the points he gets wrong, tend to be my shitty memory showing up. I tend to do a LOT of fact checking as I go along, because this wouldn't look _anything_ like the Vandread universe otherwise.

* * *

I have realized I'm an idiot.

Sure, I've _thought_ that for a long time, especially since everyone else in my peer group was a hell of a lot smarter then me. Somehow, they all thought I knew what I was doing, which was a bit confusing, but I finally have PROOF that I'm stupid.

What am I bad at? People.

What am I good at? Robots and computers.

I can build robots. I'm one of the best engineers in my program at coding. I have all my stuff here, my backpack full of electronics. Well, not _here._ I think Gascogne has it locked up somewhere in the Reg, but still. I have all my tools and parts in this time and space, and thus can do useful things.

 _Why aren't I building robots to help out?_ _I WENT TO COLLEGE FOR THIS!_

I feel like bashing my head into the wall. A close examination of the wall opposite the bunk and my forehead may or may not show that I already had. What I wouldn't give for some aspirin right about now.

Well, nothing to do now but to wait until I have access to all my stuff again. IF I get access to my stuff again.

I really, really screwed the pooch on this one. I'm not cut out to be the chess-master, cleverly manipulating people from the shadows, though that should be obvious by now. It's amazing what you _assume_ you can do when you've never really tried. Back home, I'd been good at manipulating people, but that wasn't on the same scale at all. So now I'm locked up in a cell, nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. Confinement, as suits a criminal. Charges include assault, resisting arrest, and criminal negligence. At least murder isn't on that rap sheet.

Yet.

"Never really pictured myself going to jail." I laugh softly to myself. "I'm more the type to go down returning fire."

"Interesting. Yet, you surrendered yesterday, which indicates a difference between your perceived mental state and your actual one."

I snap my head to the side to see Deulo sitting down outside the cell, elbows on knees and hands crossed to make a platform for his chin.

"Jesus Christ, you just gave me a heart attack." I huff. I really need to work on my situational awareness. "What are you here for?"

"You have been unstable recently, and as the only doctor on board, it is my job to cure you." Duelo smiles slightly.

"Good luck." I snort. "Last I knew, there wasn't any cure for being a psychopath."

"Maybe. We've yet to determine if you even _are_ a psychopath, or non-normative mentally." Deulo says in that flat, neutral tone that makes him sound so smart and reasonable. "For now, let's work under the assumption that you're normal."

I shrug. Why not?

"First, I would like to ask you your motive for attacking Meia in the simulators the other day. She claims it was an accident, but that's one peculiar set of injuries to sustain falling around or getting caught in that equipment."

"She was..." Come up with a plausible excuse. "...interfering with what I wanted to do. So, I stopped her."

Duelo marks something down on a clipboard he produces from behind his back. "Hmm. Setting aside what she was stopping you from doing, why did you feel you needed to use violence?"

"I... we were past the point of talking it out." I take a second to reorganize my thoughts. "Either she was going to drag me away, or I was going to stop her from doing so physically."

"Why was dragging you off such a bad thing in your mind? Maybe she had good intentions."

"Oh, she did." I confirm without hesitation. "She had the best interests of the crew at heart. She just didn't have _my_ best interests at heart."

"Ah. So you had opposing goals, and yours is not in line with the rest of the crew's?" Duelo narrows his eyes intently. I get the impression that this is rather fun for him.

"I want what's best for the crew as well: To get back to Mejare and Tarak." I say, dodging the question slightly. "She didn't understand that."

"You say that you both had the same goal, but then you also say that it wouldn't be the best thing for _you._ " Duelo comments casually, scribbling more notes down. "Are you confused by having to interact with the women?"

"Ha." I suppress a sneer. "No, I'm not confused. See, getting to Tarak is the best case scenario for me. No more space battles, no more putting my life on the line for nameless background people, no more staying stuck on this ridiculous starship. Meia just didn't like my plan." Good enough excuse. My plan was to exploit future knowledge, and telling the rest of the ship that wouldn't help. It's close enough to the truth to work with, anyway.

"Okay. Let's change topics. The captain has remarked that you exhibit suicidal behavior. Why do you believe this is the case?"

"I generally don't consider myself suicidal." A lie. I've learned people don't take it well when you admit to that.

"So, you were unaware..." He scrabbles down more. "Tell me, have you ever tried to kill yourself in the past?"

"...Several times." Once successfully. "I got better though, once I got over... er, I was in a relationship, and it ended poorly."

"Relationships on Tarak aren't that common." He muses aloud. "So this might indicate so sort of psychological need for affection-"

"Nope, that one's wrong." I flatly deny. "Sh... er, _he_ asked me out. I saw no real reason to say no." I shrug. "I didn't really return the affection."

"Why is that? Was your partner not suited to your tastes?"

I sit up and look Duelo in the eyes. "Look, I get you're doing the whole psychoanalyze thing, but I've spent years trying to figure this out myself. I noticed a few years ago that I don't form emotional bonds with people. Not _anyone._ The people close to me are little more than sources of entertainment." I take a deep breath. "I lack empathy."

"You've never felt empathy?"

"No. You know how when someone else smiles, it makes you feel good inside? Or how about, when your friend is in pain, how a little of that pain carries over? I don't get that. I pretend like I do, to appear normal."

"Interesting." He scribbles a bunch more notes, drawing out the silence. "Why do you protect others, then?"

I bite my tongue. I should have known this question was next. "I don't know myself. I think it's a reflex."

"That's an odd conclusion. Reflexes don't generally extend to protecting others, aside from those with delusions of being a hero." He taps his stylus against the clipboard. "DO you believe yourself to be a god?"

"...Hah?" I give the doctor an odd look.

"Or, how about the savior? You seem to see yourself as more important than any number of others, but you do your best to protect them. By most definitions of being a psychopath, you would never have considered helping anyone back on the sand planet, yet you sacrificed yourself to get everyone else back. You claim this was reflex?"

"..."

"We're going to be here all day, Hibiki. Or John. Which do you prefer?"

"...Johnny. It's what I was called back home."

Deulo marks this down as well. "Let's get back on topic."

"It... Look, if anyone on this ship dies, _and I mean anyone_ , WE DON'T MAKE IT BACK." I raise my voice and stand up, almost pressing myself on the bars. "If I let any of those girls to die, everyone would have been screwed anyway."

"Are you not included in the 'anyone on the ship' when you talk of dying?"

A sardonic laugh escapes my throat. "As far as this universe was concerned, I was dead before the Paksis merged our ships. I'm not the original Hibiki, but you already knew that."

"So, in your mind, that makes you expendable." Duelo takes a few more notes, then stands up. "I'll be back later with more questions."

"Uh huh." I say, flopping back down on the slab of metal that serves as my bunk. "Say, what kind of doctor are you? Most doctors have specialties." I say, conversationally.

"Emergency Medical, though I also spent time as a surgeon." He says. "Why do you ask?"

"Neither of those are supposed to teach you to be a therapist." I point out.

"Good point." And with that, he leaves.

* * *

Meia, Jura, Barnette, Dita and Zan trek through the seemingly abandoned mission. Pyoro follows along mumbling about how stupid humans are.

Zan looks down at the list of parts they're here to scavenge. "We should head towards the center. That's where the majority of the components we can use are located."

"I wonder where the food is?" Jura comments.

Barnette shrugs. "There may not be any. This place looks like it was abandoned ages ago."

Meia and Dita remain quiet, leading and trailing the pack respectively.

The move from point to point, following Zan's guidance as they find parts. Barnette is forced to carry the majority of the load, much to her continual and loud annoyance.

"I think if we head this way, we'll be able to reach-" Zan starts, fumbling with her notepad.

"Jura, carry your fair share." Barnette snaps at her friend. "Any more and I'll be useless in a fight."

"If you force me to carry anything, I won't be able to use my sword properly. What if we get attacked?" Jura haughtily flings her hair behind her shoulder.

"I'm telling you, I have a gun. If anyone needs to be able to fight, it's me. I have a lot larger effective range than you do."

"But your gun is so dreary and dull, and my magnificent sword is a bright light in the darkness!"

Meia glares back at them, and they resume sniping at each other in whispers.

Zan shakes her head and focuses on the redhead in the back of the group. "Dita?"

The woman in question starts suddenly, looking around herself in confusion for a second. "Zan?"

"Dita, are you okay?" In truth, Zan knows that Dita has NOT been okay. Not since that mission to the desert planet. It's only been few days since then, but it's definitely been noticed by the majority of the crew of the Nirvana.

"Yes, I'm okay." Dita says, though she refuses to make eye contact.

Zan tries again. "You don't look okay. Are things going wrong between you and Hibiki?" Zan had noticed that the other girl had immediately attached to the male, and while she didn't like it given her own crush, she decided to stuff her feelings down in an effort to support her flagging friend.

"He- He's not Hibiki." Dita says piteously. "His real name is John."

"It is?" Zan is taken aback. "He never told me that!"

"But he did tell you some of his secrets." Dita turns away and speeds up slightly.

Zan is having none of it. "What are you talking about?" The shorter girl also increases her pace, her legs pumping faster as the two subtly try to outpace the other.

"At the party, you said you knew of one of his secrets." Dita says.

"Ah..." Zan recalls what the secret must have been, but not the night in question. She didn't hold her senses as well as Dita, it seems. "It's not really a secret. He just has some weird music." Zan decides to spill the beans. Kind of. She might not be thrilled to realize how close to John's thinking she had gotten.

Dita finally consents to look at Zan. "And he told his real name to Meia!" Her face is contorted in pain. "Why didn't he tell me! I promised I'd be there for him if he needed it, but he goes to Meia instead!"

"Wow." Zan glances at the blue haired leader. "So, he... likes her?"

Dita buries her head in her hands. "He pretends I don't even exist! Why?"

Zan lays a comforting arm on Dita's shoulder, only for the larger girl to suddenly tackle the smaller and plow both of them to the floor. The other three member of the party turn to look at Zan and Dita, wondering what the commotion is.

Dita remains a sobbing wreck for the next few minutes. Meia reluctantly calls a break, and the quintet sit down to eat their rations. Pyoro floats around, lazily making observations about how emotional women are, statements that would get home crucified back in John's world.

At least, he was making comments until something grabs him from behind a row of benches, and the egg shaped robot squawks and is dragged away at high speed.

In a flash, Meia, Jura and Barnette are on their feet and chasing after their white companion.

Jura unsheathes her sword, the motion graceful as she plants her feet and starts glancing around furtively. Gone is the high and mighty attitude she usually adopted, replaced by wary watchfulness. Barnette draws her pistol and racks the slide, chambering the first round and holding the pistol low, scanning for the enemy. She backs up right against Jura, the duo instinctively covering for each other. Meia holds her arm in a ready position, spinning in place to see where the distressed robot's cries are coming from.

The cries come from all directions, traveling around them seemingly at random. The three combat ready women track the sounds of the robot, adjusting slightly each time their quarry moves to a new location.

Jura is the first to spot the orangutan, and she immediately brings her sword's tip from the resting posture she had assumed and into a battle stance. The other two notice this and swing to follow the orange ape as it jumps again, this time the three combatants are able to follow the motion.

"Help me~" Pyoro pleads, his voice distorting as he's dragged around the room.

"What is that thing?" Jura asks.

"I don't know." Barnette answers. "It's big and furry, whatever it is."

"Keep you guard up, there may be more." Meia says, spinning around again to check their rear.

There, a man she's never seen before holds a pistol against Zan's head. "Hello, ladies." He says cordially. "How about we allllll put our weapons away and let's have a nice chat, shall we?"

Faster than most people would have thought possible, Jura dashes past Meia with sword trailing behind, staying low to the ground. Why she's so low is answered a moment later as Barnette's pistol bursts to life with a CRACK!

The man with the gun manages to avoid getting shot, but he has to relinquish his hostage almost immediately to avoid Jura's sword. Jura continues to force him back, his voice coming out in panicked gasps. "Wait! Wait! I surrender!" He holds both his hands up and drops his pistol to the floor.

Jura's blade stops with the point barely pricking his throat, an impressive feat for such a long sword. Meia points her laser at him. "Who are you?"

The man smiles easily, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm Rabat. And who might you lovely ladies be?"

"Help!" Comes the plaintive cry of a robot being molested by an ape.

"Tell your... thing to let go of our robot." Meia demands.

Rabat sighs. "Utan, get over here."

The orangutan jumps over to her master, egg robot firmly in tow and actively being licked. Rabat reaches over and lifts up Utan, still clutching Pyoro.

"That's enough from you, Utan. Your partner's in a crisis here." He says, placing his hand on top of Pyoro. A sly grin crosses his face as he yanks the robot out of Utans grip and flings it at Meia.

Meia gets clocked by the flying robot. Barnette is the first to recover, bringing her pistol to bear, but Utan leaps up and tackles the green haired girl to the ground before she can get a shot off, before leaping upwards to another, unreachable walkway. Jura dashes forwards, swinging her sword at Rabat, who backflips to get away from the blond. He springs away before Jura can take a second swipe at him.

Suddenly, the entire mission shudders. BC's voice comes over the radio. "Everyone, battle stations! Ground team, get back to your ships!"

Meia gets up off the floor quickly and the trio grabs Zan and Dita before racing off down the corridors. Corridors that have airtight doors that keep descending to lock down. The group is barely managing to remain ahead of the closing doors, and Meia has to slide under the last door to close down to get into the hanger.

However, all of them made it to the hanger, and they each climb into a Dread, with Zan sliding in behind Dita. The four of them slip out of the hanger to find that the AO is seriously crowded. Swarms of small yellow triangular bots flit about, chasing the Nirvana. Larger pentagonal ships release the triangles, then position themselves between the mission and the Nirvana, acting as shields. The mission itself starts sprouting weapons, laser cannons preparing to fire.

None of the four see the red spaceship slip out from another hanger, but they do see how the machines react, a significant portion of the fleet breaking off to follow the new ship.

The four pilots head out to rejoin their fellow pilots, Meia already giving orders over the comms.

The first shot is fired by the robots, once the first of the yellow triangles gets within range of one of the fighters. The shot misses: It soars past both the Nirvana's forces and the Nirvana itself, soaring off into space, perhaps to hit something thousands of years later.

Then the Nirvana's fleet attacks, unleashing a hail of deadly light, hardly aimed for the sheer amount of enemy units made missing a feat in and of itself.

Meia, ever the skillful pilot, swims through the barrage seemingly without effort, the lances of light from both sides never quite managing to tag the Wolfen-styled ship. The woman inside the ship starts tagging the enemies with her own lasers, the blue beams lancing through the yellow machines mercilessly.

Jura and Barnette head back to the main fleet, rallying the others and giving their respective squads more detailed orders. Their squads are to fan out, and try to make a wall to defend the Nirvana. The larger ship had oriented itself in line with the abandoned space colony, and despite how iffy things get in space, the human mind still like to think in up and down, left and right, forwards and backwards. Jura takes upwards with respect to the parent ship, and Barnette takes the bottom.

The yellow triangles come at them at high speed, obviously intending to ram the defenders if they get shot or their lasers don't hit.

The pilots aren't floating in place, and they shoot down and dodge the suicidal robots, with the Nirvana's shielding system taking a bunch of hits.

While he's not on the open broadcast channel, Meia muses that Bart is probably whining right about now. She pilots her craft deftly through one of the pentagons, firing a few shots at it's core before jetting out the other side, detonating the enemy ship and revealing a section of the mission. That section is covered in cannons, and they all swivel to face her.

Dita swoops in, thankfully a bit more focused than she has been recently, and she fires her massive lasers at the mission. The beams scar the surface, melting most of the exposed cannons to slag.

Unfortunately, the beams are nowhere near as strong without combining the Dread with Hibiki's Van, and the laser fail to penetrate to main mission. However the attack does not go unnoticed by the machines. Another significant detachment can be observed breaking off the attack on the Nirvana and swinging around to take on the two lonely ships close to the mission.

Even as the battle continues around her, Meia keeps an eye on the overall progress of the battle. The smallest enemies are easily being chewed apart by the defenders, but it's taking the entirety of the Nirvana's forces to do that. There is no way for the two pilots currently focused on another of the pentagonal ships to get backup. As it stands, the pentagons are probably the Nirvana's saving grace, blocking the cannons on the mission from hitting the parent ship.

 _If only John was here..._ Meia catches herself thinking. Yes, she'd internalized his real name, or at least the name he gave. Thinking logically, having him to take out the mission with Dita is the best course of action, but then again... he's not the most sane of people. _Would Dita be safe with him, alone?_

Then she remembers that Zan is currently in the back of Dita's Dread. If worst comes to worst, it'll be two against one, though Meia's not sure how well that would go. Zan's never had formal training since she's been Reg crew her entire pirate career, and Dita's Dita. Though, it looks like she'll have to risk it. As she looks out over the battlefield again, she grimly reminds herself of how stacked the odds are against them. "BC? I need to ask you a favor."

* * *

I look up as the bars of my cell fade away and the cuffs pop off. I had heard the announcement to sortie a while ago, and the ship has rocked a few times since then from impacts. I assume that since I've been released, they can't quite handle the situation on their own. Before I can even sit up, a hologram of BC's face appears.

"You are to report directly to your Vanguard, and then launch as soon as possible." She says curtly. "You are to combine with Dita's dread and destroy the mission."

"Understood." I say, a polite smile on my face. "Heading there now. Though, the Paksis may not let me fly." I stride out of the door before the man turned woman can say anything back, heading down the well known route to the hanger. There's nobody else down here, and the walk through the empty halls is quiet aside from my footfalls. The hangar itself is similarly quiet, and I swing up into my Van-type and settle in the pilot's seat. I close the hatch and let the familiar frosty feeling creep into my spine. The system doesn't boot up though.

"I'm needed out there, Paksis." I say to the empty air. "Don't worry, they asked for me. And I'm not likely to snap this time."

The ice is replaced by fire for a second, then goes back to ice. It makes me want to scratch my back, but I can't afford to twist around right now. I place my hands on the controls and wait for the stubborn sphere to let me do my job.

As the main systems boot up, Meia's face appears before me. "John, have you launched yet?"

"Launching now." I say. "Sitrep?"

Meia proceeds to describe the battlefield. I'll have to slip past the defensive forces and the bombardment of yellow triangles to get to Dita's ship, which I'll have to combine with to destroy the mission.

I look down at my, very very basic controls. My ship isn't built for speed. Even if it was, the Paksis probably wouldn't allow me to use it. I had finally convinced the damned sphere to let me access the audio controls back on the desert planet, but we all know how that went. Instead, I'll have to use the launcher at full force to get me there as fast as I can get there. It'll send me tumbling, but grace needs to take a backseat to efficiency.

Meia finishes off with one last instruction. "Once you've taken care of the mission, you need to eject from Dita's Dread as soon as you can. I'll pick you up and transport you back to the Nirvana myself."

"Got it." I take a deep breath, and mentally tell the Paksis to launch me. My vision darkens around the edges as the blood drains from my face due to the g-forces, but I manage to cling to consciousness as I rocket past the defensive line, on a course towards the mission. The computer immediately lights up to tell me that at this speed, I can't avoid colliding with the large structure without assistance.

"Well, this is going to be fun." I mutter.

* * *

Meia confirms John's launch, then focuses back on the fight. By now, the majority of the robots attacking the Nirvana have either been crushed or are being pursued by the pirates who are defending the Nirvana. Soon, her fellow pilots will finish them off and come back to aid in taking down the mission, at least if John hasn't managed to destroy it before then.

Still, without destroying the mission, things look bleak for the crew. Meia had seen manufacturing equipment inside of the pentagon she's be inside, and the others had sealed up the triangular ports with replacement units already. If that wave launches, there's a good chance they'll all be overwhelmed.

From the cluster of robots that had swarmed the other ship earlier, bright lights start streaking out in all directions.

Meia pilots her ship in that direction, curious as to the source of the lights.

It turns out to be a small suit of armor, roughly like the Vanguards the men developed, but it vaguely reminds Meia of the orange ape from inside the mission. Behind the suit is a red ship, probably belonging to Rabat. The suit of armor is launching the most impressive and the most wasteful barrage of destruction Meia had seen in a while. It's effective though, and as she watches two of the pentagons die along with countless yellow triangles. The hail of destruction eventually stops, and Dita swoops in to destroy the cannons mounted on the surface of the mission before they can fire.

Both Meia and Dita slow down and hover near the red ship, the ape suit returning and entering the vessel.

Meia get's pinged over an open channel. "Hello, ladies. Come to dance?"

"That was an impressive show. I came to see what the lights were about." Meia answer curtly.

"Well, know you know. Would you be so kind as to aid me in killing these things? I'm afraid I can't take out a space colony all by myself."

"We've got the situation under control." Meia responds, then switches frequency. "Dita, John's en-route. Combine with him and take out the mission.

A pause. "Do I have to?"

"Yes." Meia's voice leaves no room for debate.

* * *

The mission looks a lot bigger up close. For most of the uncorrected flight over this way, I've been idly wondering if this was some roundabout plot to off me in an accident, but before I got so close the only thing I could see was the mission, Dita swooped in, grabbing my Vanguard, and combined with me.

This is when I got an unpleasant surprise.

I'm grateful the Paksis deigned to allow us to combine. It saved me from smashing into the mission at high velocity, after all. However, unlike when Gascogne was in the cockpit with us, our current passenger isn't... _cooperative._

"OW! Get your elbow out of my face!" Zan is panicking, and all her flailing isn't exactly helping, nor is the fact that I have not one but two girls sitting in my lap, Zan on top of me, and Dita on top of her. "Why are you even here?" I ask with resignation. "Dita, can you just hurry it up and blow up the mission?"

"I can't, Zan's struggling too hard to aim." She says, for once not gushing over me and focusing on the task before her.

"Zan, calm the fuck down." I hiss at her. "You're being a nuisance."

Her response is to continue screaming and flinging her limbs into my face. When her elbow hits my gut, I decide enough is enough. I wrap my right arm around her throat, sticking my right hand into the crook of my left arm's elbow, and tighten my grip. This hold is designed to cut off the flow of blood to the victim's head, knocking them out. It also can kill someone and cause brain damage, so it's not a good idea to use for fun. Zan eventually stops struggling so hard, then slumps as she finally loses consciousness.

"There we go." I sigh.

Dita twists around in her seat, her expression unreadable. "Mister Alien?"

"Yes?" I release the limp form of Zan, and focus on Dita.

"I'm sorry for being such a pain." She begins, tears starting to well in here eyes. Her features soften as well, as she starts to revert back to her usual super emotional self. "I wasn't trying to make you hate me."

I hold up one hand to get her to stop and shake my head. "No, Dita, that was my fault. I'm not really that nice of a guy, so it's my fault." I put my hands back on the triggers, and start adjusting them to aim at the mission.

"But-"

"No, really. I didn't realize just how badly I was hurting you by ignoring you." I cut her off. "I'll apologize properly if I get the chance, but right now we need to take care of the mission."

Dita, suddenly a bit more cheery, turns around in her seat and starts piloting again. I quickly aim the beams at the core, engage them, and wait as the charge builds and releases, twin beams lancing through space and cutting through the mission as if it was made of paper. Before I have a chance to blink, the huge station explodes, blinding me temporarily as my eyes adjust.

My ears work just fine though. Meia's voice comes through the radio. "Dita, eject John immediately."

"But, I need to talk to him!" Dita protests.

"That's an order." Meia says.

"Meia, there's no eject lever." I sigh. "It's up to the Paksis to decide when we separate."

"Then get it to separate you." Meia finishes. "Now."

Unfortunately, I know the Paksis, and how much it wants us all to get along. It probably sees this as a good time to get us to make up. I can fix that... "Dita, I apologize in advance."

"Huh? What do you m-" She twists around to find my fist flying at her face. It sends a spike of fear down her spine, which is enough to get the Paksis intervene.

Meia's Dread comes to get me as I tumble through space, the controls refusing to work despite the Vanguard still being active. The Paksis continues to make it's displeasure known as I drift in somersaults, ice making it hard to breath as my lungs chill.

* * *

Therapist strikes again, MAN VERSION. Also, I managed to make almost a full forty percent of this chapter _not about me._ It's a new record.

And a bit of trivia. Rabat is a contraction of "Rat Bastard." You're welcome.


	10. Chapter 10: Rat Bastard

This chapter is late because, despite having it written a week ago, I re-downloaded Skyrim on Friday. And I might have forgotten to sleep until I crashed at about five AM. I literally spent the entirety of Friday night/Saturday morning modding it and debbuging.

And now here I am, late.

* * *

As Meia takes the both of us back to the ship, my Vanguard tethered to Meia's by the extendable recovery hook, I notice that Rabat's ship is following us. It's still lagging behind by an appreciable distance, and it seems like one of it's thrusters isn't firing, causing the whole ship to list in an odd direction.

Meia opens a private channel between the two of us. "Seems there really was someone on the station." She accuses.

"And a monkey, and several thousand robots." I add. "Why's he following us?"

"...You've proven your point, you know how this turns out." Meia begrudgingly admits. "So, what now?"

"We turn him away, deny him access to the ship." I say. "He's a swindler, and he knows how to manipulate people." I used to think that was a skill _I_ had.

"It's too late. He's contacted the captain, and he's taken Pyoro hostage. He claims that his engine is damaged, and wants us to put him up until it's fixed."

"Same excuse as last time, then. His engine's fine, he just wants to see the Vanguards and Dreads the Paksis modified." I say. "He also decides to sell jewelry once he gets on the Nirvana."

I can picture the frown on Meias face as she says questioningly, "Jewelry?"

"Yeah, he has a lot of it." I shrug, though Meia couldn't see it.

"Do men wear jewelry much?"

"Not on Tarak." I say. We're getting close to the Nirvana now, and Rabat's ship is still right behind us. I how I can get away from the psychic before he lands. I don't want him peeking into my mind.

"Then why does he have it?" Meia continues asking.

"Because he can sell it to women easily." I snort. "I bet the crew will go crazy over it."

Meia remains silent for a while as she pilots us carefully into the hangar of the Nirvana. "I'll talk with him, then I'll be coming down to your cell to discuss matters." She finally says. "Head straight to-"

"Yeah, yeah. Attach an explosive collar already, yeah?" I mutter.

I can almost hear the veins popping in her forehead.

* * *

Rabat docks with the Nirvana, and is greeted by the entirety of security aiming their lasers at him once he steps into the Nirvana. "This place is just so full of beautiful, young ladies." He steps off the ramp, unheeding of the large quantity of weapons pointed his way. "My name's Rabat." He stats handing out some small trinkets. "It's nice to meet you."

The majority of the ship has shown up to see the newcomer, but John is suspiciously missing. Duelo is the first to speak up. "You seem to get on well with the women." Duelo's eyes track the man with a high level of scrutiny.

Rabat ignores the doctor in favor of talking to Jura. "Oh? You're that lady with the saber. Now, as a sign of our meeting..." He tries to hand the golden object to Jura.

"I don't want it!" She exclaims, turning sideways and lifting her head in a haughty manner.

"Don't be shy." Rabat wheedles.

Meia puts her fist in the man's back, making sure he can feel the ring. "Our captain would like to see you." She says evenly. "Come with me."

As the two walk away, Parfet attempts to get Pyoro back from Utan, who starts playing keep-away.

Meia keeps a wary eye on the newcomer the entire time he's talking to the captain, the thing's John had said to her swimming in her mind. _He's here to investigate the Dreads and the Vanguards._ _He's here to see what we're hiding. He's also going to sell us things._

"Meia?" Magno asks, snapping the lead pilot out of her thoughts.

"Y-Yes?"

"Would you be so kind as to find this man a room with which to set up shop?" Magno asks.

Meia nods her head wordlessly and gestures for Rabat to follow her. Two security personnel fall in step behind them.

"Nice ship you have here." Rabat says conversationally. "Though, the crew doesn't seem to like me much."

"There's only a fe males on board, as the captain said." Meia answers. "We don't trust them fully yet."

"Really?" He raises an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

"Our two planets are at war. Females and males don't get along, which makes even this limited alliance a strain."

Rabat hmms. "I see. So, on your planet, there are only women?"

"That is correct."

"Maybe I'll pay a visit there after I'm done here."

"You'll be shot before you can get within a thousand kilometers of the surface." Meia says without much vitriol. "Men aren't allowed."

"That as it may be..." Rabat stops as he glances into the doorway that they're currently passing. Meia glances around to get her bearings. Wait, isn't this-

From the cell, John looks up and meets Rabat's eyes. For a second the two of them stare at each other, before Rabat suddenly takes a few steps forwards into the room.

Meia gets a sinking feeling in her stomach as she follows him inside the cell area...

* * *

Why did she bring him here?

Rabat is looking at me through the bars of my cage. I stare back at him, breifly too stunned to actually think of a good response. Then remembering that the man's a psychic, I start intentionally thinking of as much at once as I can, letting my brain fuzz over with white noise.

...At least, I try to do that. It's not easy to do, since one part of your brain has to maintain the fuzz, and also human minds aren't as good at fuzzing up as we like to think. You can't conjure tv static in your mind with a thought, and definitely not a LOT of constantly changing, confusing static.

"Who's this?" Rabat finally asks.

"John." I answer.

"Why's he locked up?"

Meia answers this time. "He's a threat to security."

"And this is why you don't trust men?" Rabat leans closer to me. I can feel a chill, not unlike the Paksis, but it's randomly poking at me. I think about the most vile pornographic image I can conjure on a moment's notice and keep it in my mind to act as a deterrent.

Oddly enough, Rabat stops poking me a second later without so much as a twitch. Either he didn't see the image, or the thought of... well, he's got stomach if he saw it. It was _bad_ too.

"Part of the reason, yes." Meia answers. "Now, how about you come with me, I still need to find you a room-"

"Why don't I set up in one of these empty cells?" Rabat suggests. "I'll be out of the way, and this is close enough to the hangars for me to be able to fix my ship easily."

I see Meia's eyes narrow. She looks from Rabat to me and back again. "If you're fine with the arrangement." She says cautiously.

"Excellent!" Rabat claps his hands together. "I'll go grab the cart." He leaves without waiting for an acknowledgement, the two security women quickly following after him.

Meia turns to me. "I thought if you met him, the Nirvana would implode."

"I never said that, I just said it would be bad." I grouse. "And why is he setting up in here of all places? I'm more of a deterrent than someone who'll bring in customers."

"For now, we'll wait and see. He hasn't attempted to examine the Vanguards or Dreads yet." Meia reports.

"Yeah, we'll wait and see."

A few hours later, the bastard has set up shop right across from my cell, and a crowd of women is milling around waiting for him to open the fancy case in front of him. I find it highly amusing that this time he has a crowd that fills the cell area, but in the original anime there's only maybe twenty people interested, yet I hear some of the women making comments on how poor a location this is while glancing at me.

Dita is also glancing back at me, but she doesn't appear to be participating in the gossip.

I could hardly blame them. I want to be as far away from Rabat as possible, but he doesn't seem to get the message, or is reveling in my agony. Not sure which.

Aside from the women, Duelo is also in the room, staring intently at Rabat. I wonder breifly why he's here. I can't remember him being there the first time, so why now? I had to have changed something to cause this to happen.

Rabat clears his throat. "Alright ladies, The moment you've been waiting for!" He opens the case.

The crowd hesitates.

"Well, examine them yourselves! I'm proud to say there's nothing I don't have." Rabat gestures for everyone to come closer.

"Do you... use all of these?" Jura asks, holding up a blue necklace.

Rabat scoffs. "Me? You've got to be joking." He smirks and waves his hands dismissively. "The universe is made of men and women."

I notice that Deulo's eyes grow sharper. Ah, that's why he's here.

Dita echoes his last line. "Men and women? What planet are you from, Mister Alien?"

He leans in close and points at Dita. He says it low, so I can't hear over the murmur of the crowd. I can't recall what he said in the anime either.

Parfet steps up and starts looking at a small box, and I stop paying attention to the proceedings. I need to tell Meia about Parfet's new box too.

I wonder what's inside the box? It evidently interfaces with the Paksis, despite Rabat having no clue what that is before he boards the Nirvana, I remember that much. If I could get my hands on it and tear it down, I wonder what is does. Maybe it's like those electrical spike smoothers I could buy back home that don't actually do anything in regular homes.

Suddenly, the women around the table start scrambling at the jewelry. I see Rabat jump backwards, and then Paiway comes over caked in makeup.

God, they're so noisy.

Eventually, the noise starts to die down as the jewelry gets bought (Using credits, a currency I've never actually seen before and have no idea how much it's worth) and the people filter out. As Rabat packs up, I see that Dita is still hanging around, pestering the guy with questions. Duelo is in the corner of the room still staring intently at the newcomer as well. The three leave, Rabat leaning over to whisper some things in her ear.

And then there was one.

At least, I thought that for a few seconds. I can't exactly press my face into the plasma bars, so I can't see anything by the outer wall of the cell, like say, _Meia._

"John."

I think I jumped a little. I also set myself into a fighting stance I used to know. I need to take some relaxants, if only so when people surprise me, I don't get a heart attack every time. "M-Meia. I didn't realize you were here."

"I have to admit it, you were right. One man on the abandoned station. You neglected to mention the animal."

"Ah, right. Utan. Never liked the stupid monkey."

Meia comes from her resting place on the wall and into view. She presses a few things on her sleeve and the bars shut down. "Come with me. We need to talk somewhere private."

Last time I heard that... "So. Did you get anything from Rabat?"

I'm a few paces behind her, so she has to turn slightly to give me a raised eyebrow. "Why would I want jewelry?"

I shrug. "I was just curious. They only jewelry you wear is that eyepiece your... Fama gave to you?" It comes out as a question, since I've forgotten which of her parents owned it previously. "No, your Ohma gave it to you, but it was you Fama's? Er-"

"You don't have to continue." Meia says in a put upon tone. "I trust what you said about us being a show."

I blink. "That's not what I was trying to do." I say. "I was trying to remember."

"I thought you watched our show." Meia opens the door to the hangar, which is unusually empty. I figure it must be because of Rabat's appearance.

"Yeah, about three years ago." I confirm. "I can't remember some details."

"That's not good." Meia shuts and seals the door behind us. It's a bulkhead door, designed to withstand the pressure difference between outer space and the air inside. It's as secure a place as we can get to talk. "So, what's next?"

"Pardon?"

"What happens next?" Meia repeats. "I want to plan for the next encounter."

"Uh... Let me think for a minute." I hedge. "I think it's the water planet?"

"...A water planet?" Meia echos.

"Yeah, the Ea- the enemies are harvesting that planet's central nervous systems. They flood the planet and drive everyone into one spot for easy gathering."

"And how does Rabat fit into this? Is he working for the enemy?"

For a moment, my train of though completely derails. "Huh? No, he's gone by then."

Meia relaxes. "Ah, so he leaves without incident?"

"...No, he doesn't." I close my eyes. "Nobody dies though, or gets injured."

Meia crosses her arms below her chest. "Is there a reason you're being so vague?"

"Yes." I run my hand through my hair. "Are you aware of the butterfly effect?"

"The one that has to do with chaos theory?"

"Yeah. It's when even a small change in one place causes a radical change somewhere else. As the standard example, a butterfly flaps its wings, and a storm develops somewhere else on the planet."

Meia gestures for me to continue.

"Well, I don't know how much I'm changing things, being here. I know it's not a minor amount, so I'm still wary of actively changing things. Rabat doesn't only show up here in the story, so if he doesn't make it off this ship, then maybe those situations won't resolve well." I lean against my Vanguard, which I had unconsciously walked to. "Of course, maybe if we off him right now, things turn out better in the long run. I doubt it, but who knows?"

"Then, what do we do?" Meia asks.

Odd, how she included me there. "Make sure he doesn't take any of the special Dreads or my Vanguard. Make sure that he doesn't kill or hurt anyone while he's on board. Like I said, it might be a bad idea to stop him escaping later-"

"Escaping?"

I give the blue eyed woman a look. "You're pirates. Why would you just let him go, if you can take what you want?"

"Right." She looks off to the side for a minute. "I have a question for you, about the future."

"I can try to answer, but like I said, butterfly effect." I caution. No point getting her hopes up.

"Did the... _other_ me fall for Hibiki? I mean, you're a man, so it should be impossible, but-"

I snort. This startles her, and her cheeks tinge a pale red again. "Okay, I guess it's not funny for you. Men and women are both humans, I told you that before. It's relatively recent that Tarak and Mejare were established, less than a hundred or so years. Aside from those two planets, men and women live together. It's only those two places that are different. There's nothing odd about a woman being attracted to a man, or vice-versa. Until recently, woman-woman and man-man was considered wrong back where I came from, the exact opposite of Mejare and Tarak."

"But... that's impossible." Meia says while frowning intensely. "Without a Fama, an Ohma can't reproduce."

I shake my head. "It also can't be done without a machine, or... well, I've never asked for the details, but I'm fairly certain the process involves surgery of some kind. What then, did women do before the machines were invented?"

Meia doesn't seem to have an answer for that. I'm about to continue my argument when the seal of the hangar door diengages with a loud _CHUNK._ Meia quickly grabs my arm and pulls me behind the Vanguard to hide us from whoever comes in the door.

"So, this is where your Dread is?"

"Yes! We keep all of the special ships in here!"

"Rabat and Dita?" Meia whispers.

I nod silently.

"Wow." Rabat says. I take a peek off to the side to see him looking over Dita's blue Dread with a critical eye. "It looks like you really take care of your ship."

Dita beams up at him.

I briefly wonder if Dita is actually attracted to him. Sure he's the novelty right now, but so was I when I first came to this ship, just like Hibiki. The only difference is that I got here first. Maybe I can steer the two together? It's solve a problem or two.

"No! That's Mister Alien's valuable partner!" Dita yells, suddenly a lot closer than I expected.

"I just want a small peek." Rabat says, but Dita holds her ground.

"No!"

Rabat's face loses his constant cheerful smile and his face contorts. "Move."

They stare at each other for a second, until Rabat's face relaxes. "Ah, I see. You have a crush on the boy, and you feel like you need to protect his things."

Dita opens her mouth, but Rabat cuts her off. "No, it's no use denying it. I've seen how you look at him. Every time you've brought up men, you've talked about him. However..." He leans in close, and touches one hand to Dita's cheek. "He doesn't think anything of you at all."

It's like time suddenly froze. I had been about to jump out when Rabat had reached out to touch Dita, but I had frozen before I had gotten two steps. I'm still out in the open, but neither of them are paying attention to their surroundings.

"I've heard what the other women on this ship say about him, how he treats you like you're not there." Rabat continues. "So, you don't owe him anything, so why don't you just get out of my way?"

Dita is frozen in place still, and Rabat leans down, lips pursing into a kiss-

I don't actually remember getting my motor control back, but I'm glad I did. I throw a side kick at the man's jaw, the blade of my foot coming up to meet that smarmy face.

He reacts a moment too fast though, leaning backwards just enough that all I do is flip the monocle off of his eye, sending the red glass device to the floor. It shatters upon impact, bringing the two others back to reality.

Dita blinks rapidly. "M-Mister Alien?"

Meia comes out from the Vanguard, fist raised and her laser on standby.

Rabat reaches up and grabs my leg that I had let dangle too long, hefting me around and tossing me into the opposing bulkhead. "Whoops! Where'd you come from, boy?"

My vision splits into a thousand points of light from my head hitting the wall, but I stand up anyway. "Like I'm going to sit by and let you take advantage of her." I snort. "Back home, you'd be arrested just from touching her."

"Oh, and where do you come from kid?"

"Same place as the rest of us." I sneer.

"What-?"

An interesting note on biology: When someone's talking, it makes it harder to take action. There's some part of your brain that decides to either act or talk, and it takes a small amount of time to switch between the two. It's something I learned back in my karate days: Get an attacker talking, and that creates an opening. It worked on Meia, and it's the only reason I could pull one over on her.

It also proves fruitful here as my side kick connects this time, sinking into his gut and staggering him a step. I bring a fist around to counter attack, but he catches my fist in his hand and throws a mean hook with his entire body weight behind it into my stomach. It knocks all the wind out of me, and I collapse. He reaches down, pulling me up by my hair. "You've got some nerve, kid."

I struggle against the pain of my scalp and my breathlessness to get off a retort. "I'm not a kid, and even if I was, I'd still be better than a swindler like you!"

"I don't know who got it into your head," Rabat starts, before winding up with his free hand. "but don't talk about yourself using somebody else's words!" He releases his fist, which crashes into my face and sends me back into the wall. This time, a protruding sectiong of the ship where two metal panels have been bolted together are in my way, and _something_ crack when my spine bends over the outcropping.

I try to stand up, but neither of my legs seem to be working. In the background, I can hear Dita begging for help, and Meia calling for backup.

"Nothing's sillier than a know-it-all playing on another guy's field." Rabat calls to me. "Even if he pretends, the disguise'll quickly fall apart. Just like you."

I scoff, despite the pain, and the disturbing _lack_ of pain in my lower body. "I already learned that the hard way, you hack." I grab unto the small ledge of rivets and haul myself up. My legs limply hang down, but I can still prop myself up in the corner.

"Men who are truly strong choose their own words to fight with!" Rabat says, striding up to me, grabbing me by the collar and throwing me again. I bounce along the floor twice before coming to a rest, and Rabat takes the opportunity to stomp on my head once. "Compared to a million proverbs, just one word form your heart..." He lifts me up again, this time by my collar. "can prove victorious!" He winds up for another devastating punch.

"STOP IT!" Screams Dita.

Rabat drops me in surprise, and I take the chance to throw a punch at his shins. I hear something in my hand crack.

"OW! You-" Rabat trips over backwards, and Dita rushes over to me.

"Are you okay?" She asks me.

Before I can answer, Rabat stands back up and kicks Dita in the face, knocking her off of me. Then he steps on my face. "You little brat, I'll kill you right here!"

The last thing I hear before I lose consciousness is the sound of a laser being fired.

* * *

Meia continues to hold Rabat in place with her laser. "Stop. Game's over."

Rabat reluctantly removes his boot, revealing John's bloody face and blank, unfocused eyes. Dita runs up to John and starts calling his name, trying to get him to wake up. "Hey, Missy." Rabat says. "When he wakes up, tell him to challenge me with his own words next time I see him." He then looks at the crowd that had gathered, and notes the distinctly high amounts of weaponry pointed in his direction. "Oh, brother. Looks like I'm the one they hate. Utan, we're going home."

The crowd parts to let him through, but the lasers remain aimed at his back as he heads to the section of the ship where his ship is docked.

Meia turns to John, lying on the floor, but sees that Deulo, Dita and now Zan are all fussing over him, so she's just be in the way. Instead, she heads off after Rabat to make sure he doesn't do anything funny. After all before he set up shop they'd given the man a tour of the ship. If he decided to get up to anything, Meia resolved to be there to put a stop to it.

After what he just did, she was looking for an excuse to shoot him.

* * *

When I woke up, I found myself back in the medical ward. I had barely opened my eyes and yawned when two warm bodies flopped on top of me. They both appear to be female, and both appear to be sobbing uncontrollably.

I expected Dita, but not Zan. Duelo pokes his head from around a corner. "Oh, good. You're awake."

I look down at the two women. "Yes, I am. What happened?"

"You were beaten in a fight." Duelo grabs a clipboard off the end of the bed. "You had a concussion, three broken vertebra, your lower body was paralyzed, and your wrist fractured from hitting something at an odd angle." He summarizes. "You're lucky the Medical bay is operating at peak efficiency today, or you'd never walk again. it was close as it was."

I look the doctor in his one visible eye. "Thank you."

"Think nothing of it." He turns back to his work, disappearing behind the divider.

Now, what do I do with these two? I place a hand on each of their heads in what I hope is a comforting gesture. They both look up, shaking the hand off.

"I was so worried!" Zan exclaims.

"Why did you do that, Mister Alien?" Dita asks. "You shouldn't have gotten hurt for me!"

"Nobody's allowed to touch other people without their permission." I say, noticing how weak my voice sounds right now. "Someone needed to teach him that."

"And you getting beat up taught him that?" Meia leans on the door frame.

"Maybe." I wiggle my toes, because I can again. "I can't believe how poorly I did. I thought I'd get at least five hits in, but I only managed two."

"You expected this to happen?" Meia asks, and then her eyes widen. "You KNEW this was going to happen?"

Zan looks back and forth between Meia and I, her face troubled.

Dita buries her face in my blankets again. "He... He told me to tell you to challenge him with your own words next time." Her muffled voice comes through the sheets.

"Thanks." I tell her. "And... I'm sorry."

She looks up. "Huh?"

"I haven't been treating you very nicely, and I haven't had a chance to apologize properly yet. So, here we go. I'm sorry for ignoring you, and pretending you don't exist. I'm sorry I ignored your feelings for me. I'm sorry I'm not the person you wanted me to be."

"It's all right, I forgive you." Dita says immediately. She then throws her arms around me in a hug.

"Hey!" Zan complains "No fair!"

"Dita, we're having a strategy meeting in ten minutes." Meia heads off the brewing storm before it starts. "Zan, Gascogne wants to see what you got off of the mission."

The two more exuberant girls release me and head off to their respective tasks, but not without reluctance and not without backwards glances. Meia mouths something at me before she goes, but my head's still too woozy to make out her words.

* * *

The next time I wake up, it's dark in the room. The ship, despite existing in outer space, keeps normal-ish hours of operation. There's three shifts, and most of the pirate work the first shift, right after they wake up. The second shift is mostly waitstaff, and the third almost entirely security. Old habits die really, really hard it seems.

That's not to say that the pilots aren't technically always on duty, but they're only required to do actual work for about eight hours a day, unless there's been a fight.

All of that basically means, it's nighttime, and everybody's supposed to be asleep right about now.

I shift sideways to try to get the kinks out of my neck, and in the process find out that I'm not alone in my bed.

Meia stirs as I bump into her, rubbing her eyes as she comes to a sitting position.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I told you I'd be stopping by later to give you an update." Meia says. "It's not my fault you fell asleep."

"When was this?"

"I whispered it when I pulled Dita and Zan off of you." She elaborates.

"Oh."

"Anyway, Rabat got away safely. You were right, the captain ordered us after him almost the instant he undocked his ship. If Parfet hadn''t wired that device up to the Paksis, we might have got him too."

"All according to plan."

"Just like getting beat up?" Meia arches an eyebrow. "Because if that's in future plans, I'm going to veto it."

"It wasn't in my plans." I grumble. "I didn't think I was going to get out of my cell at any point, and never considered I'd have to reenact that fight."

"Maybe if you had thought instead of leaping into action, you wouldn't be laid out in the medical ward."

I shrug. "At least I know that Rabat's not psychic, now."

"Psychic." Meia gives me a look.

"Yeah, he went to a planet where they trained him to talk with his mind. I can't remember the details, and I thought he could read minds. It's unlikely though, or else I wouldn't have been able to land that one kick to his gut, or the one to his shin."

"That's absurd."

"Yeah, well, we have a sentient warp drive, robots harvesting humans, and a dimension hopper that treats you like you're a work of fiction. Psychics aren't that far of a stretch."

Meia sighs and flops back down next to me. "Hey."

"Hey what?"

"You never answered me, before we got interrupted by Dita and Rabat."

I think back to the incident. "But I told you that women and men-"

"Yes, but you didn't answer if the other Meia loved Hibiki."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yes, but by the time she realized it, Hibiki and Dita were a thing. It's kind of downplayed, since Dita's the main love interest. I also have to say that Hibiki was a good guy, deep down. Likable even. His two big flaws were his naivete and how poorly he treated women as a result of being brought up on Tarak, but those both got better with time."

"What's your point?"

"Hibiki was _worth_ your time, and Dita's time. I'm not."

She sits up again, looking down at me. "So you say."

"I wasn't lying to you. I don't feel an ounce of attraction to anyone on this ship." I keep my voice flat. "And since I have three pretty ladies with crushes on me, it just means I have to figure out ways to let them down gently."

"This doesn't feel like you're being gentle." Meia turns away from me, and I can't see her face in the dark.

"Well, if you think I should walk up to Dita and say 'You know what? I don't love you, or like you, so stop thinking of us that way.' then I'll do it."

"...Point taken."

"Anything else before I go back to sleep?" A yawn overtakes me.

"Hmm... I know. Just because you've decided something, it doesn't make it fact." She twists back around, grabs my hand, squeezes, and then leaves.

...So, she's not giving up. It's times like these I wish I could actually feel love, the connections that are supposed to bind people together. It's supposed to be some wonderful ethereal force that causes people to do great things for each other. I can't feel that. I classify people based on entertainment values and usefulness.

It's ultimately why my first and only real relationship failed. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, and it turned out she could tell I was just going through the motions. It's all I know how to do.

For the first time in my life, I spend some time seriously thinking about trying to fix my head.

* * *

And that's the last of episode seven covered. I liked the fight scene. Rabat's speech isn't changed much from canon, actually, which I thought was funny. "Nothing's sillier than a know-it-all playing on another guy's field." and "Even if he pretends, the disguise'll quickly fall apart. Just like you." are direct quotes from the show. Don't they apply wonderfully to Johnny over here?

...ANGST!


	11. Chapter 11: Lone Bee, Flock of Birds

Warning: Genuinely explicit, squicky chapter. Read at own risk. In fact, feel free to skip this one, I'll summarize it next chapter.

* * *

"Johnny, what are you doing?"

I look up to see Zan peering into my room from between the bars of my cage. Zan has become a regular visitor, just like Meia, BC, and Dita. And Duelo, but that's less visiting and more psychoanalyzing. I hold up the small device in my hands for the blue-haired singer to see.

It's a small device, with three stacked layers. On the bottom layer, two motors and rotation counters are mounted, on opposite sides of the board. These motors are attached to a jar-sized wheel with a rubber tire. Also on the bottom are three ultrasonic sensors, one facing the front, the left and the right. On the front and back, there are ball bearings to keep the device from scraping against the ground. On the second layer, a battery sits, one large enough to keep the device running for about thirty minutes on one charge, depending on what it does. On the top level, there's a surge protection circuit and lots of metal spikes called headers.

I complete the robot by slotting a pre-made circuit board on top of the headers, creating a nice connection. Now, I only have to hit the switch, and the programming should take over. "I'm working on this robot." I say. I place it down on the floor, and it suddenly tears off as the ten second waiting period ends.

Unfortunately, my code still isn't working properly. The left wheel isn't turning as fast as the right, and what should have been a straight line path ends up curving to the right and the left wheel spins too fast for the right to catch up. Then it slams into the opposite wall, wheels skidding on the slick floor. I sigh deeply, then haul myself off my bed and over to the struggling robot.

"Was it supposed to do that?" She asks.

"No, it was supposed to go straight, then come to a stop _before_ it hit the opposite wall." I pick the up the robot and switch it off, then return to my seat. "It's not using the PID controller or the sensors, so it's doing locking up somewhere in between..." I stare off into the distance and bite my lip. I've been working on this issue for two hours.

Thankfully, Meia and BC agreed to let me have my stuff back, or else I would have gone insane down here. I'ts been two weeks since we chased Rabat out, and we've only had three battles in that time. That's pretty much the only thing they let me out for, aside from scheduled, supervised bathroom breaks and the occasional quiz on what's next. BC and Magno are still trying to figure out what my deal is, but whatever The Fixer did makes their eyes go glassy and their minds wander whenever they get close to the truth. This leads to them occasionally interrogating me, which involves a lot of threats, yelling, and anger. None of it on my part.

I've managed not to have any episodes during these interrogations, which I think of as a miracle.

Anyway, since if I don't do anything for three days on end I might legitimately kill someone to relieve the boredom, they let me have my toys back. The first thing I did was create a transformer and cut a hole in the wall with the small welder I had Zan bring from the Reg. Wiring the transformer in hadn't been so hard, just nerve wracking. High current cables will do that, even if they're turned off. You should have seen the look on Meia, BC, and Magno's faces when I asked for the electricity in my cell to be shut down while I worked in the dark for thirty minutes.

The transformer allows me to finally charge my devices up, so I feel like I can use them with impunity. That leads to me actually spending the time to work on my projects. As much as I'd like to claim that I had designed both the transformer and the little wheeled robot myself, I couldn't make those claims. The transformer is a combination of someone else's frequency transformer and a metal loop I had wrapped with wire myself. It's kind of worrying how warm it gets, and I haven't decided it's stable enough to hide away inside the wall yet. The small robot was originally intended to run rat mazes in a competition, and one of my smarter friends can be credited with building it.

Thankfully, I'm the one who knows the software, even if the hardware doesn't make sense to me. Once I can get access to the internet back, I'll look up the part numbers of the chips my partner used to make this protection circuit-

"Then, why isn't it working?" Zan asks, drawing me out of my reverie.

"Er, it's getting stuck before a block of code can execute. I think there's a loop..." Noticing the girl's eyes have glazed over, I restart. "I'm telling it to do the wrong thing, and I don't see where. It was originally designed to travel through a small, even maze and I'm trying to adapt it to work on the wide open floors."

She nods politely, but her eyes continue to show me just how lost she is. "Okay. What are you going to do with it once it drives straight?"

I open the code on my computer again, scanning through the lines of code to see if I can spot the problem. "Well... I haven't really explored this ship much. For the most part, I've been locked up."

Zan turns her head away. She wasn't told the truth of either incident just like the majority of the ship, and my mysterious lock up led to a lot of rumors about me being created and spread. Right now, I'm either the leader of a secret division of the men's intent on bringing down the pirates (I made sure to mention the rumor in front of BC. Her face turns nice shades of purple, if you push her buttons right.) or a serial murderer who was found over the corpse of one of the pirates. Since nobody's yet to actually die since this journey started, I don't understand how that rumor caught hold.

"So, I decided that if I can't go anywhere, I can just get this little guy to look around for me." I'll have to add some more sensors and things, because right now all it can do is move around and map out a non-existent maze. It can't actually tell me what it finds, or if someone picks it up, or if it encounters an obstacle it can't get past. And it's not good at the moving part. "At this rate, though, we might get back to Mejare before I complete it."

"...Mejare?" Zan repeats.

I look up from my laptop to look at Zan. "Yeah, that's where we're headed, right?"

She nods. "Yes, but aren't you trying to get back to Tarak?"

Oh. Yeah. "Er, yeah. Tarak. I was..."

She jumps in when words fail me. "I figured it out. Your from a different planet than Tarak, like Rabat. That's why you don't dislike us women so much, and why you have music with both men and women singing in them!"

Well, close enough. I smile at her. "Wow. Interesting deduction."

She beams, obviously thinking I meant that she was right. "Does that mean you know about men and women?" She asks hopefully.

I nod. "Yeah, it's not really a mystery to me. Why?"

She stands up and turns to the door. "Wait here for a few minutes, I'll be right back."

"It's not like I _can_ go anywhere." I mutter, but she's already out the door. Oh well, let's get back to coding. I really, really miss my whiteboard. Whenever I had a problem with my code, writing it on a whiteboard always seemed to help. Writing it down on paper wasn't the same, and I'm not exactly sure I want to start writing on the walls just yet.

With a few more tests with the small robot spinning it's wheel futilely in the air and keeping it plugged into the computer for diagnostics, I finally narrow down the problem to one section. There, I finally catch the mistake. The error code that checks whether the wheels are already spinning isn't firing, which mean it keeps turning the wheel motors on, which means that it never advances. And it's all because I put in a "less than" instead of a "greater than."

Amazing how one semantic error can screw over an entire program. I compile the fixed program, but Zan comes back before I can test the little robot again.

And she brought friends. Among the faces I see, there are some pilots, two ladies from the security detail, Paiway, Dita... and Duelo. They start to crowd into the cell area, chattering excitedly. The last person into the cell area ends up being Meia, who is talking hurriedly into her comm unit asking for something.

Zan steps right up close to the bars of my prison. "I knew some other people who I knew would be interested." She says.

I glance at the swarm of people still figuring out where and how to arrange themselves. "Gee, did you invite the entire ship, or only this half?"

"Only half." Zan says, running with my joke. "Meia's inviting the other half."

I quirk an eyebrow.

"She's trying to get your words broadcast throughout the ship."

If this had still been an anime, I would've sweatdropped. "...Zan, this topic isn't exactly... something you talk about in public." I finish awkwardly. I step as close to the bars as I dare, and whisper to her. "I don't even know where I have to start, since I don't know how much you all already know."

She tilts her head. "Just start at the beginning. It shouldn't be that hard."

Before I can retort, she plops down where she was standing, and I notice that the rest of the crowd has settled down and is gazing at me expectantly. Oh, this is going to be fun. Dita is in the front row next to Zan and Paiway, Duelo is leaning on one wall, and Meia's on the other.

"Well then." I clear my throat. "So... what exactly do you want to know?" I ask desperately. Maybe they want to know how men and women are supposed to get along? Please, _please_ let that be it. I don't want to give the bird and the bees talk to an entire ship.

"Why do you have that tube between your legs?" Dita immediately answers.

"God dammit." I curse under my breath. "Okay." I take another deep breath. "Okay. So, let me start with the fact that males and females are actually the same species." I wait for the skeptical looks to stop. "Yeah, I know. 'But we don't look the same!' It's called sexual dimorphism, and it's a trait of most mammals that I know of." I continue. I kind of wish I had some visual aids for this, but if I _did_ have pictures of the sexual development process of boys and girls, people might have some _questions_. "Most of human's secondary sexual characteristics show up around puberty, which occurs after about ten to thirteen years of age. In men, this means facial hair, though all of us on this ship shave it off."

Duelo nods at my comment.

"For women..." I gesture to Paiway, who blinks in surprise. "Well, you can see she hasn't developed breasts yet, so she's probably right before or just hitting puberty."

There's an uncomfortable silence. I can tell that a lot of the occupants of the room are recalling their own puberty, which was probably a time of confusion for everyone even on Mejare. Duelo seems fascinated though, and I pray to the Paksis he doesn't decide to start examining any of them right here and now. Thankfully, he turns back to me without molesting anyone. "So, John. You said secondary, which means there's a primary, am I correct?"

I grimace. This isn't going to go well, I can feel it. "Right. So... the, uh, tube between male's legs." I start. This bring's everyone attention back into laser focus on me. "It's used in procreation. Erm, I'm assuming all of you-" I look down at Paiway. "Or at least most of you are familiar with how a uterus works, either by owning one or because Ezra's pregnant." I gesture to Duelo. "Honestly, Mejare women reproduce almost naturally, but they splice two ovum together instead of fertilizing the ovum the normal way." I take another deep, steadiying breath. "Any questions?"

Three hands go up. I close my eyes and count to ten. I just want to get this over with, please be easy questions. I gesture to Duelo first.

"What is an ovum?" He asks.

"An egg. It's... I'll give you a more detailed and medically useful version later okay?" I gesture to Zan next.

"How does an egg get fertilized naturally?"

"I'm... getting to that." I hedge. "Dita?"

"What do you use the tube for?"

"I'm..." going to cry. "I'm getting to that."

A hush falls down over the crowd, and possibly the ship. I wonder if Bart's watching. If he is, he's bound to be really confused right now. I can see some of the audience trying to puzzle out some things.

"So..." I start, then hang for a minute. "Men have... seed, which they give to the women to complete the egg, and turn it into a child." Now that I'm talking, my mouth starts running as fast as it can. "Then the woman has the child grow inside her, and she eventually gives birth after about nine months."

"Huh? But then, there's nothing different between what we do now and what you're saying!" Comes a voice I don't recognize. It's a green haired woman, one of the security ladies.

"There is a difference." I say, my voice a deapan. "When it's a man and a woman, there's no need for a machine to make the child." I say.

This raises a clamor, and I decide to retreat to a corner of my cell, since everyone's trying to talk over each other, quickly drowning me out. Duelo is deep in thought, off in his own little world. Depending on how much he knows about the male anatomy, he might have been able to figure it out. Then again, I don't know how they handle reproduction on Tarak. Sperm banks/donors? Stem cell extraction?

Dita comes right up to the bars, looking like she might try to get between them at any second. "But, you didn't answer my question!" She cries. "I want to know about the tube!"

...Why me? If this was only Zan, or maybe Dita too. Hell, if everyone I _know_ on this ship was here, I might be able to continue. But with all of these strangers? These crew members I never had a chance to interact with meaningfully? I can't judge how they'll react. However, if I'm going to continue.

"Before I get to that," I say to Dita, stepping forward again. "Meia? I need you in here for a second."

She looks surprised, then wary, yet she deactivates the field for a second and steps inside.

"Okay, first, I need to whisper some things to you." I say, keeping my voice steady. "And I know this is creepy, but I promise I'm not going to do anything to you, or force you to do deviant things."

She shudders at my words, but the action seems to relax her a bit. She doesn't tense up as I carefully approach her... at least, not much.

"Okay, I need you to get Duelo and Bart in here, since... well, I want some time for people to calm down where they can't interact with each other." I wince. "It's... back home, this is the most difficult topic to explain to anyone, as it's a taboo subject. I'm still not sure how far I should go... and we may want to remove Paiway."

She arches an eyebrow at me. "Why would we need to do either of those things?"

I take a deep breath. "Meia, do you have an age of consent on Mejare, and if so, is Paiway past that?"

Meia opens her mouth to speak, then her cheeks color as she realizes what I'm getting at. "Wait, you mean, this has to do with _sex_?"

At least I didn't have to be the first person to say it. "Yeah. It does. And I don't know how it's treated on Mejare, or on Tarak, and I'm hoping it's similar enough that we don't have a massive problem as soon as the mechanics are figured out." I say in a hurry. "Look, we already have one kid who's going to be born on this ship. We don't need a few more before we get back to your home planets."

Meia nods her head vigorously before turning to the comm unit on her wrist and hurriedly whispering into it.

When Bart finally shows up, he's visibly recoiling from all the intense stares he gets. He timidly tiptoes through the crowd, coming up to the suspended plasma while glancing around nervously. "The captain said you wanted to talk to me?" He asks, his eyes dancing around.

I nod and gesture he comes over toward Duelo. Once all three of us are huddled in the corner, I hold up three fingers behind my back. Then two.

Meia drops the bars of my cage, and I reach out and grab the two other males on board, yanking them in with me and Meia. Meia turns the bars back on, but only too late do I notice that two others had made it inside: Dita and Zan.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Bart starts to start complaining at me, but I cut him off with a gesture and walk right up to Meia. I can feel Dita and Zan's eyes boring holes into me, but I ignore them to whisper in the leader's ear. "Meia, I hate to ask this, but," I hesitate.

"Hate to ask what?"

"When Mejare woman have sex, do you use toys?"

I really should have expected the fist. I wasn't braced for it, and the hit sends me careening into a wall. It succeeds in killing the ever louder crowd's conversation. Meia's face is crimson, partly in embarrassment, and party in rage. She grips my collar and huals me off my feet, pinning me to the wall several inches off the floor. "Wh- Where- Who- _How-_ "

"I'm sorry, but knowing would make explaining easier." I say, hoping to appease the angry woman. "I really, reallly REALLY didn't want to ask."

She suddenly releases me, and I stumble sideways as I land. She turns away, but mumbles before heading to the opposite corner. "Yes."

Well, that at least makes things easier.

Once the crowd has finished crowding back around the cell, and the five other occupants of my room had found nice places to sit, I find myself standing, alone, against ignorance. Against innocence. I note belatedly that Paiway was still here, on the other side of the fence.

Right now, running headlong into the glowing plasma is starting to seem like the less painful option. After a few seconds of contemplation, I finally grow back that spine I keep insisting I have. "Okay, so, when women have sex on Mejare-"

I think the room actually warmed up from all the blushing.

"-they use additional tools to help, right?" Duelo, Bart and Paiway still look confused, but I'm not planning on enlightening them right now. "Well, there's a reason that the tubular ones look suspiciously similar to male's crotches."

Dita pipes up, confused. "So, you mean you put your tubes inside our-"

"Yeah, Dita." I cut her off. "Yeah."

The room falls completely silent, no one even daring to breath.

And then, one of the more anti-men of the pilots leans over and throws up.

* * *

Thankfully, The reaction to all of my revelations ended up being a lot different than I had predicted. Instead of curiosity, Bart and the majority of the pirates started staying as far from each other as possible. Duelo is, of course, curious beyond all belief, but he seems to be content to mull things over for now in his lab, going over Ezra's records for evidence of my claims no doubt.

The problem, really, is that Dita refuses to leave. And since she refuses to leave, Zan refuses to leave. And Meia is still here, still red in the face. I'd open the gate and shove them out, possibly with Meia's help, but Jura had shown up. I'd forgotten how hard she'd pushed Hibiki back in canon, and that was when they didn't actually know how to do anything.

Now? I fear for my life.

"LET ME IN!" Jura pleads.

"NO!" Dita and Zan say in perfect unison, then glare at each other.

Today started out so well, I only had coding problems to solve. I'm sitting on my bed, dangerous as that could be, head in my hands. Meia stands beside me, halting any advance the other two inside the cage try to make.

It's a stand off.

I shouldn't have actually told then, should I? Well, hindsight is twenty/twenty.

"But I want to make a baby!" Jura insists. "I want to try it!"

"No! Mister Alien is going to make one with me!" Dita says back.

Oh god, not her too.

Zan huffs. "He doesn't even pay much attention to you, Dita."

"He changed! We talk about aliens and science and computers!" Dita exclaims, whirling on her friend.

Meia turns to me. "You were expecting the whole ship to be like these two?" She asks.

I continue to hold my head in my hands. "Uh-huh."

"...Are you sure that actually saying all of that was a good idea?"

"I'm positive it was a bad idea." I growl. The three near the bars are attempting to yell over each other, creating a cacophony. "I should have stopped somewhere around explaining about ovum and stuff."

"...Is it true, that our, er, toys are based of of-" Meia asks cautiously.

"Yes, it is. No, I'm not showing you. If I hear about anyone doing the 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours,' I'm going to kill them. _Slowly._ " I put as much venom into my voice as I can, but I lose it as I continue. "I don't think I can stop Parfet and Duelo, though. Duelo's too curious, and Parfet likes him too much."

Meia seems disturbed by the thought. "And..." She swallows. "The only way to get babies where you come from-"

"Yeah, sex is everyone's favorite activity." I say flatly. "About three quarters of the media back home is focused on sex and relationships."

Meia turns a pale shade of green. "Was our show-"

I lift my head to glare at her. "You call a Vanguard merging with a Dread 'combining,' and it makes you sweaty and tired. Also, you three-" I gesture to the three pilots, excluding Zan. "argue over who get's to do so. Loudly. With much jealousy."

"..." Meia stares at the other three, still arguing with each other too much to notice our conversation. "I feel sick."

"Join the club." I let myself fall sideways onto the bed, my head not particularly appreciating the hardness of the metal, covered by cloth though it is. "Now I really have my work cut out for me."

"Really?"

"I have to dissuade Jura and Dita from trying, and stop Zan from thinking she wants to try in the first place."

"Too late on that front." Meia comments levelly.

I listen to the shouting match and quickly find that Zan's joined the fight. "God, I feel like I'm in a harem anime. _I'm not a good person, go fuck someone else._ "

Meia sits down on the edge of the bed, facing directly away from me. "Why exactly would it be so bad?" She asks carefully. "By Mejare's standards, Jura is very attractive. Dita and Zan aren't far behind."

"Tell me, which one of them are you planning on having a kid with?" I ask. "Or even just share a bed with?"

"None of them." Meia responds after a second to register what I said.

"Neither am I." I finish. "Maybe it didn't sink in, but I could feasibly get them pregnant. Today. Without a machine to help. And sex is supposed to be this intimate thing, though I've never really..."

"Never really put stock in it?" Meia finishes.

"I guess." I sigh heavily. "I'm not interested in it that much, I don't want kids."

"Does this have something to do with your problem?" She asks.

"Probably." I respond glumly. "I get that Jura and Dita think having a kid is all wonderful, but Jura has Barnette, someone who loves her. There's nothing wrong with the way you guys are doing it and folks back home would kill to have the tech that enables it. Same for Tarak's method, I'm sure, but Jura really shouldn't just go after someone else." I blink a few times. "It's like seeing someone pretty, and abandoning your wife to go have a child with them real quick."

Meia squints her eyes. "I don't see your point."

"What?"

"That kind of thing happens on Mejare all the time. It's considered an honor to be the Fama of a child with someone famous." Meia informs me. "And even then, Jura isn't technically in a relationship with Barnette right now."

"Great, just great." I moan. "That's not how it works back home. There goes that excuse."

"Why do you need an excuse? What's the problem?" Meia persists.

"I don't belong here!" I hiss. "I'm not a good person, and I'd make a terrible Ohma. I refuse to be held responsible for a kid, and we both know what happens when that's the attitude taken by the parents." I give her a pointed look, and she glances away.

"I think that Jura or Dita would both do fine raising a child." Meia observes. "So if Jura's out, why is Dita? Or Zan for that matter?"

"They're both too young, for starters." I say. "I don't go for girls that young."

"They're your age." Meia's face twists in confusion.

"No, I'm twenty three. I just look sixteen. And even if that doesn't matter, there's still the biggest problem with those two."

Meia doesn't respond, instead watching the three way fight.

"Since Zan and Dita have a crush on me, having sex would only reinforce that thought. Since I don't reciprocate, that would be cruel."

"You're a lot kinder than you give yourself credit for." Meia finally says.

"How so?" I turn back to her, confused.

"You could just use them, but you do your best not to. I don't even think Dita would hate you for it, yet..." She trails off. "If they knew you didn't love them, and the still loved you and wanted to be with you, would you chase them away?"

"...I don't know." I answer honestly. "I think I would, since that can't be a fun way to live."

"You don't choose who you fall in love with." Meia reminds me.

"Yeah." I think back to my last relationship, and how that had ended.

We fall into an uncomfortable silence, or as close to that as you can get with thee other women ten feet away, still yelling. Which, I realize, with a chill down my spine had stopped sounding like a competition for who gets rights, but for some sort of order. "Meia."

"Yes?" She turns to me.

"Why are they arguing over who gets first? First in what?"

"Oh, they decided to share?" Meia looks surprised. "I wouldn't have expected that from them."

"Polygamy is a thing on Mejare?"

She nods, and i turn over to face the wall. I'm living the otaku dream, and it's a fucking nightmare.

Meia gets up off my pallet. "I'll get those two out and keep Jura out. We'll talk later."

"Thank you." I say.

It's another fifteen minutes before I dare open my eyes, and I find the thing that would make me the happiest.

I'm alone.

I sit up, grab my laptop, and glance over the code again. It looks right, it should work. I plug in the mouse robot, upload the program, and flip the switch.

This time, the robot soars straight forwards, turns once it sees a wall in front of it, and comes back to me, stopping right where I left it.

Well, at least something went right today.

* * *

The little maze running robot actually exists. It was designed for a competition in April of 2017, though I had an error in my code that caused our mouse to fail before it could solve the maze. I blame the fact we had to switch chips with less than two days left until the competition started, meaning we had to rewrite the code and rewire the entire robot, and I got three hours of sleep in the 72 hours leading up to the competition.

The robot's name is Jerry.


	12. Chapter 12: Rise of the Banana Hammock

The water planet.

As far as I recall, they never named these planets in canon, so it makes sense that we don't have real names for them either. However, it is a bit irritating to keep calling it "the water planet" a hundred times.

I vote we name it Rodrigo.

It's been another week since my big reveal, and we've finally reached Rodrigo. The ship's mostly settled down, but there's still some individuals who aren't too happy with how things are going. Specifically, those who think the men should just be spaced and be done with it (led by Cel) and a certain group of females that I hesitatingly call my harem. As a joke. Because I refuse to actually accept being the center point of a harem.

"When we go to investigate that planet, John, you and I are finally going to combine!" Jura bangs her fist down on the table in front of me.

Recently, I was given access to the controls for my cell, which meant that I was allowed to go where I please, and lock out whoever I please. I had immediately started taking my meals in the cafeteria like a normal person, though Dita still tends to cook for me more often than not. Nowadays, she watches me eat it with such intensity too, which is a little creepy.

I glance up at my disturbed meal to see Barnette is holding a video camera and pointing it at the two of us as if we were going to combine right then and there and I don't particularly want to continue this thought. Jura is proudly standing there, waiting for me to react, I guess. Next to where Jura stands, but seated across from me herself, Meia colors slightly at the mention of combining.

"Jura..." I sigh. "I told you-"

"All your talk is a bunch of lies! It's my Dread, so how could it be less than the most magnificent? It will shine like I do!"

I take another bite of my food, some sort of meat substitute slathered in so much sauce that I can't tell what the meat's supposed to be. Which, now that I think about it, Dita's usually pretty good at cooking. I turn to the red head at my side, pointedly ignoring the loud blond. "Dita, are you feeling okay?"

She tilts her head to the side. "I''m fine. Why do you ask?"

"Well..." I look back down at my food. How do I put this?

However, before I can figure out a polite way to say "You botched your cooking" I notice that Zan is blushing, her face turned away from me. As I focus on her, she shrinks away.

Dita pipes up. "Oh! Zan wanted to make you lunch, so I helped her make it for you."

Zan manages to curl into herself even more, almost disappearing under the table.

"Well, it's still miles better than anything I could do." I say. "Thank you, Zan." At least she's not a lethal joke chef like you see in anime. No, out of the crew of this ship, that honor falls to me. You'd never guess how many ways I can screw up scrambled eggs.

Anyway, my bit of encouragement brings the singer out from under the table. Meia looks at the Reg crew member with an amused smile.

From what I'd gathered from other conversations, the pilots and the Reg crew didn't really mingle together that much. Sure, they talked to each other, but the Reg crews treat pilots like customers at a maid cafe and the pilots treat the Reg crew like backstage crew. I think Gascogne had something to do with that. So, the two blue haired women really didn't know each other.

At least, until we all started eating together. Meia's become more open to everyone since the Paksis decided to screw with her head, and because of that, the other pirates are starting to talk to her on more friendly terms. Zan's hanging around near me more often than not, so the two end up talking. It's fairly interesting to listen to the two talk about how loadouts should be chosen, since their individual perspectives are so different. Meia's all about utility, where Zan thinks there should be a theme to a loadout.

Right now though, Meia's too bust smirking at Zan to discuss anything of any import.

Jura smacks her hand down again, and my plate jumps an inch off the table. "Don't ignore me!"

Meia turns to Jura with an exasperated look and starts explaining for the fifth time since we discovered Rodrigo about how the operation is suppose to go. It doesn't include crabs with shields, though I have the sneaking suspicion that that's not going to last long.

Instead of paying attention to the words, I look between Zan and Meia. It's too bad blue isn't a natural hair color back on earth. Meia's is a light, sky blue, but Zan's is a dark, almost dull blue in comparison. It makes a kind of sense, Meia's a main character and Zan's a background one, and less time goes into designing background characters. Still, I wish that there was names for their hair colors aside from "light blue" and "dark blue," the way that we have blond, and brunette, and auburn, and so on. Blunette is kind of a catch all term for people with blue hair, but it's like saying someone has dark hair. There's so many subtle variations-

Dita shakes my shoulder, drawing me out of my thoughts. "Mister Alien? Are you alright?"

I blink. "Yeah." I scoop up another bite of the veritable teriyaki soup and place it in my mouth. "Hey, so, do you two dye your hair?" I point at the two across the table.

Zan shakes her head, and Meia shoots me a look. Right, Meia wouldn't bother. So blue actually can be a natural color. Probably green and purple too. I wonder how that works?

"Why do you ask?" Zan inquires.

"Oh, where I come from, hair colors tend to stay in reds, blacks, browns and blonds. Blue, green and purple are unusual." I respond.

Dita pulls her hair over her shoulder to examine it. "So, mine isn't anything special?"

"Well, I've never seen anyone with hair quite that shade of burgundy, so we'll go with yes." I attempt to placate the girl. I still hadn't figured out a way to reject her gently, so I've been doing my best to treat her nicely, but not more than the others.

Oh god, I'm trying to balance my harem. Quick, I need to do something else! "Er, so, when is the mission launching?" I ask.

"Two days." Meia responds after a momentary pause. "We're waiting for a few more atmospheric tests to clear before we risk landing there."

"And we're just going to go down and investigate that city?" I ask.

Meia nods. "We'll see if they're willing to trade, and restock some essentials."

I stare out the window at the stars. The cafeteria window is on the wrong side of the Nirvana to see the planet. "I wonder if I'll get the chance to swim while we're down there?" I murmur to myself.

"I want to go swimming!" Dita says, sparkles in her eyes.

Zan stands up and leans over the table, slamming her arms down in a fair approximation of Jura. "Hey, if you go swimming, I want to also!"

A green haired pilot named Isra who was walking past our table turns towards us. "We're swimming?"

Like a rock in a pond, the ripples spread out incredibly fast. Soon, the lunchtime chatter had redoubled, the earlier excitement over meeting new people overshadowed by the chance to indulge in a sport.

Or, I think to myself as the crowd around me immediately starts discussing swimsuits, maybe they all just want to have an excuse to put on swimsuits.

I hunch over and start wolfing down my food. I want out of here, preferably before I can get dragged into anything.

"Johnny, will you help me pick out a swimsuit?" Zan asks, cementing just exactly where this whole situation was heading. I curse my big mouth.

"No. I refuse to participate in the beach episode." I say flatly, scoop the last of the meal into my mouth, and stand up abruptly. I have to prepare myself for the coming event. Thankfully, an actual beach episode is highly unlikely. BC and Magno probably won't give everyone shore leave just because, but that doesn't mean I don't have to mentally prepare. After all, Jura's still on the prowl.

* * *

Once Johnny left, Zan turns back to the three other girls at the table. Jura had taken John's spot. "What was he saying about a beach?"

Meia shrugs. "He said beach episode, but I'm not sure what he's referring too."

Dita holds up a finger. "Maybe he means like in my cartoons!" She says excitedly. "It doesn't matter what series it is, it always has a beach and everyone tries on swimsuits and goes swimming!"

"Dita, John wouldn't watch something like cartoons." Jura laughs proudly. "He's obviously too high class for that."

Meia and Zan both temporarily wonder what planet Jura was currently on, and Meia bit her tongue as she recalled just exactly what John said their universe had been. "Dita, what happens in these beach episodes?" Zan asks.

"Well, usually there's one girl who everyone else has a crush on." Dita starts poking the table in different areas to mark the points of her speech. "So, they always have a contest over who looks best in a swimsuit, and the shy character always ends up in something really skimpy. They eat flavored ice, and smash watermelons." She thinks for a second. "Sometimes the make big deals out of rubbing suntan lotion on."

Zan and Jura had become a lot more interested all of a sudden. Meia notes mentally that the two's eyes had started sparkling. Something told her that she would need to keep an eye on those three.

Zan spoke next. "Dita, do you have any of those shows with you?"

Dita nods vigorously. "Yeah!"

Jura narrows her eyes with a calculating expression. "We should watch some of those. For research."

Yes, Meia thinks, she'd better keep an eye on all of them. But first, she had to go talk to the captain about shore leave.

* * *

Less than ten minutes after I had gotten back to my room, Gascogne's face appears out of thin air. Thankfully, the Reg's leader doesn't have any direct problems with me, so when I need something to do she'll give me a job. This is the first time she's called me over herself instead of waiting for me to ask her though.

"Hey, kid, you think you can help with a few extra shifts at the Reg?"

I close my laptop and look at the suspended light representing her face. "I guess. Why, did something break?"

Gascogne shakes her head, an amused smile spreading across her face. "No, we've just been getting a lot of orders." She looks down at something, presumably a list, and starts reading. "So far, we've gotten custom orders for fifteen bikinis, twelve one-piece swimsuits, three tankinis-" Her smile turns into a grin as she notes that look of horror on my face. "Since it looks like my entire staff is going to be designing suits before long, I figured I'd enlist your help to stave off the inevitable flood of requests."

I swallow the lump in my throat. I'm not really in a position to refuse, I'm a prisoner and it's my fault the swimsuit orders are coming in. "What do you need me to do?"

Her toothy smile drains any motivation I had to help.

Grudgingly, I snag my headphones and cell before treading down to the Reg to find a swimsuit modeling competition going on. At least, that's what it looks like. Already, three of the Reg crew (I recognized both Yola and Endoa) had switched to swimsuits. Some changing booths had been set up, and there are groups of women crowding around one terminal or another, selecting options and discussing the results.

I peek at one of the terminals to see that some sort of clothes designing program is set up, and the women are creating new suits on the fly.

Gascogne gestures for me to head over to her, and I take a roundabout path to reach her. "Kid, you could have just walked straight over here." The metal stick in her mouth swaps sides absently.

"Actually, no I couldn't." I gesture towards the changing stalls. "If I walked past those, I'd either have a concussion, or I'd be abducted."

She looks at me askance for a minute, but shrugs and gestures for me to follow her. "You have some strange thoughts in that head."

"If you only knew." I reply. "So, what am I supposed to do?"

Gascogne opens a door, waves me through, and I follow after. She gestures for me to sit down in front of a computer which is hooked up to what looks like a torture device. "That's our fabricator. When a design gets sent in, you decide whether or not it's good, and if it is, you send it through the machine, which will make the article of clothing." She points to my left, at a box stuffed with what looks like spools of plastic. "If you need a refill, put one of those spools in here."

She shows me how to load a new spool, then leaves me to start accepting swimsuits. At first, the amount coming through is manageable. I'm no clothing designer, but I can at least tell when something will fall apart before it sees any use. The first designs are very conservative, mostly one-piece suits that fit better than the standard swimsuits. After about ten minutes, a sudden burst of sloppily made, skimpy suits go through, which I reject out of hand, barely even glancing at the last few before removing them from the clothing printer queue.

It wasn't until I got a suit with "Is this hot, John?" written on it that I figured out Gascogne had told the crowd outside who was working in here.

In the end, it wasn't really that exciting a task. Behind a closed door as I was, I didn't get to see any of the swimsuits actually on anyone: All I got was a 3D model I could look at and evaluate. For the most part, the swimsuits were sensible, at least to the point where they would stay on whoever was wearing them. Anything Jura sent in...

I knew which suits were from Jura because the word "Combine!" was written on at least six different designs. I caught one right before it could be made when the printer ran out of plastic thread to weave the suits out of. Her suits also universally didn't pass any sort of modesty check, with two of the designs literally being nothing but a support structure to keep her breasts up, but not cover them. We're not making underwear here, I thought.

When Gascogne finally returned to relieve me, my eyes had glazed over and I was pushing the delete key mechanically as I sort through the last batch. I was barely registering the music playing in my headphones.

"You're free to go." The Reg leader says casually. "I kicked everyone else out, and we'll make sure everything's in order for tomorrow."

I sit back in the chair and heave a sigh. "Thank god. Okay, I'm going back to my room and I'm not coming out unless we get attacked." A heavy hand lands on my shoulder. I look up to find that Gascogne has planted her hand on me... and she's putting quite a bit of force down on it. I can't budge from my chair. "What's the matter?"

"You haven't made yourself a swimsuit yet." Gascogne says, a devious grin spread across her face. "The rest of us have one, so you need to join in."

I glare at her. "Bart and Duelo don't have any either." I point out. "So, none of us will have-"

Gascogne leans over me, pressing her breasts into the back of my head to type on the keyboard. She brings up two swimsuits, both of which are very, _distressingly_ brief. I think we call them banana pouches back home, but I don't know. I also don't WANT to know. _EVER._

I quickly remove the things from the screen. "Not wearing one of those if you gave me control of the ship." I say plainly.

She shifts the metal stick around in her mouth. "Really? Not for even for the ship? Embarrassed?"

I shake my head. I don't get embarrassed. "Those are what people wear to get attention. That's not my goal, and besides I don't think I'd like the attention I'd get when wearing it..." Dita in particular might decide to see what's under it... "Besides, I don't want to be captain."

"Not even for one day?" Gascogne wheedles.

I bring up the design interface on the terminal and bring up a pair of loose swim shorts without any fancy inner linings, then resize them to my waist, and plaster a random pattern onto it. I idly note that the base color ends up being pink, but I decide I don't much care. "There. Can I go now?"

Gascogne frowns slightly, but releases her grip, her prey slipping out of her grasp at the last second. Then, her eyes light up, and she looks back at the monitor with a calculating expression.

She isn't able to react before I snatch the metal stick from her mouth and squeeze it in my left hand. I hand the now-key shaped metal stick back to a surprised Gascogne. "And if you decide to alter my order..." I gesture to the key, and walk out without another word.

Hopefully, that vague threat will hold her at bay. It's not like I can actually remember the contents of the box, or even what the box looks like.

Whatever, I'm fairly confident that I'm not going to be wearing anything banana related when we head down to the surface of Rodrigo in, let me think, thirty six hours? sounds right.

"How did you know about my key?" Gascogne asks, her hand clutching the small object. "Nobody knows about it. Not even the captain."

I glance back at her face, set in stone with eyes that seem to be piercing my soul.

I smile at her, my general, polite smile. "Why, Miss Gascogne, if I told you it wouldn't be useful as blackmail."

* * *

My watch reads midnight-thirty as I leave the Reg, having eaten lunch at around noon. I missed dinner, that's for sure.

At least I have a decent stock of food pills. They're bland, but they give you a burst of energy unlike any energy drink you've ever had. In fact, I ran the numbers. three hundred hours per food pill means twelve and a half days of energy. A standard diet says two thousand kilo-calories a day, for a total of twenty five thousand kilo-calories. This energy is packed into a pill that fits in the palm of my hand. I guess that each pill weighs about two grams.

This means the pills have very high energy densities, 52 billion joules per kilogram if I didn't mess up my scientific notation. By the way, this mean that it's about two thousand times more energy in it than _the fuel rods in nuclear reactors._

I could power our planet for a year with a bucket of the stuff, I swear. Maybe. I don't actually recall usage statistics, and I don't know how well we could harness the pills to generate electricity. Still, this stuff is scary powerful.

And unfortunately for my hungry belly, not very filling either.

I pull out my headphones and place them back over my ears.

A song I haven't heard before is playing, which is unusual since I hadn't gotten any new music since coming from home.

"Oh, yeah, that new Jacob Tillberg song." I mutter out loud to myself. "What was it? Broken?"

 _Oh, every night is like a daze_  
 _But oh, I'm feeling raise_  
 _Yes, I know I'm running late_  
 _Let's wait just one more day_  
 _I know I'm running_  
 _Away from romance_  
 _What am I becoming?_  
 _I guess something's broken_

 _I guess something's broken_  
 _I guess something's broken_  
 _What am I becoming?_  
 _I guess something's broken_  
 _I guess something's broken_

Heh. I like it.

I put it on repeat, and start stepping to the beat. Despite the lateness of the hour, I'm not really tired. Must be because how close to sleep I was during the whole swimsuit appraisal. Maybe I'll go to that great forest garden thing they have going on?

Something to note, it's impossible to get to the bridge area, including the garden, without passing by the briefing room. It's a design feature, since the room is thus central and anyone can easily reach it during an emergency. It makes for a great meeting spot. Right now, there appears to be a meeting. judging by how loud everyone is, there's something major going on.

I decide to peek my head in to see what's going on.

I'm sure almost everyone knows the old idiom, "curiosity killed the cat." I've never felt it was valid, since my curiosity is what drove me to find out about all sorts of things. I have had to use my own fair share of eyebleach though, as anyone who hangs out on the internet too long has. I wish I still had some left.

Inside the room, packed with the younger pirates (fifteen to seventeen, by my mark), all watching a large screen normally reserved for tactical displays. Instead of it's normal showing, someone had hooked up an anime. At first, I didn't recognize it. How could I? Mejare wouldn't air something with guys and girls working together, and I have a hard time thinking of any that fit the bill. Maybe with a bit of editing, Senran Kagura would pass, and a lot of small slice of life shows like Girlfriend(Kari) would get by as well. Oh! and Keijo. That one would need a lot more editing though.

You know, given how much perverted anime I watch, it's surprising that I'm this calm around females. Please tell me 3D isn't ruined for me. I don't think I'd be able to handle it.

Slowly, I begin to recognize the show. There's no subtitles, but I still understand what's being said thanks to the Paksis. There's two girls on screen, the first one scrawny and short, reddish-purple hair made into twin braids and a cat shaped clip near the front, and orange eyes. Oh, and big boobs. She's talking with a tall lady, one with blond hair, a dour look on her face, and larger boobs. It slowly starts dawning on me, once I look past the characters and to the background, a nice sandy beach.

"Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid?"

The travesty of a show, one only surpassed by Seikon no Qwaser, had left deep psychological scars. Why in the hell did this of all shows end up sticking around?

I hadn't notice I had spoken aloud until Dita turns around in her seat and spots me. "Mister Alien! Did you come to join in the research?"

"Research?" I ask before I can stop my mouth from forming the words.

"Uh-huh! You mentioned beach episodes earlier, and I thought I'd show everyone what you meant. Since Valkyrie Drive is mostly on a beach, I thought it would be the best choice." She stops for a second, as the eyes of the other occupants are torn away from the screen and towards , I was having a hard time of it myself, since the blond is currently molesting the redhead to turn her into a weapon. "Wait, how did you know what this was called?"

A shiver runs down my spine. "I, ah-"

Zan pops up beside me. "Do they have anime on other planets?"

"Anime about Tarak?"

"Wow, d'you think Deulo has any?"

The crowd had started to chatter.

I don't have much anime on my laptop. No, that's relegated to my four terabyte hard drive hooked up to my desktop. My _almost full_ four terabyte hard drive. I have a lot of anime, only about ninety-three percent of it illegal. And for the first time since getting here, I was glad I didn't have it. I have a feeling it might have gotten confiscated right about now for "educational purposes."

Instead of answering any questions, I edge backwards towards the door. I might be able to make my escape, but only if I can sprint back to my room and hit the plasma bars before anyone gets me. There's not much confidence in my thoughts as I see some of the security personnel already limbering up to get me. Some of those girls can run _quick._

Still, I decide to run. I bolt out the door, legs pumping, shoes slipping slightly against the shiny metal floor.

Two sets of arms wrap around me seconds later, dragging me down to the ground, my forehead bouncing off the floor.

And then there was nothing.

* * *

A breather episode! Nothing of any note happens! Next time! More swimsuits and exclamation points!


	13. Chapter 13: Ablation Plating Wanted

This chapter's lateness can be explained in five words: I got an HTC Vive.

It's bloody awesome. My room's also a lot smaller, since I needed to make space.

I always have a plan for each chapter. Usually, nothing goes according to plan. Not in any major ways, but conversation start, head off on tangents, and things start to flow, leading me down a path I didn't mean to tread.

This chapter, it happened a lot earlier than I though it would. See if you can figure it out!

* * *

The Nirvana, for all of it's amazing functions and features, is not very aerodynamic. Oh, sure, it looks sleek, but it's massively unbalanced, top heavy, and it's just... _big._ So when four fifth of the crew decide to head down to the surface, it involves lot's of work. Gascogne and a few of her less lucky pilots had been forced to shuttle the majority of the Nirvana's crew to the surface of Rodrigo.

Did I mention that there's a giant enemy ship in orbit? Yeah. It warped in about five hours ago. All of the fighter pilot have since deployed and are acting as guards, since the threat of imminent death isn't enough to cancel vacation.

 _Just like in a beach episode._ Some part of me snickers to itself.

Still, this leads to an uneasy standoff as I wait for the harvester ship to decide to come after us, surely dooming us all to a watery grave below supposing we don't burn up in the atmosphere. The pilots are uniformly discontent with the possible exceptions of Meia and me. As far as I could tell, she hadn't participated in the whole swimsuit mess the day before yesterday, nor Dita's little party. As for me, I wasn't planning on swimming anyway. The rest fly their ships are restlessly, their longing unconsciously showing up in their piloting.

Dita's being quite vocal about it too. "...and I was going to wear my new swimsuit!"

"Yes, Dita." Meia sighs. "And as I've told everyone else, we can't go down there until we figure out what the big ship over there is." I swear she shot me a glare through her video feed. "When that happens, We'll head down there right away."

I had given Meia a brief rundown of what was happening on Rodrigo. Brief in that it was a single sentence. "The enemy is harvesting spines and they use the rising tides to herd people into a central point for collection."

She had been grateful for the information, but realized quickly that she couldn't actually tell anyone that, because how would she know that? It made her more frustrated than normal, which meant my own mental health had been on decline.

Back when I first boarded this vessel, I thought BC was the hard ass, and Meia was just irritable. I've since been forced to revamp my opinion. BC's just the way she is because of her upbringing on Tarak. Meia is genuinely hell-forged.

"John, won't you combine-" Jura starts, her Dread edging dangerously close to my Vanguard.

"No, Jura." I jerk my controls away from the offending fighter and a bit closer to the planet. "We're busy right now." I ignore the subsequent whine coming from the oldest pilot and look down at the planet Rodrigo. Up at. Er, I'm upside-down according to planetary reference.

First person who quotes Ender's game at me gets shot once I get home. Sure, it's all well and good to pick an arbitrary direction and say down, but try telling your brain that. I can't exactly feel the gravity of the planet from where I am, but I'm still in it's gravity well, so the direction gravity is in is down. I'm upside down, and I'm going to stay this way.

Someone needs to convince the crew of the Nirvana that space is three dimensional, and it might as well be me.

Dita's Dread drifts close once again, and I subtly pilot my own ship away from hers. The two women have been jockeying for combination privileges ever since we got sent out here to defend the landing party. Emphasis on party. I can only thank whatever gods are out there that Meia isn't joining in.

It's what I like about her, to be honest. I never really cared for the manic pixie type or the overbearing lust buckets. No, I like the ones that'll snark right back at you when you get on their nerves. I like women that are strong physically and emotionally. Resolute. She kicks ass too, being one of the better trained pilots on the ship. I watched her spar once, and she wasn't even breathing hard after taking on two of the security team members at once. Hell, she even ticks off the physical characteristics box. Athletic, boobs aren't quite at gag-boob level, sharp eyes. My type, if you could call it that.

Unfortunately, she likes/loves me, depending on how I interpret her actions once I flipped out at her. I don't feel the same way, and I never have felt the same way. Sure, she's attractive, and if I had the chance I might screw her. Yes, she's fun to talk to. She's strong, snarky, and generally what I look for in a girl. Still, none of that adds up to love.

I never figured love out. It's not those things I mentioned, or at least not only those things. There's something else, something that drives you to protect someone else without regard to yourself. I've never felt that. Though, given my actions back on the sand planet, some might say otherwise. Maybe I just love everyone? I snort at myself at the thought. I generally want to stab people, not shower them in affection. As one of my college friends would say to me, "You're not racist or sexist. You clearly hate everyone equally."

I idly rub at my arms, trying to get rid of the freezing sensation. The Paksis still hates me for whatever reason, and it doesn't seem to want to let me thaw any time soon. The red Paksis was fear, right? It responded to fear and anger, and that turned our Paksis afraid as well. Though, I never figured out how the two were related. Do sentient space spheres have siblings the same way we do?

Anyway, I'm not some giant ball of fear. I'm not afraid of anything I've come across yet. That leaves anger. I'm not a particularly angry person, I don't think. I like to think I'm generally congenial unless I'm really really tired, or drunk, or out of options...

A video screen pops up in the corner of my vision. Meia's face fills it. "John, you're leaving formation." All business, which allows me to jam all my musings into a corner of my brain on get back on task.

I glance at my positional data. "Oh, whoops. Correcting." The line should have gone dead, but she keeps it open even as I return to my place, dodging yet another maneuver from Dita.

I clear my throat once, twice, and then turn back tot the holographic projection. "Is there something you need?"

"We need to discus a few things in private. I haven't had the opportunity to talk with you in a while."

I narrow my eyes. It's true, since Meia has commander duties all the time and I'm generally in the cell, the Reg or in the pilot seat. Most of the time if we can talk to each other, there's several other people who are within earshot. Privacy has been at a minimum, even in my own "room." "Alright. This channel is secure enough. What's up?"

She turns her head to the side, slightly uncharacteristically. "No, I think I'd rather ask this in person."

I shrug. "Alright. Though, I can't say my room is exactly secure, given it lacks one wall."

"My room's secure."

It take my brain a moment to catch up. Did... Meia just invite me to her room? Wasn't that supposed to be the running gag of season two? With Dita?

Uh oh.

I keep my face neutral. "Ah, I guess. Well, time to get back to guarding." I close the connection. Maybe I've been spending too much time with Meia.

Before I can do anything else, something slams into me from behind. I twist around in my seat to find Barnette's Dread shoving me at the enemy harvester. Immediately the comms start bursting with yelling and orders to return to formation. Barnette backs off, but I have a much harder time getting my own craft under control.

"What was that for?" I manage to pick up Dita's voice.

"I-" Barnette begins, but Jura cuts her off.

"I will now combine with John!" The red Dread leaps from formation at me, still having trouble trying to stop the spinning. So much spinning.

The warning klaxon starts up, warning us all of an impending attack. It seems the harvester has launched a few of the cube type ships.

I reach back and grab the sword off my back. It's not like I can aim at anything, but I doubt any of the robots are stupid enough to get too close while I'm a whirling ball of pointyness.

My doubts ended up being for naught. I feel it through my entire body as the blade slams through first one, then another of the enemy robots, my viewport flashing between the planet below and the robots surrounding me, some of which are cut in two. Newton's laws also give me an assist, each collision's equal-and-opposite effect slowing my rotation down to more reasonable levels.

Once I finally get my bearings, I hardly have any time to react before four of the square bots latch onto me and start dragging me towards the planet. One of them reaches over and grabs the sword out of my hand, throwing it back at the Nirvana almost casually.

"Oh, you bastards." I reach out and punch they eye of the robot clutching my left arm with my right, then bring up my knee to its center of mass. despite the damage I'm causing it, it holds on.

The edges of my armor start to glow as the clump consisting of me and four robots enter the upper edges of the atmosphere. I remember learning that it's not really mostly air friction this high up, but compression, but I'm not sure how well that applies in this universe. Whatever it is, I'm not that likely to survive it. After all, back on the sand planet we used those umbrella things to survive our descent.

I jam one of my thrusters on, effectively shifting out center of balance and forcing one of the bots to take the pressure of reentry.

The ocean planet below us slowly begins to expand, a glittering jewel marred by the fireball we make as we soar above it. The robot I have placed to use as a heat-shield is doing a great job, its hull glowing quite nicely as its edges whittle away, shards of molten metal flying away from us at great speed. These cube type are clearly not made for reentry either, given how fast the first one melts to slag. I quickly move another one under my feet like a skateboard, and then wave my hand to move the hot air around in the cockpit. Either the Paksis stopped attempting to freeze me to death or that's just how hot reentry is.

I glance upwards to find that two Dreads had decided to follow me down. I would bet everything I own that Jura's one of them, but then who's the second? Both of the ships ore glowing with heat, making it too difficult to see what color their paint scheme is, or even if there's any paint remaining.

As my second ablative plate finally disintegrates, I pry the blinded robot off my left arm and hold it against me like a toboggan. I'm fairly close to the surfface of the water now, and I want to slow my descent before I hit the water at terminal velocity.

Whatever terminal velocity ends up being on Rodrigo.

The two Dreads pull up even with me, and I wave with my free arm. I still can't see who is in either of them, but that's not really much of a concern right now. The surface of the ocean is coming up awfully quick.

I have just enough time to wonder if Vanguards are able to float before I hit the water at something like mach two.

My head slams into the front panel of the Vanguard, my brain exploding with pain. A thousand stars light up my vision, making it harder to see through the steam from the water boiling around me and the spray I kicked up from landing, shortly replaced by bubbles boiling away as my mech is swallowed by the waves.

Have you ever been something that sinks? You get surrounded by a crushing sensation. Not only does the water pressure make your ears pop, but the water quickly darkens and your eyes tell you that the world is closing in on you.

That one part of my mind, the part that likes to watch what I do and snark at me, notes that the Vanguards do not, in fact, float.

Something else crashes into the water, though I can only feel it due to all the bubbles. A second later I feel another bump as something else lands in the water, and then another, and another-

And then one last giant one that manages to slam into me.

Machinery whirs around and around, and before I realize what's happening, I'm looking up at a glowing sphere about five feet across hovering around a central pillar covered in buttons.

Oh, god. It looks like Jura was successful in her efforts to combine with me. Wait for it...

Vandread Jura rises from the ocean, water streaming off of it in tiny waterfalls. Where the water gets caught, it boils away quickly, our brief stint in the ocean not being long enough to cool the craft down completely.

Around us, a few of the robots that survived reentry surface as well. Unlike what I remember from the show, these are not pristine, untouched models as if they were fresh out of the harvester, but melted, twisted, and in some cases barely hovering. One of them tilt's the top of it's body sideways, making it look like a curious dog.

Jura starts pressing buttons and laser shoot out of a few disks I hadn't seen up till this point. The lasers destroy the crippled enemy units and the ocean becomes quiet for a moment.

Only a moment, as Barnette's Dread soars by just overhead, paint mostly gone from the heat. "Jura! Are you alright?"

"Of course!" The blond responds, already looking like she's about to launch into an "o ho ho" laugh. "And now my magnificent form is-"

A screen pops open with what looks like Barnette's view of Vandread Jura.

Jura freezes in place slowly turning red, then purple. Someone says "crab" over the radio, and the color drains suddenly. "NO! This ugly thing can't possibly be my Dread!"

"I warned you." I mutter under my breath. "Not my fault you're way to stuck up." I start pressing buttons on the central column, only to see the overhead sphere changing with every button. None of them are having the desired effect of making us move. Instead, I turn around in my seat and start fiddling with the control surfaces on the outside ring of the cockpit.

Jura continues to whine, but I've gotten very good at tuning things out recently.

Of course, then the ship lurches and starts rocketing forwards, and I look back to see Jura throwing a full fledged temper tantrum against the controls in front of her.

Meia's voice comes in over the radio. "Are you two alright?"

"I'm fine, but Jura's reverted to about seven years old." I comment. "Also, her cockpit has more buttons than a closet full of coats and none of them are labeled. I don't know how to pilot this thing."

"Well, figure it out quickly. You're on a collision course."

"With the city?" I ask.

"Nope." Meias voice tightens slightly. "You're headed right for the float that most of the crew is stationed on."

 _...FUCK!_

I start poking more buttons, but then something occurs to me. If Jura's flailing got us moving, then the controls are on her side. I kick the floor, sending me arcing around the cabin and slamming sideways into Jura's seat. SHe complains, her tone of voice shifting up another octave, but I continue to ignore her blithering. God, I hate people like her.

I manage to press a button that slows us down to a crawl before we collide with anything, and figure out the controls enough to at least choose a direction of travel and stop before we reach the float. Jura had stopped ranting once I had hip checked her, and is now sulking with her knees to her chest.

Once we're hovering over the float and I judge that the crowd had backed up to a safe enough distance, I snap my fingers in front of Jura's face. this startles her out of her sulk.

"What?" She snaps.

"Figure out how to eject me." I say. "It's the fastest way to return your Dread to nor-"

"NO! This can't be right! My Dread has to be the most beutiful, so stop being so uncooperative and FIX IT!"

I raise an eyebrow at her. "I'm trying to, Just figure out how to eject my Vanguard-"

"No, I want you to fix my combined form, NOW!"

"...You want me to fix the combined form? How?"

"Make it beautiful!"

"...I don't have any control over it's form. As far as I know, only the Paksis has any control over that kind of thing."

"Liar! You were trying to convince me that my Dread would be ugly, so you must be influencing it!"

You know what? I can't even fault her for that conclusion. How would I know what Vandread Jura would look like before we combined? I shake my head and go back to pressing random buttons. Usually, the Paksis is the one in control of when we separate. I think. Before, we'd always separate right before we docked with the Nirvana, aside from the one time I forced Vandread Dita apart by sending a spike of fear through Dita. Maybe there isn't an eject lever, in which case I'm stuck in here until the Paksis sees fit to kick us apart.

Jura looks like she's about to blow her top, I don't think I can scare her in this state, and I am not looking forward to having to spend more time than is necessary. "Jura, I don't have any control over this. Heck I don't even think it looks bad, just not very aerodynamic."

"Fix it!"

"I can't." I put ice into my tone. "This is what your combination looks like. Get over yourself."

"No!"

...This is going to take a while, isn't it?

* * *

Eventually, Vandread Jura seperates, and our two ships land on the float.

I say float, but it's massive. If you imagine an outrigger canoe with the float as the central hull, it could use American Super-carriers as it's outrigger pontoons. The thing is massive, allowing for aircraft and spacecraft to land and take off with plenty of room to spare. In fact, it even has building which have been set up as changing rooms and a kitchen or two. Seems like the kitchen staff isn't getting much of a break.

I want to ask where the hell they got this thing, but I'm not sure I want the answer.

Anyway, I'm currently lying down on a beach chair, on a massive float on an ocean planet called Anpathos. Not Rodrigo. I could have sworn they never named this planet in canon, but I guess that doesn't stop the real version having a name.

Surrounding me is the average male's idea of a perfect beach. Screw "two girls for every boy," With most of the crew down here already, it's something like two hundred to one, if not more. All of them are wearing swimsuits from modest one pieces all the way to the "barely there" swimsuit that is held on by either sheer force of will or glue. Not sure which.

I have my eyes closed, not because I'm above the influence, but because I don't want anyone getting any ideas. I'm still not sure why the girls in this universe act one-dimensionally, if it's some part of their upbringing or if they're programmed that way or maybe just the universe screwing with their heads, given it's a harem series.

"Johnny, come on and let's go swimming!" Zan tugs on my arm.

"Yeah, Mister Alien! Let's go!"

Of course, ignoring those two won't get me anywhere since they already have massive crushes on me. I slowly open my eyes to find two pairs of eyes looking down at me expectantly. Zan's wearing a white and yellow stripped bikini with ruffles on the front of the top. Dita's got on some sort of green tankini that is tight enough to reveal her curves.

"...Can't swim." I lie. then close my eyes.

"We'll teach you!" Zan insists.

I don't want to swim. I want to bask in the warmth of a real star while I have the chance. I haven't had the chance to do that in way too long. I open one eye and glare at Zan. "Why don't you go ask Duelo or Barnette or..." I shrug.

"Because I want to swim with you, Mister Alien!" Dita says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. To be fair, it is pretty obvious.

I sigh, giving up for now. The two girls start hopping in place once they recognize that I'm getting up, and then they practically drag me to the water's edge. The float has a ramp wide enough to accommodate maybe six or seven cars side by side dropping into the water, and that ramp is thoroughly clogged with pirates.

Sexy pirates.

I look up at the star, letting the warmth spread over my skin as the women drag me to the waters edge. Once my feet start slapping into water rather than dry... land? I look back down.

Dita draws me down to about waist deep into the ocean and starts to give me the standard kick and paddle instructions, clearly intending to use the excuse to hold my hands. Instead, I take off towards open ocean, executing a probably abysmal crawl, but at least it's fast and effective.

Also, can I just say how nice it is not to need glasses or contacts? Those suck, and I can't wear them when I'm swimming. This has to be the first time I can actually see when I'm swimming. Not that there's much out here, aside from girls. Underwater just fades to murky blackness, I can't see any ocean life. I wonder how that works, given that most of the oxygen on earth comes from ocean growth, and that's how I assumed this planet got it's atmosphere from. Maybe Earth retrofitted this planet with an atmosphere before abandoning some people to breed for... Wasn't it the nervous system? Maybe just the spinal cord. I was never quite clear on that.

I play with the two, and several of the others who got caught up in a big swimming volleyball game for a while, then go back to my seat when it seems like nobody's looking.

I really should have known better. As soon as I close my eyes, another familiar voice reaches my ears. "Would... Would you like to grab something to eat?"

I open one eye back up to find Meia standing over me and fidgeting. "Meia? Didn't expect you to get in on the festivities."

Her cheeks color. "Yes, well, all of the other girls were talking about their swimsuits so much I... well, what do you think?"

I sit up and let my eyes move away from her face. What I see almost causes me to blanch. I was expecting quite, reserved Meia to be wearing a wetsuit. Actually, I was picturing a less form-fitting version of her pilot suit. Instead, what I got was essentially the black part of her suit without the white, with an allowance for some extra material to cover her breasts. The suit even stretched down the back of her calves and covers her shoulders and biceps the same way her normal suit does.

"What? Does it look strange?"

"Uh, no. Just not what I was expecting. You said food?"

* * *

Slowly, as we continue to talk well after we had finished eating, I realized I was in trouble. Officially, truly, deeply.

I used to have a girlfriend. It didn't end well, largely due to my actions. Before her, I had a few people that had flirted with me at one point or another, whether I realized it at the time or not. All of them, all of the girls that I liked to hang out with and that liked to hang out with me, had a few things in common.

They're all intelligent. They could all hold high level conversations. Right now, I'm talking to Meia about my small robot, and she's been contributing to the conversation, not just listening passively. They've all been the sarcastic type. Meia's not quite there, but she's been growing a dry wit since we've been spending so much time together. Continuing on, she also knows how bad I get, which only my previous girlfriend knew. She knows what to talk about to keep my interest.

Lastly, the stupidest, most coincidental thing about all of the girls that I've noticed in the past, they all start with the letter M.

No, I'm serious. Meg, Malyssa, Marisa, Mari, and now Meia. After Mari, I made sure not to hang out with girls starting with M. I somehow forgot that rule when I got here. Probably since she spells her name with an " **め** ". Or... I don't think I've seen a lick of Japanese text since I got off Tarak. Maybe she does spell her name with an M. I'll have to find some Japanese text to see if my head automatically translates it like I do words.

So here I sit, thoroughly enjoying myself and hating myself for it. It's so unfair of me to lead her on like this. Dita and Zan too. They deserve much better than me. What am I but some sort of psychopathic replacement for a good man? Sure Hibiki had his flaws, but he was a good person. I'm just a selfish prick who likes watching anime.

Silence falls as the star starts to get occluded by the horizon, turning the sky all kinds of shades of red. I was expecting more exotic colors, but I guess this planet is earth-like enough to be similar in this regard as well. I start to sing under my breath, just loud enough to reach my own ears but wiped away by the wind.

 _There's no hate, there's no love_  
 _Only dark skies that hang above_  
 _I call your name as I walk alone_  
 _Send a signal to guide me home_  
 _Light the night up, you're my dark star_  
 _And now you're falling away_

 _But I found in you, what was lost in me  
_ _In a world so cold and empty  
_ _I could lie awake just to watch you breathe  
_ _In the dead of night, you went dark on me_

I stop there, feeling like I've expressed myself well enough. To my surprise, Meia continues. Not very well, she's slightly off key, but not so bad that it's impossible to listen to.

 _You're the cause_  
 _The antidote_  
 _The sinking ship that I could not let go_  
 _You led my way, then disappeared_  
 _How could you just walk away and leave me here_  
 _Light the night up, you're my dark star_  
 _And now you're falling away_

 _But I found in you what was lost in me_  
 _In a world so cold and empty_  
 _I could lie awake just to watch you breathe_  
 _In the dead of night you went dark on me_

I join in for the rest of the song.

 _Blinded I can't do this on my own  
You are all I've got to guide me home_

 _I could lie awake just to watch you breathe_  
 _In the dead of night you went dark on me_

 _Dark on me  
Dark on me  
Dark on me  
Dark on me  
Dark on me_

 _I could lie awake just to watch you breathe_  
 _In the dead of night you went dark on me_

"I'm surprised you know that one." Meia says after a small amount of time. "It's not that well known on Mejare."

"Remember, I come from a different universe. I think." I remind her. "That's a song I know from back then. Also, Zan's been teaching me a lot of Mejaren tunes, ones that I don't know from back home."

"Really?" Meia asks.

I nod. "Yes. I especially like fly away. Been trying to master it, but the voices are a bit too high for my voice to work with them."

She bobs her head in understanding.

We fall back into a comfortable silence, and again I curse how well we get along together. I can see history repeating itself in front of me.

I need to fix this, and I need to do it now. I need to impress on her that I'm not a good person, that she should shift her attention elsewhere. How do I accomplish that? I never figured it out in reality, so I delve into my anime watching habits for reference material. Hey, it's an anime world, maybe anime logic will help. I get about as far as that particular thought before I remember that the majority of anime like to portray love as a mostly permanent thing, even when rejected and the subject of the love marries someone else.

By that convention, I can't get her to realize how bad a person I am. I'll have to just make it clear verbally and try to spend as little time as I can around her. In that order. I take a few deep breaths to make sure I'm calm. I am. I can do this.

"Meia."

"Yes?"

"I realize that-"

Between my eyes and hers, a screen pops out of nowhere, the hologram projecting BCs strained face. "John, tell me you're ready for combat."

I can almost hear my thought process grinding to a halt and reversing. "Sure, I can be. What's up?"

"The ships above have made their move. We think that our enemy is harvesting these people's spines. Worse, the population thinks that the hrvesters are some sort of god."

"I hate fanatics as much as the next guy, but so what? Just let them get harvested."

BC grimaces. "We can't get out."

I blink. "What?"

"The captain and are are trapped here by the rising tide. We can't get out of here unless the water level falls. We need you and the other pilots to stop the harvester before it gets us."

That... I... Oh fuck. I whip around to look at the section of the float where the Dreads are parked. It's too dark to see, so I hope Jura's still sulking on top of her Dread. If I remember correctly, Jura and Hibiki barricaded the planet while the Nirvana cleaned house. Lots of lasers. I just have to get blondie on the same page. "Alright, I'm on it." I reply, and stand up to head for my Vanguard.

Beside me, Meia looks at me curiously. "Have a plan?"

I nod. "Get Jura to stop sulking, barricade the planet, everyone else pelts the enemies with lasers until they go away."

She considers this for a minute. "I'll trust your judgement. By the way, what were you going to say earlier?"

I can't do anything but sigh.


	14. Chapter 14: Crabby and Delusional

FYI, Anpathos is the name given for what I called Rodrigo in canon. I just somehow never registered the scene until I watched episode 9 for the five billionth time while trying to write that chapter.

THE MORE YOU KNOW!

* * *

"Come on!"

"Noooooo!"

The urge to punch the stuck up blond is rising. Jura really knows how to drag out the "Iiya" to send electricity up and down my spine. I've mentioned it before, but I still hear the language spoken in Japanese, and I understand what each word means. It's not being converted to English first before I can understand it. I can also speak it well enough, though I had a bit of trouble enunciating my "tsu" properly at first.

The reason I bring this up is because if Jura was just being translated, "no" is a deeper sound, one I could block out. "Iiya" is high pitched. And piercing.

Which is why I want to punch her.

"Look, who cares if your Dread isn't the most beautiful? It's still more powerful than most of the others!"

"Most?" She scoffs, despite her pout. "Mine is the most powerful!"

"And we need to use it to stop the captain getting her _spine_ _ripped out!"_

"NO!"

"GRRR!"

I rub my face.

God, I wish I was a chessmaster type. One of those smooth types that can just tell people what they need to hear to get them to do what they need to do. Think. What drives Jura? Beauty? No, more like...

Ego.

"Jura, if you save the captain, the vice-captain, and the rest of this damn planet, won't you be a hero?"

She finally looks at me, though a bit suspiciously. I decide to continue pressing.

"Surely then you'll prove your Dread is the most powerful of them all. You might even be able to ask a favor of the captain."

I have her full attention now. "Do you think?"

"Yeah, probably." I hope I don't get lynched by the captain for this. "So, let's go save the planet?"

She stands up and visibly resets her attitude, clenching her fist and shouting about how great her Dread is. Yeah, sure, let's just get our job done, m'kay?

A few minutes later and we're in orbit, approaching the section of space directly above the last remaining city above sea level.

By the way, Vandreads accelerate really, _really_ fast. You don't feel it in space, but these things cover serious ground. I almost blacked out a few times, though Jura seemed completely alright. Maybe she's gone through some sort of training. My seriously blood lacking brain still manages to draw out the thought that maybe I should make a note never to ride with Meia somewhere where gravity has a chance to override inertial compensators.

"Above" us in terms of the planet's gravity well sits the harvester ship. It's an ugly, bundt pan - barnacle - onion hybrid that has a vacuum that works IN SPACE, not that the vacuum is currently running. Now, sharp reader will note that that's patently stupid. Space is called space because there's nothing here, at least not in sufficient quantities to carry sound, breath, push off against, or most importantly in this case, create a lower pressure zone to suck air away. That's vacuums do, create a void and fill it with dirt and debris. Somehow, this harvester is creating a lower pressure than space.

That's not exactly possible.

I'm still mentally bitching about this while Jura is pressing buttons all around her, shoving me out of the way twice as she swings around. After the second bump, I look back down at her, irritated. "What are you doing?"

She seems not to register my tone as she points up at the sphere in the center of the cockpit. "That thing is causing some sort of gravitational anomaly. I'm trying to figure out what's it's doing and how it's doing it. From what these readings say, it looks like it's harnessing a black hole, but that shouldn't- What's that look for?"

I'm staring at Jura hard. "Wait, how do you know all this?"

She narrows her eyes. "I wasn't the pilot that failed the space anomaly test." She says.

I roll my eyes, but she has a point. She has to have at least SOME brains in her head. "No, not that. How do you know what the ship is doing?"

She points up at the incomprehensible sphere. I look up to it, and back down, my neck starting to complain from looking all around me so much. "You can read that?"

"You can't?" She stands out of her chair, reach up into the large display to a random red blob. "What's this mean?"

"It's a red blob. I don't know, is it the position we are above the planet?"

She stares at me incredulously. "Of course not! It's the relative gravitational pull! See how it's shifting towards the enemy as we get closer?"

"...No? Jura, are you sure? We've both only gotten to use this thing for a short time-"

"It's just like back at the academy." She retorts. "All of the pilots are required to learn how to read one of these. I got a custom sensor suite installed in my Dread to mimic it."

...What? Airhead Jura has a super advanced sensor suite on her ship? "You've got to be kidding me."

"Were you not trained in their use?" Her lips curl up in a smirk, then shifts to a crafty grin. "I guess I'll have to spend some teaching you the basics."

Her words send a shiver down my spine, adding to the now familiar ice from the Paksis. Scenes from the show from after Jura finds the reproduction book flash through my head. Before long though, my brain hard faults back to "Wait, how smart is she?"

I could have killed myself once I realized I had spoken aloud.

Her face has grown cold, as cold as it was when I first arrived on the ship, and as cold as it had been when I had broken Meia's arm. "Are you implying that I am an idiot?"

"I-"

"Did you see my usual demeanor and decide there was nothing there? I can be professional when I need to be. I graduated with honors from the pilot academy. I choose to enjoy my life rather than stay stuck up and cold like Meia." She leans in close. "Am I clear?"

My brain had completely quit, and I respond on automatic. "Crystal."

"Good."

She goes back to monitoring the situation as I slowly come back to reality. I can feel something inside me change, something important. I think I just finally acknowledged these people as... well, _people_.

I know I've told myself lots of times that these aren't characters, that they're real people, but I guess I just didn't believe it until just now. Maybe the realization that Jura has hidden depths behind the ditsy blond persona has finally shocked that last bit of doubt away. These are not the 2D people I liked to watch clown around on a spaceship on my computer. These are real people, with their own lives, histories, and skills. Sure, I'm privy to more than my fair share of them, but obviously not all of them.

When I look back up at the sky, I can see the harvester is moving, adjusting its "mouth" to start sucking up... er, what? All that's out here is us and the Nirvana. the rest of the fleet is down on the float, and it's not in range of the planet yet, right?

I get my answer a second later as the small robots the harvest fields closest to its maw are suddenly pulled inwards. Jura's display in the center of the Vandread suddenly lights up like a Christmas tree, a lot of warnings going off all at once. To me, it's a confusing 3D jumble of light, but Jura immediately starts pressing buttons in response.

In addition, the small escort bots leave formation from around the harvester and start clustering into two bunches. One headed for the Nirvana, another moving around to dodge the space vacuum and head for us.

"We need to intercept that ship before it gets into the atmosphere." Jura says. "From what this is saying, once it get's into the atmosphere, it will launch something at itself from the surface, which will be caught in it's massive gravity well." She frowns. "It has to be harnessing a black hole, to make gravitational field this big."

"Can't we put up a shield?" I ask. A moment later I curse myself. I must still be reeling from Jura's revelation. "Er, or... shoot super lasers at it?" I finish lamely.

Jura becomes thoughtful. "That could work. Scoot over." She commands. I shift my seat further around the ship as Jura starts fiddling with the controls where I had been sitting. She talks out loud as if on autopilot, her normally ditsy personality still not back. "This is based on the Mejare done control systems, and those have shielding programs right... here." She presses a button and the sphere above us suddenly goes blank.

Well, not actually blank. After a second, I notice a few pricks of blue light hovering around the green wireframe. Jura slowly begins to laugh, first normally and then switching to her princess 'o-ho-ho.'

"What?"

"When we are combined, I gain the most powerful shield!" She presses a few buttons, and the discs hovering around the edges speed off in all directions, linking up and creating the planet-wide shield. I glance out of the window to confirm with my own eyes that the planet is now safe. Sure enough, there's a weird glittery sheen of the entire atmosphere, giving in indescribably quality. The central display actually has words and labels now too. Fancy. "I am the greatest! My Dread is the greatest! Nobody else can cover an entire planet!"

At least she's cheerful again. "So... we're good then?"

"Well... I don't know how powerful the shield is, but it should stop the gravity beam."

"What about the harvester ship?"

She looks at the screen some more, her cheerfulness fading away a bit. "Er, it should be slowing down?"

I glance up. If anything, it looks like it's speeding up, though it might just be moving that fast already and distortion due to distance- you know what, it doesn't matter. "No, it's still coming."

The central display flips back the 3D space that I couldn't fathom. There's no writing anywhere! Labels! I need Labels! Who designs a UI without Labels!

Wait, I see some text, but it's really tiny, and partially obscured by other "messages".

"It's shifting its position slightly, heading for the nearest shield emitter." Jura says. "That's where the shield is weakest. They must be planning on taking out the emitter on the way down."

I grimace. "Alright, new plan. Fire lasers at it until it dies."

"We can't! Our output isn't anywhere close to enough to take it down, and Dita is still on the surface of the planet!"

Under the shield, of course. "Can we, I don't know, stack shielding around the point of impact?"

"I don't think it can be configured that way." Jura fiddles with more buttons. "I don't have time to experiment either!"

I glare at the Nirvana through the canopy. What's taking Bart so long to fire the lasers? Surely he's at the point where he's desperate enough to use them! I mean, he's being hammered out there, and if that didn't get him emotional enough for the Paksis to respond-

Oh.

Oh _SHIT._

Bart activates the lasers after Shirley dies, not here. What happened in the show then? I can't remember, though I'm pretty sure last time it was a close call _and_ there was the entire Nirvana fleet out here to fight.

I stare more intently at the Nirvana, easy to see against the blackness of space as its shields pulse with energy each time one of the little robots collides with it. This means the Nirvana has no weapon system. Which means that the only weapons in orbit on our side is us, and we're busy shielding the planet so nothing can get in or out, even reinforcements.

"Uh, Jura, we also have a swarm of those cube thing bearing down on us." I comment. "And our weapon system is busy."

Jura is still looking around, fiddling with one system in particular. I can't see what it is she's doing. She suddenly whips her chair around to grab onto me, sending the two of us speeding around in circles. "I got it! I can defeat it!"

"Er, great." I place my hand on her face and try to push her off. "So, can we be doing that? The enemy is getting really close, and the Nirvana's shields stopped glowing a while ago."

She lets go and points to a button on the center console. "Quick, press that!"

I slam my fist down, and the Vandread lurches downwards alarmingly. For a second, I don't realize what's going on, but then large disk that hadn't headed out with the others positions itself in the center of the claws just as a torrent of water comes up from the surface. Jura angles the emitter to send the water into the maw of the harvester ship, and I just stare up in amazement as Jura's idea works. The harvest suddenly stops sucking, then all at once implodes in on itself, leaving no trace.

The other robotic units stop firing their thrusters suddenly, and they head for the atmosphere of the planet, so much space junk to turn into shooting stars as they burn up upon entry.

Mission success?

Jura starts cheering, her bubbly personality back in full swing. She starts giving herself praise, saying how perfect her machine is, the complete 180 from her early attitude making me smile.

As Jura calms down enough to take down the shield, a rogue thought strikes me.

"Say, Jura. Does Dita have any... hidden depths, or is she actually the ditz she appears to be?"

Jura thinks for a second, then gets her mischievous grin going again. "Maybe you should watch her work on her dread once."

No, spare my heart. It'll stop if I get any more horrible wake up calls.

* * *

Bart lies down on the floor outside the piloting vestibule, groaning in pain. The bridge girls look at the pathetic man, then each other. Cel is still wearing her bear suit, her oh so lame protective barrier from the boys hardly ever gone these days.

Amarone thinks that Cel's reaction are a bit over the top, but she wouldn't push it. They've been friends too long for that. A hologram shows up in front of her, revealing the captain's face.

"Amarone, I need you to get to the hangar and escort john up there"

Amarone raises her eyebrow. "What for?" In the background, she can see some people running around, including Dita, who are busy making something in the background. Something that looks suspiciously like a wheelchair. Amarone briefly notes that the captain is hunched over in pain, and puts two and two together.

The captain grimaces. "I'll tell him that later. for now, just head down to the hangar."

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

When we get back to flying around the Nirvana, the first thing I notice is how badly it's damaged. I think this is the first time I've seen it even get scratched since the Nirvana grew itself a shielding system. It's really bad. A lot of the hull is blackened.

Jura and I end up separating and we land in the hangar. The skeleton crew that had volunteered to stay on board instead of heading down to the boat greets us. One of them, the dark skinned woman who's part of the bridge crew comes up to me. "The captain says you need to go up to the bridge right away." She says curtly.

I nod politely and step around her. She places a hard hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. She doesn't even look at me as she says "Don't bother Cel."

"Got it. Don't bother the cosplayer." I sigh. "I wonder what's going on?"

The trek upstairs is a long one, practically from the bottom of the ship to the top. Not helping is the detour due to an entire section locked down due to a hit that had landed and decompressed the whole compartment.

About halfway up, the captain's face appears before me. I throw her a cheerful salute, though I don't stop. "Captain."

"John. Headed to the bridge?"

"As ordered."

"Good. We're going to remain in orbit around Anpathos for a few more days as we make repairs." She says.

I wait for her to get to her point, but she's clearly waiting for me to say something. "Okay, right. Repairs. Do I... need to fix something on the bridge?"

She shakes her head, her face displaying amusement. It puts me on my guard. "No, I couldn't ask you to do that when we have much more skilled crew to do that. I wouldn't want one of your... errors to affect the ship."

"Hey. That was one time, and how was I supposed to know that you guys use _really unstable_ lithium batteries? I know better now."

"Yes, well, maybe another time. I need you to pilot the Nirvana."

..What? "What?"

"I need you to pilot the Nirvana for a few days. Bart isn't doing to well after that last battle, so I'm giving him some vacation time. In the mean time, I'm having you pilot it to make sure repairs go smoothly."

"Er, I'm not qualified-"

"I thought you were a pilot as well?" Magno says.

"That was Bart lying his ass off, and you know it." I glare at the screen. "Sure, I'll get in the pilot seat, if it'll let me."

"Excellent. Oh, and by the way."

"Yeah?"

"Jura says she expects to be made captain of the Nirvana for a day. Something you promised her, I think. I decided to make it three days, while we oversee repairs."

You... you bitch. "Hey!"

She cuts the connection. I feel like slamming my fist into a wall, but I think better of it. Hopefully, Jura's not too ridiculous a captain.

* * *

"...which is why the gravity effect worked." Jura conclude her long, long explanation on gravity generators.

I had made the mistake of asking her how the gravity generators worked, and the FTL, and... well, all of the sci-fi bits. That was a day ago. A literal day. Jura is quite knowledgeable about the ship's systems, and she's milking every bit of time with me she can. In between explanations, she would flirt at me, hinting at the start of her drive to be the first Mejare woman to have an all natural child. It's already started, god help me. Er, maybe I should pray to Madoka, or Homura. Anime is more real than reality right now, so it might even work.

On second thought, let's hope Kyubey isn't a real thing.

Anyway, I had stopped paying attention to the temporary captain a long time ago, once she started talking about "folding space-time in eight dimensions" and other things that generally seemed like technobabble. If I ever meet the Fixer again, I'm going to ask him how much of any given universe's physics is made up to suit the story. Or, is it the other way around where the bizarre physics and situations cause the stories?

My headache isn't getting better thinking about things. Instead, I content myself with my latest pet project: Trying to figure out how these damn holograms are projected. I can shove my arm right through them without disturbing the image, so it's not hard light. It's not getting shoved out of the way, either. It's not some sort of projector, at least as far as I can tell. Otherwise there would be shadows where the hologram couldn't reach like when I pressed myself into a wall.

Right now I'm busy wiggling my arm through Jura's happily explaining face to try to see if I can figure out which direction it's being projected from. Still no luck. The picture is fine aside from an arm block my view. I eventually give up and reluctantly look back at the monitor.

Instead of blond, I'm greeted by maroon. Dita has pushed Jura aside and is looking at me excitedly. "Mister Alien!"

Despite myself, I smile slightly. "What's up, Dita?"

"You're naked!"

My smile instantly evaporates. "No."

"But I didn't ask anything yet." Dita starts to pout.

"Okay, ask."

"Can I jo-"

"No."

"Aw, can I at least look-"

"No."

"Why? I want to see your tube!" She wails.

Thankfully for my ever-waning sanity, there's only the three of us on the bridge. I think. "Dita, no. It's like me just waltzing in on you while you're taking a shower."

"I don't mind!"

...I want to cry. "But I do!"

"Why?"

Jura interrupts from the side. "He's not going to show you, Dita. He's been saving himself for me!"

Well, there's her intentions spelled out, if I had any doubts it was headed that way. "No, I'm not. I'm not saving myself-"

Dita shove herself into frame again. "Then we can still get married?"

"What?" I had forgotten that detail. "No, Dita-"

"I'm going to get him to give me his babies!" Jura snaps at her fellow pilot.

A new window appears off to the side. I glance at it to see Meia with an amused smile on her face. "Having fun?"

"Save me."

"Sorry, no, captains orders."

"Typical."

Suddenly, her normal unexpressiveness stops and she looks to the side casually, a motion too out of place to actually seem casual. "So, they're still arguing over who gets you first again?"

"...first?"

Her face colors, and I can see her eyes track down for a second before flicking back up to my face. Right, she said something about Polygamy being acceptable on Mejare. Spreads the genes around more, mix 'em up for earth, I guess... I wonder how many male and female only genetic traits are being created now that we have effectively made ourselves mono-gendered species?

My eyes focus back on the monitor. "Look, back home it's not quite acceptable." I keep my wording vague since Dita and Jura are still on the line, though not really paying attention. "And I'm not comfortable with the idea."

She sighs. "I know. You still refuse to acknowledge our feelings."

"Hey. I acknowledge them." I say. "I just don't return them."

The captain's pod falls dead silent. I look back towards the front to find two surprised faces looking back at me. Dita's face starts to puff up, and before I can say anything, she bolts off.

"Well fuck."

* * *

It's the end of summer, I'm gearing up for what should be my last semester at college, and somehow I have more projects to do than I did at the end of last term. I blame my HTC Vive, writing fanfiction, and XCOM War of the Chosen.

Oh, and I started making an RPG MUD. If you know what that is without google, I'll let you beta test it when it's ready.

Next time: Panic, Panic, and more Panic.


	15. Chapter 15: Pre-party

I apologize profusely for this chapter being so late.

My internet became intermittent, and I was unable to upload anything. I managed to fix it after four days (something something WPA2 bullshit something) and so I'm posting this.

Because of how late in the week it is, I may not upload Sunday either. Depends on when I finish chapter 16.

* * *

I hadn't waited for acting captain Jura to give me permission.

I hadn't waited for the closest thing I had to a boss to give me the order.

I didn't hesitate, weighing the pros and cons, the way I always tell myself I would in this situation.

I leapt from the control module and tore after Dita.

Something was driving me. I don't know what it was, but it kept my feet pumping, my borrowed body straining to keep up with how hard I suddenly decided to push it. Only one thing matters right now, and that is catching up to the maroon head of hair turning corners right as I get a sight-line down the hallway.

Inevitably, I suppose, I turn a corner to find she's gone. No sight of her, and there's three branching paths she could have taken.

"FUCK!" I slam my fist into the wall, ignoring the creaking of bone.

A few seconds later, Jura runs up and pulls to a stop beside me. "Which way did she go?"

I shrug. "I lost sight of her."

Jura's face twists up and she suddenly reaches out to slap me. I'm not quick enough to dodge it. "What were you thinking?"

I slump against the wall. My will to fix what I just broke fading by the moment. "I... I forgot she was there. I'm too used to talking to Meia-"

"Oh, so it's okay to badmouth Dita behind her back, but when she's there, you pretend to be her friend?"

That gets on my nerves. "Oy. I never told Dita I liked her. I was trying to figure out a way to break it to her gently, and have been since I was abducted by you pirates!"

Jura crosses her arms and glares. "Then you should have told her immediately!"

"And what would that have accomplished?" I snort. "I'm trying to balance keeping everyone relatively happy, and that's not something I'm good at!"

"Keeping everyone happy? Who died and made you into our personal therapist?"

"Hibiki." I mutter under my breath. Louder, "The Paksis literally runs on emotions. Negative ones make us weaker, so avoiding that is a high priority."

"It's still no excuse to lead the poor girl on!" Jura leans in close, her eyes practically burning with anger.

I throw my hands in the air. "I'm not good at people! I can manipulate engineers, but not stupid, irrational, _emotional teenagers!_ I don't know how to gently let someone down. I don't know how to let her down, then still work with her. Still combine when we need the overwhelming power of her VanDread. If I was able to figure it out, maybe I wouldn't have spent the past three weeks pissing around with a robot mouse. So tell me, miss oblivious, what was I supposed to do?"

She leans back, drawing herself up to her full height. Her voice gets lower. " _What did you just call me?"_

"Oh, poor Barnette, continuously led on by the object of her affection, the woman who she spends all her time with, who she carries out crazy schemes with, and who she's practically glued to the hip to." I straighten up myself, wishing yet again that I was my original 6'4" so I could tower over her instead of the other way around.

"Pah. She and I flirt for fun, there's nothing deeper to it."

"Are you sure? _Really_ sure? Because that's not how anyone else sees it."

Jura falters for a second. "W-Wait a moment. That's preposterous!"

"Hey, at least I was trying to find a way to let Dita down gently. Poor Barnette doesn't even register in your mind as _there_." I shake my head dramatically.

I hear metal on metal, and when I open my eyes back up, Jura has her sword to my throat. "Shut. Up."

"Excellent case you're making here, why use words when you can use v _iolence!_ Hold on a second, isn't that what _I_ did? It is! I hurt Meia, and I was _locked up for a month._ I'm sure that you, being one of the ace pilots will be able to get out earlier, maybe a week-"

The point of the sword digs into my throat. I swallow the saliva building in my throat, and I can feel the tip moving with my Adam's apple. "I told you to shut up!"

"John? Jura?"

Meia comes from around the corner to find me pinned to the wall by a sword. Before anyone can say anything, Jura removed her sword from my throat and sheathes it, turning on her heel and heading down one of the paths.

I slump down and shake the residual tension from my body. "Here to read me the riot act as well?"

"No, I at least understand your situation. Jura wasn't entirely at fault either-"

Cutting her off, "No, I get it. She's just looking out for her friends." I take a deep breath and push away from the wall. "Do you know where Dita went?"

"Are you sure you want to talk to her now?"

I shrug. "I'm already crashing. If I'm going to catch fire, I might as well do it now."

* * *

Meia informs me of Dita's favorite spot on the ship, where she goes to be alone. It's not really that hard to guess.

I quietly open the heavy door to the hangar, pleading with the vacuum-tight door not to creak as I step through and push it back into place.

Dita is sitting in front of her Dread, one of the side panels off and a bunch of circuitry strewn about around her. I lean against my Vanguard and watch her work for a few minutes. Her hands dance around, barely glancing at her work as she traces tiny circuits with a soldering iron and solder, only stopping to reflow a blob or two here or there. Once done with one circuit, she plugs it back into her Dread and pulls out another.

The speed with which she does these actions is astounding, more like that of someone who's spent their entire lives doing it than a teenage girl who spends her time sewing dolls of aliens. I guess Jura was correct.

A flash of resentment crosses my mind. I really am the worst at everything in this world. I push it aside and take a few steps forward, calling as softly as I can manage. "Dita?"

She jumps slightly, dropping the circuit she was working on and almost dropping the soldering iron. "M-Mister Alien!"

I sit down a few paces from her. "I... I need to apologize."

She averts her eyes. "Oh, no. I was just being presumptuous-"

"No." I cut her off. "I could have told you at any time, but I didn't. It's my fault I didn't tell you, all you did was fall in love, which to my understanding is largely not under you control."

"B-but..."

"I know this isn't going to sound true, but I really didn't want to hurt you. I was trying to figure out how to let you down gently, and... I couldn't figure it out. SO I just postponed it. For a month."

"Why?"

"Why am I telling you this?"

"Why don't you love me?" She asks, finally looking back at me. I get a good long look at the tears in her eyes. I write the image to my memory, making sure I won't forget it.

"I don't know."

"That's not fair!" She stands up. "I've been trying-" She hiccups. "-trying so hard to catch your heart, long before Jura or Meia or Zan, and they've all gotten much closer to you than i have! Why does everyone-" She suddenly bites her tongue, and turns away again.

"Dita... I don't love any of them either."

"Liar. I see how you look at Meia."

"Meia's a friend. She's a confidant. But I'm not in a relationship with her."

"You're still with her all the time."

Something finally clicks in my head. Dita... all her weird tendencies, and how hard she decided to cling on to me. The way she accepted Hibiki immediately.

She was always alone. Even in a crowd, she was alone. She just wants someone who won't go away, no matter what.

I wonder what you have to do to a person to make them that way. Maybe get abandoned by your parents and left alone in a city that gets shut down.

I step up to her it two swift motions and wrap my arms around her. "Dita, I'm not a good person, but know this. Until I die, I won't leave you. I'll have your back as long as I'm here to have it. I can't be who you want me to be, but I won't leave."

The dams open up, and Dita bursts into tears. Her arms wrap around me, and we sink to the floor in a heap.

* * *

Meia watches from the hangar door, satisfied with the outcome. Personally, in her mind, John wasn't as bad as he insisted he was.

In her mind, he acts aloof, but when the chips come down he runs after the crying girl, sacrifices himself to save people who are openly hostile to him when they need it, and he is doing his best to bring about a happy ending for everyone.

Her own heart hurt from his words, of course. Nobody can stand to hear their own love say so cruelly that he doesn't return your affection.

Still, she won't give up. Not until she's exhausted every possibility.

She turns to go, but is stopped as a low voice starts to sing.

 _Musing through memories,_  
 _Losing my grip in the grey._  
 _Numbing the senses,_  
 _I feel you slipping away._  
 _Fighting to hold on,_  
 _Clinging to just one more day_  
 _Love turns to ashes,_  
 _With all that I wish I could say._

 _I'd die to be where you are._  
 _I tried to be where you are._

 _Every night, I dream you're still here._  
 _The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear._  
 _When I awake, you'll disappear,_  
 _Back to the shadows_  
 _With all I hold dear._  
 _With all I hold dear._  
 _I dream you're still here._  
 _I dream you're still here._

Meia wipes her eyes, and head back towards the bridge to find the temporary captain.

* * *

I don't remember falling asleep. I remember singing to Dita until she had cried herself to sleep. I remember rocking her back and forth, not once letting her go.

If I did, I'd lose something. I don't know what. Maybe some shred of humanity I had buried deep within myself. Maybe I'd lose Dita. Maybe we'd ALL lose Dita.

Maybe I'd lose myself again.

I must have dozed off myself, as when I woke up DIta and I had a blanket draped over us, and we were propped against the wall instead of lying in the middle of the hangar floor.

I still have Dita clutched tightly in my arms.

"All I make are mistakes." I whisper to nobody. "Both here and back home. I killed myself. I tried to manipulate people. I thought myself superior." I stare at the ceiling, which is oddly blurry. "You all are so much better than me, trying your best to get along with your enemies. You're all smart, talented, and beautiful. I don't and will never deserve your love." I close my eyes. "If I could, I would love you all with all my heart and soul."

I feel Dita stir in my arms. I close my mouth for a few minutes until she's still for long enough I'm sure she back asleep.

"I can't love you, but I will protect you. From Earth, from Mejare, from everyone in this universe if need be." I smiles slightly to myself. "And when you find someone to love, someone who returns your affection the way you deserve it to be returned, I'll step aside until you need me again."

I've decided. The muddled thoughts in my head clear, and I decide on a goal for myself. A plan. A way to fix what I had broken.

It's the only type of plan I can pull off, probably.

* * *

In his lap, listening to every word, Dlta's glazed-over eyes blink shut hard, to hold in the fresh gout of tears, these ones of a bitter joy.

* * *

Leaving Anpathos was an ordeal, especially attempting to re-orbit the float. It was eventually accomplished, and the Nirvana and crew went back to travelling towards Mejare.

Meia ducks around yet another ornament hung on the ceiling. Recently, everyone has been very festive, working on completely frivolous things to make the holiday cheerier.

"Watch out!" Dita yells, and Meia looks up just in time to get a face full of cloth bat.

Oh, yes, it's Halloween. Not Christmas.

Meia had been in John's cell when he had realized this. He had almost punched the wall again. Apparently, the next episode of her life was Christmas, so that meant John was in the dark for the next two months. She isn't sure if that means it'll be uneventful, or it's just because nothing particularly noteworthy aside from constant battles would have been shown.

She's still attempting to come to terms that her life was someone's entertainment. Events get show or excluded for dramatic effect, memories can be exposed, and the personal of moments can be seen by millions. It's a creepy thought.

Costumes had been prepared, and a ball is scheduled. It's going to be a masquerade party, though probably not much of one. Despite a crew nearing five hundred, almost everyone knows everyone else very closely. Putting on a costume and mask won't change that.

John had laughed when Meia had informed him of the party, noting with glee how poorly that could go, pointing out how easy it is to ruin relationships if you misidentify someone. He had also mentioned something about a hill of swords and kissing princesses, but she had been lost by that point.

When he asked if she was going, she had accidentally said yes. She hadn't been planning to, and didn't really want to but...

John said he'd be there in full costume. Her imagination had run wild trying to figure out what he could possibly be dressing as.

So she had headed to the bridge the day of the event, for once appreciating the festive atmosphere, the anticipation getting the better of her.

At least, until a cloth bat had landed on her face.

As she picks up the admittedly well sewn creature and examines it, Dita climbs down the ladder apologizing the entire way.

"It's no problem, Dita." Meia hands back the bat and looks around the garden-bridge. White paper is strewn through the trees to simulate cobwebs, bats like the one Dita is hanging can just be made out against the void of space, and fake pumpkins can be seen everywhere. "Looks like we're almost ready to hold the masquerade."

"You're coming?" Dita squeals in delight. "What are you going as?"

Meia narrows her eyes. "I thought the point was not to know that kind of thing beforehand."

"Aw, you're right. But I just can't wait! Cel said her costume this year is more impressive than last years!"

Meia thinks back, and shudders. "I hope this one doesn't involve quite as many fire extinguishers, or the jaws of life."

"That was because Jura got drunk, not Cel's fault." Dita says dismissively.

Meia shrugs. "Whatever you say. Do you need help setting up?"

Dita puts a finger to her lips. "I don't think so. They might need help in the kitchens, but..." She looks at Meia with a touch of pity and fear. "I'm pretty sure you're not allowed in the kitchen anymore."

Meia rolls her eyes. "I'll see you later, Dita."

Meia leaves the bridge, heading down to the dining section of the amalgamation that forms the Nirvana. There, the kitchen staff is in an uproar. Wonderful smells come from the kitchens, and Meia waits for a break in the numerous staff carrying desserts back and forth to slip into the kitchen to see if she can offer a hand.

To her surprise, she finds John working on mixing some batter. Before she can talk to him, the head chef steps up and clears her throat. "Meia! what brings you here?"

"Dita said that you could use a hand." She glances around. "It look like you have it well in hand though."

"Yep! That fellow you have yer eye on sure is handy to have on hand. He's given me four new recipes to try. and you'll get to see how they taste at the ball tonight."

"I didn't know he could cook."

"Apparently, he can't. He says all he can do is bake." The head chef pushes Meia forwards a bit. "Go ahead and say hi."

Meia takes a deep breath and step up to the counter to John's left. "Hi, John."

As usual, his bright eyes immediately jump to hers, briefly staring as if sizing her up, then softening as he turns back to his work. "Hi, Meia. What are you doing here?"

"I went to see if Dita needed help with decorating the bridge, but they had it all under control." Meia turns to face the rest of the kitchen and sits on the counter. "She suggested coming here to see if the kitchens needed any help."

John stares off into the abyss while his hands continue to work on the batter. After a minute or two, he finally responds. "I don't have any work for you, so I guess you'd have to talk to the head chef."

Meia shakes her head. "Last time I made food she told me that she'd rather let the ship blow up than let me cook again."

He rolls his eyes, still staring off into nowhere. John rarely seems to make eye contact after his initial glance to confirm your presence and identity. "You can't possibly be that bad."

"I managed to destroy two stoves." Meia says ruefully.

He purses his lips. "Okay, maybe a bit worse than I th-"

"I was attempting to make eggs."

His hands freeze in mid stir, then slowly start moving again. "That's... impressive."

"One way to put it." Meia agrees. "Do you have your costume ready for the masquerade?"

He nods, pouring the batter into a pan. "How about you? Manage to pull something together?"

"Of course." Meia licks her lips, blushes slightly, and turns away. "So, how about a bet?"

"How's that?"

Meia tries to remain calm. "Whoever recognizes the other first gets to command one thing the other person must obey."

He chuckles to himself, muttering about about loping around or the tropics or something. "I can only see this ending badly. I'm assuming there's limits on what can be asked?"

"What, are you afraid of what I'll ask?"

"No, but aren't you afraid of what I'll ask?" He counters.

Meia thinks, but she can't come up with anything in particular. "No."

"Hah. Okay, just don't regret it later."

"I won't be in a position to regret anything." Meia says confidently. "Anyway, I'll take my leave now. See you at the party."

"Mmhmm." John immediately drifts off into his own mind, hardly aware of the world surrounding him.

* * *

Later that evening, before the party, Meia looks at herself in the mirror.

Her short blue hair is tucked into the long white synthetic hair of a wig. Instead of a mask, half of her face is covered by a white orchid, positioned to appear as if it was sprouting out of her eye. The clothes she's wearing are much more revealing than usual, yet a lot less form fitting. What could have been a ball gown until the center was ripped open to reveal her belly button, and tied with a black ribbon right under her breasts. A cape come off of her shoulders, trailing to about her knees. Her left hand is covered in a metal gauntlet, a black ribbon in back of her hair, and a chunky sword complete the look.

Meia nods to herself. With the red contacts in her eyes, she'll be very hard to recognize.

She takes a few steps, pacing from one end of her relatively large room to the other, trying to get used to the heels. Jura might wear the damned things at all times, but Meia had never found them practical. To be fair, her normal suit does have slight heels, but those are like walking barefoot compared to these.

Finally satisfied that she probably wouldn't end up making a complete fool of herself in her heels, she heads out towards the bridge.

She only had to catch herself on the wall twice.

Almost every member of the crew is packed into the bridge and the garden below, chatting animatedly with one another. There's plenty of snacks to be had, lining some tables that have been set up as barriers against falling over into the garden below.

Someone has stuffed a plastic skeleton into the pilot's seat, complete with a blond wig and jaw wired open is a way that seems to suggest, without a doubt, that the skeleton is complaining. The actual Bart is easy enough to pick out, dressed in a red Hawaiian shirt with green stripes, insisting everyone call him Benny. As one of the three males to the party, it was kind of obvious. He had even painted black lines on his face for some reason, and donned glasses.

Similarly, Duelo stands out like a sore thumb. His costume is less a costume and more anatomical dummy. Meia's not quite sure but it looks like body paint. He is talking to Parfet, who is wearing a what appears to be a scale replica of VanDread Dita. At least Parfet had attempted to join in with the masquerade, unlike the men. What gave it away was the shorter girl's tendency to poke her forehead as if trying to push her glasses up.

As Meia looks around more, it quickly becomes apparent that most of the crowd is quickly recognizable. A lot less of a masquerade than she was expecting, that's for sure.

Meia herself is getting quite a few looks. Her figure is quite striking, she supposed. The eyes continue to follow her as she walks through the crowd, walking with confidence she didn't feel. For some reason, despite her earlier assertion that she could pick John out of the crowd with ease, he was eluding her.

For the first time since she had made the bet, she thinks that maybe she shouldn't have been so open with the rules.

* * *

Digital Daggers - Still Here is the song John sings to Dita.

On a side note, this Narcissism festival finally passes the Bechdel Test. Now to pass the reverse Bechdel, and I'll feel like I'm actually writing something more than mere wish fulfillment.

John is laughing of the fic "The Hill of Swords", a Fate/Stay Night - Zero no Tsukaima crossover by gabriel blessing (sic). It's an excellent read, IMO.

Next time, welcome to the masquerade!


	16. Chapter 16: Useless Power

Relevant: Chuuni = Chuunibiyou = 8th grade syndrome. It's the condition where you wear a cape and an eye-patch to school in a d̶e̶s̶p̶e̶r̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶t̶t̶e̶n̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ attempt to be different. You keep a journal of dark secrets, cast flame from your palm... yeah.

Also, I hate this chapter. I just can't get it to work properly. So here it is, in all it's stupid. This fic was supposed to be stress relief, and this chapter... isn't.

* * *

I was visited by the Fixer again.

This time, it didn't involve a Paksis, the security detail, and lots of pain. This time, I found myself in the infinite white space after closing my eyes to go to sleep.

There, the gray man calling himself the Fixer smiles at me.

"Ah." I cough into my fist. "Did I screw up again?"

He shakes his head, smile never wavering. "No, my boy, you are well on your way to fixing things! Congratulations!"

Just to be sure, I twist of bit of skin on my wrist behind my back. It hurts, and I'm still here. "That's good news." I scratch behind my head. "I hope Dita starts feeling better soon."

"It's only been a day. Give it time." He turns and starts walking. I move to keep pace with him at what seems like a quick pace, though it's hard to tell with the blank white expanse just how far or fast we're moving.

He finally stops and pokes open a hole in the ground. Below, I can see...

It looks like a normal school. Er, a normal Japanese school. I wonder why he's showing this to me. "Where is this?"

"It's U-90236. I believe in your world, you call it "When Super Natural battles Become Commonplace" or somesuch."

It takes me a few seconds to place it. It's a story about a chuuni and his four friends (all female) who suddenly get superpowers. I liked it, my favorite scene was where the ditsy one of the group goes off on the protagonist because she doesn't understand.

"Oh, yeah. I remember that show. What about it?"

"I'm sure you've seen a lot of universe travel shows, correct?"

"Uh-huh." I affirm slowly, still attempting to guess his end goal and coming up with nothing.

"Most of them have a greater being that gives them a special power, right?"

"Eh... most? I know some do."

"Well, it's our policy to grant a boon to anyone who we call from another universe to aid in another."

I look at him owlishly. "Do I get superpowers?"

His grin somehow grows broader. "The one who sent you to U-39728 didn't grant you a boon, and given how long you were in there, the normal method can't be used. So, I'm going to give you a power from this universe."

"Awesome." I look back down, and i realize that the view has shifted slightly to show the main five characters squabbling in their club room as usual. "DO I get to choose?"

The Fixer shakes his head. "No, but this universe brings out your desires and turns them into powers. What you desire within yourself, that is what you will get."

"O.. Kay." I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

"Anyway, I've already started the process. You should see results in a week." The Fixer closes the portal and turns away.

"Wh- Hey! Wait! How will I know what I get? How will I use it?"

The Fixer turns back. "Don't worry, you'll know."

And with that, the lights go out and I wake up in my bed.

A quick examination of my wrist shows that I did indeed twist my skin hard enough to leave a tear. It hurts, too.

How can I shake off broken bones, but not paper cuts and scratches? It's so stupid. Anyway, it's late, so I should probably try to go back to sleep.

* * *

A week later, I find myself working in the kitchens, baking brownies and cupcakes for the upcoming holiday. Not Christmas, as I expected, but Halloween. Seems there's a quite a few time-skips unaccounted for in the anime. It worries me a bit, because I'm not sure exactly how long I'm going to be here.

Still, it shouldn't be more than a year. And with my new powers-

Ha. Ha. Ha.

I should have know it was a dream. It's been a week, and I don't feel any different. I have had no sudden revelations about superpowers, or anything of the sort. Honestly, I can't believe I got my hopes up. I guess it's just due to how real that particular dream felt.

I continue mixing the batter and thinking about what superpower I _could_ have gotten. Probably rape tentacles, given my luck.

"Hi, John."

I look over to find Meia standing there, some glitter in her hair and on her nose. I decide not to ask. "Hi, Meia. What are you doing here?" As far as I know, Meia never steps foot in the kitchen.

"I went to see if Dita needed help with decorating the bridge, but they had it all under control." Meia turns to face the rest of the kitchen and sits on the counter, knocking over a bag of flour. I'll have to clean that up. "She suggested coming here to see if the kitchens needed any help."

"I don't have any work for you, so I guess you'd have to talk to the head chef." I comment after a brief pause. I mean, it's not like I could teach her to make brownies. It's not like they're dead simple or anything.

Meia shakes her head. "Last time I made food she told me that she'd rather let the ship blow up than let me cook again."

I roll my eyes. "You can't possibly be that bad."

"I managed to destroy two stoves." Meia says ruefully.

Don't laugh. Do not laugh. "Okay, maybe a bit worse than I th-"

"I was attempting to make eggs."

It take me a second to reset the fault that had occurred. Surely anime tropes don't extend that far, especially into this universe?

What am I talking about? This show is full of cliches. "That's... impressive."

"One way to put it." Meia agrees. "Do you have your costume ready for the masquerade?"

No, not really. I have a costume, but it's not really identity concealing. I nod and say, "How about you? Manage to pull something together?"

"Of course." Meia licks her lips, blushes slightly, and turns away. "So, how about a bet?"

"How's that?"

"Whoever recognizes the other first gets to command one thing the other person must obey." I glance back to see Meia has started blushing. It looks like anime tropes are out in full force tonight.

"I can only see this ending badly. I'm assuming there's limits on what can be asked?"

Her eyes narrow. "What, are you afraid of what I'll ask?"

"No, but aren't you afraid of what I'll ask?" I repeat her words back at her. I mean, sure, she can kick my ass, they don't really have the same ingrained societal norms that tell her how bad an idea it is to let a guy have that much power over her... Okay, maybe I can see why she's alright with it.

"No." Meia says flippantly, confirming my thoughts.

"Hah. Okay, just don't regret it later."

"I won't be in a position to regret anything." Meia says confidently. "Anyway, I'll take my leave now. See you at the party."

"Mmhmm." I continue working, and she disappears out the door.

Damn, I shouldn't have agreed to that. With my current costume, just a quickly thrown together low quality Kirito costume, I'll be found out immediately. I need to come up with something else...

I notice that my hand currently has a glove on it. A black, fingerless glove. Why...? I'm cooking! I don't wear gloves while cooking!

Before my eyes, the glove disappears.

Strange. Maybe I need more sleep.

I turn to scoop up the flour-

The sword strapped around behind my back catches on the corner of the counter and yanks me back.

I look down to realize despite having been wearing an apron over a sweatshirt before, I was now in full, highly detailed cosplay of Kirito.

...Of all the powers in all of the universes, I got _change wardrobe?!_

* * *

Meia continues to scan her eyes over the crowd. Well, eye. One of them is closed to avoid being poked by a flower.

The party has officially started, and for whatever reason, she can't seem to find John.

The lower section has had a large stage set up to dance on, and Meia is currently eyeing those that chose to dance, watching to see if John had disguised himself as a woman. She supposed it could be possible, and it would be the best way to stay disguised given the crown. After all, if he showed up looking like a man, he'd stick out like Bart and Duelo.

Before long Dita appears at her side. "Enjoying the party?"

Dita's dressed up robes that conceal the form of her body completely, yet strangely leaves her face and arms exposed. in her hands she carries a metal tube.

"Hi, Dita. Are you aware this is supposed to be masquerade? It's really easy to see who you are."

She knocks her fist against her skull and sticks out her tongue. "Well, I just got so excited to dress up as Rey I couldn't pass up the chance!"

Meia tunes the excitable girl out as she continues to scan the crowd. She vaguely realizes the younger girl is talking about aliens again, and almost lets her eyes glaze over.

Almost.

The song has just changed, and the dancers rotate. Three new people take the stage, spotlights shining down.

All three are wearing belly dancing costumes, which she supposed wasn't totally crazy. She's seen worse while hanging with these pirates, that's for sure. What's odd is who is wearing them. Jura, as usual, pulls the look off completely. Barnette, looking like she had been suckered into something yet again, yet resigned to go through with it. And lastly...

Lastly...

Meia turns to find Dita had disappeared from her side, and had somehow changed costumes in mere seconds.

A chill runs down her spine. No, that can't be it. One of those Dita's must be John- Er, given how the one on stage is moving, that limits it to the one she was talking to.

Did he recognize her? If he did, he didn't say anything.

...How did ha manage to make his face look perfectly like Dita's?

Meia continues scanning the crowd, now looking for the mop of red hair instead of a guy. At least, she was until BC interrupts her.

"Searching for something?" BC says. She's in her normal clothes, somewhat surprisingly.

"Yes, I think John showed up dressed like Dita." Meia says.

BC blinks. "Dressed up as...?"

"Dita. He's holding a metal tube and dressed in rags." Meia scans the crowd again, but the only Dita she can see is getting down off the stage.

"Well, I suppose it's as good a costume as any." BC mutters. "Have you seen Cel? I heard her costume was supposed to be impressive."

Meia stops scanning the crowd and looks at BC. "I thought Cel asked for your help getting into costume?"

BC suddenly looks nervous. "Ah, yes. I was just wondering-"

" _John?"_ Meia hisses.

"Damn. you already figured it out." Hearing John's voice from BC's throat is more than a little disturbing. "And here I was going to do Bart and Bel before I let you catch me."

"Let?"

BC's face splits into a grin, one very out of place on the serious woman's face. "I'll explain later. In the meantime, I'm going to slip away and change. Be right back."

John fades into the crowd, and Meia shakes her head. Disguises? Really? Well... at least it's more effort than Bel made. She put on a dress, and that's it.

Meia grabs a glass of punch off the table and downs it, privately hoping the drink is spiked.

* * *

I make it three quarters of the way out the door when an alien grabs my arm. Not just any alien, the, uh, xenomorph or whatever. The one Ripley fights. Anyway, a claw reaches over and grabs my arm.

"Er, can I help you?" I ask in BC's voice. I just realized how bad this would be if BC was inside that suit.

The xeno makes a decent attempt at a nod, the smaller mouth jumping out and retracting with the head. She (it has to be a she, I know what Bart and Duelo are dressed as) leads me to the women's bathroom, and then pokes at her back with one claw.

I look over my shoulder, expecting the real BC to show up and any second, but resign myself to undoing the zipper the claw had poked. I slowly draw down the zipper, making sure it doesn't catch on anything underneath.

Turns out, I needn't of worried. Cel breathes a sigh of relief, the sweat practically steaming out of the suit. Given how airtight the suit seems to be, I guess I can forgive the blue haired woman's decision not to wear anything on her torso.

You know, I got this power three hours ago, and I'm already doing things that would get me spaced if anyone finds out. If Cel herself finds out, given her acute androphobia, I might as well just kill myself right this second.

"Whew! So glad to be out of that."

I busy myself with washing my hands and face in the sink.

"I'd say this Halloween was a success, wouldn't you? I mean, a lot less fire than last year, but..."

"I'd hardly consider fire a measure of success." I say, carefully keeping my words generic.

"Yeah, I've heard your hazard spiel before. No need to go over it again." Cel grumbles. "Hey, can you get me some water?"

I look around carefully. "There's no cups."

"Duh. Just put some in your hands and I'll drink that."

...So, this is when BC bursts in, right? I look at the doorway for a second, but nothing happens. I reluctantly cup some water in my hands and turn to face Cel. I keep my eyes on her nose as she brushes the hair out of her way and gulps down the water.

I hear footsteps approach from the hallway, and I silently wish that Cel would hurry up.

Cel finishes drinking right as Jura rounds the corner, already pulling a makeup kit out of the bag dangling on her arm. She's no longer dressed like a belly dancer, instead she's dressed, close as I can tell, as Cruella DeVille. Not sure WHY she would dress up as a puppy skinner. Maybe Barnette is dressed like a dalmation? Peel the fur off and-

I need to get out of here before I cause an incident. "Jura, do me a favor and zip Cel back up when she's done resting?"

Jura looks at me askance. "Of course."

I get the feeling that I almost blew it, but I use that as my excuse to leave. Once in the hallway, I check that nobody is coming, and change.

Not just my clothes, but my body as well. BC's body mods sink back into my chest, now flat as usual. I feel bones melt and regrow in waves, and finally a fresh set of clothes forms on top of my skin.

Somehow, I had become a changeling. Maybe the Fixer did do something to me. Probably. from the past hour and a half of experimentation, I found I can create clothes and change my body to any shape I had thought up. To be fair, I hadn't tried many things yet, mostly costumes and a few familiar faces.

Now, under most circumstances, I would consider this gift to a really powerful superpower. However, we fight in spaceships. Face to face encounters are exceedingly rare. My superpower is a joke power... Much like the main character of the story I got the power from.

Whee.

I head back to the party, my shiny new costume encircling me and keeping my body in shadow.

* * *

In the end, I left the party early. They stop being fun when everyone's drunk and you're the only sober one. I retired to my room, let my disguise fall, returning to my normal looks. I went to bed, shut my eyes, and went to sleep.

Not that it lasted long.

Unlike those post-battle nights where everyone passes out in the mess hall, the bridge is critical to the operation of the Nirvana. That means leaving over one hundred unconscious bodies lying all over isn't actually a good idea. Thus, BC wakes me up to get help hauling unconscious people back to their rooms.

Carrying unconscious people is a major pain. Since they're not awake to hold their center of balance or grab on to you, they feel twice as heavy. Not to mention a few of them puked when I picked them up, I guess because the sudden motions. It took the better part of five hours, just ferrying bodies back to their rooms. BC had to direct me to each room and punch in the door code herself which slowed down the process some. She offered to tell me the codes, but I declined

Maybe on this ship nobody would think anything was wrong, but I would.

Near the end of the cleanup, once all the obvious bodies have been removed and only the ones that ended up in the bushes or under tables are left. Ones that aren't immediately obvious, in other words.

So when I tipped over a plastic table to fold it away, it was to my dull surprise that I found a girl with long white hair and a flower over her eye.

Come to think of it, she did disappear after drinking a lot of the punch. I thought she had retired to her room, but... well, here she is.

BC comes up behind me, another girl draped over her shoulder. "Found another one?"

"Yeah. Look's like Meia had a bit too much." I comment. Now, how do I carry her? My usual attitude is just to sling the unconscious person over my shoulder, but it just seems... wrong to do that to Meia.

BC leans in closer. "That's Meia? I never thought she was the type. Alright, you get Meia to her room."

I glare at BC. She sighs and taps her foot. "Her room is in hall B. It has her nameplate next to the door."

"But I don't know-"

"8926" BC says before I can object. "I get that you're trying to keep their privacy and all that, but I'm heading in the opposite direction. Meia won't mind, I'm sure."

Uh-huh. And when she finds out I had to carry her to her room and that I learned her door combo, she'll probably get creeped out and will... lose... interest... in me.

I scoop her up and toss her back over my shoulder. Hey, when given a win-win situation, you take it, right?

* * *

When Meia comes to, it's with the fierce headache common to hangovers. It's not the first time she passed out drunk, but it's the first time since she's joined up with the Nirvana. The wig and the flower have been removed, along with the ridiculous heels and the metal gauntlet.

On her bed stand is a glass of water, which she greedily gulps down.

The door to her bathroom opens, and a bedraggled John come out. His clothes are drenched, and he has large bags under his eyes. When he notices Meia, his eyes flicker to her face for a second before locking onto the corner of her bed. "You're up?" he calls quietly.

Meia nods. "Yes." She looks around again. It's definitely her room, and John is here... "Why are you here?"

He sighs. "I found you passed out under a table. I spent all night hauling passed-out crew members back to their rooms." The end of his sentence is punctuated by a yawn.

"Ah. Well, thank you. Why are you wet?"

"Because several people puked on me." He looks down at himself. "I was going to go back to my room first, but I figured you wouldn't mind if I drenched myself here to get the worst of it off."

"Sure." Meia looks him over. His pajamas cling to his body the way wet cotton tends to, giving her a nice outline to ogle at.

"Well, I'll be going now. I want a nap." John waves and turns for the door.

"Wait."

He freezes in place, heaves a sigh and turns back with a wide smile on his face. It looks genuine enough, but Meia knows better by now. "What do you need?"

Meia scoots over on her bed, making some space. "If you're that tired, why not take a rest right here?"

He starts rubbing his eyes. "Uhg. I didn't sign up for- Okay." He looks up and back at her face for a second. "I'll take a rest, but do me a favor and go change into... something... er." He seems to be at a loss for words.

"What, less revealing?" Meia says, with a hint of amusement creeping into her voice despite herself.

"That's what I was going to say, but then I remembered you were skin tight clothing 90% of the time anyway."

Meia stands off of her bed and heads for the attached bathroom. "That doesn't count as revealing."

"Anything that looks more like paint than clothing is revealing in my book." John says, before stepping towards the bed and grabbing at his wet clothes. "What do-"

"Just take them off. I'll wash them later. You just go get some sleep."

He doffs the shirt, and Meia manages to head back into the bathroom before he catches her staring.

After her shower, Meia puts on her usual uniform and looks back at the sleeping occupant of her room.

...He's not sleeping peacefully. In fact, it looks rather like he's having a nightmare. She gently grabs his shoulder and gives him a shake.

His eyes snap open and his hand leaps up to grab her wrist. They both sit perfectly still for a second, as John gets his bearings and finally releases his grip. "Oh, sorry."

"Not a problem. You looked like you were having a nightmare."

"Was I?" He scratches his head. "I don't remember my dreams that well."

"Must be nice." Meia sits down on the edge of the bed.

"I take it your dreams aren't that pleasant."

She shakes her head. "Not particularly. Ever since we got teleported by the Paksis, it's always been nightmares of being chased."

John remains silent.

"Most of the time it's the harvesters after me." She continues. "Other times, it's my Ohma telling me she's disappointed and is going to take me back to Mejare. It doesn't matter if I run or take my Dread, I can't get away from them. Occasionally it's the captain or you, telling me I can't leave and have to stay and fight. Of course, if I try that my guns won't fire and I get torn to shreds."

John opens his mouth, the wet sound audible in the silent room, then closes it again without saying anything.

"What do you think?" She asks.

"I don't know." He says. "I'm not a psychoanalyst. Maybe don't pressure yourself so hard?"

"If I don't push myself, we're not going to make it back to Mejare."

"Eh." He rolls over. "We've got lots of pilots. You can give yourself a break now and again."

Meia thinks on this for a minute. "Maybe." She kicks her legs against the bed a few times. "It's nice just hanging out like this."

"I know what you're thinking." John grumbles. "If you say it out loud, I'm gonna disown you."

Meia smirks. "You can't disown me, you don't own me in the first place." She doesn't exactly _what_ she's not supposed to say, as She's clearly just as much of a mind reader as John is. Which isn't much of one.

"Don't worry, I'll find a way." He sniffs.

"Ha." Meia and John fall silent. She enjoys the simple silence, the lack of tension between each other. She holds the moment to herself in an effort to save it, keep it from fleeing away with the movements of a clock.

She murmurs to herself. "It would be great if this peace lasts."

John lets out a strangled noise. Meia looks to see him put his head in his hands. "What?"

"I thought I said _not_ to say it out-"

The alarm klaxons sound, aggravating Meia's headache. "Enemy forces approaching!" BC's voice booms through the ship.

"...Oops?"

* * *

As school has started, updates will be when I finish them, not every Sunday. I'll still aim for at least 2-3 chapters a month.


	17. Chapter 17: Patient Zero Point Three

Well, I think I've settled into my school routine now. I got all my homework done (read: I have nothing due Monday, so I can procrastinate) and I had an idea for this chapter, so here it is.

* * *

"...at which point, I joined up with Dita, used giant laser beams to wipe out the remaining harvesters and saved the day." I finish.

Zan looks at me with an odd expression. "You know, when ever battle ends with 'we combined and overwhelmed the enemy immediately' it kind of stops being interesting."

"I know!" I grab another one rice ball Zan had prepared. Her cooking's been improving of late. "I'm still attempting to get Meia to agree to let us just blast the next group we come across rather than waiting around until it becomes clear than we need to."

"Why won't she agree?"

I wave her off. "Something about letting everyone participate. Maybe something about unions and overwork, I wasn't paying that much attention."

Zan puts a finger to her lips to think, absently licking some mustard off the finger as she does so. "I guess we would have to find jobs for the rest of the pilots..."

"Buncha lazy bums." I mutter, despite the fact that I myself fall into the category of pilot. "If we weren't fighting for our lives, they'd want to be treated like kings, never lifting a finger."

Zan looks over my shoulder, smiles awkwardly, and sips at her tea to cover her mouth.

Instead of turning around (the sensible thing to do) I continue. "I mean, just look at Jura. She acts like a queen all the time, and when there's nothing going on she cooks up schemes to bed me." I wait a breath to see if I can hear teeth grinding behind me, but since I don't I change my target. "Meia's too battle oriented to know how to do basic things like cooking, Dita's got her head in the clouds, and any effort she puts in is negated by the copious amounts of UFOs she decorates everything with."

There's still no teeth grinding, but there is a foot tapping. Giving up, I turn around in my seat to find a woman with bright lime green hair with her arms folded and foot tapping away. Er... her name is... uh... I should know this by now.

"...Del?" I ask cautiously.

I can see her veins pop out. "Yes, Del! Why does it take you four times longer to recognize any pilots other than the ones you regularly mate with?"

"Oy! It's combining, not mating."

She sneers. "Not with how they describe it. Meia wants you on the bridge."

"And she didn't just call me? Strange." I look down at my half eaten rice ball.

"Leader said something about you looking too much like everyone else these days." Del flips her hair back over her shoulder. "And to make sure it was you before I got you, no matter how detailed my disguise."

Whoops. Maybe playing that prank a bit too much. I turn back to Zan. "And Del, she's way too uptight. I'd think she was just like Meia, but she has Cel as a sister, so that might be her issue-"

Ah, Del also has a mean punch. My face is smashed into the deck with a double hammer-fist from behind. It hurts, but the rice ball takes the brunt of the impact. After pushing myself back up and adjusting my nose to make sure it's not broken, I turn to Del with false tears in my eyes. "Y-you killed my rice ball!"

"Well, I definitely have John." She mutters to herself, before bringing out a pair of the laser cuffs. "I'm authorized to use these if you don't cooperate."

I sigh and turn back to Zan. "Well, we'll continue our discussion later, my fair lady." I give a exceedingly deep, 90 degree bow.

She dips her head demurely with a smirk of amusement on her face. "Of course, good sir."

Del shakes her head as I turn to face her and we head out down the hallway.

It's been about a day and a half since Halloween ended. I had taken a good long rest, and was planning on doing a few things. One was catching up with Zan, since I hadn't really hung out with her recently, and I felt I needed to rectify that. The second was testing out the limits of my powers. For now, I know I can change myself into other people and change my clothing.

Oh, and I found out that I can instantly dry clothes that are on my body. Otherwise that combat would have been a bit soggy.

Anyway, I wonder if I'll have any time to do those things after Meia's done with me. She's been a bit irritated with how closed-mouth I've been about the future, or rather, how she perceives that to be. Instead, I've had to reflect on the fact that Christmas is still over a month away and... well, I'm ashamed to admit it, but my memory's become even more spotty than usual on regards to the series. I can't remember which episode goes where and I can't remember further than the basic details. After Christmas comes the second lockup by the females, Hibiki runs away, gets rescued by the skin harvestees, watches them go down in flames, and then the Nirvana joins back up to take down schlong ship #1. After that... 90 days until we get to Mejare and Tarak. We find that sarcophagus with... Mindy...? in it. Hibiki goes to the planet of psychics, and there's that second mission. Earth figures out how to make the anti-Vandreads, and there's that final battle. Other than that, I can't really remember. It's been hanging over my head recently, since Meia's been pestering more and more over it.

I blink. Or, rather than ticked at my closed mouth, Meia is ticked with how often I'd answered as her as a joke. Yeah, that seems plausible.

To take my mind off of such unpleasant thoughts, I turn to my escort. "So, what is Del short for?"

She glares at me with eyes that match her hair, in all their acidic glory. "Del isn't short for anything."

"Really? Huh. Cel is short for Celtic and Bel is short for Belvedere, so I just assumed."

Conversation apparently over, I start humming a new tune Zan had taught me, one I don't know the lyrics to yet.

It's only when Del slams her fist against the wall that I come out of my singing stupor. "Er, you okay?"

"Stop. Humming." Del grits out.

"Wha- Okay! Sorry." I take a deep breath. "Didn't mean to agitate you."

"You sure seemed eager back in the hangar." She deadpans.

"Yeah well, that was... Er, I get that I'm generally an ass to everyone, but I don't actively antagonize anyone. Much." I droop. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. Can we just get back to Leader now?"

"Lead on."

We find Meia in a room near the Paksis, which seems to be some sort of research lab. Also in the room are Duelo, Parfet, and little miss Paiway. Dominating the center of the room is a glass tube that looks like it's designed to contain dangerous liquids, or maybe a zombie from Resident Evil. You know, the classic mad science containment tubes.

And suddenly I have a really bad feeling about why I'm here.

As Meia spots me she pushes off the wall and hits a switch, raising the glass tube into the ceiling. "Thank you, Del. Are you willing to stick around and help?"

Del looks at me for a moment before shifting her eyes back to Meia. "Is he gonna get hurt?"

Meia sighs and glances back to me. "How much trouble did you cause her?" She ask in a weary fashion, as if I did this all the time- oh, right.

"I hummed maliciously." I state. "And insulted her sister."

"Yet you're still unrepentant." Meia turns back to Del. "You can stay if you wish, but if you do you have to keep it a secret from the rest of the crew."

Del's ears perk up and she moves to lean against the wall. Apparently satisfied, Meia nods to Duelo. He step up and looks around the room. "As Meia said, this experiment is confidential, and unprecedented. Please do not share anything you're about to see outside of this room."

I glance at Paiway, who has her hand in her frog backpack and is looking amused with herself. "Okay." I say dubiously. "I suppose I need to climb into the definitely-not-a-vacuum-sealed-kill-chamber now?"

Several winces come from around the room, as I was apparently close enough to the truth there. Whatever, I step onto the circle and calmly watch the glass descend. On the far wall, I can see my vitals being displayed on the wall somehow. Unlike normal checkups, there's no electrodes on my chest.

Before the glass fully descends, I hear a knock on the door, but before I can hear the voices, the glass makes a seal, I hear a hissing and my ears pop, and all sound get's cut off. I tap the glass and I can hear the _tik_ my fingernail makes on it, but this chamber is effectively soundproof.

From the door, Dita and Zan come in, looking at me with slight bewilderment. There's a brief argument where Dita get's literally hopping mad, and then they all turn to me.

I wave cheerily.

Duelo brings up a window, which allows me to hear him. I glance from the window to his face and then back. "Hi."

"Meia tells me that you have some sort of transformative power."

I sigh. "And what else is new?"

He blinks, but clearly decides to ignore that statement. "Could you please give us an example?"

I shrug, glance around the room and turn into Del. The woman in question's face goes a bit pale, especially against her hair. I glance down at my new clothes, which are identical to Del's pilot uniform. Though, it doesn't really feel like spandex.

Duelo is writing down more notes silently, and I notice that Del's voice isn't coming through the viewport despite clearly yelling. I glance over at the real Duelo, and back to the screen. For some reason, the images don't add up properly.

"Do you feel heavier or lighter?" Duelo finally asks.

"Nope. I feel... well balanced." I roll my shoulders. "Del really works out."

"Try walking around."

It's only about six feet diameter in this circle, but I do some very short laps around it. "I'm not stumbling around, if that's what you're getting at." I say.

"No, it's just that your mass hasn't changed. You weigh significantly more than Miss Delta does, yet you have no balance issues. In fact, you weigh exactly the same."

"Delta...? Oh, Del." I smirk in her direction, and she sticks her tongue out and pulls on her eyelid with her middle finger. "So, I didn't lose mass then."

"And it's not interfering with your balance either." Duelo cups his chin. "Parfet, what's the next test?"

"Oh, well, we can test a few more forms first." Parfet smirks. "How about we have him do the captain?"

Duelo looks me in the eye.

"Fiiiiiine." I turn into the captain, which is actually quite painful. It's only after a few seconds of waiting that I realize that the pain isn't going away, and that this must be how the captain is feeling. "Ow, someone get the captain some painkillers." I rub my back. "And someone steal me a walking stick."

"Interesting. You emulate the pain of others, as well as voice." He tabs on his clipboard a few times. "Transform into me."

"Okay." I respond in his voice, already doing so. Duelo is reasonably fit, but I can tell that his foot isn't exactly right. I tap it against the ground a few times but it stays cramped up. "Alright, so now what?"

Duelo stabs his pen into his arm, much to Parfet's chagrin.

I look down at my arm, which clearly hasn't been stabbing by a pen. Well, the reason for that test was obvious. I transform back to my default form and then back into Duelo. This time, there's a mark on my arm and a stabbing pain that gradually starts fading.

"Ow."

Del seems to have cheered immensely all of a sudden, and several of the other women in the room are giving her a look.

Dita walks up to the chamber and starts talking excitedly. I shake my head and mouth "Can't hear you."

She turns to Duelo, and they have a short exchange I can't follow. Another skill the Paksis didn't magically grant me, lip-reading.

"John, please turn into... how is it pronounced? Nepgear?"

"...Oy." I glare at Dita. "At least ask me to be Neptune or Vert. I don't remember the little sisters that well." I picture Nepgear to the best of my ability...

Huh. It's not working. I relay this to Duelo. He in turn says something I can't hear, and several of the others start talking. Dita starts tapping on the wall of the chamber and suddenly I can see what looks like an animator's sketch of Nepgear's model, complete with extended arms. She then rotates the model around.

"Now try it." Duelo says.

Something feels... _wrong_. My throat isn't wide enough, and everything is too bright. The onlookers all look very disturbed as well. A squeaky voice that does sound a lot like I remember Nepgear's comes from my throat. "Ah, what's going on?"

I can see Zan saying something, her face turning the same shade as Del's hair. I quickly revert back to normal. "No seriously, what was it?"

"You... didn't look human." Duelo says, for once losing his composure. "You actually looked like a 3D model come to life."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh. So I don't have to limit myself to real humans?"

I ponder a moment, then transform into Bertholdt from Attack on Titan. Again, something is wrong, but this time it's obvious to me as my body collapses due to being 2D. One quick reversion later and I'm propped against the glass, panting. "Okay, so I can mimic things in their own media. Fantastic, if not useful."

"Maybe." Duelo turns to Parfet. "Thoughts?"

"He's clearly not mimicking exclusively from memory, but he needs to have a clear idea of who he's mimicking." She turns to look at me. "Can you do an original person? Or, how about a real body version of a fictional character?"

Like you? Heh, better not say that one out loud. I close my eyes and image the same Nepgear, but with more human features, like correctly sized eyes and more realistic head and neck proportions.

This time, nobody else looks like they're going to be sick, and I find myself wanting a mirror.

"Excellent!" Parfet says. She presses on the wall a few times and a new image shows up, a character I haven't seen before. "Now, can you do this character?"

I do my best to translate that woman's features onto a real body, than create-

OW. WHAT THE FUCK.

I collapse to the floor in pain. My leg has completely given out, and it feels like it's broken. "AhhHHhHhHhg!" I take a few deep breathes to calm myself and glare at Parfet.

"He obviously doesn't need full knowledge to reproduce someone." She says calmly, though she does look a bit apologetic. "I didn't say the character had a broken leg, and the picture clearly doesn't show that either."

I revert back, but remain sitting. "Yay."

Duelo scratches his chin again. "Meia says that you were able to absorb water out of your clothes, and you could take your clothes off, put them back on, and transform them."

I can see three sets of ear suddenly perk up, Zan, Dita and Meia all glancing at each other. I get another sinking feeling.

"Can you take of your t-shirt? I want to run some tests."

I reluctantly doff my shirt, for once glad that I wasn't in my usual body. This one has abs you could grate cheese on. I make it a point to ignore the three stares drilling into me. Wait, maybe more. Del seems to be looking at me pretty hard as well.

"Can you try changing that shirt into some other garment?"

I grab onto the hem of the shirt and imagine a pair of gym shorts. To my surprise, it works. Kind of. It looks identical to a pair of gym shorts I used to own, but it still feels like a t-shirt. A flash of insight hits me. "I don't think I can make one material into another. This is supposed to be Nylon, but it's the same thing my shirt was."

I try to make a duplicate of Meia's uniform, and sure enough it looks right, it's even shiny somehow, but it feels wrong. It's also thinner than it probably should be, my guess is because of how little material I gave it to work with. Maybe if I included my pants-

Mhm. Once quick glance out of the tube reminded me of how bad an idea that would be. "Hey, can I get out of this tube now?" I ask.

"Not quite yet. Now that we know you can change things outside your body, but not transmute them, we should try it with a non-clothing item." Duelo looks around. "Anyone have something they don't mind destroyed?"

Zan reaches into her apron pocket (She's still in her Reg uniform. When did "maid" stop being fancy dress for me?) and pulls out a small scanner we use in the Reg. Duelo takes it from her and sticks it into a hole in the wall he creates with a few more taps. Seriously, I want a computer built into my wall.

The small scanner falls into my hands from the ceiling. I look up to see a hatch closing. "Alright, what do you want me to do with it?"

"Turn it into a gadget from your home planet!" Parfet says excitedly.

Hmm... I have silicon, metal, and some plastic to work with. If I have sufficient knowledge of it, I can probably make it. Maybe not down to each individual transistor...

I try making a 3DS. No dice. Next, a original Gameboy. Again, no dice.

Switching gears, I go to development boards. Beaglebone, nope. Raspberry Pi, nope. Arduino...

To my surprise, I almost get an Arduino. The central chip isn't forming properly, which I guess I can chalk up to me not understanding it well.

Which means... I switch to the dev board we used at college. A small, black board with easy to trace lines, one whose assembly code we had dissected and written.

Just like that, a FRDM-KL25z board materializes in my hands. Of course, in here, I have no way of testing whether it works, but it sure looks convincing.

"That is so cool." I mutter to myself.

"Alright, there's no airborne contaminates let off, so I guess we can let you out." Duelo says, and he presses a button that raises the glass. Immediately, the sounds of excited conversation reach me and blur together until I can't tell who is saying what.

Once the glass is high enough for me to walk out, Dita steps up to me. "That was so cool!"

Zan nods her head in agreement. "I didn't know we had a changeling on board."

"To be fair, I figured it out myself only two days or so ago." I scratch my head. "To be honest, it seems a bit useless given I'm on a spaceship and we fight space battles, but it might come in handy once we get back to Mejare and Tarak."

Zan shakes her head. "If you can make things out of thing of the same material, then you can repair part really effectively!"

"And, you can design really cool costumes!" Dita says.

"And possibly you can infiltrate some planets we land on if they're hostile to us." Meia says. "In fact, you could possibly land on Mejare and Tarak without incident."

Uh-huh, I'd rather not get arrested with the rest of the pirates when we land on Mejare.

"Well, I guess, but for now it's best used for pranks." To accentuate my point, I transform into Meia and turn to Dita. In my best commander Meia voice (Which in this case sounds pretty identical) I say "Have to seen to the repairs on you Dread yet?"

Dita visibly stiffens, glancing between me and the real Meia. "That's really creepy."

Meia glances at me, then at Dita. "Well, have you?"

Dita cows slightly. "No fair. This isn't funny anymore."

* * *

After getting lecture on acceptable use of my power (Not allowed to use it without Meia's permission or one of her superior's permission) and then prodded until Duelo and Parfet were assured I wasn't made of nanites, come to cause a grey goo scenario, I was let free.

To a certain extent.

Despite Zan's lunch, I had become really hungry, probably due to exercising my new powers. So I had gone to the cafeteria and grabbed a few bites to eat, only to find that I had hangers on.

Not the usual trio of Meia, Zan and Dita, as Meia is reporting to the captain and BC, and Del has apparently taken a fascination with me. I hope it's not romantic.

I don't need a love pentagram. I already have a love quadrilateral, and it's frustrating.

"So, we should have you dress up as people from our movies!" Dita is saying.

Despite the whole non-disclosure thing, the conversation so far has revolved around the three girls thinking of wacky things to do with my powers. At least they were attempting to disguise their talk by using words like "dress up" and "make" without alluding to superpowers.

"Please no anime gi-"

"Anime girls!" She cuts me off.

I'm so glad Meia can't see me right now. I have a feeling she's be having fun at my expense.

"At least nothing from Valkyrie Drive."

"Nope! I have something _better!"_

For the third time in less hours, my stomach drops, and I stare down at my unfinished food. "I'm gonna hate myself for asking this, but... what?"

"Queen's Bla-"

I stand up and turn on my heel. No. No no no. Not touching that one with a twelve foot pole. Not if you paid me. Not if you gave me the entire Nirvana as my own.

"Aw, come on, John! It'll be funny!"

I look back at the pleading blue eyes of Dita, the curious, lighter blue eyes of Zan, and the gleeful eyes of Del.

"Right. Because extreme back pain, dressing in less clothes than your bikinis, and excessive gainaxing equals funny."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll make you a delicious dinner!"

"Yeah right."

Dita and Zan lean in and start whispering to each other. Del smirks at me.

Despite myself, I stick around to see what the two girls come up with.

Dita leans back, a triumphant look on her face. "If you don't, I'll tell Meia that you were messing around in her body!"

* * *

...I have nothing to say. Other than I deserve what I do to myself. I think.


	18. Chapter 18: The Bonds We (Do not) Share

"So..." Meia says, leaning on the door frame leading into the hangar.

I'm currently stripping my Vanguard down one piece at a time, analyzing it, and putting it back together. We can't afford to have the Vanguard out for too long given it is our trump card.

"Dita says you've been abusing your transformation abilities and have been, quote 'playing around in my body' unquote."

The tech this Vanguard uses is interesting. Where most of the components are larger, robust components, there are some seriously sophisticated CPUs. It's kind of schizo tech, but what can you expect from a society of cattle, operating only on what they have on hand?

"Anything to say for yourself?" Meia asks nonchalantly.

"Yeah. Your boobs are _heavy."_

I wasn't actually that surprised when Meia's hand hit the back of my head. Thankfully, I managed not to snap the PCB I was currently holding. I hadn't figured this one out yet, so I wouldn't be able to remake it.

As of a few days ago, my new job (rather than being a pilot/slacker) was to memorize as much about all the systems on the Nirvana and sub-ships as I could, in case anything ever needed to be replaced and we didn't have the stock. Understandably, I've been in heaven. I love learning how things work, and it's currently my job to understand as much as possible. They gave me technical notes. They gave me access to all sorts of technology. They even let me take apart some of the bridge consoles. Paradise. If only the girls weren't here...

Y'know, if I didn't like looking at boobs so much, I'd think I was gay. Maybe I'm just in the "2D is greater than 3D crowd." Depressing. Or, maybe, I don't like girls who try to _drug me and force me to cosplay for them._

Seriously. You'd think something better than fucking _Queen's Blade_ would have made it to Mejare, but... well, all-female casts tend to be either slice of life or porn.

...It might say a lot about me that I recognize most of the porn AND the slice of life shows that Dita hands to me.

"John!" She looks around, once again verifying that we're the only ones here. Seeing as my powers are still a secret from the majority of the crew, someone else being here would be really bad anyway, so this whole section is locked down. "If you're not going to take me seriously, I'll... I'll..."

I look at the blue haired woman with amusement. Since I hadn't gone along with her plan, Dita had indeed spread the rumor that I had been abusing my transformation to all two people she could. Del and Zan were in it from the start, Duelo couldn't care less if he tried, and Meia was obviously skeptical. It must be noted that she only started this after attempt to have me drink a spiked drink so she could persuade me to do her bidding. I'm so glad I didn't drink that. "What will you do, Meia? Leave me alone? Revoke my wandering privileges? Take away my computer?"

She, of course, know that I need to be able to move about and use my computer to write things down. Those punishments would not only be for me, but the rest of the crew. The first would only be a punishment for Meia, not me. "No, I'll... I'll reduce your rations!"

Wait, that's actually bad. Now that I can't trust Dita's offerings, I needed my rations tickets. That or I'd be forced to live on those nuke pills. "Eh, go ahead. The quality has been lacking as of late. I could really go for some scrumptious food pills."

"Why is Dita trying so hard to convince me that you're abusing my body?"

I shrug.

"You're clearly not." She hold her hand over her mouth deep in thought. "Otherwise you wouldn't be so flippant about... what are you doing?"

I had just transformed into Meia. "Whoa, these _are_ heavy. I was joking before, but I hadn't ever thought about it." I go through a few more transformations, Dita, BC, and Jura for starters, comparing how my center of mass shifts forward and backward with each.

Meia pinches the bridge of her nose. "New question. Why are you trying so hard to get in trouble?"

I grab a new board off of the Vanguard and start tracing the pathways with my eyes. "I realized that the best way to get Dita, Zan and you to stop liking me is to stop being likable. I'm trying out new methods until I find what works."

Meia turns her eyes to me, anger welling up inside. I just smile back. "Oh, I mean, I was playing with your body to give it a test drive."

"That's it." She snaps. "I can't deal with you right now." She turns and starts unlocking the door. "You finish that up, and I'll let you out when you've calmed down."

I transform back into her and put on her signature scowl. "Fine."

 _SLAM._

* * *

Duelo continues to stare at a book in his hands as I dismantle yet another vital component of the vital monitoring system. The one with all the little probes.

"I hear you've been fooling around with people's bodies." Duelo says after a while.

"Yup. I'm on a quest to alienate everyone on the ship until I don't have to deal with their bullshit."

Duelo nods and shuts his book with a snap. I glance at the cover, but it's in Japanese. I recognize some of the Hiragana, but I never memorized any Kanji back home. Thus, I have no idea what he's reading. "Fascinating. You get along the best with the women, and now you are rejecting that friendship." He pulls a notepad out of his pocket and starts writing stuff down.

"Are you keeping a journal about me?" I ask teasingly.

"Yes. You are a most intriguing subject. You develop the ability to shape-shift yourself and objects around you, you learn the women's speech quickly, and you pilot a Vanguard that how been modified to work well with the women's Dreads. Your insights are always radically different than those I'm used to hearing on Tarak." He takes a breath. "You are a fountain of new ideas and knowledge."

"Er... Thanks. I'm not trying to be a fountain, just..." I slump my shoulders slightly. "I'm just kind of a dick."

"Well, being a 'dick' has certainly been interesting to observe. This is why you persistently annoy the Meia and the rest of the crew, yes?"

"Yeah." I sit down on the examination table, trying to focus my eyes on the small device. "It's fun to piss everyone off."

"Really? I don't see the appeal myself." Duelo glances down at his book. God, I wish I knew how to read Japanese right now. "Can you explain why you enjoy being a dick?"

"...Can we call it something else? Never mind. I just... Well... have you ever wanted to tease someone, like Bart?"

Duelo nods.

"It's like that, but you want to do it to everyone. And to a worse degree."

"I tease Bart all the time." Duelo admits. "But that arises from our close relationship. Are you claiming you have a close relationship with the entire crew?"

"No, definitely not." I wave his question away. "It's more like I _don't_ know them, so it's more fun to push their buttons. Kind of like testing the limits in a new RPG to see what you can and can't get away with. It also has to bonus of alienating most people."

"Alienation is usually seen as a bad thing."

"So? I'm not normal. You already know that, or you wouldn't be keeping a journal." I point out. "Besides, it's not like it really matters. Once we get back to Mejare and Tarak and defeat the enemy, I'm leaving. I've got nothing tying me to you guys' corner of the galaxy. I plan to keep it that way."

Duelo taps his notebook thoughtfully. "Humans in general need to form bonds to other people to survive. Otherwise, we wouldn't be banding together with the women in the first place. Yet, you actively reject that."

I put the small electrode down and look at Duelo square in the eye. "I'm not really the kind of person to rely on others if I can help it."

Duelo flips through a few pages, reads a few lines of his hastily scrawled text, then flips a few more pages.

"So, what are you reading?" I ask.

"A psychology textbook. It covers various mental disorders."

I bite my tongue. "Right." Maybe I should get back to work.

"It's an interesting read." Duelo continues. "It's given me quite a lot of insight into the ways you could be thinking. Tell me, do you have trust issues?"

"Nah. I trust everyone."

Duelo goes to write that down.

"I trust everyone about as far as Paiway can throw me." I grin and pull out another circuit board to examine. This one is tough, about the size of a motherboard and about as densely packed, as well. I pull up the specification sheet and start looking at the internal logic of the main CPU.

"...Are you serious?" I look up to see Duelo is genuinely curious, leaning forwards in his seat. "You really don't trust anyone?"

I wave my hand grandly. "Who's to trust? The women clearly didn't want us here, and when I revealed how regular procreation is done they all flipped way too quickly. You and Bart are fellow men but you're too caught up in the whole Mejare-Tarak politics. Dita is a ditz, and Meia is my commander." I stand up and twirl around once to emphasize my point. "Not to mention every person on this ship has ulterior motives for everything they do. That's just how humans I don't know what drives someone, I can't judge their actions."

"You can't trust someone you don't know their motivations perfectly?"

"You said it, not me."

Duelo puts his hand on his heart. "I trust Parfet with my life."

I blink at him. "Good for you?"

"I don't know her motivations. Is that foolhardy?"

I shrug. "I don't know. If you ever get betrayed, then yes."

"Your solution to not being betrayed is never to trust anyone in the first place?"

I smirk. "I've never had a trust go unbetrayed."

"So you have trusted people in the past." He scribbles down a few more notes. "What would it take to have you trust someone?"

"Super User access to their processes." I rattle off. "And the ability to view their source code."

"No, I mean what would it take for you to trust, say, Meia."

"Super User access to her processes." I repeat, strain leaking into my voice. "And the ability to view her source code."

"Meia isn't a computer John." Duelo says.

"Well, then I guess I'm not going to trust her."

We stare at each other for a few more minutes before I go back to memorizing the circuit. Hey, this is a generic power supply, just three different sets on one board.

"Is that why you won't return hers, or any of the other's feelings?"

 _Snap._

I look down at the poor circuit board in my hands. Well, at least I can fix that now. I place my hands on the crack and start mentally modeling the interior structure. Once I completed the fix, I look down to see the board as good as new. Maybe a few thousand atoms short, but nothing anyone can tell from a glance. "Look, why don't you just go bother Parfet? Your own relationship should be plenty of fun, and talking about me is depressing."

Duelo presses on regardless of my words. "It does make a certain amount of sense. You don't trust them to know their own feelings, which leads to you not being able to trust any of their interactions with you."

"...Look. Trust and their affections have nothing to do with each other." I say, my voice low. I set the circuit board aside before I have to repair it again.

"In fact, maybe it was someone in your past who gave you these trust issues." Duelo muses aloud. "Maybe a past lover?"

I glare at the man. "You're really hell bent on this, aren't you?"

Duelo turns to look at me. "The captain had _trusted_ me to test the mental health of all crew members. The pilots all _trust_ the Reg crew, and vice versa. This ship wouldn't run without it."

"Yeah, well." I mutter.

"How, after all everyone on this crew has done, are you still so distrustful of people?"

"You really like finding a crack and picking away at it." I grumble. "And I already told you, I don't trust people I can't see through. It's a vulnerability."

"You'll regret not trusting people one day."

I stare at Duelo. "That was a really impassioned speech, coming from you. What's your deal?"

Duelo coughs. "Well, in efforts to be more candid, my past squad was torn apart when they stopped trusting the commander. We were raiding a Mejare base, and when we fell into an ambush, Commander Naimon made one bad call. Since he was relatively new, the troops under his command decided he wasn't worth following and decided to try to make their own path through. Commander Naimon tried to rally them and regroup, but... well, I'm the only survivor of that incident." He fiddles absentmindedly with his notebook. "I must admit it irks me when you treat trust like it's a light topic."

"Sorry, didn't mean to step on your toes." I raise my arms in surrender.

"It's not a problem. I think I see how you think now, let me..." Duelo start scribbling down notes at a rapid pace.

I go back to examining circuits, which takes another hour or so. The entire time Duelo is scribbling down notes as if a man possessed.

Packing up my gear, I start thinking out loud. "You know, even though I'm removing the walls and examining everything, I still can't find that damn projector system."

Duelo looks up from his notes. "What projector system?"

"You know, the one that allows us to type mid-air and have video calls? I can't figure out how it works."

"Oh, that's the chip we all have in our heads. It's a neural interface designed for communications purposes."

"I see. It's just a- THERE'S A CHIP IN MY HEAD?"

* * *

Meia massages her face as John's name comes up at the top of yet another incident report. This one isn't from Dita like the last twenty... Meia does a quick recount, twenty-three cases. Instead, it's from Duelo and the security staff.

"...Freaked out... Made a mess... Panic... "Get it out!"... Why can't he act like a normal person for once?" She sighs with exasperation. It seems her crush had not taken the news that there's a chip in his head well. From Duelo's account, he had tried to scratch the back of his neck off in an effort to remove it. He's currently sedated and resting in one of the hospital beds.

She wanted to pray that there won't be any harvester attacks while he's still in this state, but given what happened last time she had opened her mouth, and the lecture John had given her about jinxes (which he claims not to believe in until it's convenient for him, she notices) she decided that just heading down to the medical wing and discussing this one in person was probably her best bet.

Maybe she should look into getting John transferred back to Reg. He's not so crazy when he's with Zan.

That thought sends a pang through her stomach, but she pushes it down. Right now, she has to focus on being the leader, not her relationship with John. Her mostly nonexistent one, if she had to be honest with herself.

As she leaves her room, still pulling her arms into her suit, she notices Del getting ready for the night across the hallway in a t-shirt and flannel pajamas, with a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. Del pulls the toothbrush out of her mouth when she spots Meia. "You might want to dress in private. Perverts are around."

"If you're referring to John, he's drugged down in medical."

Del blinks, the sleepy expression leaving her face to be replaced with one of glee. "Oh! What'd he do this time?"

"He learned about the communication chips and started to freak out."

"Weird. I thought everyone had them, even those people from that water planet." Del comments.

"Hmm. I wonder if the harvesters are using that somehow to locate us." Meia says, fiddling with her uniform's wrists.

Del starts scratching at the back of her neck absently while giving a nervous chuckle. "That can't be right, can it? We put the chips in ourselves when we're born."

"Hmm? Oh, yes. And so do the people of Anpathos, and the Tarak males."

Del's face starts to turn the shade of her hair. "I... think I want my implant removed now."

"Not you too." Meia groans. "If we stop being able to communicate because everyone gets paranoid, the harvesters will win a lot easier."

"Yeah, but... what if they can see us having this conversation right now? Wouldn't that be scary?" Del chuckles nervously and sticks her toothbrush back in her mouth.

Meia looks her subordinate over. "Are you coming with me dressed like that?"

Del looks down at herself and shrugs. "Why not?"

* * *

This universe hates me.

It's the only explanation. It hates me and want to see me panic myself into a heart attack.

They put a chip in my head. Without my permission. I don't know the permissions, or who's administrator, or... I don't know anything about it, aside from the fact it's slightly more convenient than a cell phone. This worries me. In fact, I tried to pry the damn thing out myself, but two security girls came in and Duelo stuck a needle in me.

When the anesthetic wears off, I find myself in the medical ward, lying in one of the beds. Through my eyelids, I can see that the lights are still on, and I can hear some breathing from somewhere.

Alright, I need a game plan. I have to sneak out of here, get to my bunk, and make a small EMP. Then I need to fire said EMP at the base of my neck until the chip explodes. But first things first: I need to know where everyone is in the room. Carefully, I open my eyes to look around.

"Oh look, he's awake." Comes a familiar voice. Del, to be precise. She's sitting right next to my bed reading some book I don't recognize. I see some letters I recognize, so it might be written in English.

Well, there goes plan A. I sit up and look around to see that Duelo and Dita are talking in the next room, and Meia is resting against the far wall. Roused by Del's voice, Meia opens her eyes and pushes off the wall towards me. She looks angry. Again.

"John, it's two in the morning. Do you know _why_ I'm not asleep right now?"

I sigh. "Yeah, I get-"

"No, you don't. We need to get our rest or else we're not going to be ready the next time we get attacked." She comes to a stop right next to the bed, once again towering over me. Once I again, I wish I could get my old body ba... I CAN GET MY OLD BODY BACK! "You need to stop it with these antics right now."

"Aw, come on, you know that you guys like-"

"No. No, we do not." Meia says. Del nods in agreement, followed by Duelo and kind of followed by Dita.

"Oh. Well then. Sorry If I've disturbed you." I stand up, bow low, and state "I am sorry for causing you trouble. Don't worry, it won't happen again."

With that, I walk out of the door.

* * *

Dita goes to chase John, but doesn't get far before Del stops him.

"Geez, what is wrong with that guy?" Del says. "One moment he's a kid, the next he's super serious."

Duelo sighs. "I suspect bipolar disorder. He has rapid mood swings, and that compounded with some trust issues makes him... unpredictable."

Dita tilts her head. "But, don't bipolar people just randomly switch from one to the other?"

"Not quite. Unlike in movies, bipolar disorder tends to show up in one-to-two week long stretches. What triggers the switch varies from person to person." Duelo pulls out the same book he had been reading earlier. Interestingly, John hadn't seemed to notice the true contents of the book. Maybe he can't read?

"So, he just flipped?" Meia asks.

"Most likely. Watch out for him being depressed and lethargic over the next week." Duelo closes the book with a snap. "He sure fits this pattern better than his claims of being a sociopath or a psychopath."

Del whistles. "Wow. He said that and you still let him fly with us? If I had known, I'd have joined the sanitation crew."

"Honestly, if he wasn't so useful in battle, I would have made sure he never stepped outside of his cell." Meia comments.

"That, and you appear to hold some affection for him, as does Dita." Duelo scribbles some more stuff down in his book.

The two girls in question turn slightly red.

* * *

Tall. 6'4", to be exact. Square jaw due to the braces I had throughout my highschool years. Blue eyes, blond hair. Skinny, or rather, bony.

Yeah, that's me I see in my mirror. My old self.

Included at no extra charge is the disturbing weakness in my limbs, which comes from having suddenly gone from the musclebound Hibiki's body to my desk-jockey type body.

It really has been a long time since I've worked out. I should change that. Or...

I picture my body from when I still went to the gym three times a week. It's an improvement, I no longer feel like a slug, but it's still a far way away from being the tank that Hibiki was. Yes, he was all muscle, but what fine muscle it was.

I let myself fade back to my degraded old form. It's what feels the most... _right_ , even if it's so weak. Once again, I glance around my cell. It's not a room. It's a cell. One wall is always open, with only glowing green bars to keep me in or others out. I have a chip in my head, and someone else could be accessing it right now for all I know.

What even am I doing on this ship? Some loser decides to throw me into this situation to cause havoc, but all I've done to date has been annoying, uncooperative, or just plain mean.

I thought I was twenty-three, but I guess I'm really just five. Really, what I'm doing now is having a temper tantrum.

A song pops into my head, but I decide not to sing it. What if Del walked by and was inconvenienced by it? Even while acknowledging how ridiculous that sounds in my head, I resign myself to the fact I probably won't be singing anytime soon. Or doing anything fun. I wish my definition of fun didn't include "hurting others."

I sit down on my bed, the thick slab of metal with a small cloth blanket that would just barely cover me in this form. I glance at my laptop, full of text and notes and various unfinished bits of code. I look at my phone, a practically useless chunk of plastic now that I can't get internet on it, reduced to a glorified MP3 player. I look at my duffle bag of clothes, which should now fit a lot better than before. If I can somehow convince Duelo and Meia to let me walk around as myself.

Man... I just want to go to sleep.

"...And should I die before I wake, please just let me lie."

* * *

Have you ever asked yourself why you do what you do?

I had to examine myself extensively while writing this. I know _how_ I would react to a given situation. I can picture it in my head. What I can't see so easily is why I do things. Why do I sometimes have the time of my life coding, and others I feel like throwing my computer through a wall, sometimes within hours of each other?

This fic has been largely about me exploring this. Why do I do what I do?

I don't think I've found my answer. After all, a computer can't simulate itself properly, so why should I be able to?

Sure seems like Duelo's convinced though.


	19. Chapter 19: Capaneus

It was mid-November before anyone knew it. There hadn't been a harvester attack since Halloween, and the moods of the crew members is light. After all, despite this being technically a combat situation where battle could happen at any time, it sure felt more like a party than anything else.

In the bridge gardens, a stage has been set up. All around the ship, there are whispers as the crew excitedly discusses the evening's entertainment.

Apparently, Jura knows how to play a piano. Also, one of the walls in storage had shifted to reveal a beautifully preserved grand piano. It was, of course, horribly out of tune from the years unattended but before anyone was able to move it out of the way, Jura had found out and demanded that she would take possession of the large, glossy black object.

From his vantage point on the bridge, Bart could see four of the women carefully lifting the piano up onto the stage. Bart had actually been curious enough to request that he could view the concert, but it looks like it wouldn't have mattered anyway. He probably has the best seat in the house, all things considered.

Once again, he thanks whatever gods are watching that you can't see into the bridge bubble from outside. Otherwise, he'd die of embarrassment. It's bad enough when the girls suddenly open up a window while he's in here.

To be honest though, the women had been growing on him lately. They're a lot more sophisticated than the lower classes from Tarak, which means he can hold intelligent conversations with them rather than trying to talk down to the monkeys. Still they do like to tease him whenever they find something he's ignorant of. Like the fact women don't actually eat men. A few of them _still_ lick their lips when he passes.

He shudders just thinking about it.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spots a dark spot against the nearest star, which he quickly identified as a planet. Ever since getting this job, his celestial knowledge had skyrocketed. This allows him to make the snap judgement that this planet might be worth looking at, given the distance it is from its star and a few other factors provided by the ship's main scanner.

He opens a window to BC, the woman he gets along with the best. In fact, she kind of reminds him of his academy instructors, which is a strange comfort, but a comfort nonetheless. "Any familiar territory is comfort in war", his mentor used to say. "Vice-Captain, I think we should check out the planet orbiting this star."

BC pulls up the data the Bart was already seeing and nods. "Good eye. Put us into orbit."

"Yes ma'am." Bart closes the window and smiles to himself. He hadn't screwed up seriously in weeks. Weeks! If he can keep this up, maybe people will stop teasing him.

It only takes a few minutes to reach the planet, thanks to the miracle of FTL travel. BArt hadn't paid any attention in those classes, but he occasionally wished he did if only to understand the awesome forces he's wielding.

The planet in question actually seems quite nice at first, looking out his window. The light side of the planet is green, evidence of plant life of some sort. It's in the life zone, the area where humans can potentially survive. The atmosphere is relatively nice, if a bit more sulfurous than most people would like. It'll stink, but it won't kill you to breath there.

However, there is the disturbing fact that the gravity on the planet is about 1.4g, or twice what was considered standard. Bart had wondered about that, since Tarak is 0.83g and Mejare is 0.73g so why weren't either of those numbers 1? Now that he knows there's other civilizations out there, he supposes that someone else had set the standard.

By the way, the Nirvana's gravity is set to a pleasant 0.8g at all times. It means less injuries, especially when you keep tripping over things. Not that Bart ever trips. Nope. That would be absurd.

"If anyone lives down there, They've got to have serious muscles." Bart says to himself. "I don't want to go down there and get crushed into myself."

"What?"

Bart turns to the opposite side to see the blue-haired leader of the fighter pilots. While he never really was able to hold a normal conversation with her, he did respect her. After all, she's the one who's job it is to make sure he doesn't get beat up. "Oh, h-hey Meia. What's up?"

"BC said to ask you about the planet we're orbiting."

Bart repeats all the information he had gathered to her. She listens quietly until he's finished.

"Sounds like it's going to be unpleasant down there." She grimaces. "Still, we have been getting low on resources recently. We may not get another chance to restock anything for a while."

Bart nods. "Exactly! I was telling BC how badly we needed a resupply, and she told me to be extra wary of planets. Be glad I did, or else we might of missed this one!"

Meia smiles slightly. "Yes, yes. Good job, Bart. Keep me updated, Okay?"

"Will do!"

With that, the connection closes, and Bart goes back to examining the planet. This planet is rotating along an odd axis, leading to a dry, barren place near one of the poles that looks like it rarely leaves its star's light, and an opposite pole with the reverse problem, never receiving the warmth of heavy doses of infrared. The majority of the planet is covered in a jungle or forest of some sort, his scans aren't quite accurate enough to figure it out for certain. It rotate around its axis roughly every 51 hours.

To Bart's relief, the planet also seems to have water and with all that plant life they'll have plenty of nutrients to restock the food stores. BC will be happy to hear this!

He is so giddy congratulating himself he almost misses the short burst transmission from the surface.

* * *

"Uhg. So. Heavy." Del complains.

"Quiet." Meia says, clearly on edge.

When they had all gathered as a ground party to go scavenging, BC had interrupted their strategy meeting to tell them some disturbing news.

Apparently, this planet is called by Capaneus by its natives. True to Bart's intuition, this planet is filled with very strong humans, a byproduct of adapting to life on a planet with such high gravity.

They're also very hostile, and at least intelligent enough to be able to send messages to outer space. The one Bart had intercepted had read "Come down here so we can skin you alive."

Pleasant.

Thus, Meia had brought out the big guns. While the ring lasers are all well and good in the relatively clear atmosphere of a spaceship, in humid environments such as this tend to diffract the lasers and cause the weapons to be somewhat useless.

Instead, they had requested that Barnette lend them some weapons.

At first, she was reluctant to let anyone use them. They're her precious things, of course she wouldn't want others taking them. When Jura had pleaded and asked Barnette to accompany them down to the surface so the she could demonstrate their use to the rest of the ground crew... Well...

Del finds herself having to admit that these old style guns certainly have a charm to them. She had been handed a Barnetta ninety-two, or something. It's black, it's got a round top, and it's simple to use. Del seriously considered nicking off with the gun, but decided that it's probably better not to screw around with the walking armory. And what an armory Barnette is.

While Del had barely anything on her aside from her suit and the gun (and three spare magazines), Barnette was loaded down with three different guns, A shotgun and two assault rifles. Del felt her small pistol was heavy, but those were heavy even back on the ship.

The strain is starting to show on Barnette's face as well. Jura keeps trying to take a second rifle from her friend but Barnette is adamant about keeping those three to herself. Del just chalks it up to those being her most precious weapons, or something.

Still, this planet makes Del feel like she's going to collapse into a puddle. According to that Bart guy, she weighs almost twice as much here as on the Nirvana, and she could believe it. They've only been down here for about an hour and even the strongest physically are showing signs of strain.

"Ahhhhg, I quit!" Dita sags to the ground, evidently deciding that right smack dab in the middle of a forest would be a _great_ place to give up.

Jura sags down beside her, panting slightly. "I agree. Can we get Gasco to come pick us up?"

Meia turns back to look at her five woman team. "But we haven't discovered the settlement yet."

"At... At this rate..." Barnette gasps out. "We're not going to make it anyway."

Meia frowns. "I told you all this was going to be hard when we left."

Del leans against the nearest tree, her casual expression less trustworthy as Meia sees the woman's legs stop shaking. "Heh, well, I can keep going."

Meia looks around at each of the crew members. None of them are really in shape to make this trek, she admits to herself. "Alright, but we're too close to the source of the signal for this to be quiet. When Gascogne shows up, we need to be ready to defend ourselves."

Relieved nods from all around.

* * *

Despite her pessimism, they were able to extract without catching sight of the residents of the forest planet. However, the denizens of the planet had certainly noticed them. Bart has reported that he's been getting several threatening messages every few minutes.

Now, there is no way to know where the natives are. They could be anywhere on the planet, judging by the way the signals come from all sorts of locations.

"My only hope is that they haven't developed enough to make a spaceship." Magno comments to herself. The bridge has been mostly quiet since the recon team came back, aside from Bart's frequent complaints that the messages are starting to get more and more vulgar.

BC turns to her captain. "We need to get some resources from this planet, or we're going to have to put strict dietary restrictions on the crew."

"Hmm. Has anyone found a clear spot to gather resources?" Magno asks the bridge at large.

Cel raises an arm in her giant bear suit, and the data is displayed in front of the captain. There's a few spots, but with every transmission, it seems the gaps are getting tighter and tighter. The natives certainly seem to be protecting their planet.

"You know, I still have my food pills from Tarak," Bart says. "And we found that store in the men's part of the ship..."

The bridge crew ignores him.

"Alright, Meia, you have one hour to find a way to get us onto that planet." Magno announces. "Bart, keep monitoring those signals. We'll aim for the least occupied sector and harvest as much as we can. We're not looking for a fight, but we'll give as good as we get."

* * *

Only thirty minutes left. Meia had asked all the smart people under her command for bright ideas, but it generally boiled down to "Bombard from orbit, collect rubble" which the captain had basically told her _not_ to do. Right now, she was considering just bringing as many people down on the supply shuttle that can fit, armed to the teeth. They can send up two or three ship-fulls of supplies and just form a perimeter until the ship came back for them after the last supply run.

In other words, plan A, take 2.

Still, working and maintaining a defensive line for so long on the planet is going to be taxing. Three supply runs would take, optimistically, five hours. Someone who hasn't had special conditioning (most of the pilots, to be brutally honest) wouldn't last that long, and she would need to pull all the resources at her disposal just to make a defensive line in the first place, with nobody spared for later reinforcements.

With how bereft of ideas Meia found herself, she decides on a backup plan.

She would go talk to Dita. Dita's been on standby in the hangar, and Meia heads straight for the place where all the fancy ships upgraded by the Paksis had been anchored, so to speak. Sure enough, the excitable redhead is busy polishing her Dread, no doubt in anticipation of combat in the fighter.

"Dita!" Meia calls as she comes into sight. "I need to talk to you!"

"Okay!" Dita puts down the polishing cloth and hops off of the gantry nestled against her ship. "What's up? Do we have a plan?"

Meia winces slightly. "No, not yet. So far the best plans require either digging in or bombarding them from orbit."

"Oh." Dita screws up her face. "I don't like those options."

"Neither do I. That's why I was hoping you'd have some sort of plan." Meia says.

"Hmm." Dita puts her finger to her lip and spins slowly in place, as if facing a new direction would give her some inspiration. "I don't know." She finally says, after completing a full circle.

"Thank you for trying." Meia says, then turns on her heel and heads back towards the hatch. Inadvertently, she glances at the gold and white human shaped mech, that a certain male pilot had been piloting until recently. NO, she had already told herself not to think about it-

"That's it!" Dita says, suddenly excited.

Meia turns back towards the girl. "Yes?"

"We still have all of those old Vanguards, and those guns we designed for them, right?"

Despite herself, Meia's stomach drops a little.

* * *

"Okay, all units keep up the lookout!" Jura's voice comes through the radio.

Meia had delegated the role of field officer to her. After all, Jura's quite capable, right? She can lead the other pilots around for once. Of course, Meia isn't _scared_ of the Vanguards and their tiny, dark cockpits, oh no. She's just saving herself for the second shift.

Yeah, that's it. She'll relieve Jura later when the first group of pilots gets too tired to continue piloting.

Currently, they have five operational Vanguards, with John's still inoperable up in the ship. The five on the surface of the planet are arrayed in a star formation, leaving plenty of room in the center for the supply ship to land and for the poor Reg workers to start collecting material.

Fortunately for the crew of the Nirvana, the materials processing section of the ship hadn't been severely damaged during the ship marge, and in fact is now slightly better because the recycler from the men's half of the ship still works and the Paksis had joined them together somehow. This means they just need to bring the organic material on board, stick it in the recycler, and all's well. No fussing about finding edible plants and a clean source of water, they can just _make_ more of what they've got out of stock.

It's too bad the recycler is only about 50% efficient. If it was close to 100% efficient, they wouldn't ever need to restock, just recycling their waste back into food.

Meia shudders, imagining that last scenario. No, maybe it is better they're not eating their own waste over and over, even if it's nutritionally sounds and doesn't taste like literal crap. If only for soundness of mind for the crew and herself. She's willing to have to restock like this not to have that be her fate.

So far, the operation has gone along without a hitch. Sure, Jura's been complaining about the heavy gravity for the past hour, but they've yet to have any contact with the locals. That's a win in her book.

Though she hates to admit it, Dita's idea of using the Vanguards was an excellent idea. They have their own weapons, cushioned seats to ease the pilot's bodies while down there, and they're a lot better defended than any foot soldier could ever be. If the natives had spotted them landing, they had yet to attack, possibly because they were intimidated by the machines. From her understanding, Tarak had just rolled these Vanguards out when this whole mess started, so the denizens of this planet can't possibly know what they are. Hell, even she didn't know what they were at first.

"Meia~a." Comes Jura's pleading voice. "I wanna go back to the ship!"

"Jura, you agreed to be the field commander for this mission." Meia responds calmly. "You can't go back on your word."

"We've already gotten three of the four shiploads we need." Jura whines. "I've been down here for four hours! Shouldn't you get me a replacement now?"

Del's face appears next to Jura's. "Yeah, I can go a bit longer, but it looks like Sturm, Brell and Kai are starting to feel the strain too." Despite her bravado, Meia can see the stress wearing at the green haired girl's face as well.

"Alright, we'll send down replacements with the next shuttle." Meia says.

"Hurry?" Comes the weak voice of Brell, a slight woman who had bravely volunteered and frankly had lasted far longer than Meia suspected she would.

"The shuttle is currently dropping off the third load. I'll make sure that we've got five new pilots on the ground when it returns." Meia glances at a monitor of to her side. "Looks like it'll be fifteen minutes."

"T-thanks." Grits out Sturm, one of the few pilots that actually worked security detail as well. As a result, she's pretty buff for someone from Mejare.

Okay, so now it's time to pick pilots. Barnette is a good candidate, she should be well rested by now. Same with Dita. She can order both Samra and Yola to take a shift, they've been taking it a bit too easy recently... As she goes over the roster in her head, Meia slowly comes to the dreaded conclusion.

She's going to have to go down there and pilot one of the Vanguards herself.

* * *

As Meia walks up to the dreaded machine, the 1.4g acceleration weighing her down excessively, Jura's voice can be heard through the loudspeaker on the side of the thing.

"Finally!" Jura complains. "I can't wait to get off of this rock!"

Barnette has one of her beloved rifles at the ready, eyes scanning the treeline.

Meia nods. "Alright, let's start switching over. Let's start with-"

The five pilots who had spent a good four and a bit hours on the surface eject from their cockpits, revealing the occupants and letting out some steam.

"-one at a time?" Meia concludes lamely.

"RPG!" Screams Del, who leaps from her Vanguard into a bush to cushion her fall some. The Vanguard she had just vacated suddenly explodes, and Meia just has the time to trace a trail of smoke back to the edge of the forest.

Well, if she was planning an ambush, she's wait until everyone popped out of their armor too. That's why she was going to have them go one at a time. "Dita, Samra, go get the others!, Barnette, Yola, provide covering fire!"

Barnette shoulders her weapon and fires a short burst where the smoke trail had come from while Dita and Samra start heading for the exhausted pilots, who had all basically collapsed to the ground in an effort to hide from the attackers. Yola is holding another of Barnette's rifles, and she raises it to scan the treeline again. Meia herself is holding a shotgun Barnette had provided her, a Sport... Sport... A spastic shotgun. SPAS? Something like that.

The clearing falls eerily quiet, the only significant motion being Dita dragging Jura out from from her position back to the ship. It goes to show how just how exhausted Jura is that she keeps her mouth shut about her mistreatment.

Suddenly, Yola raises her rifle and fires a single round into the forest.

Instead of a sharp cry of pain, there comes a resounding roar that sends shivers down the assembled pilots.

"I say we run." Del says, crawling herself slowly across the ground. "Or, at least get on the ship and go."

"I second!" Chimes in Sturm, currently in the arms of Samra.

"We can't leave the Vanguards behind." Argues Barnette. "We might need those in the future!"

"Yeah, but we won't need them if we get blown to bits!" Retorts Del.

"No, Barnette's right." Meia says. She runs over to Del and hands over the shotgun. Del takes it and turns to prop herself against a tree. "I'll grab the nearest Vanguard and cover your escape. Dita, once you're done with Jura, grab a Vanguard! Same for the rest of everyone fresh!"

She receives a few acknowledgements and she takes a few breaths. Okay, it's just a small box. An airtight, small, dark box. She can do this. she can, she can, she-

As she approaches the nearest Vanguard, a new RPG soars through the air and impacts the side of the Vanguard, not entering the cockpit like the first strike had. Thus, the Vanguard is saved from immediate destruction. Instead, it topples over, and Meia has to scramble to get out of the way or be crushed.

Meia climbs into the seat and goes through the short checklist she had drilled before their first mission to that sand planet. The Vanguard whirs back to life and she climbs to its feet and faces the enemy. This model of Vanguard comes with a submachine gun in addition to the sword that comes standard on all models. Of course, the submachine gun is sized appropriately for a mech of this size, about two feet long and too heavy for a human to carry by themselves even back on the Nirvana.

She aims the gun back at the tail end of the dispersing smoke trails, and squeezes the trigger.

Vegetation shreds, and Meia gets her first glimpse of the natives.

They are _huge._ The one she had been firing at looked like two people stacked together. His muscles alone might weigh the same as she does. He drops the rocket launcher as his cover gets stripped away, fury in his eyes and beating his chest is some sort of macho display. His forearms look big enough to completely split her in two should he grab her by both arms.

Meia adjusts her aim and squeezes the trigger again.

For being made of flesh and bone, the indigenous population is sure is tough. Meia's next bullet blows off one of his legs, but he doesn't even seem to take notice aside from immediately shifting to hopping around on his remaining good leg.

Another burst of gunfire, this time from a Vanguard off to her side, manages to impact the brute in the head, instantly bringing the rest of his corpse to the ground, the head sailing back into the forest with force of impact.

"Thanks, Dita." Meia says, trying to keep her voice steady despite being locked in this tiny coffin of a machine.

"No sweat!" Dita says, aiming her over-sized weapon at another clump of trees. "Bad Aliens! BAD!"

The trees are quickly shredded down to barely more than chunks.

Another rocket comes from the forest's edge, impacting another of the unmanned Vanguards. The idle machine topples over before detonating in a magnificent fireball. Fortunately for the densely forested planet, green wood doesn't burn that easily. Instead of a forest fire, the majority of the damage ends up being singeing of the ground.

The last surviving Vanguard is occupied by Barnette, and a second stream of gunfire joins the first, indiscriminately firing into the treeline.

The rest of the ground crew makes it to the shuttle and Gascogne hits the gas, the ship struggling with the load it's carrying due to the higher gravity. Once it gets out of the range of all but the luckiest of rockets, Meia turns her attention back to the ground.

So, where are those return rockets? "Dita, Barnette, do you see the return rockets?"

Barnette stops firing for a second. "Oh, those aren't strong enough to get us into orbit so we have to wait for the next ride out."

"...Dammit."

* * *

Once everyone was safely off the planet, Zan had to take inventory. Once the natives attacked, Barnette and Dita had decided that actually keeping some bullets for the future was a bad idea. It's kind of nice to have real work after such a long break, she had to admit. Sweeping the floor endlessly gets old quick.

"Why do we even have bullets this size?" She mutters to herself. "Until we got Parfet and Dita to design that giant rifle, we didn't even have anything that would even fire this caliber."

"We got it from a raid on one of the men's bases orbiting Tarak." Comes Meia's voice. "We keep it in case we need to improvise something. Like making rifles for Vanguards."

"Ah, Leader. Didn't see you there." Zan scans over her checklist. There's nothing really left to inventory, just down thirty boxes of .75, two Vanguards and two vanguard rifles. "I'm about done, I'm assuming you're here for-"

"Yes." Meia's face becomes strained. The two head out the hallway and down to the prison section, Zan loosening the headdress she's required to wear and tucking it into her apron pocket, then fluffing her hair. "What..."

"Well, I need to look good if I'm going to charm him away from you and Dita!" Zan says with a grin. When Meia doesn't react, Zan's face quickly becomes serious. "Meia? Is something wrong?" Exasperation sets into her face. "Is he doing the whole 'I don't love anyone' routine again?"

"Er, I wasn't aware you were... aware." Meia says. "And I was trying to figure out how to break it to you."

"Please." Zan waves the statement away. "Have you seen the way he looks at us? Or rather, how he looks and then quickly becomes too embarrassed and looks away?"

"Yes, I have noted that particular habit."

"It's probably because he was raised on a planet with women." Zan looks around as if expecting eavesdroppers. "He told me once that if a male stares at a woman too long, he can be thrown in jail."

"That... sounds a bit extreme." Meia ponders the thought for a moment. "Are you sure he wasn't just giving an excuse to look away from you? He's told me many times that our clothes seem to revealing for his tastes." Immediately after voicing that though, Meia realizes that she's participating in girl talk, which annoys her slightly.

"Maybe." Zan allows. "But then why would he have all those drawings on his computer?"

"Drawings?"

"Yeah, lots of drawings of girls dressed in very little." Zan thinks for a minute. "There was one he didn't quite hide in time that only had her hair hiding her breasts."

"...John's a degenerate."

With that line, they enter the cell block. John looks up from his laptop, winces, sighs, and closes his laptop to stare dispassionately at the two. "O... ohaiyo gozaimasu"

...That last"u" in "su" is supposed to be silent.

Zan and John start gibbering at each other excitedly in what Meia recognized as the men's language. She shouldn't really be surprised that John can speak it, but it seems that Zan had picked it up due to her aborted singing career back on Mejare. Meia had wondered why they can sing songs together so well, even in other languages. Anyway, it's fortunate that they didn't have to keep pulling Duelo or Bart away from their other duties to play translator.

As to why the need a translator...

Zan turns back to Meia. "He says that he's almost figured out which nerves need to be grafted back onto the chip. He ran an experiment earlier and he almost got it back into his spine properly."

"And why can't I talk to him?"

"Well... He says the thing was zapping him 'something fierce.'"

Meia really wished she could shout directly at the idiot, but the first time it happened two weeks ago he had only pointed to his ear and shrugged. "Tell him," She grits out. "That if he can't figure it out by tomorrow, he has to use it if it's tasing him every second or not."

Zan communicates this back to John, who doesn't really look all that alarmed. Maybe something got lost- no wait, there. His eyes go wide and he looks at Meia with his best "WTF" expression. "Idiot girl." He says, managing not to mangle the words.

She gives him the finger. That'll show him.

* * *

I used a random Greek name generator to get the name Capaneus. It turns out the legendary Capaneus was a Greek warrior renowned for his strength and size. I couldn't have accidentally named my planet better if I tried.

Also, John is a filthy liar. I don't think people can go to jail for looking. Hopefully... anyone know a good lawyer?

Also also, I went to post a new one-shot a few days ago, ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶p̶t̶c̶h̶a̶ ̶k̶e̶p̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶s̶s̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶p̶l̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ AdBlock is a little bitch and decided to block the captcha images. It's one thing after another, isn't it?


	20. Chapter 20: Coersion

I don't know Japanese. This chapter is brought to you by bad machine translations, and my stupid homework schedule.

* * *

It was just an experiment.

I just wanted to get the damn chip out of my head. Figure out what it does. Technology that you don't know how it's made is terrifying, with so many problems and vulnerabilities. And I happen to know earth isn't exactly a charitable organization in this universe.

Now, I can't understand Japanese. Or pilot the Vanguard. Or get the telephone-thing calls. Zan tells me that they can't track my position without the thing either. In other words, the chip is pretty important.

If there was one good thing that came out of this whole mess, it's the fact that I now know how the chip works. It doesn't have an antenna the right size to send anything to earth without some sort of relay, and with the Paksis modifying the ship so extensively (and also how afraid of the earth sphere the Paksis is) I doubt the ship is still transmitting anything itself. Thus for the crew of the Nirvana at least the chips are harmless.

Of course, implanting a chip into your spinal column isn't usually considered a sane thing to do, less when you're trying to do it to yourself. Duelo offered to help, but he doesn't know enough about the chip. Nobody on the ship does. The only reason I survived the experience is my ability to shapeshift my nerves back into place before I killed myself, and once I realized how badly the chip failed, remove it again and again while I try different iterations to see what will actually give me back the abilities to understand Japanese and pilot the stupid Vanguard.

I place the slim metallic chunk at the base of my neck and concentrate on integrating it with my nervous system. If this one works, I won't have to go back to the chip ten iterations ago, you know, the one that tased me every three seconds. Meia gave me an ultimatum that if I couldn't fix the chip quickly, I'd have to live with the zappy one. I'm not looking forward to that. Which s why I'm ignoring my sleep cycle in favor of making lots of little chips and forcing them into my nervous system. Why yes, this is crazy, and yes, I am stupid for going through with it.

The most recent chip suddenly starts heating up, meaning something shorted that shouldn't have. I quickly reach in and rip the metal from my neck. Dammit, I thought that one would actually work.

"You're still up?" Comes Zan's voice.

I glance up, acknowledge her presence, and go back to work. "Yeah well, you know exactly what kind of time pressure I'm under." I grumble.

"Maybe if you didn't call her an idiot, she would've let you have more than one day."

"I need to stop asking for favors." I say, already molding the plastic and metal amalgam into yet another variation. "I hardly pull any weight around here anyway,"

"Yes, well, you're almost like a scientific experiment. Us women don't know about men, and you know a lot of valuable things about male-female interactions." She blushes at the last part, leaving little doubt to what she's reffering to.

"Yup. On my planet, it's general knowledge." I think for a second. "Well, if you're over thirteen or so."

"Why is there an age limit?"

"Okay, picture Paiway, but pregnant with twins. How well does her body hold up in this situation?"

"Point taken." Her face colors slightly. "So... you weren't lying when you told us how it works, right?"

"I skipped a detail or two." I acknowledge. "I'm not a biologist, I just know the basic facts. And I'm not quite sure how well what I know transfers over." I glance at Zan. Well, might as well ask. "So, do you girls get periods?"

"W-what?"

"You know, do you bleed out an egg monthly."

"Wha- what does that have to do with anything?"

"Fertility period." I say. "I'm not sure of the specifics, but depending on where a girl is in her cycle it's easier or harder to get pregnant."

"Oh. Because the egg separates from the uterine wall?"

I shrug. "Like I said, I don't really know. Guys don't get periods, so it's a foreign concept for me."

"Wow. Can I be a guy? Periods hurt."

"So I've been told, and you can, but surgery hurts also."

"...That sucks."

"Yep."

"So, you can only get pregnant at certain times?"

"From what I know, yes. Instead of slicing together two sets of chromosomes like you do on Mejare, males have sperm which carry their half of the genetic sequence."

"This is so cool." Zan says.

"Weird. Everyone back home gets grossed out by it."

"Probably because they're used to it. I asked Duelo how male reproduce, and it turns out you guys don't even have pregnancies, you just mix up a baby."

"I wouldn't know, I wasn't born there." I shrug. Okay, next chip done.

"I want to try having a baby someday." Zan hums. "Ezra looks so happy."

"I've always been skeptical of how happy new mothers are. I think there's too many chemical floating around in you brain to think straight about another human that just ripped your pelvis in half to escape." I press the newest iteration of the chip into my neck.

"That's a bleak outlook, though I guess I should have expected that." Zan taps her fingers as the chip sinks into my flesh. "Well, how is it going?"

"It's not attempting to kill me from the inside out, but something's off."

"Yeah, every other word is in either Mejare or Tarak speech. So you don't think pregnancy is a wonderful act of life?"

"It's procreation." I remove the chip and start again. "Everything living does it, we're not special. Mold does it."

"If it's not special, why do you care enough not to create a child with any of us? If it holds no meaning, you shouldn't care, right?"

I sigh and put down the chip. "Look, it's... in my society-"

"Which you claim not to care about."

"-which I claim not to care about, sex is considered a very private, intimate thing. The majority of us don't go around having sex with whoever wants a kid. There's the question of responsibility. Nine months is a significant portion of time to have your body being eaten from inside. I don't know, maybe I carry the crazy gene. Whatever, I don't want to just go around screwing everyone since they're curious about the process."

"Dita genuinely likes you. So does Meia, and well, me. We wouldn't hold something like that against you."

I glance at her. "You're treading very dangerous waters, making a blanket statement like that."

"Well, we all know you're not going to act on it, so it doesn't matter, right?"

..She's baiting me. I go back to my chip. "I guess."

"What would it take to actually get you to give me your sperm?" Zan asks.

"Uh... I would have to trust you not to screw me over after the fact."

"And how do I get that trust?"

"...I don't know. Become my servant for life, with mind altering chemicals ensuring you obey my every whim?"

"Are you being difficult on purpose?" Zan is starting to sound irritated. "This doesn't have to be hard."

...This stopped being being an interesting a while ago. "No, it doesn't. _I'm not interested."_

Zan grabs my arm and presses herself against me. This, coupled with the relatively sparse clothing she wears when not on duty, starts to get a reaction from me. "Zan, let go. NOW."

"Not until you stop being unreasonable!" She pulls her arms around my arm to lock in her grasp.

I abruptly stand up, dragging the much lighter girl behind me, adjusting my muscle density to be able to lift her easily. My first instinct is to start slamming her against the wall to get her to release her grip, but a better plan forms before I can actually finish swinging her around for the blow.

Instead, I head out of my cell with Zan dangling from my arm like some sort of limpet. There are quite a lot of stares as we head through the ship, up to the bridge.

The bridge is dark. Oh, right. Nighttime.

I turn around and head for the crew quarters.

"What are you doing?" Zan asks, still holding on as if for dear life.

"Reporting to Meia."

"What?" Zan almost loses her grip.

"Well, she's my superior and yours, so she can _force_ you to let go."

I arrive at her door and swing my loose hand against it, sending booms down the hallway.

Before our leader shows herself, several other doors open up and tired faces peek out, but I don't really care too much right now. Zan's face is steadily going red though.

Meia finally opens her door and looks at me blankly.

"Hey, Meia, can you tell her to let go of me? She's been bothering me for a while and even propositioning me... for..."

Meia crosses her arms and frowns, not at Zan but at me. Her eye is twitching, actually.

"What?" I ask.

"Anata wa kore o osoku yatte imasu ka?"

...Oh, right. I... I'm supposed to fixing the chip. The chip that allowed me to talk to her in the first place.

Zan finally lets go and starts talking rapidly in Japanese. Meia's not looking any less hostile for it, rather the opposite really. Maybe I should make my escape-

A firm hand on my collar, then two, and then a laser ring shoved into my face. I get pushed to the floor, and suddenly everyone is yelling.

What? What?

I... I don't like this ride anymore, I want to get off.

* * *

You'd have thought that i'd have gotten used to living in a cell by now. Sadly, no. At least mine is comfortable-ish, has blankets, an outlet, all my stuff...

Yeah, I kind of forgot that very few of the crew actually knew I could shapeshift. Also, very few of them have seen what I look like. So when some other, random male walks up to their quarters and starts making an unintelligible ruckus, they don't take too kindly to it.

This was explained to me by my cell mate, none other than Zan. Apparently, Meia hadn't let her off the hook either. The cell we're in right now isn't technically a cell, but that stupid decontamination chamber Paiway locked everyone in way back at the start of this whole mess. At least the water isn't on. And we have clothes.

Zan has been silent since she finished telling me of our predicament, her head down and her legs tucked up under her, forming a tight ball. Give her some plating and she'd be an armadillo.

I take a deep breath. "Okay, I guess I'm sorry. I... shouldn't have overreacted."

"Mmm."

"I just... I don't know." I throw my hands up in the air. "I'm really, really bad with people."

She remains silent. I shrug and lie back down on the floor. I might be in here a while, until Meia can figure out a cover story, or something.

You know, if I was captain, I would've spaced myself a few times by now. I'm not really helpful, more a burden on everyone.

"Okay, I know I'm going to regret asking this, but do you really want a kid that badly? You're still only seventeen, right?" I ask after a bit.

"Well, that's part of it. But, on Mejare, when two people love each other they-"

"Ah, yeah, that's... we like to pretend that's how it works where I come from." I laugh a little. "Of course, where I come from, Everyone makes such a big deal out of sex that it's one of the most documented things out there."

"They make a big deal out of it?"

"Yeah. Just imagine: It's treated as both a major secret until you turn thirteen or fourteen or whatever and it's one of the popular subjects. I think humans are just geared towards thinking about it as a whole."

"So it's a public secret? that sounds kind of stupid, and impossible to maintain."

"Yeah, the other half of society is on a constant hunt to try to keep the 'innocent young ones' pure until they're old enough to accidentally screw their lives up." I glance over at the now-slightly-uncurled Zan looking over her knees at me. "You girls are actually ahead of the curve compared with some people back home. They think you can have a child just by sleeping next to each other."

"But, you just said..."

"Yup. My world makes no sense. Yours does, you have a clear evil to face and a rag-tag bunch of pirates fighting to restore justice to the universe or whatever."

She tilts her head in confusion. "I though we were trying to get back to Mejare."

"And Tarak, but in the mean time we can take out as many of the stupid harvesters as we can, right?"

"I guess." She hunches back up, and I can see her start to shiver.

It's not that cold in here. I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans and I'm fine. "Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine."

RED ALERT! I stand up carefully and walk up next to her to find tears falling down her face. God dammit. "Er, Zan?"

"Hmm?"

"I... You're clearly not okay."

"I, I thought we were getting closer." She sniffs. "You used to hang out with me all the time when you first got on board the ship, but then you started talking only to Meia, and then you broke your chip and I thought we were getting really close again and-"

I set a hand gently on her shoulder, though it's still enough to startle her into silence. Not my goal, but it allows me to say my piece. "Sorry about that. I... suck at people, friends... fighting robots, dealing with space travel." I grimace. "Pretty much everything out here. I should probably work on being a better friend, at least."

"Yes, you should." She looks back up. "Though, I guess I stepped over the line too."

"If it makes you feel any better, I know three billion people that would have jumped at the chance you gave me." I scratch my chin. Now that I'm back in my regular body for long periods, my facial hair is growing out, and it's itchy as all get out.

"Three-? Ew." She relaxes, her mind now on other things. "What do you mean?"

"Yeah, our planet's got a lot of people on it. Most guys would have jumped at the offer." I purse my lips. "That's not really a ringing endorsement of men, is it?"

"So other guys would have, but you didn't?" Zan asks, already heading back to ball form.

"It's not because of you, I swear." I quickly move to placate her. "I'm just not mature enough. Or something. Women on my planet hate that about guys, so most of them pretend like they wouldn't, but given half the chance..."

She looks up at me in confusion. "Is everyone on your planet crazy?"

"...Yes. I might be worse than most."

The door to the decontamination chamber opens, and Meia steps in. She looks between the two of us, sighs, and starts talking to Zan. After a moment, Zan stand up and looks back at me. "Meia says that Duelo has an idea about the chip, and she wants you to try it. We're heading down to the lab."

I nod at Meia and the two of us follow her down to the medical bay, then into the small offshoot Duelo had claimed as his own. He turns around as the three of us approach.

"Hello, John. How are you doing?" He asks.

Oh, right. Tarak uses english. "Oh, uh, good." I cough. "I can't get this chip to go in though."

"I had an idea about that." The man turns to one of his monitors (one that's built into the wall, so I can see it) and points at a square that clearly looks like the chip blown up to be easily visible. "You have this basic design for the chip, yes?"

"Yeah. I tried putting that in, but it wouldn't reconnect at all. That's why I keep trying different variations. I can't seem to get the connections to attach right."

"I think I might know why." He presses a key, and something that looks a lot like a flea shows up on screen. "Do you recognize these?"

I squint at them. "Water flea."

"...Water flea?"

"Yeah, that's a water... okay, maybe not. What is it?"

"It's a nanobot."

"Okay. I thought we destroyed all the ones that hitched a ride up to space with us."

"We did."

"...then where did it come from?"

"You."

I gaze at the stoic man, but he doesn't seem to be joking. "You're serious."

"Yes. It seems about half of your body has been turned into a nest for a swarm of small robots." He points to the image. "This is the most common type. It's designed to break down materiel and build it back up. I believe that this is how you are able to transform at will."

"Huh? But didn't I do something 2D in that test chamber? No matter how well they can eat things, they can't reduce matter to two dimensions."

"Actually," Zan chimes in, looking a little green. "Your were kind of melting."

"Oh."

"Exactly." Duelo turns back to me. "Also, I found out that they were taking advantage of the link that these chips have between all of us. That's why you were able to feel the pain everyone else was feeling when you transformed into them."

"Oh. I just thought it was magic." I run my chin some more. "That makes sense, I guess. So, how does that translate to 'doesn't let the chip back in'?"

Duelo looks at me a bit harder after the magic comment, but lets it go. "They are probably trying to just insert the nerves straight into the chip, but that's not how it happens normally. In infants, the chip is grown together with the nerves, allowing the nerves to intertwine with the connections."

"Really." I look at the chip again. I don't see anything that suggests that, but I guess the doctor would know more about it than I would. "Okay, so what should I do?"

"Instead of forcing the chip into your neck, try placing it there and letting the nerves flow through it." Duelo suggests.

Worth a try. "Do you have a spare chip anywhere?"

Duelo looks at Meia, who unfolds her arms and hands him the small chip I had been attempting to reintegrate for two weeks.

He hands it to me, and I set the small silicon bit on my neck and close my eyes.

A conversation in Japanese starts up around me, hurried discussion that means nothing to me.

I concentrate on letting the nerves just flooooooooooo

* * *

Oooowwwwwhy am I looking at the ceiling?

Meia peeks her head between me and the overhead florescent light. "Awake?"

"Yep."

"Can you move your legs?"

I stretch my toes and lift my right leg up a few inches. "Yeah. Hey, I can understand you!"

"Yes, well, it seems Duelo forgot to mention that some of the nerves might separate during the procedure. You're lucky he was able to splice them back up."

"Ouch, that could have been..." My arm isn't moving. Why isn't- oh.

Zan and DIta are asleep on the side of the bed both with tear streak down their faces. Zan is clutching my arm in her sleep.

"Those two just don't give up, do they?" Meia sighs.

"Nope." I gingerly poke at Dita, but she just mumbles and goes back to sleep. "It's one of their good points, I'm sure."

"So, Zan says that you refused her, what was it, advances?"

"Ah. Yeah." I attempt to shrug sheepishly, but again one of my arms is completely immobile. "That... was a mess."

She sits on the side of the bed opposite the other two. "She told me some interesting things about 'your planet.' How muh did you tell her?"

"Eh, you're still the only one who know where I really come from. I was telling her how it was, not where or when it was."

"Okay." she sits still for a second before looking back at me. "I missed talking with you."

I quirk an eyebrow. "Me? Nah, I'm a pain in your ass, remember?"

"Maybe. Maybe." She leans over me. "Next time you do something this stupid, you get spaced."

"Yes ma'am."

She leans down further, pressing her lips to mine. I'm too surprised to attempt to escape, and besides Dita and Zan have my arm. The kiss isn't spectacularly amazing, or hot, or anything like that. She really just presses her lips hard against mine for a few seconds, long enough for me to start to want air, and then she sits back up and smirks at me.

"Next time, you better have a better excuse than 'I'm bad with people'." And with that, she leaves the room.

...How is it that I finally got the chip back, and now everything is making _even less_ sense?

* * *

It takes a while for Dita and Zan to wake up.

Dita wakes first, her eyes slowly coming into focus and seeing my pair looking back at her. She instantly perks up. "Mister Alien! You're okay!"

"Yep." I wiggle my toes, just visible under the sheets. "And I think I can use all my limbs too, which is always a plus."

Dita fumbles around in her clothes for a second before pulling out a small plush UFO. "Here! I made this for you!"

I take it and look it over. It's got the standard grey alien type creature in the standard UFO shape. It's made of felt. It smells vaguely of Dita's perfume, that is to say, some sort of flowery thing.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah." I smile at the redhead. "I'm gonna stick it on my bag."

"With all of those other charms?"

"They're not charms, per se..."

"But there's that one clear blue heart on there."

"That's... the crystallization of a maiden's first love."

Dita tilts her head with her index finger. "Who's?"

I shrug. "I don't know." A grin crosses my face. "Maybe it's yours."

Rather than denying it, she looks even more confused. "But, you had that before I met you, right?"

"Yes, that was a joke, Dita."

"Oh." She bites her tongue for a second. "Is it true you're a lot older than me?"

"Well, yeah. I'm twenty three." I confirm.

"Wow. Six years difference. Meia says this is what you really look like, too."

I glance down to confirm that I'm in my usual form. Yup. "Yeah, six years. Just enough to be cre-"

"Well, my moms were ten years apart, so that's not too bad!"

"-epy." I finish. "No, Dita, that's... er... I give up."

"So, Zan was saying something about her having a baby. Does that mean I get one too?"

* * *

I am now on every single government list from googling firearms to mental disorders to female reproductive systems. Not to mention all the fucked up porn. They probably think I'm the next Gacy or Ed Gein or something.

I am also going to hell, but that should come as a surprise to nobody.


	21. Chapter 21: What happens in the woods

If I manage to time it right, the Christmas episode will happen near Christmas. This was totally not planned.

* * *

"So, I press this, which sets... the gravitational scale?"

Jura nods and continues combing her fingers through my... her... my hair.

I really wish I had more agency in my life. Right now, I've been instructed by Meia to work with Jura to figure out those nav computers like the one inside Vandread Jura's cockpit. So far, I've learned a lot about what _not_ to do in user design, namely, lots of bright pictures obscuring other bright pictures. It's a jumbled mess. I want to have a word with whoever designed this.

Normally, I'd still be fine with this. I've dealt with worse user interfaces. However, Meia had to go and say that I had to obey Jura, no matter what her commands. I thought I was going to be in trouble, but most of her requests were reasonable. Transforming into her and letting her play with her own hair on my head isn't really that bad compared with "Let's have sex!"

"Okay, so I press this, then that, then hit the back arrow-" The spherical screen starts displaying the current gravitational fields around us, the most prominent being the Nirvana's gravity generators. The next biggest is the combined effect of a clump of asteroid things floating a few dozen kilometers away. I never really figure out astronomical terms, so these might be meteors. There's no trail, so they're not comets. I know that free-floating rocks in a belt are asteroids, but we're too far from any star for this clump to display any noticeable orbit.

Anyway, I'm getting the hang of the nav computer. It's not hard once you know what you're looking for, it's just sifting through the data dump is annoying. I question if this is even needed when we have transmitters embedded in our skulls anyway, and I bet I can use that data much faster.

Jura twists my hair into a bun and secures it in place with a pin of some sort. "Perfect! I'll use this hairstyle at the Christmas party!"

"A) it's still a month until Christmas. B) I don't think this is going to be 'hip' like you think it is." It feels like my scalp is being twisted in every direction at once! Why do girls do this to themselves?

"Well then John, do you have any better suggestions?"

"Ponytail."

Jura frowns, and I just catch it out of the corner of my eye. "Yes, but that's _your_ preference, not Barnette's."

"I could just go ask her." I say for the eighth or so time. "It would save so much guesswork."

"How can you pick up on the hardest parts of our computers so simply, yet when it comes to romance..." She shakes her head. "Us women like to be surprised when we get a gift. If we know it's coming it cheapens it."

I shrug and go back to staring at the swirling, colorful lights. I'm just glad Mejare systems use English as their written language, or these lessons would be a lot more excruciating. "Why are you considering a hairstyle a present though?" I ask. "Does Barnette have a hair fetish?"

Jura puffs herself up. "Nope! I'm her gift, just like every year, and as such I must have the most beautiful wrappings!"

"...Have you tried the bow-kini?"

Jura's eyes lock on my face expectantly, and she gives me a quizzical look.

"It's when you take a ribbon and tie yourself up in it." I explain. "It's like how you wrap a present so you can just pull the bowstring and it unravels."

"I'm... not sure what you're talking about. Can you show me?"

I resist the urge to sigh, noting that I"ve been doing that a _lot_ more than usual once getting on this ship. "Do you mind if I end up in your body with hardly any clothes on?"

"I don't see why not."

"Modesty laws?" I mutter under my breath. "Fine, give me a second."

A second or so later, There are two Juras: One with her standard black dress outfit, and one in a ribbon that's... probably not wide enough. I _think_ Jura could walk around deck with this on, but I'd have to double check... nope, widen the ribbons.

"That's..." Jura hesitates. "I like it! But, I would have to walk around in front of everyone like that?"

"No, just put a red coat on over it. Some Mrs. Claus costume or something."

"Mrs claws?" Jura absentmindedly pulls the pin from my hair and it flops down in a soft golden curtain. "I don't know what you mean."

"It's... just a red overcoat. Can I go back to being me now?" I complain.

"Not until we cover one last thing." Jura sits down opposite me and the sphere in the center goes away. I immediately notice her serious face and I straighten up, which... Uh, changing from ribbons now. "You need to think about presents for your three girls."

"They're not mine."

"They're certainly closer to you than anyone else. Aside from your word, I think everyone would assume that you're in four-way relationship."

I wave my hand. "I'm still trying to figure out what to do on that front. They all seem to genuinely care for me, despite all the stuff I've done to _stop_ that from being the case." I lean back and slowly start reverting to my own form, hoping she won't notice the change if it's slow enough. "I think I've given up trying to dissuade them."

"It's about time." Jura sniffs.

"Yeah yeah. It still doesn't mean I return their feelings. I'm still working that one out."

"Who do you like the most?" Jura asks nonchalantly.

I give her the stink eye. "Ain't touching that one. Aren't we talking about presents?"

Jura rolls her eyes at my change of subject. "Right, presents."

"Since there's not exactly a store anywhere, they have to be hand-made." I hold up my index finger. "Also, they need to be unique. They're going to notice copy-paste gifts."

"Copy... Paste?"

"Er, rinse and repeat?" Jura still looks confused. "If I make them very similar gifts, they're going to notice." She nods in understanding. "Next, the gifts should be relevant to their interests."

"For Zan, that's obvious, she adores music."

"And I have a good idea for that." I stand up and pose. "I can sing her a song!"

"She would like that." Jura approves. "How about Dita?"

"Dita likes... aliens and me. Maybe I could find some old x-files type things... Do you guys have internet?"

"What's that?"

"Eh, lot's of people hooking together a whole lot of computers so they can communicate. It allows you to talk to other people remotely, share files, learn the news..." _look at porn..._

"So, our communications system?" Jura asks.

"Sort of. The internet is a lot... bigger. More stuff. Videos, music, games." _porn..._ I shrug. "Back home, I used to spend most of my time there."

"Well, back at base we do have a large movie database, but we're too far out of range to grab anything off of it." Jura muses. "Does that sound right?"

"Yeah. I wish I could see that. Hell, I'd like to figure out what kind of network you're using. I'll have to ask Parfet."

"Back to Dita."

"I'm going to get her an alien movie to watch, if I can. If I can't, I'll... Well, she likes to cook too, so I could teach her one of those recipes I know."

Jura looks at me askance. "You can cook? I though men lived off those pills."

"Tarak males, yes." I smirk at her. "I'm not from Tarak."

"And you still won't tell me where you're from." Jura pouts, though it's as unconvincing as she can make it. "I think Dita would enjoy it, if only because she'd get to spend more time with her 'Mister Alien.'"

"I've had worse nicknames."

"Oh? Now I'm curious."

"Well, most of them are based of my real name, so they wouldn't make sense." I say.

"...Real name?"

Whoops. "Er, y-yeah. Real name."

Silence.

"Isn't John your real name?"

"No, it's not." I grumble a bit. "It's my internet name."

"You have an internet name?"

"It's... the internet was kind of anonymous, once upon a time. I went to great lengths to separate my internet me and my real me." I start drumming my fingers on the computer console. "Johnny Wycliffe was the name I picked when I first got going, and I never thought to change it significantly."

"Then, what's your real name?"

"If I was going to say, you'd think I would have said it by now." I smile wanly. "I'm not planning on telling it to anyone."

"That's not fun." She holds a finger to her lips. "Maybe we should all make new names for ourselves. We can make our own internet!"

"With blackjack and hookers." I deadpan. "Not to get us back on track, but for Meia..."

"Yes?"

"Yeah, I got nothing. Help her maintain her Dread? Make up new attack patterns?" I snort. "She's more of an action type girl. If we we're back home, I'd take her to this mountain I used to like going to. I bet she'd enjoy hiking."

"How far is your home from Tarak?" Jura asks.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure where anything is in relation to everyone else. For all I know, we've been heading away from my home planet." Not to mention, different universe, different time, etc.

"Why are you so stubborn when it comes to information about yourself?" Jura grumbles. "Okay, we'll finish for today."

* * *

"Mister Alien!"

I manage to brace myself for the flying tackle before Dita can quite bowl me over. "Hey, Dita."

"I made you lunch!" She produces a small box tied up in a small handkerchief with an alien stitched on it.

I gratefully accept the gift, and then hesitantly wrap my arm around her shoulders. Awkward at our disparate heights, but I think I got the point across. Dita's face is almost the color of her hair. "Where do you want to go to eat this?" I ask.

"W-why don't we go to the hangar?" Dita suggests, already recovering from my sudden contact.

I'll have to work on that. Dita clearly likes hanging out with me, and enjoys physical contact. Zan doesn't care for the excessive touch thing Dita likes, and neither does Meia. Fortunately for those two my default state is "do not touch." Or look at. Or make eye contact with.

ANYWAY.

"So, I was working on my Dread, and guess what?"

"What?"

"Some of the circuits are changing! The Paksis must be modifying the Dreads to make them work better."

"Hmm." Looks like I won't be getting a break from memorizing parts anytime soon. "Do you remember what the modified circuit was?"

"It's the Star drive module. It's all different from the last time I tried to use it, and it's got a lot less surface mount components."

"At least it'll be easier to maintain." I offer.

We get to the hangar, and to my surprise Zan is already there. I quickly pull my hand off of Dita, who looks slightly put off for a fraction of a second. Zan is standing in front of my Vanguard and muttering to herself.

"Zan!" Dita calls.

Zan turns and smiles at her friend. "Dita! What are you doing here?"

Dita gestures to me. "That's my line. Mister Alien and I are going to look at some changes to my Dread over lunch."

Zan looks up at me. I nod. "Okay. Do you mind if I join you?"

I look at Dita. "Your call."

"Sure!" Dita smiles. "The more the merrier, right?"

The meal ended up being chicken on rice, which is delicious.

And so, we sit down to eat. Halfway through, Dita moves over to her dread and strips some component out of it quickly to bring over. She starts pointing out what had changed, namely that the number of surface mount components had been reduced. Or, rather, that they have been consolidated and made more streamline. Thinner. Probably a bit harder to break as well. Nice going, Paksis.

Once we finish, Zan splays out on the hangar floor. "How do you two understand all of that complicated stuff?"

"Five years studying it." I answer.

"I learned from some of the ladies that took me in after my dome shut down!" Dita replies chirpily.

"Dita, what exactly happened to you when your dome shut down?" I ask. "If you don't mind telling me, of course."

"I don't mind." She picks at her gums with a fingernail. "It was hard to get a job, because neither of my parents stuck around. Nobody to vouch for my skills. I got traded around between orphanages quite a bit until I turned fourteen. I managed to get a job at a parts shop, and I learned all about circuits and machines. One of the orders that came through was for the captain, and I met Zan!"

Zan smiles. "Yeah, and despite my best efforts, here you are."

"I wasn't going to be able to meet any aliens on Mejare." Dita complains. "Captain Magno promised me I could meet aliens, and so I joined up." She smiles slightly. "You know how my first mission turned out."

"Ah, that was your first mission?" I snort. "Wonderful. For some reason, I always assumed you'd been a pirate for longer than that. If I had known I'd have stopped combining with you."

For some reason, both of the girls blush.

"What?, No, you can't blush now, it's what we've been saying for months! Just because it _means_ something to you now-"

"Why didn't you stop us?" Dita asks plaintively. "Now it sounds dirty!"

"Yeah, well... I thought this was some sort of cosmic joke when I woke up on the Nirvana." I say. "I wasn't exactly attempting to interfere with anything at that point."

Zan gives me a weird look, but Dita plows on. "We need to change it to something better!"

I suggest "Merging" and "Integrating" but Dita didn't like either of those on the grounds that they sound too mechanical.

Zan suggests "Grouping", but that's too general for our purposes, at least in my opinion.

Dita herself comes up with "Couple" and "Fuse." I immediately point out that "couple" is worse than combining, and that "fusing" sounds more permanent.

Thus, the end resolution is that we combine, and that's that. It's enjoyable to watch how the normally air-headed girl gets now that she associates combining robots with sex.

Just wait until Vandread Pyoro shows up. That's gotta be one hell of a sexual metaphor. For a brief second, I wonder if we could somehow switch Jura and Zan, and I'd have me my own little harem ship. This though live all of a second before I squash it flat and burn it with mental fire. It doesn't matter if it'd be true, I don't want to think that way.

"So, what are the plans for Christmas?" I ask, allowing me some time to turn my brain off. I already know the general details anyway.

Zan and DIta start to discuss the upcoming event, and I content myself to smile and nod.

* * *

"Meia?"

She turns around in her seat. She's got rings around her eyes, which I can only see in the light from the door. The room is dark, and the table has a glowing screen on it. "Ah, John."

"Are you okay?"

She nods, then shakes her head. "I don't know." She finally decides. "I was going over tactics, and... suddenly, none of them made sense anymore."

I glance at the currently accessed plan. "Looks like a standard formation to me."

"Yes, but-" She presses a few buttons. "-if we just link up and do Vandread Meia, Vandread Jura or Vandread Dita without sending out other pilots the overall survival rate goes way up."

Cautiously, I sit down next to her. Closer than I would've in the past. _Progress!_ "Isn't that a good thing?"

"It would be, but the four of us who would be heading out regularly have vastly reduced chances of surviving any particular engagement. Since you're always out there, your chances of survival go down very fast."

Some numbers come up on screen, and... wow, yeah, it's not looking good. So far, we've gotten lucky and none of the pilots have died, but there have been a lot of broken starfighters that had to be ejected from. Seeing as my Vanguard doesn't seem to have an eject, I can see where her concern comes from. "Ah, well, I'm willing to take that risk." I flex my arm, as if I had any muscle definition to show. "I'll do my part to keep everyone safe."

"But I want to keep _you_ safe." Meia says, putting her head in her hands.

"...Ah." I stroke my chin. "Um, I know why, but you do realize that I'm gonna go out there and fight no matter what, right?"

"I can't even realistically stop you." She says. "the Vandreads are too effective to relegate to a backup plan. Following from that, it quickly becomes ineffective to have anyone other than the Vandread out on the battlefield. More targets for the enemy, and we hardly gain anything from it."

"Hmm." I slide my chair to be nearly touching hers.

"Did the other me have to deal with this?"

"I'd say no, at least, not right here and now. You didn't fall in love with Hibiki right away like Dita did, so trying to pull him out of the fire prematurely never really comes up."

She bobs her head. "Okay. So, what do I do?"

I shrug. "Trust me not to die stupidly?"

"Hah, big talk, coming from someone who doesn't trust anyone else."

...What?

Meia turns to face me again, which makes her legs knock into my chair. "Tell me, John, who you trust on this ship?"

"Uh..."

"Yeah, that's right. 'Uh.' You don't trust anyone."

"I..." I shut my mouth for a second. "It's not you guys, it's because of who I used to be."

"And who is that? John isn't even your real name!" Meia bangs her fist on the table. "I know more than anyone else on this ship about you, and you haven't even told me your real name."

"..."

"It's stupid to trust someone who doesn't trust you." Meia jabs her finger into my chest. "And I don't see why I should trust you."

"...Every single time I've trusted someone, I've gotten burned. Every. Single. Time." I take a deep breath. "The last time really hurt, so I shut myself down."

"Most of the crew has some sort of sordid backstory, welcome to the Nirvana." Meia spread her arms wide. "We're a family now, and we take care of each other."

I look at her, barely visible in the glow of the table display. "I get that. I do, but I can't just say 'oh, gee, I trust you now.' At least, I can't say it sincerely." I stare off into the middle distance. "If it makes you feel better, I probably trust you more than anyone else I know at the moment."

"That's not that comforting." Meia says. "But it'll have to do for now." She turns back to her display.

"You know, you should probably take a break." I suggest.

"And do what?" Meia asks.

"Er... do you... want to go on a date?" A slap smile on my face.

* * *

"What is this?" Meia holds up an orange disk, about two inches across.

"That," I proudly grab one of my own. "Is a pumpkin cookie."

She eyes the confection suspiciously. "What's in it?"

"Pumpkin, oatmeal, brown sugar, white sugar, flour, some eggs, vanilla, chocolate chips, baking soda-"

She holds up a hand. "Okay." She looks back at the cookie. "Why is it so moist?"

"Lots of pumpkin. At home, we had to put a slice of bread in the container we stored them in or they'd melt together." I take a bite of the cookie, and it tastes slightly different than I'm used to, but that's probably due to how the ingredients are made. Still tasty as all get out, though.

Meia takes a bite, and her eyes light up. "Wow, it's actually good!"

"I'm offended." I sniff dramatically. "I'll have you know I was in charge of desserts for thanksgiving back home!"

"Thanksgiving? What's that?"

"Er, a holiday for my country. Everyone gives thanks for what whatever, then everyone overeats and watches too much sports. I always made a few desserts."

"That doesn't sound like you were in charge."

I shrug. "I can afford to exaggerate. None of them can contradict my story, right?"

"You're so weird."

"That I am, yet here you are."

She grabs another cookie, which I take as her actually enjoying them rather than attempting to spare my feelings. "On Mejare, we only celebrate Christmas, Valentines, and Birthdays."

"Yeah, because your society is based off of... er, your society is similar to Japan's in the late 90's." I correct myself. "Your Christmas isn't at all like the ones I'm used to."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You guys treat it like a present swap, which is similar to what we do. We have this person called Santa Claus who goes around delivering presents to good girls and boys. You know that costume Magno wears? That one. So far, this is similar. However, where I come from, we also have this guy called Jesus, who supposedly dies so everyone else could go to paradise after death."

"...What?"

"Remember that cult from the spine harvesting planet? Like that, but they praise the guy they say created the universe and his son instead of the harvesters. It's a bunch of bullshit if you ask me."

"That sounds complicated." Meia takes another bite of cookie. "I like our version."

"Me too. It focuses on materialism and disregards the whole religious debate entirely."

She gives me the eye. "Stop making up words."

"I'm not!"

She finishes up her cookie and I pull the last batch out of the oven and set them on the tile counter to cool. It'll only take a few minutes... "Hey, Meia. Once these are done, wanna head for the arboretum?"

"The what?"

* * *

"You could've just said park." Meia says.

Right now, we're lying down side by side on a blanket in the park area under the bridge, staring up at the stars.

"I could, but I like big words."

"Most of which you make up."

"I do not! If I had a dictionary, I'd show you."

"Tarak or Mejare dictionary?"

"Good point." I mutter. "I guess Mejare? I can read Mejare."

"It's convenient for you that our text is legible to you."

"It means I don't need an interpreter when you send me a message or some orders." I poke her in the ribs with my index finger. She squirms away from the attack.

"Yes... You know, I've been thinking."

"Uh-oh."

She ignores my snide comment. "Right now, you only know spoken Mejare because of that chip in your head, and I don't know Tarak at all. You speak Tarak normally though."

"Yeah, that sounds right."

"So, why don't you teach me Tarak?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure the proper way to teach a language, but I can always try."

For the next few hours, I attempt to teach Meia some English, or "tarak" until she fades away to sleep, with a smile on her face.

When the two of us are woken the next morning, it was in what most people would label a compromising position.

* * *

And we're finally moving the romance along. That's totally what this was supposed to be, right? A romance novella?

*checks tags* "Sci-Fi" and "Angst"

Okay, so next time: John returns to Whiny bitch mode, now the 3.7 version. Meia shoots lasers from her fist. Space! Action! Depression!

...I need to finish college. I can feel my brain melting.


	22. Chapter 22: Coming Clean

Interesting things happen when you're not paying attention.

For instance, Duelo and Parfet had started dating openly. I mean, it was kind of inevitable, but I guess my talk about biology had sparked Duelo's interest enough to push that timetable forward.

Another thing: The replicators everyone used to make swimsuits had been re-purposed to make all sorts of odd holiday paraphernalia. It's still two weeks before Christmas, yet there's decorations going up all over the ship. Even the Special hanger for the Vanguards and Paksis Dreads is decorated. There's even ribbons stretched between my Vanguard and the wall.

"How did Hibiki just _ignore_ all of this?" I mutter to myself.

"Hey!" Dita pokes my shoulder from behind. "You excited for Christmas?"

"Sure. It's been a while since I actually cared enough to celebrate."

She blinks at me. "You don't celebrate Christmas?"

"I do." I rest my hand on her shoulder. "My family just wasn't really that into it after my sister and I grew up."

"You have a sister?"

"Mmm." I affirm. "But yeah, we always exchanged gifts, ate a big meal together and hung out as a family all day, which is all that really matters."

"Wait, but I thought..." Dita's face contorts with effort of thought. "How do you have a sister?"

"...My mother gave birth to both me and her?"

"But wouldn't that require some sort of weird genetic manipulation? I thought you said that in the past, humans didn't need machines to procreate."

"Yeah..." Where's she going with this?

"Women don't get pregnant with boys, so obviously you have to do something special to make boys. I thought that there were special guys or something that could give birth to more boys."

"...If that was the case, I would have told you." I say. Don't think about MPreg. Please, please don't. DAMMIT. "No, in nature, women can get pregnant with either a boy or a girl. We're not ants with their ridiculous male to female ratio."

"Wow. So, I could have a boy?" Dita's got starry eyes for some reason.

"I actually don't know." I scratch the back of my head. "Seeing as there wasn't any male children born on Mejare, they might have modified your bodies... wait, that doesn't make sense." Dita looks at me in confusion as I start talking to myself. "They're planning on using you to fix themselves, and that would require you to be fully functional yourselves, not to mention that if they had the ability to modify humans genetically on that level none of this would have happened anyway." I tap my chin a few times. It's got quite a bit of stubble now, I should really shave it off. "So it means that the fetuses embryos must be modified... wait, no. Sperm carry the XY genes and the Eggs carry the XX, so splicing two eggs together should always result in a girl. That means that you should be able to conceive naturally and have either a boy or a girl." I blink and come back to reality. Not only is Dita looking at me, but so is Del.

"What are you talking about in public?" Del asks with an amused expression.

"John was telling me about making babies!"

"Yeah sorry, I'll try to be more discrete." I say.

Del's smirk turns into a full on predatory grin. "You really enjoy public spaces don't you? First we found you with Meia in the park, and now this."

'Haaaaahh. Can't you let that go already?" I groan.

"Yeah! He didn't do anything!" Dita comes to my defense.

"Oh! So you were watching?" Del rounds on Dita. "That's even better!"

"N-no! I wasn't!" Dita cries. "John, she's picking on me again!"

Normally, this situation would be amusing to me, but a variation on this conversation has been happening for the past two weeks. "Del, lay off."

She backs off a step, her grin not dropping. "Yes _sir._ " She throws a mock salute.

"What are you even doing down here?" I ask the acid green woman.

Del pulls a small plastic slab about ten inches long from her pocket. "The captain must like you despite everything. These things are rare."

I accept the small thing and notice that it has a seam around the outer perimeter and a notch to slip a finger in and open it up. It's... "It's a netbook?"

"Netbook?" Del asks. "No, it's an information terminal. It accesses all the data stores on the ship."

...So, a laptop keyed into the Nirvana's systems. I have to stifle a grin. If they're still using anything like IP addresses, I can probably have some really interesting fun. "Er, this is great! Why are they so rare?"

"Eh, the captain didn't want too many people to be able to access the system. Like I said, she must really like you."

Dita scrutinizes my face. "You're not going after the captain too, are you?"

My eye starts twitching. "No, I'm not."

Del snickers. "Alright, well, I have to go back to actually working. You two can continue your deviant behavior once I'm gone."

Dita puffs her cheeks out, but doesn't say anything until the other girl leaves. "What's her deal?"

"I dunno." I look back at the small laptop, and note that the keyboard is at least standard QWERTY layout. I have a good idea of why Magno decided to trust me with this...

* * *

 **1 day ago:**

Magno crosses her fingers. "You say that you're from another dimension."

I nod. We're in her office, only the two of us.

"And you say that we're from a TV show in your universe."

"Specifically, a anime like the stuff Dita watches."

Magno frowns. "That would explain a lot of your odd behavior, would it not. Tell me, do you have any proof of these claims?"

I sigh. "Well, I know that you have a picture in your desk of when you were a kid. You're holding a baby boy, who in the original show ends up being Hibiki, who was frozen and awoken on Tarak a few years ago. You also have a shelf hidden away where you keep a picture of all the deceased that died under your command."

"That's quite enough." She glances at me with steel in her eyes. "Why do you come to me with this information now, instead of back when you first boarded?"

"I didn't know everything then. Still don't." I shrug. "I just though acting the part of Hibiki would allow the course of events to remain unchanged. By now, everything is so off the rails it doesn't matter."

"Interesting." Magno crosses her hands in front of her face. "So you would truly know a lot about us that we would like to keep hidden."

"Yeah, I wasn't bluffing before."

"It seems I underestimated you. I felt you were an impressive liar and a bluffer, but this explaination just makes too much sense." She smiles slightly. "So, this other being, this fixer fellow. What does he think about you telling me this?"

"He'd be mad, I'm sure. He specifically old me not to... I think." I frown. "It's hard to remember. I recall him saying that I shouldn't tell anyone besides Meia, but not much beyond that. It's been too long."

"Yet you told me."

"Yeah, well, I figured that having you on my side is better than the alternative."

Magno sits back in her seat. "Getting back to the subject at hand, you want me to use this info to get home?"

"It's a backup. In case I die." I smile wanly. "Meia pointed out that in the remaining time until we get home, my chances of dying are around eighty percent, and that's not even counting the enemy Vandreads."

"You haven't told here all of this then."

I shake my head. "I'll probably tell her soon."

"Actually, about that. Are you willing to tell a few more people? I have an idea."

I shrug. "Why not? The Fixer's already gonna be mad at me."

* * *

And that's why I'm currently staring at a small laptop. Magno must be affording me a lot more now that she feels she can trust me.

That meeting we set up is tonight, but since i don't know exactly who's invited I can't exactly talk about it.

"Wow, I've always wanted to have one of those." Dita says. "Supposedly, you can monitor network traffic with those."

"It's got root access, got it." I respond absentmindedly. It doesn't have any recognizable ports like USB, CAT5 or HDMI. It does have some shiny gold plated contacts on the bottom of the laptop, presumably for charging... I wonder where the charger is is.

"Root access? No, this isn't a gardening tool." Dita says. "Quick! Turn it on! I want to see what it can do!"

I open the lid and press the unmarked buttons until the device lights up.

...Everything's in Japanese. Why am I not surprised?

"Huh. It looks like it needs to be calibrated to you."

"Calibrated? Dita, I can't read this."

"Really? But you speak Tarak, why can't you read it?"

"Where I come from, we speak Tarak and write Mejare."

She nods. "Fair enough." She presses few keys. "Want me to change the language for you then?"

"Yes please."

A few key presses later, and the text re-loads to something I can actually parse. It wants me to create an account, standard procedure. I start filling in text fields.

"I can't wait! I can find out all about the UFOs and aliens!"

"Mmhmm."

"What are you going to use it for?"

I pause in my typing. "Probably learning as much about everything as I can, so I can fix more things."

"Aw, you're no fun. I was sure you were going to get into everyone's computers and look at their porn."

"...I... I'm not going to do that."

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not. That would be a violation of privacy."

"From what you said about before you came here, you used to do that all the time."

"No, I told them I was getting into their computers, and then I did, and I told them how to fix their security holes. That was me sneaking into their rooms, figuring out their passwords and looking at their stuff. This is like me owning a room where people write their secrets on the walls and then hope I choose not to read them."

Dita puts her lips out. "No fun."

"I like to pretend I'm a responsible adult during the day." I enter the last field into the machine and press enter.

It acts a lot like modern system from back home. There's a mouse analogue and a convenient file system, as well as a simple command line interface.

The most impressive part is the copious amount of documentation included on the drive for how to use the damn thing. I barely glance through a few pages before exiting the manual and looking at some of the installed things.

The first discovery is some sort of remote viewing software that allows me to connect to someone else's computer and take control if I wish. It doesn't even need a password to I scroll through the list of available computers, Dita suddenly points to one. "Hey! that's mine!"

I click on it, and to my complete un-surprise, it has an alien set as the wallpaper. Dita takes the device from my lap and starts typing away. I watch over her shoulder as she opens some pictures and looks at them. "See? I knew you could just go ahead and look at anyone's pictures! I have these under a separate password on my computer, and it didn't ask for it."

"Er, Dita? That's bad. That means anything you put on there, I can access."

Her smile wavers, but doesn't disappear. "Okay, I don't mind. I trust you."

...Geh. "Alright. Can I have the laptop back?"

She hands it over, and looks up at the clock over the exit door. "Well, I need to go get something to eat. Are you coming?"

"Nah, I'm going to work on this a bit more."

"Remember to eat, okay?" She says.

I look up at her face, young and still so enthusiastic about everything. I do my best to smile up at her and say "Yeah, don't worry. I'll eat when I'm hungry."

With that, she turns and walks out the door.

I have to say, I'm getting better at basic social interactions. And isn't that sad, at my age.

* * *

I, Meia, walk into the briefing room to find a crowd already assembled. John sits in the center, conversing with Magno in a hushed whisper. Dita sits on the other side of him with Zan, and across from those two is Jura and BC. Del is leaning against the wall behind BC, and Duelo and Parfet are both whispering to each other- wait, no, Parfet is nibbling on his earlobe.

I look around at the assembled group. I had been summoned to a secret meeting by the captain, but this is the widest spread secret meeting I have ever attended. If not for Magno's presence, I would have assumed I was in the wrong place.

BC turns to me. "Ah, good. Almost everyone's arrived. We're just waiting on Bart."

"Bart? Even he's coming to this meeting?"

"Apparently." BC looks over at John. "John says that we all need to know what he's about to say."

"Did he have to invite half of the crew?" Jura complains. "It's getting stuffy in here already."

"He said he wanted Gascogne and Barnette to come as well, but they're busy." BC says.

Bart opens the door, peeks in and slides in as stealthily as he can manage. Everyone watches him as he slinks over to one of the unoccupied seats and slips into it. "What? You said this meeting was a secret, so I made sure to be stealthy!" He complains as everyone continues to stare.

BC shakes her head. "If you're acting weirdly, it'll just draw more attention."

"Ah, you're right." Bart's face drops. "Aw, I wanted to be a spy."

"Well, you're going to have to hold on to sensitive information." John says, and all eyes turn to him. "I have something that'll be news to most of you. It's... unpleasant. If you don't want to risk hearing it, now's the time to get out."

I glance around the room. He definitely has everyone's undivided attention now. Not a single person moves a muscle to leave.

"Alright." John take a deep breath. "You all know I'm really, really weird. Well, there's a good reason for it, and it's not the one I've been giving you. You see, I'm from another dimension, not just another planet."

Jura snorts audibly. "Oh, come on."

Magno speaks up. "Let him talk."

"I have proof." John shrugs. "Anyway, the main consequence of this is that I actually knew all of you before we got teleported here by the Paksis. Well, most of you." I note that he looks at both Zan and Del. He's obviously about to talk about how we're all just a cartoon in his universe, so I gather those two weren't in the show that much. "This is because, in my universe, your lives are the subject of a TV show."

Dead silence. I think everyone took a sharp breath and held it until John continued.

"In my universe, you guys are a story based around gender politics. You fight the harvesters, learn to get along with the opposite gender, and head home to hopefully curb the harvester's attempts to use you and your home planets for parts."

"That's absurd." Parfet says. "Multiple dimensional theory isn't sound."

John glances at her with a touch of disdain. "Your core, the Paksis, is also a dimension hopping thing. You better believe that multiple dimensions exist." He looks back towards the group at large. "Anyway, the upshot is that I know more than I should, and I know how it ended before I screwed everything up."

"You screwed it up?" Bart says. "How?"

"I'm not like the person I replaced, Hibiki. He was stupid, idealistic, and driven. I tend to overthink things and am absurdly practical. Aside from me, things have remained the same. That means that I knew roughly what was going to transpire, and what probably will transpire in the future assuming nothing too drastic changes, like say, a major course change or someone's death." John starts to fidget with his fingers on his shirt, worrying the edge of it.

"Wow." Del has let her arms drop to her sides and her smirk has disappeared. "That's... hard to believe."

"Yes, it is hard to believe." Duelo narrows his eyes. "What is this proof you mentioned earlier?"

"Well, I was kind of hoping I could use Gascogne for this." John rubs his head. "Well, I'm going to get the prediction out of the way as proof while I think of a good example."

"Prediction?" Dita says in a small voice.

"Yeah. In two weeks, on Christmas, we're going to come across a comet. That comet will have a harvester robot inside it." John blinks a few times. "Well, I just thought of a way to convince Bart."

Bart looks up skeptically.

"On the day of the merge, you hid inside that statue that was at the party. When Dita flew into the Ikazuchi, she took the head off of the statue at the neck, which almost killed you."

"...How did-"

"Because I watched it happen, multiple times." John interrupts. "I liked Vandread enough to watch it multiple times."

I pipe up. "So, how different is this now?"

John shakes his head. "I'm not sure. We seem to be going through these events in the same order, but the original Hibiki did things a lot differently. For example, he's a lot less friendly with the women due to being raised on Tarak."

Jura looks at John suspiciously. "Wait, are you saying that's how you knew I wouldn't like my Vandread combo when I was so desperate to try it out?"

"Yes. Oh, the floating platform never got deployed in the show, everyone stayed in orbit over that planet." John sniffs. "Hmm..."

Magno looks around the room. "Why don't you all ask him questions you think he shouldn't know, and if he knows the answer, you can be convinced. I, for one, am convinced as he correctly identified two of my belonging he could not personally have seen."

BC looks hard at John. "I suppose it's at the mines, then." She says cryptically.

John smirks and nods.

BC turns to us. "I'm convinced."

I figure I should speak up. "I believe him as well."

"You would." Del says. "You two are almost an item."

"No, he knows way too much about the future, and I asked him to verify things before today. He provided satisfactory evidence." I defend myself, though I can feel my cheeks heating up from her comment.

"Ah!" John says. "Duelo, Parfet. I have one for you. When the two ships first merged, Duelo was sent to engineering to help decipher the text that Pyoro was displaying." Duelo and Parfet both focus on John's face, which is looking relatively relaxed compared with the rest of the room. "You helped solve the overheating problem by mentioning detours to Parfet since there was a blockage of some sort." John tilts his head. "I seem to remember there was conversation about the Nirvana being a living being as well."

"Jeez." Bart says. "A TV show? Like a reality show?"

"Actually, It's similar to Dita's anime." John says. "Er, Dita? do you have the Strike witches Anime?"

Dita nods yes.

"Yeah, your show was made by them."

Quiet descends over the table for a minute.

"What about me?" Zan points to herself.

"Ah." John suddenly looks uncomfortable. "Not many characters actually got time in the spotlight, and I'm afraid that you're not... er..."

"Important enough?" She asks glumly.

"...Yeah. But hey! You're important to this version of me, so there's that."

Zan's face turns a deep shade of red.

Del frowns. "Same with me then?"

"Yeah." John confirms. "The reason I wanted to use Gascogne as the primary example is her episode hasn't happened yet, and I could point out something that would be almost irrefutable." He looks a bit frustrated. "What I wish is that I had brought the damned DVD set with me so I could rewatch it for inconsistencies and clues."

"Yes, that would be helpful." Magno says. "If nothing else, it would serve as an interesting retrospective."

Dita raises a hand timidly. "So, what can you tell about me?"

"Well, your dome got shut down." John says, then significantly softens his voice. "You were confused about all the panic, and decided to always smile and laugh, because that cheered everyone else up around you, which is why you have your current personality today."

"I never told anyone but the captain that." Dita looks floored.

John smiles sympathetically. "Yeah, I know."

* * *

As everyone else files out of the room, Dita and Meia stick around. I take the time to catch my breath. Answering their questions kind of took the wind out of me.

"John, you okay?" Meia asks.

I nod. "Yeah, just... that took more out of me then I was expecting."

"So..." Dita begins. She's looking a bit better now that there's not several sympathetic glances hitting her every three seconds. "We're in an anime?"

"Yup." I blow out my lips. "It's medium quality, but that's because I'm comparing it to stuff that came out much later."

"Was I prettier there in here?"

I give her an odd look. "Well, you look a lot better in real life, given you're not a drawing. Honestly, it's like having a cosplayer dressed up like you, but with your voice and mannerisms and your long hair isn't actually a wig."

"Huh." She tilts her head.

Meia sits down in the seat on the other side of me from Dita. "I thought you weren't going to tell anyone else."

I shrug. "I wasn't. I told Magno, and she wanted me to tell everyone who mattered to the plot. And I insisted Zan and Del got to sit in if they wanted to."

"We need to prepare for that comet harvester." Meia says. "We'll make a plan of attack and-"

"No need." I interrupt. "You and Hibiki took care of it no problem in the show, without any preparation. It's not strong, it just took the two of you by surprise."

"Oh. Well, that's good news."

Dita looks back up at me. "Did Hibiki like me?"

I smile at the red haired girl. "Eventually. it took him a lot longer to be comfortable around women that either of the two other guys. He was fiercely loyal though, and at the end, he was a pretty good guy."

"The end." Meia says to herself. "There's an end."

"Is it a good end?" Dita asks.

For the first time this evening, my smile is a true one. "Yeah. it's a good end."

* * *

Sleep doesn't come easily that night.

I don't know why. Nothing had really changed for me. if anything, i had just got a lot off my chest and it should be easier to sleep.

After the fourth round of getting up, rearranging the pillow and blanket, and settling back down, I finally noticed something was up. There's a box tucked into the corner of the room. Now, that in itself can't keep me up, but if I hadn't woken I wouldn't have found the box until later. I grab it and turn on the flashlight on my phone to read the box.

In my hands sits my set of Vandread DVDs. Not just something that looks like them, it has the corner ripped from when I brought it with me to my Aunt's house. I open the case to find all the disks are present. Flipping them over, they look like proper DVDs as well.

The only question remaining is, how did they get here?

* * *

So, I figured out something interesting.

Meia's birthday is in June, specifically June 10th. It happens almost at the end of the series when they're almost back at Mejare. If we say that none of the events of the series are out of order, and given that they mention that there's only 90 days left to travel at the start of season 2, we can conclude that Season 2 starts around march at the earliest. Which means between Christmas and March literally one important event happens: The final fight of season 1.

Not only this, but they say that the journey will take 270 days in episode 3 of season 1. Since the Jura's birthday is 8/31 and Dita's is 9/1, they have to have reached Mejare before then and also been teleported away from their home planets after these dates.

So, they were probably moved out in September or October and reach Mejare in July or August.

Which means I'm 2-3 months into my story, and I have three months of _nothing_ to fill.

YAY.


	23. Chapter 23: DEE BuEE DEE

I have two more tests, and then I've graduated college. Two.

I'm almost free.

* * *

I blink my eyes open to find myself in an endless expanse of white.

Hah, The Fixer must not have liked me telling everyone on the ship about him. Although, now that I'm looking around, I don't actually see him.

I've only been here twice before, after all, and there doesn't seem to be shadows in this plane of existence.

I wonder, is this U-2 or is this some other universe that The Fixer settled in? I have a hard time figuring out why anyone would choose to live in an endless expanse of white, but then again The Fixer was able to see into lots of dimensions from here. If I could do that, maybe I'd stay here too.

Instead of getting up, I flop back down and stare upwards into the white nothingness. Honestly, this place is a lot like I thought heaven would look like when I was young. All it would take is a set of giant golden gates-

 _Hello._

Somehow, as impossible as it would seem, I had missed a thirty foot tall set of gates, made of gold, shaped like harps with a small lock in the center.

I look around me again, but this gate is the only thing that's changed. I can even see past the bars to see that there's still just a white expanse beyond the gates.

As I think that, I can see a city forming out of nothing behind the gate, carved out of the nothing to resemble one of those central american cliff villages, buildings built into a cliff face.

Which means, something here is reading my mind and reacting to that. It might be the environment itself, since I have no idea how this world works.

Time to test some things out. "Gun" I whisper to myself, reaching a hand out and imagining a standard 1911. And there it was, shiny and fresh out of the box.

"Ammo." A green container of bullets had sprung up behind my feet.

Hmm, it seems that things can't change where I observe them. I close my eyes.

"Computer"

"My computer"

"My desktop" Ah, that worked.

"Bed."

I close my eyes tight.

"Home."

When I open them...

Wooden floor under my feet. My bed, my computer. Closet, drawers... that pile of clothes I hadn't actually put into the hamper. A desk covered in not quite finished paperwork. Posters on the walls, from various shows I've watched. A collection of soda cans I hadn't throw out yet.

A bottle of sleeping pills, lying sideways on the desk.

Said sleeping pills spilled all over the floor.

A body, lying still, head down on the desk. Not breathing.

Right. I take a deep breath and tug on the corpse's shoulder. It falls over, and when it comes to rest on its back on the floor, I recognize the face as my own.

I sit down next to my corpse.

"You're an idiot."

"So are you."

Somehow, I'm not surprised the corpse can talk.

"You killed yourself."

"You keep trying to kill yourself."

"You had a future as an engineer."

"So did you."

I glare at the corpse.

"What would you know?"

"I'm you."

I decide to ignore the thing.

"Mom will be distraught."

"Yeah, well, I can't exactly go back and fix it." I snap.

"And, knowing you," The corpse opens its eyes, and looks right into mine. "You wouldn't go back if you could. You coward."

That irks me. "I'm not a coward. I'm pragmatic."

"I'm just a manifestation of your thoughts, I don't think you're a coward, _you_ think you are."

The corpse fades away, but my own voice doesn't.

"You decided to run. From responsibility, from pain, from your life. A life that was good, all things considered. And you continue to run, from everyone trying to get close to you."

"If you're truly me, you'll know why." I mutter. "And I'm working on that."

"Why do you hate yourself so much?"

"Because I don't get it!" I yell, only to be met with resounding silence. Calmer, "I don't get it. I don't get love, I don't get why everyone seems to think I can do things that I can't, I don't understand anyone else does what they do. I don't get why any of this is happening to me." I sit down on the edge of my bed. "Why doesn't my head work like everyone else's?"

"It does, you think you're special, but so does everyone else." The room fades and is replaced by one of the classrooms at college. "You just hate yourself for being so normal, so you decided you weren't normal."

"Right, decided." I shrug and look at the whiteboard. On it, scribbles of calculations, I don't quite get, yet should have learned some time ago... Mostly Fourier transforms. At bare minimum, I can follow the math, but I can't tell what it's supposed to be calculating.

"Decided."

"Then why can't I decide to be normal again?"

"You became the mask." The scene shift again to another room, my old karate dojo. "You wanted to be something different. Something special."

"And I couldn't." I hold my hand in front of my face and watch as the flesh grotesquely bubbles and melts into a sharp blade extending from my ulna. "So I ran."

"Ran from everything that mattered."

"God, I am a wuss."

"If you weren't, you wouldn't have taken the easy way-"

Suddenly, the environment collapses back into a white expanse and my other voice is cut off mid sentence.

"Ah, it's one of the humans."

I turn around to find two gray faces looking back at me. Neither of them are recognizable, with one being female and the other male, but past that completely... ordinary. Forgettable.

The female takes a step forward. "You must be confused, but all shall be answered in time."

The male steps forward. "You are in a new universe from your own."

"You have been sent here by a glitch of sorts."

"We're here to find you a suitable place to go."

"Before you ask, you can't go back."

"It would disrupt too much."

I can feel a headache forming. "Can you drop the Lutece twins act? I don't want to kill future me because he stole my future daughter. In the past." Yeah, I'm going to get quite the headache. "Uh, I've been here before. I've already been put into a different universe from my own. Of course, it wasn't to make it better." I murmur the last sentence to myself.

The two glance at each other. "I have no record of you being sent to any universe." Says the female one. "Which means that our rogue agent sent you there."

"Uh, yeah, that sounds about right." I sigh. "Apparently, I was sent to cause as much damage as possible to a universe."

"Damage?"

"How can you damage a universe?"

The two look at me like I'm talking nonsense.

"Uh, by utterly destroying fate's given path?" I ask.

"Fate isn't a real concept, despite how much you humans like it."

"So there is nothing to destroy."

...What? "That's not what the Fixer told me."

"Ah."

"That explains it."

"The Fixer is our rogue agent."

"He was exiled here for tampering with universes for entertainment."

"It seems he was able to draw from a new source."

"This universe is surprisingly malleable."

...Okay, are their brains wired together, or did they practice this beforehand? "Okay, so you're saying that The Fixer is lying to me?"

Two identical nods.

"If that's true, what else am I missing?" I narrow my eyes. "Because I just realized I took all his words on blind faith, and that's a cardinal sin for a man of science."

* * *

I, Meia, wake up in a cold sweat. Something is wrong. I don't know what, but something is wrong.

It's like an itch in the back of my mind. It wants me to do something, but I don't know what it could be.

I throw on some robes and exit my room. The hallway is empty, and the lighting is set to low for the night hours. The itch isn't going away.

Somehow, I feel like I need to do something.

I walk outside the dorm area into the halls and continue to move, not quite sure where my feet are taking me. Sure, I recognize the walls, but I don't know where I'll end up when my feet stop moving me.

Eventually, I stop in front of the drive core.

A big blue sphere, a remnant of older humans. Or some sort of inter-dimensional traveler. John insists it's called the Paksis, though I don't know where he got the name.

I open the door.

Inside, two faces I recognize even in the dim light.

Jura and Dita.

"Look, Meia's here too." Dita says as she sees me.

"Which means that all of us that got affected by the Paksis are here." Jura mutters.

"Mister Alien isn't here."

"He'll come." I say. But a small bit of uneasiness creeps into the back of my mind.

The Paksis sits in the center of the chamber, pulsing slowly.

"So, you both got an itch, huh?" Jura says. "I don't know why, but i felt I had to do... something."

"Yeah!" Dita hops onto one of the desks and starts swinging her legs. "But I asked Bel if there was anything on the radar, and I asked Gasco if there was anything she needed help with-"

I blink. "I thought Gascogne was on the day rotation."

"Yeah, I had to wake her." Dita replies. "Once I realized that it wasn't an attack, I figured it had something to do with the Paksis, seeing as it's so important."

A silence descends for a minute or two as we gaze at the sphere.

"It's a bit hard to accept that we're a cartoon for someone." Jura says thoughtfully. "It makes me feel like giving up."

"Giving up?" I eye the blond woman carefully.

"I mean, there's an end." Jura says, raising her hand to block out the light of the Paksis. "If we know we will succeed, I don't even feel like trying."

"But we don't know we'll succeed." Dita pipes up. "John says he screwed up a lot of things."

"Yes, but we're all alive, yes? And we overcame every challenge we've faced so far." Jura points out. "John said that was consistent. So, maybe things aren't that different."

I shake my head. "We have to keep trying, Giving up would let the harvesters win."

"And who even are those?" Jura asks. "For someone on our side, John sure is secretive." Before I can interject, Jura cuts me off. "Yes, I know he's a bundle of issues unto himself, but let's be realistic here. It's our survival."

"..."

Dita frowns. "But, he has to have a reason. He generally does things with a reason behind them."

"Generally, maybe. But he clearly doesn't feel some things are worth telling us." Jura grumbles. "I think we need to get him to tell us everything."

I sigh. "Just tie him down and interrogate him?"

"Of course not!" Jura crosses her arms. "Just ask him nicely. You two like him, don't you? Just sleep with him or something."

I can feel my face heating up, and Dita has the decency to blush for once. "He... is resistant to the idea." I say.

"Oh, whatever." Jura yells. "Where even is our resident inter-dimensional whosit?"

"Mister Alien sure is late." Dita pokes her head out into the hallway. "He's not eavesdropping."

The itch comes back. "I'm going to check on him."

Dita and Jura fall in behind me with barely a nod in acknowledgement.

Because the Paksis and the prison section are both in the male section of the ship, it doesn't really take long to find John.

He's tossing and turning on his bed, moaning about betrayal.

Jura catches my eye and sighs.

Dita disables the bars and kneels down beside John. "Mister Alien, wake up." She grabs his shoulder and starts shaking. "Please wake up."

If anything, John starts struggling harder.

Jura also moves over to assist Dita, and I scan the room.

John's not really a neat person. Everything's relatively clean, but there's piles of stuff lying around. In one corner, there's a pile of clothes. In another, his bags.

John throws his arm to the side and something falls from his bed to the floor. I bend over and pick it up.

"...Vandread?"

* * *

"So." I cross my arms."You guys don't do the 'transport heroes to other worlds' bit."

The male shakes his head.

"And you don't do course correction for universes headed for bad ends."

"No." The female answers.

I drop my head into my hands. "I've been played pretty hard."

"The Fixer, as you know him, is very manipulative. He decided to interfere with other universes rather than chronicle them as we are supposed to."

"Great." I rub at my eyes. "You guys make a much more compelling case than he does, that's for sure."

"It is because we have the truth."

I shake my head. "So, how destructive is it to have the parent media in a universe?"

"Parent media?" The male asks.

For the first time, the two act as if they don't share a brain.

"He means the book on which this new universe he finds himself is based upon, but I fear that is backwards."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, I mean, how bad is it to have the entire story inside itself?"

The male shrugs. "Not bad at all. What is distressing is that he is recording history from one universe to put into others, namely U-3."

"Put into?" I ask.

"Yes. It appears that he has been influencing U-3 by giving it stories of other universes."

"He will be punished, once caught."

Once more back in sync, I see. "Alright, then I guess... Can you send me back to the universe I was in?"

The two raise their eyebrows in unison. "I thought you would have liked to go back home."

I laugh slightly. "Yeah, but I'm a bit... dead over there."

"Ah."

"That would put a damper on things."

"We could fix it so he survives."

"We do not meddle, we observe and record."

"Yet, our hand has been forced. Any way we choose to act, we interfere." They turn to look at me.

"...For what it's worth, I think I should go back to the Vandread universe. I feel I owe them for screwing up their happy ending."

"As you wish."

"We shall send you back."

"Er, and one last thing." I hold up a hand. "How did I get here this time?"

The male looks me in the eyes. "Your grip on your universe has been severed. you don't belong anywhere. Sometimes, driftwood ends up in the current between oceans." Then he snaps his fingers, and darkness envelops me.

Near darkness, at least. After the brightness of U-2, anything short of an operating theater would look kind of dark.

"Mister Alien! Wake up!" Dita practically yells in my ear.

"Ow! What's the matter with you? It's... What are you looking at me like that for?"

Dita tackles me into a bear hug. "You wouldn't wake up! We kept trying to wake you up, but you were stuck in your dreams."

"Uhg. Yeah, that was-"My eyes finally adjust enough to see that Meia and Jura are both in here as well... And Meia is holding a familiar DVD case.

"So, you lied to us again." Meia says, her eyes blank. "I thought you weren't going to lie to us anymore."

"I didn't! I didn't have that until today..." I cough, and Dita releases her death grip around my waist. "I just found it."

"Uh huh." Meia looks at the cover. "Of course you did."

"Look, remember that Fixer guy? Turns out he's the guy who sent me here, and he likes screwing with people. I bet he sent this." I say desperately.

"John."

"...Yes?"

"I'm going to take this. Tomorrow, we are going to sit down, and we are going to discuss some things."

I droop my head. "Yeah."

"Are we gonna watch the show?" Dita asks, excitement replacing her fading concern. "I wanna watch the show!"

Jura looks down at the cover of the DVD case. "That's what I look like when drawn as an anime character, huh? And there's Barnette too."

"How can you tell? The only similarity is the green hair." Meia states.

"And her favorite uniform! Plus, She and I are together just like in real life!" Jura smirks.

Meia squints. "I suppose we should watch it. We need to decide who we're going to share this thing's existence with."

Oh, this is gonna be _so much fucking fun._

* * *

It ended up being six: Aside from the core quartet, Zan and Barnette had joined. I don't exactly know why Zan got invited, but I find that arguing doesn't do me any favors.

Right now, Dita and I are soldering wires to a projector. Since my laptop isn't exactly large, Jura had suggested the screen in her room, since it's a good four feet wide and she has those sofas.

The room smells of popcorn.

"John, hurry up." Jura says. "I want to see my big screen debut!"

Barnette is staring at the DVD case. "This doesn't look like me at all, aside form the hair color and the clothes."

Meia sighs. "John said that was you."

Barnette shoots me a glare. "Are you up to something again?"

I set down the soldering iron carefully. "Barnette, if I was, then would I be slaving away over this stupid projector?"

"What's taking you two so long?" Zan asks.

"Well, this 'ancient' projector," I grumble, picking the iron back up. "Is the only one that has a connector I can pretend to recognize."

"It seems that the curse of backwards compatibility actually helps for once."

I shake my head. "I still can't believe that you guys are still only on HDMI 4."

"We're not, this is an old projector!" Dita raps my forehead gently with her knuckles. "HDMI is too limiting with it's bandwidth. That's why we eventually dumped it."

"Again, surprised you actually kept it for as long as you did." I carefully solder another strand onto a pad. "But at least we have the start of a theater." My poor HDMI cable isn't going to be useful for anything but this projector from now on anyway, so might as well make it into something, right?

"And, done!" Dita announces. Sure enough, as she plugs the other end of the cable into the port on the side of my laptop, the projector springs to life. The DVD menu screen is playing and the triumphant music starts playing. Dita moves over to the couch, and I press "play all."

...The only seat left is right between Meia and Dita. Once I sit down, they both scootch a bit closer to me, and Zan leaves her seat to sit on my feet. It would be adorable, but now I can't move.

It's been set to Japanese audio, and the subtitles are off. The pure experience.

Of course, the opening rant against women immediately sets everyone's teeth on edge, and Barnette is even glaring daggers at me.

After that, Hibiki does the whole climbing into the spaceship thing, there's a party, and he gets caught.

"Wow, Hibiki is really..." Meia says.

"...Awkward?" Jura finishes.

"Yes."

"He gets worse." I try to roll my shoulders, but they're trapped.

We end up watching the first three episodes, in which time There was four exclamations of "I don't look anything like that", Meia got irked even more than her animated counterpart at Hibiki, and Zan kept giggling to herself each time she thought of me attempting to act the same way as Hibiki. Dita also decried that she wasn't that clumsy, and tried to go leave to apologize to Bart for almost taking his head off when crashing into the Ikazuchi, but those were both shot down rather quickly by Meia.

"Well, I can see why you remembered everyone else's names so quickly." Zan mumbles. "They say them every thirty seconds."

Jura sure seems to be enjoying herself though. "That was entertaining! It is glorious to look upon myself, even rendered in such low detail as that."

I can't help myself. "But Jura, 2D is better than 3D."

She looks at me in confusion. So does everyone else, and suddenly I realize how much trouble I'm in.

"Er, it's an in- its a joke from a community I used to belong to. They say that 2D girls are better than 3D girls."

Dita puts her index finger to her cheek. "But then you can't talk to them, right? So what's the point?"

"Well, most of them don't have girlfriends, and a 2D image can't say no." I say.

Zan narrows her eyes. "You say you belonged to this community?"

"Uh."

Meia also narrows her eyes. "John..."

I hold my hands up in defense. "I wasn't one of them! I didn't do the whole waifu thing!"

"Waifu?"

Keep digging yourself a deeper hole, idiot. I take a breath and buckle down to explain so very odd things.

* * *

A day later, and some news had spread around the ship. Not anything critical like the fact that their lives were the subject of a TV show or that said DVD was onboard the ship, but something that still mattered to me.

At home, we have this thing called a permanent marker. It's not actually permanent, but it does take some scrubbing to take off.

Apparently, someone in the Vandread universe decided to fix it to make it really permanent with some special solvent, which I don't have access to. Also, the five women who had watched the first three episodes with me hadn't liked the explanations I had given about Otaku culture, each time I opened my mouth it seemed a new line formed on Meia's forehead.

This is why I'm currently walking around with two (painted) black eyes, the word "Pervert" on my forehead, and a handlebar mustache that no amount of scrubbing will remove. I'm told that the ink actually attaches to cells and penetrates the skin a few layers, so I'd have to rub half of the skin on my face off to get rid of it. Also, who's the pervert here? Dita watches friggin mermaid overdrive or whatever. Why doesn't she have pervert written on her forehead?

Or, I could just transform it away, but I figure I'll let them have their fun.

Today I'm eating with Bart, for what's probably the first time since he moved out of the cell. He doesn't seem to mind the face paint.

"So, you know the future, huh?"

I glance around, but nobody else is in easy earshot. Partly the nanites thing (apparently, the ability to spontaneously eat people is frowned upon) and partly my new facial tattoos, I'd wager. "Not particularly. I know a way that this could go, not how it is going."

"But you still know a lot about what's going to happen, right?"

I look at the blue eyes of desperately hopeful boy and sigh. "I guess, but I reserve the right to not tell you even if I do know."

"You're no fun." He says, but his face lights up nonetheless. "So, do I have a chance with BC?"

Well, I guessed his motives right. "Maybe."

"Aw, come on. You must know I'm planning on confessing to her!" He pleads. "I'm gonna ask her out at the Christmas party."

"...At bare minimum, work on your handwriting." I mutter, and take another bite of sandwich.

"Handwriting...? Do I need to write a letter as well?"

I glance at him. What? "Aren't you going to ask her out?"

"No, I was thinking of giving her some pellets from my company."

It takes me a second, but I eventually remember. Oh! The seven pellet set. Well, I don't know what happens when you give it to her, especially since this time we had more than a day to prepare." I say around my bite. Then I swallow. "Something I did affected the crew enough to hang decorations early, or at least tell us early."

Bart looks around at the paper chains decorating the hall. "I don't think I'm dumb enough to miss those."

"Definitely decorating early." I take another bite. Mmm, Mayonnaise.

Duelo sits down next to Bart and stares at me. I ignore him in favor of my sandwich, but I have a feeling that's about to change.

"John, I wish to speak to you about your knowledge of the future." Duelo say calmly.

Amusingly, Bart looks around furtively this time as if he hadn't just asked himself. "Jeez, Duelo! What is someone heard that?"

"Like I said to Bart," I begin, shooting the blond a look. "I'll answer what I can, but I reserve the right to hold back information that I don't want you to know."

"Fair enough." Duelo leans over his tray and folds his arms on the table. "I would like to inquire about Parfet."

I take another bite, and notice that I'm running dangerously low on excuses to ignore people, and I'm still hungry. "What about her?"

"I want to know what I should get her. It seems that everyone exchanges gifts on the 25th, and I'd like to give her something." Duelo's eye that I can see is boring into mine.

"...And?"

"I had an idea, but I asked Pyoro and he started yelling at me, saying it was unromantic. I wanted to ask what romantic was and how to make my gift qualify." Duelo finishes.

I swallow and lean back slightly. "Okay, visualizing blood cells in a stream isn't romantic." Duelo blinks, which means I guessed how present right at least. "Romantic stuff is supposed to give a person happy fluttery thoughts. You know, like you feel around Parfet."

Rather than blushing, Duelo nods.

"Anyway, try to think of a way to express those feelings. All else fails, paint the blood picture. She'll probably like it as long as it's from you. Probably."

"Hmm." Duelo starts mechanically eating his food.

"So..." Bart get a mischievous grin. "What are you getting your lovely ladies?"

I raise my free hand and pull down a finger with each item in the list. "I'm making a small drone for Dita shaped like a UFO, singing something for Zan, and for Meia... I still haven't decided. I might offer to spend some quality time with her, she doesn't really seem the type for material gifts."

"Why don't you ask her what she likes?" Bart taps his knife on the table. "You hang out with her enough that should have plenty of chances."

"That's suicide." I smile slightly. "Never try that, they'll kill you for just upright asking."

"Really?"

"Yep. And if a woman says either she doesn't want anything, you better have something really nice come Christmas."

Bart sinks down in his chair. "This is hard."

I reach over and pat him on the shoulder. "Welcome to living with girls."

* * *

Next episode: Christmas!

Hopefully I'll have it written _before_ Christmas day, but I make no promises.

Correction: I make lots of promises, I keep none of them.;


	24. Chapter 24: The Sky Above

I made a mistake.

Bart writes the letter later in the series, not during the Christmas episode. I changed last chapter to reflect that. It's a relatively minor change.

In other news, I graduated college. Now, if only I had a job lined up...

* * *

Christmas eve.

It's noonish, but since the celebrations start at midnight only a few crew members are still up, and I'm one of them. By choice rather than by job assignment though.

The garden park area near the bridge is really nice. Right now, the view is spoiled somewhat by the currently broken snow generator, but otherwise...

Stars. And a comet, but so many stars.

Tons of them, stretching over my view from treetop to treetop, letting me imagine that I'm lying down outdoors back on Earth. Not this universe's Earth, mind you, but mine, the one back home.

I used to go camping with my family once a year in the summer, and we'd go hiking up and down trails to see waterfalls for a few days. The days it wasn't raining, I could look up at the sky, but it looked so much different from this. Not just the layout of the stars, but how clear they are. Even when I was camping out in the boonies, the stars were never as vivid as they are right now. Lacking significant atmosphere between me and them, they also don't shimmer or twinkle like they do on Earth.

It's Christmas time. If I was back home, I'd be wrapping presents and putting them underneath the plastic tree we set up every year. I'd be re-watching Toradora for the fifth time. Maybe sitting next to the fire to keep warm, depending on how cold it gets this year.

The temperature on the ship is generally around 25 degrees Celsius, which is nice and comfortable. It does make it feel less like Christmas though.

I finally got all my presents sorted today. Meia's present took way too long to figure out, given... well, I really don't know either of the three girls that well. I tend to think about me and not anyone else, and talk over other people. I'm working on it, but...

Anyway, it's really nice lying here on the ground. Peaceful. Quiet.

Too quiet. My ears are humming slightly from the quiet.

I start humming gently to myself, breaking out into song once I reach the lyrics.

 _It's Christmas and we walk alone_  
 _Two strangers with no one to miss us_  
 _On our own, out in the cold_

 _Trudging onward, braving a harsh winter storm_  
 _You and I met passing by, and now our spirits feel warm_

 _I don't have anyone at home to talk to_  
 _And you don't have anything to do_  
 _So I'll spend my Christmas with you_

 _I'll spend my Christmas with you_

 _It's Christmas and we are in love_  
 _With the way that the soft snowflakes kiss us_  
 _From far above the blustery breeze_

 _Trudging onward, braving a harsh winter storm_  
 _You and I met passing by, and now our spirits feel warm_

 _I believe that Haruhi's truly the only way_  
 _And I celebrate Christmas because it's her birthday_

 _I don't have anyone at home to talk to_  
 _And you don't have anything to do_  
 _So I'll spend my Christmas with you_

 _I'll spend my Christmas with you_  
 _I'll spend my Christmas with you_  
 _I'll spend my Christmas with you_  
 _I'll spend my Christmas with you_

I might have changed the lyrics slightly.

Haruhi was born in October as well, so it's not even correct.

Whatever.

I close my eyes and continue to hum to myself, occasionally breaking out into songs or parodies of songs, keeping my voice low enough that I shouldn't be bother anyone unless they got within maybe fifteen feet of me.

"Mister Alien?"

It looks like Dita's excited for Christmas. "Here."

"Ah!" She comes over and knees down next to my head. "Enjoying the view?"

"Yup." I close my eyes again. "It's nice and peaceful here."

"Um..." Dita hesitates. "Do you want me to leave?"

I open my eyes back up. "No, that's fine. Why don't you lie down too? It's nice."

She does as I asked, lying down right next to me, close enough to feel her body warmth.

"I like Christmas. Everyone's always so happy." Dita says quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. The captain is going to dress up, and everyone will exchange gifts." Dita's hand finds mine and she entwines her fingers before I can react. "This year, I have someone special to give something too."

"Same here." I squeeze her hand.

"John? What's your home like?" Dita turns on her side to look at me.

"Uh... I don't know how to describe it. Where do you want me to start?"

"What are your Ohma and Fama like?"

"Heh. Mother and father for me, woman and man respectively. My mom is a teacher, and my dad works to make sure electricity goes where it need to go." I reply. "They're both hard workers, and I like to think they like me."

"Are they kind?"

"Yup." I nod.

"Do you have any sisters?"

"Yeah, one, two years younger."

This continues back and forth for a few minutes, Dita asking question after question and me responding best I can about life at home. At the end, Dita looks up to to stars wistfully. "I wish I had a family like yours."

Oh, crap. I forgot she doesn't really have a family. "Hey." I turn sideways and put my opposite hand on her shoulder. "I don't know exactly what happened in the past, but I'm here now, and so is the rest of the crew. We'll take care of you, okay?"

"I know." DIta's eyes have small tears in them, but her face has turned into a weak smile. "Thank you."

I pull her closer into a hug and wait as she shudders against me, valiantly trying not to cry.

* * *

Once Dita had calmed down, she hands me a small box with "Open exactly at midnight!" written on the top. Then she left to finish decorating with everyone else, but not before I gave out a small package to her as well, telling her if I was to open at midnight, she was under the same conditions.

It's about seven PM, and everyone's waking back up. Looks like my spot isn't going to be very peaceful for long. I get up to head for my room when I see something outside the ship.

Meia's Dread is racing towards the comet.

Swearing to myself, I race for the hangar. I need to make sure Meia makes it out.

I pass Jura in the hall. She starts running beside me, which is quite impressive in those heel-boots she wears. "What's the rush?"

"Meia's headed out to fight the thing in the comet. I asked her to wait for me, I guess she's too impatient."

Jura nods. "Sounds like her. I'm going with you."

I glance at the blonde. "You sure?"

She grins. "I have a chance to save Meia and raise my personal stock even higher. I'd be a fool not to take it."

I shake my head, but don't do anything to hinder the woman. We reach the hangar and get into our separate vehicles.

It's been a while since I've been in the Vanguard. The familiar Paksis chill is there, but it's not as bad as usual for whatever reason. And here I was thinking it would be appropriate for the season.

"Okay, time to save Meia." I mutter, and the Vanguard comes to life... Looks like the Paksis is in a good mood, I have more controls again. Looks like I have access to some sort of radio system- This isn't the time. I move up to the catapult and crouch down to lower my center of gravity to behind the launch rail, allowing me to avoid spinning end over end when launched.

As if reading my thoughts (Through the chip, I suppose it is) the Paksis tells the ship to launch the catapult and suddenly I'm out in space.

"John?" Meia's voice comes over the comm. "What are you doing out here?"

"I told you I was going to help you." I grumble. "When I saw you had already launched, I came to assist you."

"You say that," Jura's voice comes through the radio as her ship launches. "but he ran as fast as he could from the deck of the ship down to the hangar. He must have been really worried about you."

I can feel my face buzzing... Jura's snickering over the radio.

"Er, thanks John." Meia's voice comes through a bit strained. "But I should be fine."

I shake my head to clear the feeling and focus. "Well, I'm already out here. Might as well tackle it together."

"Hey, is John a Tsundere?" Jura asks.

"NO." I growl.

"What's that? I've heard Dita mention it." Meia asks.

Our three ships enter a rough formation with me in the center and Jura to the upper left and slightly ahead of me, and Meia in the lower right quadrant, also ahead of me slightly. This way, I can quickly choose the most appropriate person to merge with. It's one of the formations I hashed out with Meia a while ago.

"It's someone who's callous to the one he or she likes, then once you get to know them there open up they are nice and sweet." Jura elaborates.

I sigh. "If I was Tsundere, I would've been obligated to say 'It's not like I made you cookies, I just had some left over' when I was cooking around Halloween." I add. "It doesn't matter that we were in the kitchen, and I was obviously making cookies and could make even more, but I would be obligated to say that while blushing and attempting to look haughty."

"Also, he need to grow two long ponytails. Then he'll have the blonde twin-tail effect." Jura continues.

"...What are you two talking about?"

"It's an anime thing. I'll tell you about it when we get back." I answer. "For now, let's deal with this icy robot."

We approach the trail of the comet, which is breaking off at a prodigious rate. I don't actually know how it hasn't dissipated completely yet, the volume of ice being left behind is enough to hamper efforts to enter the stream of the comet.

"Meia, have John merge with me." Jura says. "We can make a shield to get into the comet's trail."

Meia grumbles a bit. "Yes, that does make sense. John-"

"On it." I respond, and head on a collision course for Jura's ship. As usual, the cabin suddenly loses all video feeds from outside and once the panels open up I'm already inside the cockpit with Jura. I look at where the panels receded into the floor. "How integrated are our two machines right now?"

Jura has a malicious glint in her eye. "Closer than two lovers, I'd say."

"Look, we both know that combining is a euphemism." I point out. "But I refuse to get embarrassed by two machines linking together."

"Whatever you say."

"John." Meias voice comes through the comm again. "What are you doing in there?"

"Setting up a shield." I say. It's true too, I'm pressing the buttons as I talk. "Jura's harassing me though. I'd like to file a workplace harassment suit against her."

"...Meia, John's saying weird things again." Jura looks at me with a calculating gaze. "I think he needs his head checked."

"Do you not have anti-harassment laws on Mejare?" I ask. "Shield's up." The shield is only set up to cover us and Meia, but it's still about a hundred meters radius from Vandread Jura.

"We do." Meia says. "But we don't really care about them. After all, we're pirates."

"...I keep forgetting that." I say.

We push through the edge of the comet. ahead of us, there is a single red robot with eight long arms. I mentally dub it waterstrider.

"Huh." Jura mumbles. "I was wondering why the comet was breaking apart."

I glance at the blonde. She looks at me and points at the enemy robot. "See, it's breaking the ice off with that saw in front of it. Otherwise, it wouldn't be making a trail this far from a star."

"Ah." I look at the robot and there is indeed a saw of some kind turning around the the comet, grinding the ice away.

Suddenly, the robot turns around, focusing its camera lens eye on us. Two of its arms stretch out and a red web shoots out between them, cutting us off from Meia. Its other arms wend their way around Meia's Dread.

"Jura, we need to take that thing out without getting stuck in the web, and without letting Meia get smashed into oblivion." I say.

"Already on it." Jura hits a few buttons and the shield suddenly jumps and surrounds Meia's ship, cutting off one of the arms that was about to crash into the white Dread.

Okay, but now _we_ are exposed.

The robot changes targets and Jura starts putting us through a series of evasive maneuvers. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like Jura's dread is quite fast enough to get completely out of the way.

"Alright." i say. "Meia, can you go around the back of the web and come get to us? If I link up with you, we can dodge better, and Jura can fade back out of range to enable us to get out."

"Working on it." Meia says. Instead of retreating and coming around, she crashes into the web which entangles itself around the shield.

I drop the shield, and Meia's Dread makes it the rest of the way through before the web can close on her ship. "I guess that's one way to do it."

Jura slides up to me. "Alright, here's your chance. Go get her, Loverboy."

I glare at her. "Figure out the bowkini yet?"

Before I can get more into it, the Paksis starts separating us, blocking my line of sight until I'm back in Vanguard drifting through space. Immediately, Meia's dread swoops in close and the merging process starts once again.

Once the panels drop, Meia is right behind me. I glance up at her, and she smirks down at me. "Ready?"

"Let's go."

Meia hits the throttle. We dodge up and around the arms, the increased speed of Vandread Meia much too quick for the arms to catch. The eye is attached to the rest of the robot by means of a long red cable that curls around it like an absurdly long neck. We fly right up to that and grab it with the claws of the Vandread.

It screeches, audible through the radio. I wonder if it's broadcasting on all channels as some sort of jamming technique or if we damaged some sort of internal systems.

I release the arms and we fly off before it can retract the arms and swat at us again. Meia pilots us around a few more times before diving in again, this time ripping the eye portion from the rest of the robotic frame.

Jura snickers over the radio. "You two look like a hawk swooping down to grab a snake."

The robot snake lashes up to us with the severed end of its neck, knocking us away.

"Fights like one too." Meia says. "John, Get ready to grab some ice."

"Ice?"

"We're going to ram it with a chunk of the comet to crush it."

I sigh. "Why doesn't Vandread Meia have guns?"

Meia shrugs. "Maybe because Dita does?"

"But guns are so useful." I complain, but I use one of the appendages to grab a chunk of ice. Meia pilots us on a collision course with the enemy robot, and I ram the chunk of ice into its ugly head.

And then it explodes.

Meia and I are tossed away, outside of the comet's trail along with significant quantities of ice. It creates quite the nice blooming effect, I must say.

Jura's voice comes over the radio. "You two alright?"

"We're fine." Meia responds. "Are you able to get out?"

"Mmm, The explosion created some holes. I'll be able to find my way out." Jura replies.

"And nobody got stuck in the web." I say happily. "So we did better this time."

Meia nods. "Jura, we're going to make another round to ensure the areas clear before coming back, you head back to the hangar."

Jura's voice comes back with a teasing tone. "Ah, really? A patrol, just the two of you? Do you need a chaperone?"

I look back at Meia, whose face is turning steadily more red. "No, thank you."

Jura breaks off, and suddenly the two of us are all alone together in the vastness of space.

I lean back, only for my head to hit Meia's stomach. Ah, right. Forgot we're this close. Before I can get up, she lays a hand on my chest keeping me where I am.

"So..." She says, not quite looking me in the eyes. "How are you doing?"

I smile. "I'm doing alright, same as yesterday. How about you?"

"I'm fine." She clears her throat. "I got you a present."

I blink at her. "Okay. I got you one as well."

She looks surprised, and I reach into one of the pockets of my cargo pants, withdrawing a small box.

Meia takes it and opens it, revealing the silver necklace within. It's plain, with small loops that are slightly twisted so that they can lay flat. The clasp is one of those fiddly ones with the ring and the loop with retractable pin.

"Merry Christmas." I say.

Meia wordlessly reaches behind her head and attaches the loops together. Once her hands come back down, they rest back on my chest. "Thank you."

"No problem." I say. "Er, I have a question."

"What is it?"

"Do you like to hike?"

"I've never gone." Meia says.

"Huh. Well..." I look out at the stars. "If we get the chance, we should go hiking. I know a great spot near where I live-"

"In a different universe?" Meia asks wryly.

"...Yeah."

"Oh, your present." Meia grabs something from behind her seat and hands it to me. It's a small crystal cube. "Here."

I examine the cube. It doesn't have any markings, and it's not laser etched or anything. "Thank you."

"You have no idea what it is." Meia says with a smile on her face.

"Not a clue."

"It's a data storage device. It's got all of the pictures I have of me and my family on it. I thought you'd like to see it."

"Wow. That's thoughtful." I hold the crystal up to the nearest light source, one of the rails on the side of the cockpit. "I can't see how it's storing the data."

"You'd have to ask Dita or Parfet or someone else form engineering." Meia smiles. "Merry Christmas."

I gently place the cube in one of my pockets. As much as I'd like to just sit here... "Well, do you think the sector is clear?" I ask teasingly.

"I suppose it is." Meia leans over me. "But first-"

She leans down and plants a kiss on my lips.

* * *

Back on the Nirvana, I get accosted by Zan. It's getting towards ten, and preparations are almost complete.

"Hey, John. Come here for a second." Zan says.

I follow her into the cafeteria, where the stage has been set up. "I'm going to be performing here tonight." Zan says. "While everyone's eating dinner, I'm gonna be singing."

"I look forward to it." I say, giving her a thumbs up.

"Actually, I was hoping you'd join me." Zan says. "I know a few songs that we could duet."

Hmm. "Sounds like fun to me." I roll my shoulders. "So, what songs do you want to sing?"

Zan picks out a few Christmas song and we practice on the stage a few times. It takes the better part of the remaining time until midnight. To be honest, I probably wouldn't even have noticed the time until people started to file in due to how much fun I was having, but Del showed up about fifteen minutes to midnight and told us to "get to the bridge, or we'll miss the best part."

When I asked her what the best part was, her obnoxious grin got a bit wider.

As we arrive at the bridge, The lights dim and a spotlight is shone on the entrance to Magno's chambers.

She comes out dresses in... not only dressed up like Santa, but with a whole sled and two reindeer setup attached to the outfit. She has a bag slung over her shoulder, which looks like it has a lot of stuff in it.

She heads up to the stage where Gascogne waits, and the two of them start talking in whispers.

I walk up to the balcony, with Zan beside me. Below, everyone is gathering and preparing small crackers. Off to the side, I can see Duelo and Parfet working on the snow machines. Duelo has a large square thing with him, which I suspect is a painting.

"I'm glad I met you." Zan says.

"Yeah?"

She nods. "You're so much different from everyone else, it makes everything interesting."

I laugh. "Yeah, well, being in space is completely different for me. Back home, less than a thousand people have been to space."

"No way." She looks up at me. "Why not?"

"It's expensive to reach orbit." I say. "And we don't have the same technology you do. We have to burn tons of fuel just to get to orbit, so much that adding a single pound of payload costs a massive amount."

"Wow. So this really is new for you." Zan turns around and sits on the rail. I instinctively get ready to reach out and grab her should she start to fall. "I guess that means you weren't one of the thousand?"

I shake my head. "That would require me to take a completely different path through life. I went with desk jockey, not 'strap yourself to a giant explosion hazard and hope you get to space'."

She smirks. "I see. Well, now you don't really have much of a choice."

"Nope."

The clock clicks over to 11:59.

I reach into my pocket and pull out my present from Dita. Zan looks at it curiously. "It's from Dita. She said to open it at midnight."

Zan nods. "I'll give you my present later then."

"Same."

Dita suddenly comes out from the crowd, panting. "There you are, Mister Alien!"

The countdown on the balloon clock overhead starts.

"I was looking all over for you-"

I hold up the present, and get ready to open it.

Dita scrambles to get her present from me ready to open as well.

"3... 2... 1... Merry Christmas!"

Crackers pop, snow shoots up from Parfet's contraptions, and the captain and Gascogne start throwing presents out to the crowd, and above my head, a small UFO spins around saying "Merry Christmas!" In Dita's voice.

Dita looks down at the lump of plastic in her hands in a bit of confusion.

After catching the small device Dita had made for me, I reach over and press a button on my gift to her. It slowly inflates to be the classic disk shaped UFO, a tiny internal fan keeping it inflated. As it heats up, it begins to float. I move DIta's hand around the controller I had made and give her a quick tutorial.

She delightedly pilots the disk around, with several of the other crew members pointing and laughing at it. It currently has some lightweight Christmas lights hanging off of it, making it festive.

"Thank you!" Dita jumps at me, bowling me over and sending us both to the floor.

She grabs my face and helps herself to my lips.

In the background, I can hear Zan gasping in surprise and Del laughing, but I don't really have the focus to care.

* * *

The concert goes pretty well. The rest of the the crew ate their meal or danced while Jura selected the songs and Zan and I sung. Occasionally, the crowd would join in, singing classic Christmas carols that had made it through the years.

In my pocket, Zan's present bumped against my thigh every time I move. It's a small music player, one that actually works with the modern devices.

Once it hits about three AM, people start to wander off. I know that when there's a party, they tend to just drop where they stand, so we close up the night with "I LOVE XMAS" By Tommy Heavenly6. What a classic. I finally understand the lyrics!

"Alright folks, that wraps it up-" Zan starts after the music fades.

"Actually," I take the Microphone from Zan. "I have one more song to sing." I nod at Jura, who queues up the song I had previously selected. I turn to Zan. "This one is for you, your Christmas present."

Several of the girls in the audience go "wooo!" and someone whistles.

I take a breath as the drums come up, and tap my foot to the beat.

 _I hold on so nervously_  
 _To me and my drink_  
 _I wish it was cooling me_  
 _But so far, has not been good_  
 _It's been shitty_  
 _And I feel awkward, as I should_  
 _This club has got to be_  
 _The most pretentious thing_  
 _Since I thought you and me_  
 _Well I am imagining_  
 _A dark lit place_  
 _Or your place or my place_

 _Well I'm not paralyzed_  
 _But, I seem to be struck by you_  
 _I want to make you move_  
 _Because you're standing still_  
 _If your body matches_  
 _What your eyes can do_  
 _You'll probably move right through_  
 _Me on my way to you_

 _I hold out for one more drink_  
 _Before I think_  
 _I'm looking too desperately_  
 _But so far has not been fun_  
 _I should just stay home_  
 _If one thing really means one_  
 _This club will hopefully_  
 _Be closed in three weeks_  
 _That would be cool with me_  
 _Well I'm still imagining_  
 _A dark lit place_  
 _Or your place or my place_

 _Well, I'm not paralyzed_  
 _But, I seem to be struck by you_  
 _I want to make you move_  
 _Because you're standing still_  
 _If your body matches_  
 _What your eyes can do_  
 _You'll probably move right through_  
 _Me on my way to you_

 _Well, I'm not paralyzed_  
 _But, I seem to be struck by you_  
 _I want to make you move_  
 _Because you're standing still_  
 _If your body matches_  
 _What your eyes can do_  
 _You'll probably move right through_  
 _Me on my way to you_

 _I'm not paralyzed_  
 _But, I seem to be struck by you_  
 _I want to make you move_  
 _Because you're standing still_  
 _If your body matches_  
 _What your eyes can do_  
 _You'll probably move right through_  
 _Me on my way to you_

 _You'll probably move right through_  
 _Me on my way to you_

 _You'll probably move right through_  
 _Me on my way to you_

By the end, Zan had started dancing to the tune with me, and the crowd had started joining in as well.

The song comes to a close, and Zan swoops in, grabs me in a tight embrace, and plants a kiss on my lips.

The crowds cheering again, but I don't really hear that.

That's three for three, so I'm doing something right. Or wrong. Depends on you're point of view.

* * *

Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate.


	25. Chapter 25: Improperly Worded

Achievement unlocked: Get yourself kissed by imaginary girls.

That's it. I have no real author's notes this time.

* * *

I, Meia, stride down to the cell area where John spends his time.

The new year had come and gone, and not much had actually changed.

Sure, he's become a bit more open with me. And Dita and Zan for that manner. But he's stubbornly refused to let us watch the rest of those Dee... Dee things. Those disks. The ones that have really, _really_ important things about our future.

This had brought a point of contention between us these past few days.

I had managed to get one concession out of John: He had let us watch the show up to the Christmas episode. Dita had managed to snag the box for a brief minute when John had gone to the bathroom, and said that we were less than _half-way_ finished with the show. Even if it only shows important events... how much do we have left to go through?

It was also disturbing to relive my past once again, this time with several other people watching. An entire episode was practically dedicated to me watching my past, my failures as a daughter.

It hurt to see my parents again, even in the distorted, animated versions of themselves. After that episode, we had broken up for the day, and I had to Pry Dita off of me with a crowbar to get her to stop crying for my sake. She's too nice of a girl, really.

Still, John refuses to allow us to watch anything more, anything past where we already are chronologically. When I asked him, he smiled slightly and shook his head. That was the day before yesterday. Then, I demanded it. He had lost the smile, and continued to shake his head, staring down at the small plastic box in his hands.

Yesterday, I had ordered him to relinquish it. It's too important to not use. It could save all of our lives.

It hurt immensely when he stopped looking me in the face, yet still held the box. His eyes lost a bit of their glow, the mischievous glow he got when he was being his normal pain-in-the-ass self. No, they... look like they did back when he first got on the ship. I don't know what that means, but it can't be good.

Regardless, this time, he doesn't get a choice. This time, I brought backup.

"You really think this is gonna work?" Del looks at me with her ever present grin.

I glare at the acid green eyes of my backup. Of the security personnel I trust, Del's the only one with significant first-hand experience with John, and thus my first choice for backup. I decided it would be okay to tell her about the object holding our fates. "It better."

Del folds her hands behind her head. "You're not worried that this is gonna make him hate you?"

"I am." I say quietly. "But I can't put everyone's lives on the line for personal reasons." I think back to the strategy session, where John had basically pointed out that we only really needed for fighters fielded at any given time, namely, those of us the Paksis "chose." I had told him his personal odds of survival, and he hadn't seemed to care.

Del purses her lips. "I could take it from him. I don't care if he hates me."

"He knows you work for me." I say with a heavy sigh. "Despite what he insists, he's generally good at picking up subtle clues."

Del drops her hands, examining the laser on her ring finger as it passes. "What do you even see in the guy? You used to hate all men just as much as Cel on the bridge."

"Is she still wearing the bear costume/" I ask wearily.

"It's a reindeer, for now." Del says. "But my questions still stands. What do you see in him?"

"...He's saved me multiple times."

"Yeah, but he's caused you a ton of trouble as well, right?" Del presses. "I get that he's got the whole 'mysterious' air about him what with the shapeshifting and the fact he knows us a lot better than he should, and he has that video of us or whatever, but he's still a guy."

"I fail to see your point."

"He's _the enemy_." Del reminds me with exasperation. "We're at war with Tarak, and we've been raised to view men as vile, yet you, Dita and Zan all seem to think he's pretty cool. Did he do some sort of hypnosis on you?" She frowns, honestly a rare sight on her face. "He's just not that attractive, and it's certainly not his personality you like. That seems to change weekly."

"If he's to be believed, as well as that video we found-"

"Which he could have made."

"It was in the Christmas episode." The words sound strange coming out of my mouth. "So he didn't make it."

"Sure." Del shrugs, and her smile returns. "Whatever floats your boat, I guess. Me? I think I'll stick with girls, at least for now."

"...For now?"

"Hey, who knows what the future holds? My last girlfriend broke up with me right before we got sucked into this journey, and we've still got six months." She smirks at me. "Maybe I'll change my mind and take him away from you."

"You'll have to get through Dita first." I shake my head. "I didn't realize you and Hannah broke up."

"Ah, well. She didn't like the whole 'pirate' thing." Del doesn't drop her easy smile, somewhat worryingly. "She gave me the ultimatum of leaving her or leaving the pirates."

"Hard choice?"

"Not really. I can't abandon my family, can I?"

"I suppose not."

We arrive in front of the cell area to find several other people standing around. For some reason, they're all wearing space suits with the seal engaged. I recognize both Paiway, Barnette and Cel inside the suits.

Between them and the cell is Dita, desperately attempting to keep them from doing... something. It hadn't escaped my notice that the laser rifles had been produced, and those are normally reserved for major uprisings. Del takes the initiative and steps up right next to Barnette.

"Someone tell me what's going on?" He smile continues to remain permanently affixed, which works to unnerve those who hadn't expected her. He ring powers up, whining slightly as it builds up a charge.

Oddly, Paiway is the one who rounds on Del ans responds. "John is a liar! He's going to get us all killed, and he's holding back knowledge that could save us!"

I scan the faces in the space suits behind Paiway. One of them looks particularly guilty. "Barnette..." I say warningly.

"It's not my fault, Jura got drunk and had me fetch Paiway to get rid of her hangover!" Barnette defends herself. "I... may have also been slightly tipsy."

Dita bursts past the space suit clad women. "They're going to lock him up!"

"He lives in a cell." I point out. "They don't have the authority to lock him up and restrict his movements anyway."

"But you do." Del says. "And we can for the same reason anyway." She glances up at me with a malicious gleam in her eyes. She's having way too much fun with this.

Dita looks back to me desperately. "You're not going to lock him up, are you?"

"...I won't if I don't have to." I finally answer.

Dita's expression stiffens and she tries to push back to the cell, but Cel snags her shoulder. For a bridge girl, she sure does have a decent grip.

The others part as I head up to the cell. I close my eyes, prepare myself mentally, and then open them back up and glare at the cot where John is.

Where John should be.

His cell is empty. Not just of him, but of everything that made the cell his, ignoring a hole in the wall he had spliced his transformer into. That had been removed, along with all his bags and little machines he was working with.

I round on Dita. "Where is he?"

She looks away. "I-I don't know what you mean."

"Dita. Look at me." She reluctantly looks back into my eyes. "Where. Is. He."

"Well..."

* * *

It's cramped inside a vanguard, especially with all of my bags packed alongside me.

The launcher is already primed, and I grab the launch system in the crouching position that allows me to launch without tumbling.

The last thing I need to to be out of control when Meia figures out what I've done. It will only be a matter of time.

Barnette, Paiway, and a few other girls had tried to gang up on me in the kitchen. At first, I didn't understand what they were yelling at me about. This time, the relationship between the males and the females on the ship was a lot better than it was in the anime. So, why are they trying to evict me?

Then they started aiming the rifles at me, and I had bolted for the door. I felt the first blast zip past me as the air heated up noticeably.

It took a bit more shouting as they chased after me for me to realize exactly what was going on. They're coming after for me because of the DVD. They never say that outright, but they do mention seeing the future and a video.

Looks like Meia had enough of me resisting handing the DVD over. It does worry me that she had even gotten Paiway in on the action; She's the only one who's quite that short even in the space suit, so I had instantly recognized her.

It looked like I have to scramble and get out of the Nirvana. I had already been prepared for this, sort of.

See, I had decided to watch the next few episodes of Vandread to prepare myself for what was coming next and decide just how much was healthy to share with the rest. Episode eleven has Hibiki running away in his Vanguard, but from the same male-female tensions that pervade the entire series. SInce those had largely been resolved, I had thought I might be safe. I still packed my bags just in case.

Of course, getting to my room would be hard with others hot on my heels. Enter Dita.

Dita agreed to run interference for me, and I asked her to call after me while heading towards the bridge, as if I was just ahead of her.

I assume that since I had time to snag my bags and rip the transformer out of the wall and I wasn't ganged up on trying to leave my room that Dita had been successful. That didn't mean everything went well for me.

There was one of the women in space suits guarding the hangar. Not really in the mood to actually hit someone for the moment, I did something I had told myself I wasn't going to do.

I transformed into Meia and told the woman to hurry up and reinforce the cafeteria, John had been wreaking havoc in the kitchen. It was a direct order, and one that had come from their dear leader. The woman practically jumped to obey.

It allowed me to access the hangar without resorting to violence, but it still leaves an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

As I give the mental command to open the outer door to the Paksis (which has been remarkably compliant today), I glance up at the launch crew window. If this had been a regular-use hangar, then the maids of the Reg would be looking down, ensuring everything got launched correctly. On another ship, that room acts as the control tower for all incoming and outgoing spacecraft. In our case, it was usually empty. After all, our four ships had the Paksis looking after us.

I suppose the fact that the room was lit up was what caused me to look.

Meia, Dita and Zan are looking down from that room. Their expressions are complicated with many emotions, but the all share a bit of sadness.

They don't know I can see them. The Vanguard has 360 views when the Paksis lets me use it, and it doesn't need to turn its head. Externally, there was no motion. I could leave and pretend I didn't see them, if I want.

I purposely turn the torso to face them, then back to the launcher. Their presence has been acknowledged... and their unspoken message rejected.

"Launch." I order the Paksis.

* * *

In the command room, Dita falls to her knees and starts sobbing.

Personally, I feel a chill settle around my spine. He actually left. He... I didn't think he'd go through with out. If only I could have figured out the communications controls faster-

Zan sags into one of the chairs.

Del, standing next to the door out of sight of the hangar, remains silent.

Dita suddenly springs up and bolts for the door. I don't need to read her mind to know what she's doing, and I snag her collar as she passes by.

She looks up at me sullenly. "But-"

"He made his decision." I say, forcing my voice to be calm and cool. I think it still shuddered a bit though. "There's no point in chasing him."

Zan looks up at me. "Why not?"

I point to the monitor. It says there's nothing currently outside the Nirvana. "He's already disabled the radio and the IFF. Out there is space, and we have no idea where he's going. Unless he starts broadcasting or we silhouette him against some large star, we're not going to be able to find him."

"So, we don't know where he went?"

I rub my forehead. "There isn't any nearby habitable planets nearby, and the only course he should know is the one back to Mejare."

Del quietly adds to the conversation. "There might be other spaceships out there."

"Yes, but we don't know for sure... If we had that video." I mutter to myself.

Dita rounds on me, anger on her face for the first time since I met the girl. "Was it worth it? Was it worth driving him off?"

"I had nothing to do with the others." I say as calmly as I can.

"But they had the same goal as you. Take the DVD away and watch it against his will." Dita accuses.

"I was just trying to be prepared for the next threat." I say, my calm exterior cracking. "It could save our lives!"

Zan stands up. "Maybe. But I think he'd tell us if we were in danger." She looks at me with cold eyes. "I guess you don't trust him that much."

"Wha-" I splutter indignantly. "Of course I trust him! He's the only thing making sure we get home. Without him, we're at less than half our combat forces! We can't make it home without him."

Zan and Dita stare at me.

"...Do you even care that he left?" Dita asks quietly.

"What are you talking about, I-" I feel my cheeks heat up. "I love him."

"But you chased him out." Zan says. "And you only seem to want him around for his firepower."

"No, that's not true-"

But the two are already moving to leave. I try grabbing Zan's shoulder, but she shrugs my hand off.

Once they fully leave the room, Del peels herself from the wall. "Well, that could have gone better."

"I do love him!" I turn to Del. "I... I just realize he's not just important to me! His knowledge could spell the difference between us making it home and all dying out in this giant vacuum!"

"I believe you, Meia." Del says. "I get where you're coming from. You're just the kind of person who thinks of other before yourself." She gestures vaguely at the door. "They think very short-sightedly, but definitely more romantically. Which is why John had Dita hinder you, and not the other way around."

My shoulders slump. "Why couldn't he just tell us what's coming? There has to be a reason."

Del makes sure the door is shut. "Want to find out?"

I look up. Del is smirking once again, holdinging out a small box. It beeps, and the display updates with a set of coordinates.

"I may have snuck a tracker into John's machine." Del says while looking at her fingernails. "After all, he seems like the kind of guy to accidentally get lost in space. No telling where he could end up flying too."

* * *

Magno holds her head in her hands. "Please, go over it once again."

BC awkwardly shuffles in her spot. "Meia has deserted, along with John."

"Why have two of our most important pilots disappeared?"

BC hesitates. "It seems that there was a portion of the crew that tried to lock the males back up, led by Paiway and Barnette. Bart and Duelo are currently back in their cells, but John decided to run rather get locked up once again."

"Hasn't the boy been living in his cell up until now anyway?"

"Yes, he has." BC confirms with a look of unease. "And he's never protested being locked up either. There must have been something else going on this time."

"So he ran. Why did Meia run?"

"Del reports that she followed after him in an attempt to retrieve him, or at least find out his motives." BC frowns. "Del's hiding something, but I'm not sure what- or why."

"We can ignore that for now." Magno raises her head. "Who is this 'portion' of the crew?"

"As I mentioned, Paiway and Barnette seem to be the leaders. Cel, Kuberra and Ferris were also mentioned by Dita, and there might have been more. I'm still looking into it."

Magno sighs. "Do we at least know _why_ they decided the men need to be locked up?"

"They object to the freedom the men get." BC says. "They say that Bart has become too friendly with the female crew, and that Duelo... er, molests them when he does his examinations." She looks at a screen only she can see. "Those claims of molestation seem to be largely unfounded; while he is touching them, it's to check for medical problems, like a doctor should."

"And what of John?"

"It seems the fact that he knows the future has leaked a bit. Paiway was adamant that he is a liar and out to kill all of us."

Magno crosses her fingers and stares into the middle distance for a minute. "I wonder."

"Yes?"

"Paiway is, for all intents, still a young girl. Maybe she's just jealous of Dita's attention being shifted away from her?"

"Possibly." BC concedes. "Still, we've lost a few critical assets today, and somehow I have a gut feeling that things are going to get nasty very soon."

"It never just rains, is it?"

BC nods glumly. "It certainly seems like it's going to be pouring buckets."

* * *

I stare down at the DVD in my hands. There's little doubt in my mind where it had come from, at least now that I knew that the Fixer isn't telling the truth. At least, he's probably not telling the truth. To be honest, I'm not sure I trust the other two I met in that white void universe either. I don't really have a way of telling who is telling the truth either way, or if there's a third, real truth.

In any case, I bet the Fixer gave me this DVD. It also fits in with what the other two said his goal was, alleviating boredom through screwing with universes. Throwing this DVD into the mix had certainly changed a lot of things.

If only it hadn't existed, or if I had just gotten rid of it when I found it...

I really wish it wasn't here. I don't think the other noticed, but during the show and when we talked about it afterwards, they used some particulier language that set me to alert mode. One good case I can recall is Jura saying, "Oh, so that's how it's supposed to go."

From what I gathered from the Fixer and his enemies, there really isn't a set path a universe takes, no fate. However, with no outside influence, any system remains static.

This means, if I hadn't shown up, everything would have gone the same as it did originally, for better or for worse. It's only outside meddling that allows the current situation. But, Meian, Dita, Zan, Barnette and Jura had begun to talk the same way I used to think, that there was a "correct" way for this to go. If I can say I've learned anything, it's that there isn't a correct way to do anything. Correct is a matter of opinion.

And when Meia and those other started _demanding_ that I hand it over, so that they can figure out their next move...

I guess I panicked, but I still don't think I should show them any more of it. I'll get them ready for what's ahead, but I... I can't trust them to be as _detached_ as I can be. I realize I sound like a hypocrite, but I've at least had some amount of training in examining distasteful subjects with a logical thought process. I don't think they'll be able to accept that our reality isn't that one anymore, with a completely different end path. It's inevitable, since I was sent in to stir the pot.

Anyway, my possibly stupid reasons aside, I now find myself in a situation. Primarily, that I have no idea where I am.

Yes, I had managed to launch myself into space without a backup plan. In the original show, Hibiki had launched on Paiway's birthday, and presumably within a day had found the people that were being harvested for their skins. They has taken him in, and then gotten blown up in what felt like a hour's time, before Hibiki had grown desperate and passed out, only for Rabat to save him.

I had asked Dita a few days ago, and Paiway's birthday is in six days. Which means I'll be drifting thoruhg space for six or seven days, assuming I didn't end up off course and thus missing that fleet entirely. After all, space is big. It's practically a miracle that Hibki managed to stumble across anyone else, given just how _big-_

A lone pip shows up on the monitor. I drop the DVD and put my hands on the controls. I had disabled all my transmitting devices (That I thought they'd track, at least. I might be sending Bluetooth connection requests) when I had left the station.

That means that there's really only one thing this could be.

Meia wouldn't risk sending people out on a wild goose chase.

The pip is much too small to be the Nirvana, or really anything bigger than a single starfighter.

It looks like the Earth robots have already found me.

I stop accelerating, and draw my sword. I briefly notice a shape blot out a star, heading right for me. The sword comes up-


	26. Chapter 26: Diatribe

Chapter 26. If I was going by my original "one chapter an episode" I would be done right here.

As it stands, I'm basically gearing up for episode 11.

So. A lot more angst for all of you. Yay?

In other news, I'm writing some original fiction again, which has killed my update rate. I'm considering uploading it to Fictionpress, but I'm not sure if I want to yet.

* * *

Space is very big.

It's stupid to say out loud, but it's true. most of the time, you can look to the sky, and there's the sun or the moon, approximately the size of your thumb if you hold your arm out at maximum length. In addition, most of space is very, very empty. Sure, there's microscopic bits of dust, but generally space is pretty empty.

Next, tracking an object in space requires either sending something out (frequently electromagnetic) and waiting for it to bounce off an object (called active scanning, think radar and sonar) or by listening for random signals to come in. Your eyes are passive sensors, waiting for light to come to them, If we could send light from our eyes, we could see in the dark. In general, we'd rather use a flashlight, but I digress.

Now, whatever magic propulsion engines there exists in the Vandread universe, they can allow us to accelerate even past light speed with little lead up. Well, not strictly true, but I'll talk about that later. ANYWAY! This means that bouncing a signal off of my Vanguard shouldn't work as I'm outrunning the signal ruling out active sensors back on the Nirvana. Then, I deactivated all the radios and other signatures aside from the explosive heat dump from the thrusters, but I turned those off after a few semi-random direction changes to throw off my overall course.

If you didn't follow, the TL;DR is this: I shouldn't have been able to be followed. Not by the Nirvana, and not by anyone else. I should look like a slightly warm chunk of space debris to anyone else.

I glare up at the white Dread floating about a hundred feet overhead. A thousand feet would be a nice distance. A hundred feet is an accidental twitch of the steering yoke.

As if sensing my glare (With the Pakisis, maybe she can) Meia's voice drifts through the communicator. "I'm still not going anywhere."

Yes, Meia had somehow found me. I asked her a few times already, but she's been really tight lipped about it.

When I had first seen her on the radar, I had assumed that the Earth forces had spotted me, readied my sword- and severely misjudged the distances I was dealing with. The damn sword was hardly upright when she rocketed past me, close enough for a visual identification.

In a way, that's good. I didn't cut Meia's Dread in half, but if it had been an enemy, I would've been dead right now.

"I told you, I'm not going to run." I grumble, and add under my breath "Not unless I figure out how you tracked me."

"I don't suppose you'll tell me why you won't let me see those videos now?" Meia asks cautiously.

"No."

'Why not?"

I sigh. "Because, I don't think you'll be able to use the information properly."

She laughs with an abundance of scorn in her voice. "Right, but of all people, the possibly-unstable resident _crazy person_ is able to process it properly."

"You have to have the right mindset-"

"You sound like those idiots who go around preaching ideas that can't hold up to scrutiny." She cuts me off. "Like that religion stuff you told me about."

...Ignore that. My grip tightens on the Vanguard's controls.

She continues. "You say that I don't have the right mindset as a way to deflect me away form the real topic. I used to get that all the time from my parents." She practically spits out the last bit.

"Okay, fine." I kick the hull of the Vanguard, which is probably a really bad idea as my toes remind me. "Maybe you do have the right state of mind. How the hell would I know? It's not like I can figure out how anyone else thinks!" I let go of the controls and consider punching the wall as well, but that seems ineffective as well. I need something better to vent my anger on.

"Why would you even need a state of mind to comprehend an idea?" Meia continues arguing. "Just tell me what it is and-"

"How was Christmas supposed to go?" I interrupt.

Anger and contempt are replaced by confusion. "Excuse me?"

"How was Christmas _supposed_ to go?" I repeat, slower this time. "Or an easier one: Was Jura supposed to fight that spider robot with us?"

"No, but-"

"Ah! Nope! Stop! You fail, go back to jail, do not collect two-hundred dollars." I pull my pillow out of my backpack and start wringing the life out of it.

"...John, I'm going to kill you." My sensor array lights up as Meia paints me with some sort of targeted system.

"Go ahead. You won't get your answers, and I get out of this shitty universe."

For a while, all that comes back on the comms is a growl and my sensors return to normal. "It was saying no." She says, as if to herself. "So Jura was supposed to be out with us? But you said that she just caught up with you while you were running out to get to the comet..."

"You know what? I'll tell you why I didn't want to tell you." I snap. "Pull up a chair and some fucking popcorn, 'cause this is gonna be a long one."

"I don't have popcorn-"

"So, what did you have for breakfast this morning?"

For several seconds, the only sound is the sound of breathing through the radio.

"I... don't see how that's-"

"No, answer me. I'm trying to prove a point."

"...I had pancakes."

"Why didn't you have a steak?"

Meia takes a moment to answer, and when she does, it's slowly, clearly watching out for a trap. "Because the kitchen staff didn't make steaks for breakfast."

"You could have made one. Or asked them to make you a steak. Or asked someone else like DIta who knows how. Or even ordered someone to. If you wanted a steak, you could have gotten one."

"Okay, fine. Yes, I could have had a steak." Meia acquiesced. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"If you could redo today over, would you have had the steak for breakfast?" I ask.

"Well, I supposed I _COULD_ have had the steak."

"Nope." I say simply.

"...Are you going to explain? You're quite irritating at the moment." Meia's tone becomes more annoyed.

"One more question: Do you believe in miracles?" I ask.

"No, I do not believe in some silly childs fantasy that everything can work out." Meia sighs. "Get to the point."

"All other things being equal, the end result is always the same." I say. "Two plus two is four, you ate pancakes, and we're having this conversation." I start fiddling with some of the buttons on the control face just to do something with my hands. "That is, without any other stimulus, these events will alway happen, even if you restarted the universe, or had thirty copies of it."

"You're not making any sense."

I sigh and switch tacks. "Okay, let's start with two plus two. Let's run it through a calculator, shall we?" I mime pressing some buttons, despite the fact she can't see me. "Oh look, the result is four." I sit back. "Given that we're adding, and that the inputs are always two and two, we always get four. Note that that's not the only way to get four, you can add one and one and one and one, or a one and a three, or five and minus one. All of these additions equal four. There's also lots of other calculations you can make that all lead to four."

"Again, not making any sense."

"I'm getting there. So, how many times out of a thousand do you get five when adding two and two?"

"Zero, it always equals four." Meia responds.

"Exactly. For any given inputs, the output will always be the same." I allow myself a small smile. That's the easy part. "Alright, now extend that further."

"Extend what further?"

"For any given inputs, you get the same outputs." I tap my fingers on the monitor. "If you go to half-thrust on your ship, you always go to half-thrust. Never full, unless something goes horrifically wrong, right?"

"Yes..."

"Now, let's extend this to, let's say, a frog. A frog that is hungry, and sees a fly on a log a foot ahead of it. It flicks out its tongue and grabs the fly." I lick my lips. "Now, let's set up the exact same situation. Identical, from the placements of the fly and the frog, to the lighting conditions, the moisture in the air, even the atoms are lined up in an identical path. Does the frog catch the fly?"

"...If everything's identical, then the frog should be able to catch it again, right?"

"It will catch it, if everything is identical." I say. "And here's where most people get lost." I take a deep breath. "So, let's extend this to you."

"Hey-"

"No, seriously." I interrupt. "This morning, you were hungry. Your body wanted something to eat, but it doesn't quite care what. so you take in all of the variables and decide on eating pancakes. there are hundreds of thousands of recipes stored on the computer, the cooking staff takes custom orders, and you could even decide not to eat. But even supposing that there's an identical universe to this one, you'll eat pancakes this morning in that universe as well."

"No, maybe I'll have a muffin instead." She countermands. "Dita wanted me to try one of the ones the staff had made."

"No, you wouldn't, because all other things being equal, you made the choice not to eat the muffin. I don't know _why_ you choose a muffin, just that you did."

"No, that's not right." Meia sounds uncertain however.

"It's like if I tell you the answer is four and ask you how I got there. There's too many ways to get to four for me to actually predict them, but I can guess. First, the largest reasons you ate what was already available was convenience. You don't have to wait longer for your food, you don't dislike pancakes enough to care, and you don't want to inconvenience any of the kitchen workers. You didn't eat the muffin because I'm sure DIta wanted it as well, and you figured someone else would like it better, or something."

"Actually, I just don't like raisins." Meia says under her breath.

"Hey, that's good enough." I say. "So to have you eat the muffin, you'd have to change something, like removing the raisins."

"That's it!" Meia perks up. "So, if in this alternate universe of yours, the muffin didn't have raisins-"

"Why doesn't it have raisins?" I ask.

"Huh?"

"The chef that made the batter for the muffins included raisins. She did this because..." I leave it open.

"I don't know, maybe she likes raisins?" Meia says.

"Okay, so why doesn't she like raisins in this other universe?"

Meia remains quiet for a moment. "I think I see where this is going. So, if she doesn't like raisins, something had to make her not like raisins, and that would also have to be different, not just the muffins having no raisins."

"It's cause and effect. Why do the muffins have raisins? The baker likes raisins. Why does the baker like raisins? Her mother gave them to her on a trip to the zoo. Why did her mother give her raisins at the zoo? Who knows? But I can guarantee you that there was a cause and an effect." I fiddle with some sort of map that shows just how deep we are into space. "This leads to the idea that if two universes start exactly the same, the same things will occur. The only way to change it is external influence."

"External influence? Like what?"

"Well, this knowledge, for example. If you got to go back into the this morning on the Nirvana, you could deliberately change something to attempt to prove me wrong, but..."

"But what?"

"Given everything we do, you'll always do the same thing when you get back there. Every word I say gets added into the input for your decision, but if you got transported back, you'd always do the same things. And, for the first time ever, I have proof."

"...Proof?"

"I have this stupid DVD." I say. "You, Dita, Barnette, Jura and to some extent Zan have all recognized things that happened in the DVD that happened exactly like they did in real life. So, given the same starting state, everything turns out the same. Until one John shows up and starts disrupting things. Since I did things differently than Hibiki, in significant enough amounts that everything got thrown off, our conversations and things got thrown off. Events that I can't have influenced stay the same, like what planets we encounter, or groups of enemies provided we don't have a course change."

"...I see." Meia says quietly. "That would make sense."

"Yes, it does." I say. "Of course, most people don't like this. Most people would rather believe that they have a little magic switch in their head that lets them make real decisions, so you could have another, alternate universe where you decided to eat the muffin."

"Which is why you asked if I believed miracles?"

"Yeah, because an effect without a cause is a miracle, and anything else can be explained with enough information."

For a while now, the air between us has been civil. I decide to enjoy it while it lasts.

"Alright. So, the differences between the DVD and our reality exist because you changed things." Meia says. "And if you hadn't shown up, things would have proceeded in the same way they did in the DVD."

"Mmhmm. If you have perfect information, theoretically you could predict how everything could turn out form now on, but that would take a computer able to simulate our universe perfectly, which would necessitate a larger universe."

I can almost hear her blink. "So, why does this mean you won't show me the rest of the DVD?"

Ah. Right. "Well, you said yourself that Jura _wasn't supposed_ to be with us on Christmas. That's not true; it's just that she wasn't there in the DVD, and was in reality. Theoretically, as soon as I did something different than Hibiki, that could have been calculated and someone could have known that would happen. Whoever did the calculations, at least."

"I get that, but what does this have to do with the DVD?"

"I watch the show with the mindset that all the information on that is wrong." I say.

"But-"

" _I don't know_ if things have changed, but they could have. For example, maybe we made a course correction or lost a day because I did something, and the comet shows up before Christmas." I say. "Or, maybe we've been defeating the harvesters to quickly with our adjusted fighting methods, so they decide to implement better fighters, and don't have only one of those robots in the comet."

Meia remains silent.

"Things can change, and I don't know how, or where, or if it will help us or hinder us. So if I let you watch the DVD and you _assume_ that everything will happen that way, you could be putting us in even more danger."

"Alright, fine. You had a point, and I shouldn't have pressed." Meia says, defeated.

"Ah." I swallow. "Sorry."

I can hear the curiosity in her voice. "You're sorry? I was the one who was pushing you."

"Yes, but... I'm still a kid. I should have just told you this back on the Nirvana instead of resisting at every turn. So, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry as well." Meia says.

"Friends?" I ask.

"We're starting over from friends?" She asks, voice teasing.

I smile despite myself. "Well, I'm glad you took it so well."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, when I was introduced to the concept in college, most of my classmates were in the "free will" camp, and fought tooth and nail to be able to tell themselves that it's alright, they _do_ have a choice in their lives."

"...I can see why that would be a problem."

"Although, it's not like they don't have choices, it's just that their choices are perfectly predictable." I say.

"Still."

"So that's why I can't show you the DVDs. Or, at least, not without me to bounce ideas off of."

"That's fine. As long as I can make threat assessments- within reason- I don't have any issue."

"But you do understand we can't share this with anyone else, because they won't see it my way, right?"

I can feel a glare from Meia.

"No, seriously. If I show the DVD to the rest of the crew, they're going to assume everything goes that way, that it's some sort of fate. When they're not prepared for the differences, it could cause someone to die." I insist. "I don't think I could convince a lot of people on the Nirvana to see things this way."

"What if I reject your way of seeing things?"

"Well... I suppose that I'll just have to plan around you assuming that everything goes just like the DVD." I sag into the pilot's chair.

"Hmm." Meia fals quiet and I watch her Dread move around in some sort of pattern around my ship. "You're arguments are at least well reasoned, but I'm going to think about it some more."

"Forcing you to accept my ideals just makes me a hypocrite." I say. "Consider all the options, and feel free to tell me I'm wrong. Maybe I didn't consider something." I shrug. "I'm willing to be wrong, but you better have good arguments."

* * *

A day later, about a day and a half since I ditched the Nirvana, Meia opens up the comms again.

We've been talking about ome menial things in the meantime, mostly pertaining to the quality or lack thereof of the emergency rations, or organizing watches, or whatever.

The atmosphere has been a lot nicer. Almost back to what is was around Christmas. It seems that removing the big obstacle sitting between us let our relationship repair. Let this be a lesson: Secrets tear apart relationships.

Anyway, she sends me a message.

"Hey, let's combine our machines."

I had asked her to give me a minute and done my best to clean myself up, but... I've been in a coffin sized box for almost forty hours. Deodorant just isn't going to cut it, but it certainly can't hurt.

I'm am very glad that either the Paksis or the Vanguard designer had the foresight to install waste removal systems, or spending this amount of time in this box would literally kill me, probably from some sort of sepsis.

With that pleasant thought, I reluctantly join up with Meia's Dread.

The merge process dumps me out right in front of Meia. Dread's have a lot more empty space in the cabin, which allows me a breath of fresh air- well, fresher. Meia's been in the same predicament as I have and obviously hasn't fared that much better.

"What's up?" I ask the woman currently sitting behind me.

"Well..." Her cheeks tint red. "I wanted to see you, and talk to you face to face for a while."

"Ah." I throw one leg over the seat, allowing me to sit side-saddle on the control seat and look at meia without almost twisting my head off. "Of course."

"So..." She clears her throat. "I understand what you say about the DVD and all..." She hesitates, but carries on. "but I still want to see it. I'm not sure if I like your viewpoint, but I'll take it into consideration, okay?"

I blink. "Hey, it's better than I thought I'd get." I look around and locate my bag. "I supposed you want to watch it now?"

She nods, and I get the entire thing set up. Stick the DVD in the laptop, and... well, I'll need to plug in my laptop somewhere after a few hours. I'll have to jury rig something. "How do you want to sit?" I ask.

"Eh... We can both sit against the canopy, set the laptop on the bench and watch it like that." She suggests.

I look at the space between the seat and where the canopy meets the floorspace. There's not really that much room...

I glance at Meia and find her unable to meet my eye. Whatever. I cue up the appropriate episode and sit down on the floor.

Meia gingerly steps over and sits on my lap.

Fuck it. Just enjoy it for now. She seems to be enjoying the contact, so whatever.

We settle down to watch the next few episodes of Vandread, the ones pertaining to the next few events.

It's a nice hour.

* * *

"Wh-what was that?!" Meia exclaims as I hit pause on my laptop. "We... we killed it by _making a star?_ "

"Yep."

"Which only works because of fifteen different coincidences, most of which probably won't occur?"

I sigh. "Yuuuuup."

"I mean, first they wipe out the people they're harvesting for skin on the same day as Paiway's birthday, then Rabat of all people picks you up, you all get locked up until it's almost too late-"

"And then, we all join forces and use the power of fusion to lance the dumb bone shaped ship to smithereens."

Meia looks out into the great void beyond. "We are so fucked."

* * *

I like to pretend I'm good at explaining things. This chapter was a big explanation that might not have worked.

John's ideology that I spent the chapter explaining is Determinism, the idea that everything can be determined given perfect information. Free will, the opposing argument, is that you make a decision, and it is yours, that you have influence over reality. Usually, this is the product of a soul of somesuch. Free will makes the most sense to humans, because we live in real time and have no undo actions. It's basically the argument of logic vs emotions: Logic seems correct, but feelings _feel_ right. Which is like the old joke about the brain. It's the most important organ, according to the brain.

I'd rather you didn't just accept that Determinism is true or false based on my words. Think it over, read more on the subject, and come to your own conclusion. That is the only path towards the truth, where I don't decide what you think, nor does anyone else. Apply this to all things in life. The truth is that which doesn't go away when you close your eyes, but we wear a lot of lenses that distort things.


	27. Chapter 27: I'll Be Waiting

This is probably going to be the last chapter for a while. We had to put my dog down, and... I'm not handling it that well.

I'll be back with the next chapter whenever it's done, but I don't have an ETA.

* * *

It's not fair.

"Meia doesn't have a replacement." BC shouts across the table. "She never trained anyone!"

It's just not fair.

"We need to prepare for the worst." Captain Magno remains calm as always. "For now, make sure everyone's on high alert."

Barnette crosses her arms. "I knew we shouldn't have let the men integrate with the crew." She grumbles. "If that idiot hadn't drawn her away-"

I smack my hands down on the table. "Mister Alien isn't an idiot!"

Barneete glares back at me, but I won't back down! I'm right!

"You two, calm down." BC says. "We need to figure out our next move."

"And I told you that Mister Alien wouldn't just leave us hanging!" I retort. Wow, I really shouldn't be yelling at BC, but she's being so unreasonable. "He wouldn't leave us if we were in danger."

"You put too much trust in someone with too much to hide." BC shakes her head sadly. "I understand that he has some convincing arguments, but he's not trustworthy. We've been out here for four months and he only just recently told us that he's got a lot of information."

"You wouldn't have believed him!" I protest.

"Dita, you trust him too much. If he told you that space had a breathable atmosphere, you'd go and check." Barnette says flippantly.

"N-no, I wouldn't. That's stupid."

Barnette turns back to the captain, ignoring me. "We've got a lot of the strategic notes Meia left behind. Jura's going over them right now. Once she figures those out, we should be alright."

"Noooope." Jura opens the door and fans herself with a small datapad. "Her notes are useless."

BC blinks. "If it's in code, I can decrypt-"

Jura interrupts the vice captain with a sigh. "That's not it. They're all in plaintext." She throws the tablet down on the table and I snag it as it passes. "Her plans stopped being plans once she figured out that the Vandread combo were far more effective than Dreads of Vanguards by themselves."

Sure enough, the paper in my hands has one of the old battle strategies on it with note for improvement here and there, but then there's a big red X through the middle with "Just use Vandread Jura" written on it instead of revising the formation properly. I click through a few more pages and they are all about the same.

Barnette snatches the datapad out of my hands and starts flipping through it. "She must have done some real work. She used to be diligent to a fault."

"Meia's still diligent." I mutter, but nobody seems to hear.

BC shakes her head. "Alright. Until we have a good plan, we're going to high alert. Gascogne?"

Miss Gasco moves the stick around in her mouth and gives a level gaze at BC.

BC seems to take this in stride. I wouldn't want that look aimed at me, but she seems cool with it. "Make sure the Reg is ready at all times. We don't know the next time the Harvesters are going to attack."

"Who even are the Harvesters? Hey, Dita." Barnette turns to me with malice written on her face. "Did your dumb boyfriend tell you who they are?"

"Hey." Gascogne warns in a low voice.

"N-no, he didn't." I begin, and I was gonna say more but she cuts me off.

"Exactly. He doesn't actually care about us Dita, get that through your thick skull."

"Barnette." Captain Magno says quietly.

"What?" Barnette snaps, before realizing just who she's snapped at. "Ah, er, I'm sorr-"

"Out." The captain commands.

Barnette grumbles, but sets down the small datapad and leaves the room. A silence descends over the room.

"Well, I guess I have to go oversee the Reg." Gascogne finally breaks the silence, "Everyone should probably get back to their positions, cool their heads."

"Yes, that's a prudent idea." BC says. Everyone else stands up to leave.

Well, Mister Alien, I failed to defend you again. Suddenly, my arms feel too heavy for my shoulders to bear and they slump forwards. Why don't they see that he's not a bad guy?

A pair of arms wrap around my torso and blond hair intrudes on my vision. Jura hums quietly in her throat.

Tears come to my eyes, but I quickly turn into her embrace and bury my face in her chest to hide my face.

"It's alright Dita." She says quietly. "I know he's not going to abandon us like that. You know it, and Zan knows it too."

"B-but, we drove him out!" I say, attempting to hold back my sobs. "I tried to stop them, but they-"

"Shh." Jura squeezes me tighter. "I know."

* * *

I tug at the frills of my Reg uniform. I just can't seem to get it right today.

Beside me, Del is sitting on the counter, looking bored while swinging her legs. "Zan, your outfit is already straight. Stop tugging on it, or you're gonna have to sew it back together."

I look at the Green haired girl. "You're right." I place my hands on the counter to remind myself not to tug. "I wonder what they're discussing in that meeting?"

"Well, I would suspect our two absentees." Del says. "And probably how we're gonna survive without them."

"Survive? Isn't that a little... I don't know, harsh?"

Del grins that condescending grin. "I had Jura tell me about the tapes, Zan. She says that without your crush's help, we'd be dead four or five times over by now. Without him, we don't have any super powered ships. Without Meia, we don't actually have any good battle plans. I'd say that we're pretty screwed."

I look over to the spot John usually spent his time when he was working in the Reg. Then a thought crosses my mind. "Hey, Del, weren't you on the team that was trying to drive him out?"

She holds her hands out in defense. "Hold up. I was just going with Meia to get the tape from John. It was Barnette and Paiway and them that wanted to drive him out. Like I said, if we drive him out, we lose a lot of our firepower."

"Oh." I look down at my feet, slightly ashamed.

"Well, I have an idea." Del says. I perk up, and her grin become more genuine for a second as she relaxes her face slightly. "See, I put this trans-"

The door to the Reg hisses open. Gascogne and Barnette walk in. Del shuts her mouth and slides off the table.

Gascogne looks at me. "Zan, I need you to take a quick inventory."

Barnette looks more irritated than usual. "Gasco, I keep telling you-"

"Gascogne." My boss corrects the pilot.

"Fine, Gascogne. Expecting those two to return on a whim-"

Gascogne turn on the girl and grimaces, her pleasant demeanor lost. "And I keep telling you, if you hadn't driven the boy off, Meia would still be here to guide us. Go back to your Dread and stop irritating me." She looks down at the info panel inlaid in her desk.

"Don't be like Dita, I get that she's a lovestruck dolt, but you're intelligent! You should be able to see the trouble he's caused!"

"Yet, we're currently at zero casualties, we still have a lot of ammunition, and for all intents and purposes we're a lot more likely to actually reach Mejare with everyone alive and healthy because he's here. The fact that he helped Meia out of her shell is good, not some disaster. Now go before I actually lose my temper." Gascogne sighs and stops paying attention to Barnette at all.

Barnette glares in my direction, but retreats from the Reg.

I walk up to Gascogne and thank her. She shakes her head. "I only said the truth. Now, go get the inventory sorted." She puts her elbow on the table and her head in her hand. "I don't know what we're going to be fighting next, but I'm already not looking forward to it."

* * *

That night, Del invited Zan and I to her room for a sleepover party. I haven't had a sleepover since before my dome shut down, so it's kind of exciting. Not exciting enough to completely cheer me up, but it does help.

Del's room is sparsely decorated, with only a poster of a band on the wall. I've never heard of the band, but Zan and Del have a long discussion about it. Seems it was popular back on Mejare.

Zan wraps me up in a hug from behind. "Dita, you want some of the pie?"

I look down at the table. Sure enough, pie. Apple pie. I must have been really stuck in my head. "Yes please."

"Okay, I'll cut you a slice."

Del sits down next to me on the floor, propping her back against the side of her bed. "I asked the cook to make this especially for us." She comments. "I heard you like apple pie, So I got one for you."

"Thanks." I say quietly.

Del snorts. "Come on, Dita, that's it? Usually, you'd be practically jumping for joy."

"I..."

Del flops over sideways so her head rests on my shoulder. "Good god, Dita. You keep saying you trust him to come back, but obviously, you don't believe that."

"I do!" I protest. "He'll come back."

"Then why are you worried?" She says languidly. "We can just wait for him to come back. You're acting like you think he's not coming back."

"But we drove him away." I say. My shoulder start to feel heavy again, and it's not because Del is leaning on me. "What if he doesn't want to come back? What if he hates us now?"

Del sit back up and grabs my shoulders. "Dita, get a hold of yourself."

Zan sits on the opposite side of me and sets a plate with a large slice of pie on Del's low table. "You can't beat yourself up over him. Even if he decides that he hates the entire ship, your the one person he wouldn't be able to hate. After all, you always stick up for him."

Del grabs her cup of tea off the table and stares into it. "Losing someone you love sucks, but sometimes you're gonna just have to push through."

Zan turns her head to look at Del. "What, did you have someone you liked?"

"Yeah." Del sighs slightly. "She was this really cute girl I met back before I became a pirate. She and I used to go around everywhere together. I fell in love with her, but it turns out she wasn't really all that into me. When I asked her out, she thought I was joking. When I insisted, she stopped talking to me."

"That's terrible." I gasp. "Are you okay?"

She smiles wanly. "Yeah, it was a while ago. Then I met Hannah, and..."

Zan moves one of her hands from my shoulder to one of Del's. "Well, at least you still have Hannah!"

"Mmhmm." Del mumbles, but I think I hear a small bit of regret in tone. "That's something for the future though, since were stuck out here in the middle of nowhere. The point is, life moves on." She says more firmly. "I get that right now it feels like the end of the world, but it will eventually get better."

"You're talking as if he's already gone for certain." Zan says quietly.

"He might be." Del shakes her head. "But I trust Meia to do her best to bring him back." She sets down her mug with a sharp bang. "Okay! No more moping. Tonight, we're going to talk about happy things, and we're going to have fun, and then in the morning everything will be better. I have snacks, I got a nice comedy, so let's leave this depressing stuff behind."

* * *

"You know, Earth's plan really sucks." I grumble to nobody in particular. The Vanguard is feeling really stuffy again, and I want to get a breath of fresh air.

Meia answers me anyway. "What do you mean?"

"Alright, so I told you about their plan, right?"

Meia hmms. "Well, I know that Earth is harvesting organs, or something?"

"Yep." I fiddle with my phone, playing one of the few mobile games I had that didn't require an internet connection. "So, the story goes that Earth stagnated and they couldn't produce viable offspring anymore, of something like that. So what do they do? Divide the population all over the galaxy."

"...Okay. So what?"

"Well, if they had saturated the gene pool to that degree, recessive genes might have started surfacing like the entire populations was all brothers and sisters."

"Yech."

"Yeah, well, that what uniformity breeds. What I don't get is why they sent everyone all over the galaxy." I say. Damn, this puzzle doesn't want to be solved. "It makes the relative gene pool for everyone even smaller since there's less potential mates. There's less of a chance that a now-rare dominant trait is actually on the same planet or even the same star system."

"Maybe they thought that by sending people to new planets, the gene pool would be more diverse? Evolving based on the environment?"

"That's just as likely to go horribly wrong as it is to work at all, let alone work out well." I say. "Besides, back on my Earth, we've know for hundreds of years that the idea of sending a small portion of your populous away is only going to cause problems genetically. We knew this before we understood what genes were."

"I don't know how different our world is from yours, but maybe we're not the same genetically?" Meia poses.

"That's a disturbing thought. I need to have Duelo look at some of my tissue under a microscope or something. How do you even look at genes, anyway? It's a bundle of DNA, right?"

"Yes, a bundle of DNA that makes up a chromosome." Meia affirms. I hear the scrape of a nail file through the mic.

"Anyway, let's say we are similar genetically. that means that the populations of places like that ocean planet only have each other to breed with meaning that any good spines that are generated by some miracle of circumstance can only be shared with a limited number of people, and the good organs are grabbed before they can proliferate."

"I see what you're saying." She says. "Maybe they clone the organs."

"You're familiar with transplant rejection?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Well, the cloned organs would only work in one out of hundred cases, best case scenario in my estimation. That means that to be viable, they'd have to be able to modify genes, which would mean sending people to far off planets is completely unnecessary! They could just change their genes back home!"

Meia sighs. "Maybe they just got a lot dumber over the years, John. Too much inbreeding or something."

"Then how would they construct large robot fleets and the whole harvester operation? How did they come up with FTL travel and AI and all these really advanced stuff?" I grumble. "I bet some politician proposed this and forced it through without consulting anyone knowledgeable on the subject."

"That's a scary thought." Meia says. "So, Earth is killing us for no reason?"

"Not really no reason, but not a good reason. I mean, if they... could..." I trail off as a thought strikes me.

"...John?"

"Oh my god. On Mejare, they splice two ovum together to make children. On Tarak, they do the same thing. This means they have to be able to splice genes. They have to know they could do it, or Mejare and Tarak wouldn't work at the concept stage."

"...That's concerning. I don't think I like the idea that we're all some imbecile's terrible plan."

"Speaking of, what the hell was the guy who decided separating the planets by gender thinking? So, now that the gene pool is severely limited, let's divide it further! And while we're at it, let's add the risk of discovering more recessive gene pairs by mixing two sets of Y-chromosomes together. I'm sure this can only end well."

"You lost me."

"Ah, guys have an X and a Y chromosome, while women have two X's. It's physically impossible for a guy to get another guy pregnant, so there's a zero percent chance of having two Y's. At least, unless there's a serious problem." I amend. "So, I think this entire thing doesn't really stand up to any sort of scrutiny."

"It does sound pretty bad." Meia says. I can hear her blow onto her fingernails. "So, what's the point?"

"Honestly?" I turn off my phone and close my eyes. "If I was back home, I'd say excuse plot to have a space drama over gender politics. Here? I have no idea what anyone was thinking."

"It's so weird that I can just accept that there's another universe where I'm just a drawing." Meia says. "I wonder if I could ever see your universe?"

I laugh. "Yeah, let's not find out."

Her voice becomes offended. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to go back." It's kind of a revelation all to itself to say it out loud, liberating almost. "Besides, I only know one way of universe hopping and I don't think it has a high success rate."

Meia puts on a arrogant tone. "Sure. And what is this method?"

"Well, to get myself here, I had to swallow enough sleeping pills to kill me." I say. "And I'd rather you didn't kill yourse-"

"You WHAT?!"

"Er... I swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills?"

"You killed yourself?" Meia sounds like she can hardly believe her ears. A moment later, I see her Dread swoop in close to my Vanguard, and suddenly the merging process starts.

I barely land on the seat before Meia twists me around by the shoulders and stares me in the eyes. "What possessed you to kill yourself?"

"I-It's alright, I died, but the Fixer dude I told you about grabbed me and sent me here. If he hadn't..." I purse my lips. "Actually, then none of this would have happened, and everything would be going according to DVD."

She winds her hand back and smacks me.

"Ow."

"Don't..." She's trembling slightly, the only reason I can tell is because she's gripping my shoulders. "Don't you ever dare try to kill yourself ever again."

"No duh. I'm not likely to survive a fourth time."

"A fourth time?" Her grip tightens to painful levels. "You tried to kill yourself three times?"

I look away, but neither her grip loosens nor does her sharp gaze ever leave my face. "I... I wasn't doing well at home." I finally admit. "I had just finished a semester at college where I barely slept the entire time, and I was so burned out from working on this and that and three extra credit projects that... well, I guess I just didn't feel like it could get any better. So I took a bottle of my sister's sleep meds and... ended up here."

Meia's grip slackens and she reaches out to pull me into a hug. "I will never forgive you if you try that again."

I try to laugh, but it's pretty strained. "Well, as stupid as it sounds, my life out here is better. I have a lot of downtime, I have people who care about me, and I have a cheat sheet." I tap the DVD case. "Here, I don't feel like I need to kill myself to keep up or escape."

"You had to have had people back home who cared." Meia insists.

I shrug. "My parents, and maybe my sister- we never got along- but I think I'm less of a burden on them now."

She slumps back in her seat. "You... You said you were fine with always being on the front line of the fight, even with the low odds of you surviving."

"Yeah, but that's different." I say. "Everyone's lives are important, so-"

"Yours is too." Meia insists. "So if I catch you doing anything stupid, I'm going to... lock you up without entertainment." It takes her a few moments to come up with a suitable punishment. "I'll torture you with boredom until your realize how much value your life has."

"I got it." I say, putting my hands up in surrender. "No suicide."

She leans back in again and pulls me into a tight hug, her forehead resting on my collarbone. She's been a lot more physically intimate since we've started this voyage away from the Nirvana.

"I... I want you to stay here." Meia says slowly, quietly.

"Hmm?" I don't quite understand what she means.

"I want you to stay here, in this universe, right here with me. Please don't go." She's started to shake again.

"I won't." I assure her.

"Dita won't forgive you either. Or Zan."

"Not planning on leaving."

She brings her head up and moves towards my face, planting her lips on mine in a kiss. It doesn't feel right, desperation clearly expressed through the intensity of the act.

I worried her. I worried her a lot.

I wish I could stop doing that.

I come back to reality to find that Meia had pulled me even closer, wrapping her legs around me, our bodies pressed together and was slowly moving up and down on me in a suggestive manner. I can't see her face anymore since she put her chin over my shoulder, As I try to figure out what to do, she lets out a soft moan.

No no no. I am not going to- I refuse to have sex with someone who's just been crying. She's not- Okay, maybe she does want sex, but I can't be 100% sure, and since I just told her all that stuff, I doubt she's thinking straight.

She rubs herself against me once again letting out a soft moan and I wonder exactly how I'm getting out of this one.

* * *

I realized that the primary antagonist of my story is probably Barnette at this point.

Which is a shame. I like guns, and Barnette's the one with the guns.

Also: for anyone worried, I'm a lot better now. The day I took the bottle of pills, I decided to write a chapter of a fanfic instead. This fanfic. Obviously, I survived that, or this fic would be one chapter long.

Man, this entire chapter, including the Author's notes are depressing. Go eat a cookie or something to cheer yourself up. That's what I'm going to do.


	28. Chapter 28: Divergent Paths

I'm back! I got a job. Jobs eat time like Zero Two eats honey covered meat.

I note that, once again, I've screwed up the timing. Parfet says in episode 11 of season that they're roughly halfway back due to seeing Mejare through a telescope. this means that this interaction happens somewhere in the February-March range, rather than the new year. This still works, putting this one final event in the large three month time gap. It just puts it at the opposite end of the time gap.

My solution: Fuck canon, I do what I want. Honestly, I don't want to go back and put three chapters in between what I already wrote, and just writing off two months after the Christmas chapter seems really stupid. So, I'm pretending that scene didn't happen, or that Parfet said "one-third of the way" rather than "half-way."

On another note, the only named fancy skin person is Seran, the woman who gives Hibiki the blue bandana he wears for the rest of the show. The guy she's with is just "leader", and nobody else is shown for long enough to get a name.

* * *

Alarms.

When the Captain first picked me up off of Mejare, there were sirens just like the ones on the Nirvana. Now, they startle me each time they go off.

I was sleeping when they went off and Jura came to get me.

"Dita, looks like we've stumbled across some other humans. Captain wants us up to greet them."

Oh! More aliens! Or... well, I guess they're not aliens. Mister Alien was pretty clear about that.

I quickly change into my flight uniform and follow after Jura and the other pilots who had been woken to greet the newcomers.

The Captain and vice Captain are there at the door to the hangar the others are arriving at. No rest for the Captain huh? I wonder if she's alright. She does look a bit frail recently.

I wonder if the aliens are nice? If they were with the Harvesters, we wouldn't be letting them on board, right?

The door opens and...

Wow! These people are so pretty! Their skin is really smooth and pale,

Their leader, and old guy whose name I don't catch greets the Captain, but I notice that there's this girl with brown hair and a blue bandana tying her hair up chatting with a guy with black hair and a smug grin on their side. They're very close too. I break formation and head over to talk to them.

The woman notices me and waves as I approach. "Hello!"

I wave back. "Hi! You're all good aliens, right?"

The man's smile freezes in place, but the girl laughs. "We're not aliens, we're humans."

"Oh. Well, ah, welcome to the Nirvana!" I recover admirably. "Right now we're short two pilots, but we should be back to full fighting force soon!"

"...Missing?" The man and woman exchange glances.

"Yes, we, uh, had an..." It occurs to me that maybe I shouldn't tell this to people we just met. "They got lost."

"Rrrrrright." The man squares himself up offers his hand. "Major Dolor Asinum, and this is my wife, Seran Asinum."

Seran smiles at me. "I didn't choose the last name."

"I'm Dita! I'm one of the pilots here."

"Good, we have something in common then." Dolor looks pleased with himself. "I'm the Ace of the Us-nore fleet."

"Oh! I bet you'd get along with Meia. She's our Ace, and she's a really good leader too."

Seran elbows Dolor. "Seems like your type."

Dolor's cheeks color. "Oh, shush."

"Well, if she was here I'd introduce her!" I say, then clap my hands over my lips.

"I take it she's one of these pilots you... lost?" Seran asks.

"...um..." I scramble to think of something. I wish I could be smarter, like Mister Alien. He never has these problems.

* * *

"John..." Meia practically moans.

Brain, please engage.

Meia's grip isn't too strong to break, but I can't bring my arms to move. I'm stuck in her embrace, attempting to figure out what the hell I should do next.

The logical part of my brain points out how stale the air is already, and that we both smell, and that this _really_ isn't the time.

My emotions tell me that I just had a depressing talk, and maybe some cheering up is in order.

The animal side tells me to have fun,

Generally, I figure my animal side is wrong. That's _literally_ dumb animal instinct. Of course, that's denying myself the holy grail of human society, SEX.

Do I really want to take advantage of Meia? would this even count as taking advantage of her, since she's the one initiating it? Wait-

"John? _John!"_

My sluggish thoughts catch up to the present to find Meia had he gaze focused back on my face and her own fixed in a serious expression, but the blush hadn't faded from her cheeks yet.

"Ah, ahhh." I say, before ungluing my tongue from the top of my mouth. "M-Meia, this i-isn't the time-"

She reluctantly lets go, her serious expression clouding over with worry. "Are you okay?"

I hear a tapping sound, and realize that my fingernails had grown too long, and my hands are shaking violently enough to click those overlong nails on the hard plastic of the interior of the spaceship. "...I don't know."

She wraps her arms around me once again, but without sexual intent. This hug is clearly meant to calm me down.

It doesn't stop me involuntarily flinching away, but it does help.

"You're okay." She says with an awkward voice. "It's, it's going to be fine. whatever it is."

"Y-yeah. I'm, ah, gonna..." I don't even know what I'm talking about any more, practically just a gibbering mess at this point. "I-"

And suddenly my vision blacks out, her arms leave my sides, and I return to the cockpit of my Vanguard. Real subtle, Paksis.

I can't help the sharp twang of self-loathing that spikes up in response to my actions, as my brain finally starts to engage.

* * *

Jura and Dolor are off chatting in the corner, Jura excitedly gesturing through a set of maneuvers with her the table behind her, Barnette is attempting to murder her food with sheer force of will, sending spiteful glances at Dolor between bites.

Seran had sat down with me, and she told me a lot of cool things!

She's a mechanic. Her planet, which is called Us-nore, is being harvested for their skin, which is why they all have such nice skin! She gave me the recipe for the shakes they're supposed to drink daily to improve their skin, but it doesn't seem that appetizing. Maybe if I add some chocolate-

"Dita, you seem to have had quite the interesting time of things." Seran sighs and sits back in her chair. "We've been fighting off the Harvesters for as long as I've been alive, and we've done less against them than you have in the past few months."

I beam at her. "It's all because of Mister Alien!" I had told her all about Mister Alien, aside from the fact that he comes from an alternate reality. I don't think she's like that one even if she believed it. "I wish he was still here."

Her face grows solemn and she places a hand on my shoulder. "It's alright, Dita. You'll be able to deal with their loss in time."

I blink at the pretty woman. "Um, they're not dead."

She continues to pat my shoulder sympathetically. I want to convince her she's wrong, but decide to change the subject. "When I was describing the fight, you said something about a flagship?"

Seran sits back and takes out a pen and paper, a luxury I hadn't seen in some time. She starts sketching a long tub with a triangular front. It looks almost like a leg bone with the way it flares at both ends. "This is it." She says, lightly penning some detail lines. "It holds hundred of the shell-like craft and is very maneuverable for its size. Very few people have encountered one and lived to tell about it, so we don't really know what it's capable of."

"Looks dangerous. It must be longer than two of our ship."

Seran's face returns to a joyous smile. I like her better that way. "Way more than twice the size Dita. It's huuuge. we've been fighting this one for years, but it's survived everything we've thrown at it."

"We haven't tried my cannons yet!" I declare, raising my fork in the air with conviction.

"Oh! What kind of cannons are they?"

"Cannons powered by the power of love!"

* * *

Just my luck.

Out of the wide view port, I can see the overlarge enemy spaceship, one of the flagships. It had arrived shortly after the... _incident._ Meia had quickly run the calculations and figured out that it was heading straight for the Nirvana's projected course, and she had decided to head back. We hadn't actually finished coming up with a plan, but...

This makes it very awkward inside the combined Vandread. It's certainly the fastest way back to the Nirvana, but so far the entire trip has been spent in tense silence.

I figure I'm probably supposed to apologize, but for what exactly? Not responding to her feeling correctly? For freaking out? That's what I did, I freaked out. Again. Hey, at least this time I didn't punch her but given the hurt look she gave me I might as well have.

This is what happens when I get close to people. I drive them away because i don't get humans. Why can't I just go and hide in my room and code up some AI in my spare time?

Ah, I'm avoid thinking about the problem again. I need to apologize.

Last time this happened, I accidentally drove _her_ off. It's what ended our relationship really, even if I didn't realize it until much later. I need to figure this out-

Wait. Waitwaitwait. My goal was... wasn't I trying not to get involved with anyone here? What the hell happened to that? Oh, so some girls decide they like you and you're all "Sure, why not?"

Something's obviously broken in my head.

"Looks like we may be too late." Meia's voice shatters my concentration. "There's already a fleet of ships surrounding the Nirvana."

All of my everyday worries are squashed to the side and my focus returns to the view out the window. There is indeed a fleet of ships surrounding the Nirvana, partially obscuring it.

"Pirates?" Meia asks.

I snort. "That would be funny, but I don't think so. Those ships look like the ones that got obliterated in the show."

"Yes." Meia concedes. "But those ships are kind of standard models. We even had a few on Mejare before they got scrapped for parts. They could be anyone who could be out here."

"The only people out here are us, the skin harvesting planet, and the harvesters. This is space. Space is _big_."

Meia grumbles. "No, Meia, I'm the expert despite only having arrived here three months ago. Your superior knowledge-"

I sigh. "Alright, fine. The Nirvana is a bad place filed with bad people and we need to save our saintly crew."

"Actually, we're going to hail them as if we're two people adrift in space. then, they don't know we're working together with the crew of the Nirvana if the surrounding ships are indeed hostile."

I shrug. "And we're fast enough to get away if worst comes to worst."

Meia reaches over to activate the communications array, but-

"Incoming!" I jam my foot at the pedal and dart the ship forward. Meia's arm is thrown away from the communicator and instead hits the weapons panel. The weapons aimed at us fire and my eyes are seared by the cannons that had just fired at us.

Two blasts of fire trail after the missiles we had inadvertently launched ourselves, accelerating ever faster towards the nearest ship.

"Aw, fuck."

"Agreed."

* * *

"Under attack?" I ask Del in bewilderment. "Did those new people turn on us?"

"Nah, it looks like it's someone else." Del smirks and pulls out a small remote-like device. "I have a suspicion-"

"Zan! Del!" Gascogne orders. "Make sure we've got as many ships ready to launch as possible, it sounds like the Harvesters are here."

Del's eye twitches and her smile disappears for the first time i recent memory. "Nooooooo, it's gotta be-"

But Gascogne is already turning to order the next group of girls.

Del turns back to me in exasperation. "I have this!" She jams the remote in my face. "It's a locator! I placed it on John's ship! _It's him out there!"_

"Oh." I blink a few times as my brain interprets this. "Oooooh."

"So, we have to figure out how to make sure he doesn't get blasted to shreds along with our dear leader."

"Um..." I wrack my brain. "We could get Dita..."

"No, stop, I can already see that ending poorly." Del shakes her head. "She'll go on a rampage trying to stop everyone else from hurting 'Mister Alien.' We'd have better luck making showing the tracker to the guy in charge of the other fleet."

"How do we do that?" I ask. "I don't know anyone from the other fleet, let alone their captain."

"The have a delegation on the Nirvana, so if we can find anyone here that we _don't_ know that has to be them. All we have to do is show them this tracker and we should be in the clear."

"Okay!" I clap my hands together. "Let's do this-"

"You two, get back to work!" Gascogne yells in our direction.

I wince, but Del takes the moment to thumb her nose at my boss and say "I'm a pilot, not a waitress!" and bolt out the door.

I hope she finds someone in time.

* * *

Seran looks around at the walls as I lead them to the hanger their ship is docked in. "Why is the layout of your ship so weird?" She asks.

"The Nirvana used to be two ships." I say to them. "When we got teleported out into the middle of nowhere, our ship and the one we were fighting merged together into one because of this weird crystal that's powering the ship. Mister Alien calls it the Pack-cyst or something."

"Right." Dolor looks behind us. "Are you sure we're heading the right way?"

"Of course!" I open the next door and gesture grandly. "See? There's your shuttle."

"Dita! Wait!"

I turn around to see Del panting and gesturing wildly with something in her hand. "Don't let them go yet!"

"Excuse me, but the enemy's here." Dolor says. "We have to defend ourselves."

"That's not... hah... the enemy. It's John!"

My ears perk up. "Mister Alien?"

"Yeah, whatever. He's on our side." She holds out the remote again. "This is... hah... the tracking device."

I grab it and watch as the numbers on the screen fluctuate a bit. Wow, they must be moving pretty fast, judging by this tracker. "Um, I think we should go and help Mister Alien!"

Del groans and holds her head in her hands. "Dita, we need them to stop fighting each other, before anyone gets hurt. The less ships out there the better."

I look back at the tracker. "But-"

Del snatchers the device away from me and shoves it into Dolor's hands. "Go show this to your boss, okay? We would like our pilots back."

* * *

Any time that there's combat, the Reg becomes a hive of activity. Chaos isn't a strong enough word, I don't think. It's a scramble to get as many fighters out of the hanger as fast as possible without under equipping any of them.

At this point, I've been assigned to watch over the launches. Jura is first in line and all ready to head out when suddenly the alarm stops. Everyone stops for a brief moment to see if the alarm is going to come back, but it seems to have been silenced on purpose. In the middle of everything, Gascogne is having a hurried conversation as all of us subordinates watching her for cues.

Jura keys her microphone and starts talking to me. "What's going on up there?"

"The alarms stopped, and everyone's wondering what happened." I report. I hope nothing happened to John. "Gascogne's talking to someone right now."

"Really? Just like that?" Jura ponders. "That doesn't sound like our alien friends. They keep coming at us suicidally."

"Maybe the other fleet drove them off?"

"The Us-nore? Hah, those guys couldn't drive off a puppy. They've been fleeing a direct fight for _years_ while leading one of the harvester's capital ships around on a wild goose chase. Besides, the harvesters have a massive battleship, there's no reason for them to be driven off." Jura writes off their involvement without any fanfare. "More likely, they got a lucky shot in on whatever unsuspecting trader or pirate flew into our airspace."

A can feel beads of sweat forming on my skin. "I hope John and Meia are alright."

"Hmm." Jura bites her lip. "You might be right, it _could_ be them. Hey, launch me so I can see what's up."

"Eh-"

Gascogne taps her foot on the floor to draw attention. "Alright ladies, pack it up. Looks like they drove off whatever it was."

Kasur, another of the Reg girls, asks Gascogne "Do they know if it was the harvesters?"

"Apparently, it wasn't a design they were familiar with. Probably some sort of low scale pirate." Gascogne waves her hand dismissively. "They didn't even have guns, as far as the U-snore group could see."

"U-snore?" Endoa asks beside me.

"I think it's supposed to be Us-Nore." Nur whispers back. "Gasco must not like these guys."

"Why not?" Endoa turns fully to face Nur.

"Oh, right, you don't speak Tarak." Nur holds up a finger like she's lecturing. "'Snore' means to breath heavily in your sleep, causing a lot of noise."

"Just like you two!" Gascogne claps a hand on both of their shoulders. "And you must be sleeping if you think you can get away with talking so loudly while I'm trying to address the entire room.."

"Uh..."

"I'm sorry?"

Gascogne smiles and lifts her hands off their shoulders and goes back to facing the center of the room. "Still, just because we drove that craft off, we can't let down our guard. They may accidentally lead the Harvesters to us, or they may have a larger fleet backing them up. That might have been a scout ship. This means we're gonna have longer shifts for the foreseeable future, so make sure you get your rest when you can." She glances back at my fellow Reg crew. "Now, you're all dismissed."

Nur and Endoa practically bolt for the stock room.

* * *

Del has been pacing back and forth in front of the captain's quarters for the past few minutes. Seran had asked her to sit down a few minutes ago, but Del seems to be angrier than usual and had ignored everyone else. Worse, her smile looks like it had completely disappeared.

After what seems like ages, the captain's door opens and both our captain and Seran's comes out. Captain Magno looks a bit resigned to see us, but the other captain is surprised.

"Seran? Dolor? What are you doing up here?"

Del butts in before either of those two can answer. "I need you to call off your pilots. That ship out there is one of our."

"Excuse me, young lady, but I don't think we've met." The captain says politely.

"Call. Them. Off." Del grits her teeth.

I place a hand on her shoulder and pull her back slightly. "Ah, sorry, but we're pretty sure that that's Meia and Mister Alien out there."

Captain Magno glances at me quizzically. "And how would you four know this? Captain Radburn says that he was unable to hail the ship."

"We have a tracking device." Del holds out the device contemptuously. "So I keep telling you, _CALL THE ATTACK OFF."_

"We already did." Captain Radburn says with a sigh. "But only because we fired at them until they ran away. Though, I thought you had two ships that had gone missing?"

Del deflates in on herself, and I take the opportunity to explain. "Ah, we have these space ships that can combine with each other to form one bigger and better one. All of them need this one pilot, John and there's three others that can combine with him, like mine."

Captain Magno fixes me with her gaze and it takes a lot of effort to continue standing up under that. "I thought everyone was instructed not to tell them..." She sighs and covers her face with one hand. "I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. Anyway, now that we know where those two are, we can send someone to get them back."

Seran looks at Dolor, who sighs. "I suppose I could go. After all, I was led to believe that these two are very important to your fighting force."

The captain looks at me with that look again. "It was an accident, I swear!"

* * *

"Well." I say.

"Not friendly." Meia comments.

"New plan?"

"Well, one one side we have our entire crew captured by a force that's superior enough to capture the captain without much of a fight. There would have been more debris if they had fought there."

I agree and continue the thought. "And on the other side, Harvester flagship."

She scratches her head furiously with both hands. "Why can't these choices ever be simple?"

"What are you saying? It's obvious which one we go after." I respond.

"Huh?"

"Those on the Nirvana can take care of themselves. The two of us have a giant boner ship to take on."

"...Why do I like you again?" Meia asks.

"I have no idea." I shrug. "I... for what it's worth, I'm sorry. For earlier."

"A-Ah, let's just... not talk about that." She flushes, but quickly returns to battle mode. "Your argument isn't exactly compelling, but I find that trusting our companions to take care of themselves is a better idea than leaving those poor... fancy skin people to their fate."

"The two of us versus an entire flagship fleet." I smile slightly.

"Why don't we ever pick a fight with better odds?" Meia complains as she starts pressing some controls.

"Because then it'd be way too easy." I reply.

"By the way," Meia ask in a conversational tone. "How are you planning on _finding_ the Harvester fleet?"

"Uh..."

* * *

So, my job eats up a lot of time. That should come as a surprise to none.

What is also eating up a lot of my time is writing my own book. I've been doing that off and on for years, and I finally got a good story, characters and setting all at the same time, so it's actually fun to write, unlike all of the other attempts I've put into an original story. So yeah.

On the plus side, from now on I should probably be updating more often than... once a month? jeez.


	29. Chapter 29: Duck Duck Swerve

Space is endlessly vast. Earth is so small it's naught but a speck-

"Yes, you've said that already, get new material." Meia snarks from behind me.

I hadn't realized I had been thinking out loud. "But, they're right there." I point out the window to the massive fleet of enemy ships. "And how did we find them?"

Meia sighs. I guess after repeating the same conversation three times the fourth is starting to wear on her. "We flew away from the Nirvana, and happened to stumble on them."

"What are the chances of that?"

"Well, with you around..." Meia pretends to do some calculations in her head before returning to glaring at me. "One in two."

"Alright, fine." I take a deep breath of muggy, sweat-smelling air. God, I want out of this cockpit. "So, now that we've miraculously found them-"

"One. In. Two."

"MIRACULOUSLY FOUND THEM," I continue heedlessly. "It's time to put our plan into action."

"My plan." Meia says. "Your plan is suicidal."

"Your plan assumes that we can just ram anything. I don't want to smash right into the side of that flagship only to discover that it's stronger than our shield cone... thing." I point out.

"Yes, which is so much worse than voluntarily launching all of my remaining arms at ourselves, leaving me with ramming as my only option anyway."

To summarize, my plan is to disguise as many missiles as we have behind our signature and swerve at the last minute to make the missiles smash into the laser of the ship, hopefully disabling it. Meia wants to ram a hole into the side of the flagship, get inside, and start blowing it up from the inside.

I shake my head. "We need to decide quickly, before that patrol comes back around."

"Alright." Meia puts on her cold, calculating expression that's been showing up pretty sparsely recently. well, up until she caught up with me. "Who has more experience with space combat?"

"Do video games-"

"No."

"You do." I acknowledge.

"Who knows more about the enemy?"

"...Me?" I ask. "I mean, I've seen more than you have."

"Yes, but you don't pay attention to the details. We had entire meetings you didn't attend where we discussed how these robots behave and how they are constructed."

"I missed those because someone didn't tell me they were happening."

She ignores that comment. "Who knows the capabilities of my ship better?"

"You, but-"

"Three to zero, we go with my plan." Meia says with finality.

"Two to one, and I can think of more categories."

She raises an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yeah." I fumble around for a second. "Er, I'm older, and thus have more life experience. I have future knowledge on my side. My plan doesn't rely on the structural integrity of a bunch of energy suspended in front of us. There, 4-2."

"It's plasma." Meia corrects me. "I think."

"What happened to you know your ship better?"

"I know my Dread, not the VanDread. Common sense doesn't even apply to this thing. And two of those points don't even make sense. Age doesn't directly translate into planning skills, and we've punched through literally everything else we've tried to ram. 3-1"

"So..." I drum my fingers on the controls console in front of me. "Rock Paper Scissors?"

"Janken." Meia replies.

"Same thing."

"Different words."

I threw rock, she threw paper. I'll spare everyone the debate over why paper beats rock and accept ramming a spaceship like a man.

"J***** S********, died ramming a spaceship like a nonce." I complain. "In his will, the only thing he said was 'Nothing to crazy pilots' excluding every person close to him."

I can feel Meia tense up behind me. "...J-John?"

"Hah? Hey, you know, you were the one who told me I wasn't allowed to kill myself., so why are we doing this again?"

"No, wait a second. First, we're not going to die. THe Paksis will pull something out of it's imaginary ass if it has too, but we'll be fine. Second, what did you say?"

"I'm not giving my stuff to crazy pilots." I repeat.

"No, not that part. You said J... J something. It's a word I don't recognize."

I do a mental recall. Wait, did I say my real name? "Oh, that's just a nonsense word. Like oobleck."

"Oobleck?"

"Oobleck."

"You know what? I don't care anymore. Can we get on with the plan now?"

"I don't have control of the throttle." I remind her.

* * *

"I want to go!" Zan practically yells at Gascogne, whose eyes are narrow in the "you're being stupid" look.

I'm in my Dread, Seran and her boyfriend(?) have already gone back to their ship to prepare. Jura's getting ready, and I think Del is going to be coming along...

It looks like Zan wants to go too, but she's not a pilot, so how would that work?

"Zan, you're not a pilot." Gascogne says without the slightest shred of sympathy. "You can't fly a Dread. You'll just get yourself and our other pilots killed."

Zan holds her ground. "I want to go find John and Meia. I need to go find them. I can't stand waiting here, hoping they'll come back! And, I can fly a Dread!"

Jura steps in. "Zan, you're not proficient in piloting yet, you can't go flying off into what will probably a delicate situation. All we know right now is that Meia and John attacked us for some reason. If we show up and they start attacking again, are you confident that you can disable their ship without killing them, or even get away without causing injury on either side?"

Gascogne eyes Jura. "You've been teaching my crew to pilot?"

"No, just Zan. She expressed the desire to fight alongside, what was it, 'Everyone she loves?'"

Zan dips her head to hide her massive blush, though I still notice it.

I step forward and close enough that Gascogne and Jura notice me before speaking. "U-Um, I think we should let her come along. Zan's always helping us, and I don't think she'll do a bad job."

Jura shakes her head. "Dita, we're talking about people's lives here. We can't jeopardize or pilots or other crew just because she wants to go."

"But-"

"No buts." Gascogne clears her throat and moves her chew stick thing in her mouth. "Jura, you take DIta and Del and leave now. I'll keep Zan here until you're all clear."

"No!"

Jura turns back to me. "Dita, get ready to head out."

"Yes, Jura." I try to keep the sadness off my face, but it looks like Jura noticed.

"Hey, Zan will get her turn." Jura grimaces. "If what those... Us-Nore say is correct, we're up against something that's practically invincible. We might end up using all our reserves-"

"Don't say that!" I cry. "John will think of something, I know it!"

Jura smiles at me gently. "Yes, he will, won't he? Let's hope we can get him back quickly."

* * *

"You know, this thing took VanDread DIta's lance to the face, supercharged with... a fusion reaction, probably, and was still kicking around afterwards."

Three of the shell shaped ships fly towards us. I activate the cone shield and Meia pilots into the nearest one, blowing a hole right through it.

Currently, we're flying close enough to the flagship that I feel like I could reach out and touch it without difficulty. I mean, I'd have to leave the safety of the cockpit, which would be insane, but still, we're pretty close. It's actually working out well for us, because the robots are getting a bit smarter and not firing at each other, giving them a very narrow firing plane to try to hit us without targeting their own systems.

"Well," Meia responds. "if you have a spare gas giant about to turn into a star, now would be a good time to tell me about it."

"No, that entire scene was bullshit." I adjust the cone and Meia pierces another ship, sending it into the flagship and exploding. The flagship looks none the worse for it though.

"I agree, but it would be nice to have a giant fusion reactor on our side." Meia suddenly pulls away from the flagship, and I quickly realize why. one of the docks for the shell ships had just opened up to allow a new one through. to be able to slip through there, we're going to have to take it at a greater angle that "almost parallel."

I continue to fiddle with the cone for dear life, and Meia pilots us at the steadily closing gap between the new shell ship and the Flagship's exit port.

If this was any other ship, or even any other Dread combination, we'd be screwed.

Meia guns the throttle and we stab into the flagship, smashing up the shell ship and it's docking mechanism, creating a hole that won't close easily.

Meia smacks my shoulder with an expression that says "See? I told you it would work."

"Yeah, yeah. we made it without dying." I say, then I point out the windshield. "Let's see how long we can continue not dying."

Arrayed before is are the many enemies of Earth's fleets, as well as three new designs. Ones that look remarkably similar to to the VanDreads...

* * *

I can't fly huh? I'll get in the way?

I'm not going to accept that.

Last time I was out flying, Jura said I was almost mission ready. So, that means I can at least go out there and help. Hey, Meia and John aren't going to attack friendly pilots for real, so Jura's point doesn't even stand"

As I come to fork in the hall, I suddenly lose my direction. Wait, which way was the hangar?

I've been to the hangar a thousand times. How... how come I can't remember?

Whatever, it's probably to the left.

Down this hall.

Wait, this is wrong, but still I turn corner after corner. Not quite sure why.

I don't even realize how much of a daze I'm in until Parfet taps me on the shoulder and my surrounds come back to me.

"Hey, Zan? What are you doing in engineering?"

I have to blink what feels like a film out of my eyes. I'm in engineering, and all of the engineers are staring at me.

"Ah... ahhh, I must have taken a wrong turn." I plaster a smile on my face. "I was heading to..."

As I spoke, I happened to glance at the big pane of glass dominating the center of the room and the large entity behind it. The Paksis.

The Paksis that teleported us all halfway across the galaxy. It gave Meia, Dita, John and Jura some sort of special bond.

It's not fair, they're all pilots, have a big role in a show about them, and-

-And nothing is stopping me from joining them, is it?

* * *

The robot version of VanDread DIta crashes into the side of the interior of the Flagship. It splits apart into a thousand tiny explosions as its component robots fail to break away and save themselves in time.

"And stay down!"

I shout at the microphone, partially out of relief, and partly in frustration.

"John, above!"

Heeding Meia's warning, I move the ramming cone upwards as far as it goes, just shy of vertical. The oncoming robot spikes itself and detonates, sending us "down."

As a famous man- boy- once said, "Why are you upside down, soldier?"

Space has no cardinal directions. The only reason planets have directions is gravity, which defines down and up.

So, by down, I mean down in relation to our spaceship. This is relevant because compared with the flagship, we're upside-down.

There's something odd about the robot's programming that makes them fight as if they're stuck on a 2D plane, without the third axis that really defines space. That orientation is apparently tied to whatever object is controlling the fleet, at least for most of the drones.

Meia flipped around, and the VanDread Meia clone that up to then had been matching us move-for-move had started to lose ground. There's a definite lag between our moves and the corresponding move from the enemy. I can only conclude that the programmer saw that every other fleet in this dumb universe uses 2D maneuvers (with an occasional break from form to do something fancy, only to return to some given plane of battle) and said "Screw 3D, we can do much simpler and faster calculations if we use 2D!"

In other words, lazy programming has saved our asses, at least for the moment. It destroyed the Dita clone, so it's done at least that much.

Ironically, it's not helping us that much with the common drones. A target is a target, whether that target is upside down is irrelevant if you're firing at it. The simple drones aren't trying to follow us, but since the fancy VanDread clones are, it's still worth being upside down.

It's also screwing with Meia's head, for some reason. As such, she's suddenly relying on me to tell her where to go.

"Head over there!" I point to where a hole is opening up to allow a new shell-ship out of the hull. Why they're still launching ships outside despite us being inside the hull is anyone's guess.

Meia points the nose of the craft in that direction, but asks from behind me "We're leaving? But we're not done?"

"Yeah, we're going to try some new tricks." I set my teeth. "We're gonna take out the enemy VanDread Meia now."

"...Why does it have my name?" Meia mutters to herself.

We dash through the closing gap and suddenly, we're free enough to actually move around.

Which gives me a great view of the massive army of robots pointed at us. Still a 2D ring, but they're all pointed at us.

"I think that maybe, just maybe, that was a trap."

"No, really?" Meia snarks.

Clone Dread Meia swoops out form the same hole and vectors in on us.

Meia jams the pedal down and we launch forward fast enough to pull my face taut.

Once we're about halfway to the ring of enemies, they suddenly open fire. Meia immediately puts the ship into a twist and dodges out of the way of the convergence point. It bleeds off a little speed and puts us just outside of a collision course with the ring.

I glance back and notice that the Clone Dread Meia has stopped following our every move and has flipped back to match the orientation of all of the other enemies, but is still on our tail.

But, it means it's no longer copying us completely.

"Meia, turn us around without slowing down!" I say, just as we pass by the ring of enemies.

"But then we can't accelerate!"

"Oh, yes we can." I throw a self assured grin over my shoulder.

She throws her hands up in the air before complying.

Now, we face the Clone Dread Meia... upside down, but it's coming straight at us. In fact, it's gaining. Natural, because we've stopped accelerating away from it. Which means-

"Hey Meia, ever played chicken?"

"What?"

"Hit the gas."

"Why are we-"

I reach back and press her foot to the floor. The acceleration hits us hard once again, and suddenly the enemy ship is coming at us a lot faster.

"John, quick, raise the cone!" She hits my shoulder with her free hand. "John, cone! Hurry!"

I wait until the enemy ship is almost on top of us before quickly raising the shield cone. Meia jerks the controls away at the last second and-

Crunch

Meia and I get thrown around as the VanDread tumbles from the impact. I got thrown from my seat completely, but Meia had managed to remain in her seat and quickly sets about steadying it. One of the interior panels comes lose, cutting my shoulder on the way by. Personally, I'm just glad it missed my neck.

The enemy Dread had raised its own cone, but it hadn't survived the impact, being made of lots of smaller parts. Our ship held up fine, due to being a lot less pieces. Once again, relative simplicity saves the day.

Meia finally gets the view to stop spinning, centering the view out into space. I stand up and try to peer at the flagship behind us. It's sitting there...

"Wait, why aren't they shooting at us?" I ask.

Meia turns the VanDread to point back at the enemy.

"Ah. VanDread Jura." Meia says. "The others copied the relevant abilities as well, so it makes sense."

The entire ship is covered in a big shield. All of the enemy ships are inside that, from the flagship down to the smallest drone.

"I'm kind of surprised at how large the shield is, but Jura managed to cover a gas giant." Meia continues. "So covering this amount of space should be well within reason.

"...How are we going to take it out now?"

* * *

Four ships. Three Dreads, and one of whatever those other guys call their ships. It looks like the letter "A" with three thrusters on the back and a bulbous cockpit at the top of the ship.

Jura leads the way, then me, Dolor, and finally Del.

We're coming, Mister Alien, Meia. Hold on until then.

Del's voice comes in over the radio. "Sending you their coordinates now. Looks like they've been in roughly the same area for a while, but dodging around randomly."

"Probably heading into a firefight then." Jura concludes. "Alright, fire up your engines, and let's go retrieve our pilots."

I push the throttle to full, and I can feel the Dread thrumming underneath me. I wish Meia was here to get me there faster- Of course, if she WAS here, there wouldn't be any need to go get her and Mister Alien.

Del hails me using a different channel than the group one. I switch over.

"Hey, Dita."

"Yeah?"

"What do you think we're gonna find out there?"

"I don't know. I hope Mister Alien and Meia are alright though."

"Me too." Del says. "As long as they keep moving around, we're still good. At least, as long as they keep changing direction."

"Hmm?"

"It means they're still active and can change direction. Which means their ships still have power."

"Oh, right. Then that's good." I let go of the controls, letting myself relax slightly. I've been tense ever since Mister Alien and Meia took off, and now... well, there's nothing I can do about it, so I should just relax.

"Hey Dita, if you had to choose between John or Meia, who would you pick?" Del asks nonchalantly.

"Huh?"

"You know, if you had to pick. John said something once about how where he comes from, you're only allowed to marry one person. So, if you had to choose, who would it be?"

"T-that-" In an effort to both say "That's ridiculous!" and "Why would you ask that?" my words get stuck in my throat.

The comms stay open, though Del doesn't say anything as I attempt to de-scramble my thoughts.

"Why would I have to pick? I love them both!" I say. I can feel the blood rushing to my face as I say it, but it's the truth. "Meia's like a big sister I never had, and Mister Alien- well, I can't keep my eyes off of him, and I'm always thinking of him, and-"

"So you'd pick John." Del says ponderously. "At least, romantically."

"W-wait, don't- I love both of them!" I say, with more force. "I'm not going to pick, I'm going to live with both of them!"

"I wonder if they feel the same?" Del muses out loud. "And how about Zan? I know she's crushing hard on John, but would she be happy living with you two as well as him?"

"I... I don't know." I admit. "But I'll ask her when I we get back. I'm sure... I'm sure... I'm-"

Del continues heedless of my inability to answer. "And how about John himself? He hasn't rejected any of you, but he's also not really been grade A date material. Almost like he doesn't actually care for you thr-"

"STOP!" I cry.

Del stops.

"He's not that kind of guy! He wouldn't! He obviously cares for us, and he's going to marry all three of us when we get back to Mejare. We're going to defeat the bad aliens and live the rest of our days together!"

"Mejare isn't going to accept him. Or us, since we're pirates."

"Then we'll go and find somewhere else, but we're going to stick together!"

"That's just how you see things. What if they see something different?"

My eyes are getting blurry. "Why are you being so mean?"

Del audibly pauses. "Er... I'm sorry, Dita. I..." She sighs heavily. "I guess I'm jealous."

"But, you have a girlfriend!"

"No, I didn't actually tell anyone, but I broke up with Hannah. Well, she broke up with me. Didn't like the whole 'Pirate' thing."

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know."

"Obviously, I just told you." Del signs. "Ah, but honestly, I realize that was just a fling. We didn't really care for each other the way you care for Meia and John. Sorry for taking it out on you."

"That's okay. Hey, maybe I can help you hook up with someone else!" I clap my hands together. "Do you have your eye on anyone in the ship?"

Del snorts. "That's a rather limited pool."

"Yes, but until we get back to Mejare, we're the only humans out here." Wait, that's wrong. "Well, unless you like pale skin."

Del actually laughs. "Yeah, no thanks. Those guys are practically see through. Dolor said that they get paired at birth anyway, so it'd be fruitless to go after them."

"That would make finding someone a lot easier." I say.

"But you'd also never have a chance with 'Mister Alien.'" Del says, without the malice of earlier.

"No, I like how we do it now." I say.

Del mmhmms. "Anyway, to answer your earlier question... I actually do have my eye on someone on the ship. Too bad they won't look at me."

"But you're so pretty!"

"Thanks, but apparently that doesn't- Aw, FUCK."

"Wh-what?"

Del switches back to the main channel and I switch follow suit.

"What's our ETA?" Del asks with rising panic in her voice.

Jura responds, a touch of confusion clouding her voice. "About two hours."

Dolor speaks up. "What's the matter?"

"My beacon just went dark. It's no longer transmitting!"

"Which means..." I say out loud.

"If we don't get there soon..." Jura continues the thought.

"We may be a touch too late to find them." Dolor finishes.

* * *

So, space battles are hard to write.

Did I say more than monthly? I lied. These are hard to write nowadays, and this was always supposed to be a little pet project that blew itself waaaaaaay out of my original intention. I'm still working on it, but it's a lot slower going.

So... see you next month?


	30. Chapter 30: Adrift

Hi y'all.

Go watch Steins;gate 0. It's fuckin' AWESOME.

* * *

A sea of blue.

Cool, but comforting. Somehow both the perfect temperature and too hot, too cold.

Movement is impossible, but why would I want to move? All my aches and worried fall away.

Closing my eyes does nothing. The sea of blue permeates everything.

I don't remember why I'm here.

How I got here.

The blue expanse comforts me.

It asks me questions.

* * *

"Oh god..." Dita says in Tarak.

Apparently, she's been hanging around "Mister Alien" long enough to pick up some of his exclamations.

I, for one, have to concur with Dita's assessment.

Stretching out in front of us is a colossal ship. It feels like it can block off a whole section of the galaxy all by itself, despite how illogical that is.

"Jura," Dolor asks me calmly. "We seem to have reached the coordinates that your subordinate's beacon stopped working."

"This what you've been fighting?" I ask, trying to drag my eyes away from the monstrous flagship. "No wonder you've been having trouble."

"Where are they?" Del asks frantically. "I don't see their ship anywhere. Or two ships. Or even parts!"

"Calm down, Del." I order. "We need to search for them carefully. Let's not draw the attention of the massive ship."

"Right!" Dita says. "I'll be careful."

"...We should keep comm chatter to a minimum them." Dolor says. "If I may make a suggestion, we should meet back up in an hour in this sector of space. In the meantime, we keep silent to avoid detection."

"Good idea." I say. "Meet back up here in an hour. Be careful, and don't get yourself blown up. I'd never hear the end of it."

* * *

"What are you seeking?"

"The one I love."

* * *

Mister Alien sure is hard to find.

It looks like he had a really awesome space battle here. There's lots of junk floating around, lots of it recognizable as broken robots. The bad aliens must have found them at some point.

But, I can't seem to find anything that belongs to Mister Alien or Meia. No Dread parts or Vanguard parts. It means one of two things. Either they got blown to bits too small for me to see, or they got out of this area successfully. Or, maybe I just haven't found any chunks yet. Even just circling this big ship takes a good ten minutes if I'm flying slowly to be undetected.

They should be alright. They're both survivors. They'll get through this.

I rub my sleeve across my eyes to get rid of the tears that make my vision all screwy. I've got to find them. They're all right, they've got to be.

Something darts closer to me, and I barely catch it out of the corner of my eye. I quickly shut down my engine and hold my breath.

A small patrol drone drifts past, inspecting various bits of debris floating around. It doesn't scan me, thankfully, but it came awfully close. I could have reached out and smacked it if I was combined with Mister Alien.

I wait for it to pass by, and then wait another minute to make sure it's really gone. I slowly thrust out of there, looking over my shoulder constantly.

"Dita."

I jump in my seat. Up and too my right is Del's ship, painted the same color as her eyes and hair. It's one of the easier ships to spot, so I guess these bad aliens don't use cameras or we'd already be caught.

"H-hi Del. Jura said not to use comms-"

"I turned the power of my radio down. Only receivers within a few hundred feet will be able to get it."

"Oh."

"You should do the same."

"Right." I lean over and start fiddling with the settings on the radio until I find the power setting, which I set as low as it can go without the signal completely being lost. "What's going on?"

"Have you found anything?" Del asks, not quite hiding the hope in her voice.

"...No, sorry." I hang my head.

"Oh. Well, keep looking. We need to keep looking." Del seems to be talking more to herself than me.

"Don't worry, Meia and Mister Alien are gonna be fine."

I wonder if I sound as reassuring as I hope I am.

* * *

"What do you need to seek this 'love'?"

"I need to control my ship. I need to be a pilot."

* * *

It's refreshing, seeing thee Mejare Ladies looking out for their own.

Back on Melanos- Ah, we're pretending it's Us-Nore for now- people haven't looked out for their fellow man for quite some time. Most of my people act as if the only important person to them is the person their set to be with at birth.

I got lucky with Seran. She's funny, happy and outgoing. She's not one of the people that narrows their own personal universe to the one person set in front of them. The rest of the crew of my home ship is pretty outgoing as well, some of the few that are willing to go out to save the others. It's why we were out there preparing to defend the colonies with our lives.

Still, Seran's tendency to have her heart bleed for anyone who needs help, and she knows just how to turn up her eyes to get me to do what she wants. That is why I'm out here, more so than my captain's orders.

I still think it's ridiculous that we decided to change what name our planet is. I don't know how that would help us against the hordes of robots. Though, I did recognize that these women are most likely pirates, due to their lack of martial discipline. They also tried to hide some facts from us, but due to Dita's excitability we were able to learn much of what they initially wished kept hidden.

Still, we're already at war with Earth. No reason to piss off a bunch of pirates who ostensibly are willing to help us with that goal.

Hell, given the pirate's ability to fight as told through Dita's stories, they might be just what we need to end this war. Somehow, despite being warped quite far away from their home systems, they've managed to hold together, even thrive.

Seran apparently asked specifically and they said they've yet to lose a single pilot out here. Either they have the luck of the devil, or god himself is intervening on their behalf.

Another piece of wreckage floats by. I examine it briefly, but I have no idea what we're actually looking for. I assume it looks either like my fellow pilot's ships or maybe like that ship that was fighting us back at our home ship.

Suddenly, the debris changes course.

I blink and rub my eyes, but I start seeing more small bits seeming to bounce away from the ship. Each time they do, a small flash of light highlights some sort of point of impact.

I should go report this. There's only about ten minutes left before we're supposed to meet up anyway.

Another bit of debris bounces off the invisible wall, and-

A gold and white head turns to track me. The head is attached to a roughly man-shaped frame, which is clinging onto a white Dread.

And one of them is pointing weapons my way.

* * *

"You seek control."

"Yes."

* * *

With one hand, I point my sword at the new ship. With the other, I grip Meia's Dread.

Just my luck, someone had shown up when it was her turn to sleep. we've been using this method to take turns without accidentally drifting apart for the past... how many days has it been? I can't even remember.

I'm starting to get twitchy from the lack of sleep too. I'm glad I'm not holding a projectile weapon of some kind, because I'm not sure I would have been stable enough not to pull the trigger.

Thinking back, I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea to attack the Flagship. I have no idea why Meia agreed. She's probably tired out of my mind just like me.

Oh, yeah, there's someone right there.

A man's voice hits my ears for the first time in a while. "Excuse me, but could the two ships in front of me identify themselves?"

"You first." I grumble at the microphone. "Are you with Earth?"

"Hardly. I'm currently helping some... new acquaintances find their lost pilots. One Meia and one John."

God, it's getting hard to think. "Well, you found us." I point the sword at the bulbous cockpit. "What are you going to do about it?"

There's a brief silence on the radio. "Jura told us to meet up with her in seven minutes. She, Dita, and Del are all out here looking for you. If you'd like, you can follow me to the rendezvous point."

I grunt. "That would be swell, but I can't exactly maneuver right now. Thrusters got damaged, along with some other systems. Not quite sure what." Oh, this guy might be an enemy-

No, he's not.

Shut up, me.

Only once you come back to your senses, idiot.

"Hello?" The man's voice now sounds genuinely concerned.

"Ah, yes." I rub my face. "I'm awake."

"... I'm going to go get some help."

* * *

"Then, control is what you will get."

White light floods the blue, and my skin starts crawling from my body.

* * *

Mister Alien! Meia! Dolor found them!

I could barely stop myself from jetting over as fast as I could. Del is also chomping at the bit.

Dolor also said that there was some sort of invisible wall near them, but he had no idea what it was.

As I flew around what he told us he observed, I noticed that some of the debris is bouncing off of what looks like VanDread Jura's shield mode, but invisible. Well, invisible until something hits it, and then it starts glowing faintly. Without Mister Alien, Jura can't make a shield like that though, so I'm a bit confused. The confusion doesn't hold my attention for long though.

After all, Mister Alien is alive! Meia is alive!

Once Dolor and Jura manage to drag the two craft out towards our meeting zone far away from the flagship, they open comms-

...I don't know what I was expecting, but they look really tired and beat up. Mister Aliens's clothes are hugging his form like our pilot uniforms, and he has some hair growing out of his chin for some reason. He also seems to be having a hard time staying awake. Meia's hair is a mess and she has bags under her eyes.

"Meia?" Jura asks.

"Yes." Meia's voice is hoarse, but she puts a small smile on her face. "Thanks for finding us."

"Thank Del. She's the one that put the tracking device on John."

"Oh, that'zzz wh're that came fr'mm." Mister Alien slurs. "S'meone telll 'er that i'll... do s'mthin' if she tries thaaa 'gain."

He's talking in Tarak. He doesn't usually... "Um, Jura? I don't think Mister Alien's alright."

"Alright." Jura claps her hands together. "Meia, can you give Dolor a rundown of the situation? I'm going to link up with John and see what's up."

Del slowly starts her craft spinning to look around. "We should have brought that weird doctor with us."

Meia dutifully starts reporting to Dolor, and I switch to a different frequency. There's no immediate danger. Meia's alright, Mister Alien's probably alright. the bad aliens aren't attacking us, yet.

...What now?

* * *

"Phew. You stink!" As our two spaceships combine, John practically flops into the shared space bring with him the musk of someone cramped into a tiny space for five days. Though, I suppose it could be worse.

The Vanguards the Paksis didn't touch don't have bathroom facilities of any kind. Still, I would have been gratefully if he had been able to take at least a shower.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a warning pop up on the central globe. "Low oxygen." The air scrubbers kick into overdrive bringing the overbearing stench down a bit.

John's eyes start to focus and he starts looking around. "Jura."

I sigh. "Well, you're awake, so can we all go home now?"

He slaps himself across the face, creating a nice meaty smack. "Okay, I'm awake."

"Are you okay?" I slide over and star stretching his eyelids open. Not sure why, but Paiway always does this so I figure it can't hurt.

"Eh, I'm fine." He looks out of the cockpit window. "How did you escape?"

"Escape from who?" Well, he's stable for now... probably. I should check out how his Vanguard is doing.

"Those... that fleet of white ships."

"Oh, the Us-Nore? Those guys are on our side."

John gives me a look. "But... they were boarding you. Us. You." He shakes his head violently. "Sorry, I can't think right now."

"We invited them. The Harvesters are after them as well."

"...Oh. Well." His shoulders slump. "Man, I need some sleep."

The report comes back from his Vanguard. "...I don't even recognize half of this. Dita?"

A second or so goes by and Dita comes back online. "Is Mister Alien alright?"

"He's... a bit spacey. I think it might have been oxygen deprivation, but I can't exactly tell what's wrong with his Vanguard."

"Why not?"

"Well..." I select a few things and forward the report to Dita's ship.

"...Oh." Dita pours over the documents for a few seconds before crying out. "His air scrubber is broken! No wonder he was falling asleep, he wasn't actually getting any oxygen. And that's not all, two of his thrusters are out-"

John leans over to look at the report himself, but his eyes glaze over before long. "We only took one hit, it shouldn't be that damaged."

Dita's voice relaxes quite obviously once she hear's John's voice. "Mister Alien, it almost looks like you tried to ram something with this much damage to the ship. I'm surprised it held together as much as it did."

John looks like he's about to say something, but shuts up and scratches his throat.

"Don't tell me you actually tried to ram something." I glare at the smelly man sitting in my cockpit.

"To be fair," He holds up one finger. "It was trying to ram us first."

* * *

I can feel it.

The ship, humming right under my feet.

"What.. happened to her?"

Electricity flows through the ship like lifeblood.

It sings a fast chorus. I... I could probably mute the chorus.

I could mute it with my voice.

So, I sing.

And the world goes dark.

* * *

I suppose it would be too much to ask to get a break.

As soon as I finish giving my report to this Dolor guy, nothing less than the Nirvana pops out into existence.

For a moment, the lights flicker, then die.

Moments behind them, The fleet of white ship comes cascading into view.

It's always an interesting sight, watching ships come out of lightspeed. The ships pop into existence and then appear to stretch backwards and the light catches up.

Of course, the spectacle is ruined somewhat by the Harvester fleet reacting to the new presences. The tube starts rotating towards us, the front end with the canon already starting to glow as it swings around.

I've seen that cannon fire and wipe out the entire fleet behind me with that cannot, even if it was a poor 3D rendition.

We have to stop it. I quash the small panicking part of my brain and open comms to the Nirvana. "This is Meia, all ships scatter! It's going to fire a giant laser!"

Every ship splits off of the center of the line of fire, moving up and around aside from one ship-

The Nirvana sits right where it arrived, some of the lights still flickering. It must be having some more growing pains, but what a time to have them. Though, there wasn't anything like that in the show...

Which John has repeatedly and at length told me to throw out the window, since everything is different now.

I should strangle the boy for how irritating he has been this last week. If I could I'd throw him in a cell, but he already sleeps in one anyway.

But first, we need to clear that superweapon. "Nirvana, move!"

Bart's panicked voice comes through the comms. "I can't! I'm not in control! The ship is moving on it's own!"

One of the Reg crew's voice comes over the radio. "We have a Dread launching! Someone stop it, it doesn't have any weapons and has barely any fuel!"

"Scramble all fighters, we're making our stand." Dolors says. Fifty voices respond in affirmatives. Great, we're on the same frequency. This is going to get very confusing.

The white ships starts leaking fighters out of every opening in their hulls, looking almost like missiles while they tilt to head straight for the Flagship.

The Flagship stops rotating, corrects a bit, and aims for the Nirvana.

"It's out! It's out!, Who's piloting that?" Comes Gascogne's voice. A Dread leaves the hanger and accelerates towards the enemy ship.

"All forces, open fire!" A barrage of lasers lights up the space around us, glaring off of every reflective surface. Lasers hit the shield provided by the VanDread Jura clone. The lone Dread continues straight towards the laser.

The Nirvana is still in the path of the weapon.

A dozen plans flow through my mind faster than I can reach out to grab them, and all of them slip away due to the one limiting factor that crushes all plans: Time.

There's no time left.

The laser head brightens noticeably even against the barrage. The shield drops, and the lasers from the Melanos group find their way to the hull of the Flagship.

They hardly seem to have any effect.

The lone Dread gets to about halfway between The Nirvana and the harvest Flagship, and then-

* * *

I wonder, with all these harmonies around me, if interrupting it it is as easy as screaming into the void?

* * *

The lights go out.

The lasers stop firing.

The Flagship's main weapon starts to fade away.

Ships start drifting away, no longer under their own power.

There is no sound, aside from my own breathing.

The air system is quiet, which is honestly a lot more disturbing than everything else, because I need that to breath, and if it's this quiet it means it's broken, just like Mister Alien's.

I'm on a collision course with the Nirvana, which has also gone dark.

For ten terrifying seconds, there is no sound.

No light.

The gravity unit failed, so I'm drifting.

Comms are dead, there's nobody else.

For ten seconds, I'm all there is in the world.

A blue light washes over me, and the the ten seconds are over.

The Nirvana comes back online. A shining beacon to rescue me from oblivion. Gravity kicks back in and drops me into my seat.

Then my air filter come back, and Meia's voice comes over the radio. "-you read? I repeat, Nirvana, do you read?"

"What was that?" Magno's voice comes over the speakers. The Captain's okay!

BC's voice also comes over the speakers. "Looks like we've been hit with an EMP, but then our ship shouldn't have recovered-"

"Mayday, mayday!" An unknown voice comes over the radio. "All of our ships have lost power!"

It must be one of the Us-Nore. Meia responds before I can even get my radio. "Roger, Our ship seems to be fine. Get everyone with a working radio to go grab people and get them all oxygen tanks."

Captain seems to have caught Meia's plan, because she immediately picks up where she left off. "We'll accept your crew onto our ship for the time being. Engineering has said that we have plenty of additional O2 capacity."

"Thank you, Ma'am." The voice says, and one of the white ships opens up to reveal a man with a heavy mask attached to his face. Several other quickly follow suit, and they all start exchanging hand signs.

My ship still works... I should figure out what I can do to help! Maybe I can help get people to oxygenated environments!

"Nirvana, this is Jura. We have a problem."

"Can it wait?" BC's voice is strained.

"Well, I've never seen someone start bleeding to death and losing large chunks of skin before, but I'd say John only has another few minutes to live at this rate."

* * *

Ow.

I can feel my lungs.

I shouldn't be able to feel my lungs. That's not something you normally feel. Kind of like how you can always see your nose, but your brain ignores it. Brains ignore extra and unnecessary information.

My lungs hurt like someone made me breath sand. Lots and lots of sand, enough to choke me to death.

I open my eyes, but immediately something else is wrong. Only my left eye sees anything. My right eye sees only black.

I'm back in the Nirvana's medical bay. As my senses continue to come back to me, I start picking up sounds. Sounds that gather into a steadily growing roar.

I eventually get some motor control back, and I turn my head to the side to find that the entire med bay is completely full. Not only that, but it's completely full of people I don't recognize. Say what you will about how bad I am at names, but I remember faces fine. I don't recognize any of these people.

Well, until Duelo walks into view.

"John, you survived." He states.

"Don't gush on me now." I grunt, and realize I can't really sit up. "What happened?"

"EMP." Duelo informs. "We're... not quite sure what happened. We we're hoping you could tell us."

"Huh? How would I kn-" Oh... the DVD. "A-ah, I don't..." There's a lot of people around. "I don't think I should talk here."

"Understood. I'll inform the others that you're awake." He grabs my arm, which I now notice has been heavily bandaged. "But first, you've got to take a shower. We've been getting complaints."

I sniff at myself and suddenly, whole-heartedly agree.

* * *

Someone once said that Modesty was the first casualty of war.

Wait, no, that was innocence.

Well, anyway, It only slightly catches me off guard that once we head over to the showers adjoining the medical ward, We're not exactly alone.

Much like the classic anime bathhouse, this facility has rows of showerheads and people at roughly every other fixture. Many of them are accompanied by someone else who is giving them a hand with soaping up.

I do notice that it seems to be opposite gender pairs, but Duelo sits me down and starts undoing the bandages before I can really get a good look around.

"Holy fuck." I breath, once I see the state of my arms. It looks like someone took an ice cream scoop to my arms. As I continue to un-mummy myself with Duelo's help, I find that the rest of me isn't that much better. Holes everywhere, exposing bone at some points.

Strangely, it doesn't hurt that much.

"What the hell happened?" I demand.

"Like I said, an EMP-" Duelo starts,

"Don't give me that bullshit." i say, pointing to my wounds. "EMP's don't hurt humans! Something else must have happened, or else you wouldn't have this many people to treat!"

"Look around." Duelo says, still calm despite my outburst. "You're the only one with these symptoms. Everyone else here is either here because of oxygen deprivation or because the sudden power loss cause an accident. You're the only one it physically hurt directly."

I do look around, and realize that a nice looking girl about my age is sitting at the faucet two seats over. I quickly look away. "Alright, then why did an EMP, a device that only affects electronics, take chunks out of my skin?"

Duelo holds up a bottle of tan dust. "If you recall, you had at one point been fused with some nanorobots. The missing mass of you body is because there were quite a few of the robots integrated with your body. Roughly fifty percent of you was robot, and is now so much metal dust floating around inside of you."

...Holy shit. "Er, thanks, Duelo. I'm sorry for yelling. I..."

"You're still hopped up on adrenaline, and there's that attitude problem you've been working on."

I nod. "Yeah, let's go with that. So, am I going to live?"

"You would have been triaged if not." Duelo says, the barest hint of a smile on his face.

Wait, that was a joke. Duelo told a joke.

"Mister Alien!"

A bar of soap falls to the floor next to me, and... Sigh... "Hi, Dita. Fine weather we're having today."

A soft, and alarming naked body wraps itself around my shoulders gently, obviously wary of the gouges cut out of my body.

"I-" Dita starts sniffing, like her nose is clogging. "I thought you were- I wasn't sure I'd ever get to talk to you again!"

Her breasts are pressing in on me. It's hard to get past that, but i force my brain forward. "It'll take more than that to kill me."

Duelo starts ticking items off on his fingers. "Internal bleeding caused by ruptured organs: Heart, both lungs, pancreas, one kidney, gallbladder-"

I laugh awkwardly. "Okay, so, it takes about that much to kill me, and it takes master doctor Duelo to save me."

He coughs. "I have other patients to attend to. Dita, would you please assist John?"

"Sure!"

I can hear warning bells in my head, but when I try to protest, some water washes right into one of the scoops that cuts right into the bone and suddenly the pain is too great to think for a moment.

Dita edges into the edge of my vision, and it takes all my willpower to not look away... or look down a bit. "John. are you alright?"

"Just... in a lot of pain..." I glance away, losing the willpower to maintain eye contact. "Why are there so many couples in here?"

"Well, on Melanos, a boy and a girl are assigned to each other at birth." Dita says, picking up my arm gingerly and then grabbing a washcloth. "They do almost everything together, including taking care of each other's skin. They get their skin harvested, if you didn't know." She adds helpfully.

"Ah, these guys." I hiss inadvertently when some soap from the washcloth ends up inside another wound. I seriously look and feel like swiss cheese right now. "So, why are you here?"

"...I thought I could help?"

"You wanted to see what a naked guy looks like."

Dita hangs her head a bit, just enough that I can see the crown of her head in my peripheral vision. "Maybe."

"Has it been all you ever hoped for?" I ask gritting my teeth as she continues carefully scrubbing around my... Uh, I'm missing two fingers on my left hand. That's... how am I going to type?

"Well, boys just seem to have a sack and and a tube hanging from their crotch instead of a hole." She says. "It's not so special now, for some reason."

"Hah."

I start testing the body parts not currently being washed by Dita. My legs still move when I tell them to, but they're both significantly weaker. Walking is going to be hard. My right arm can barely move, and it's quite possibly the air flowing through the room that's moving it rather than my nerves. My saliva is tinged tan-pink, and I keep spitting large quantities down the drain. My lungs still feel heavy, which is worrying. I know that having a lot of foreign stuff in there is practically a death sentence right there.

"Hey, Dita."

She leans over and makes eye contact- Ahg, your boobs are pressing into me- "Yes?"

"Duelo said an EMP went off, but-"

"It did! It was super scary! All the electronics cut out, but the stuff the Paksis modified all came back, so the Nirvana's fine and so are all of our Dreads. And your Vanguard, but that needs repairs so it's out of commission for a while."

"And the reason everyone else is here on the Nirvana is...?"

"Their ships all lost power completely, so the Nirvana is the only thing generating oxygen right now. All the mechanics from the Nirvana and the Melanos fleet are hard at work restoring their capital ship to working order."

"What about the harvesters?"

"All completely gone!" Dita says.

I smile slightly. "That's great." I close my eyes, and I find I'm really tired. It's been a long week. For now, there's no immediate threat, the pain isn't completely unbearable, Dita's doing a surprisingly good job of gently cleaning my back...

Slowly, everything starts fading away...

* * *

Slightly longer chapter. I would say that it's to compensated for the delay, but it's just because that's how long the chapter ended up being.


	31. Chapter 31: Sound of Silence

So I watched Infinity War. It's a great movie.

In other news, this chapter is actually out in a decent amount of time. I don't know how exactly, since I haven't really changed my habits any. I guess I've just been on a writing kick recently. Good for all of you, I guess.

* * *

Showers.

Something I take for granted, but after getting back to the Nirvana after going after John, it feels so nice to clean off the layer of oil that built up on my skin, not to mention getting rid of the stench.

I think I might understand why Jura always has some perfume on her at all times now.

Alas, all good things must come to an end. I barely managed to get away from organizing this giant mess to take this shower, and I probably should get back to it as soon as I can. I turn off the water, towel myself off, and pull on a clean jumpsuit. No sooner did I do this than the door to my room suddenly bursts open.

Del stands there in the doorway.

"You're..." Del collapses to the floor, resting her head on the doorjamb "You're okay."

I nod. "I'm fine. Especially now that I've finished my shower."

Del visibly pulls herself together, and her trademark smile returns to her face. "Okay. Okay! I'm going to head down to the hanger to help direct operations there."

"I'll be down in a minute." I say.

Del stands up, throws a mock salute, and practically skips her way down the hall.

Odd.

I sit on the edge of my bed and run a quick call to Duelo. He tells me that John has woken up, is apparently not actively dying anymore, and Dita is currently assisting him showering. I had to laugh at that last bit, as I'm sure that he's completely uncomfortable with that situation.

Still, maybe I should go down there to make sure nothing... inappropriate is happening.

No, it's too out of the way. As much fun as it would be to get a little revenge for dragging me around in a tiny spacecraft for a few days, I have real work to do.

First up, a meeting.

Yay.

* * *

As any meeting, it went twice as long as it needed to, and barely provided any new information.

The Harvester robots are all completely dead in the water. The Melanos fleet has one ship operational, and they're still cannibalizing the parts to try to get more ships up and running. Just like in the anime version, Earth has sent three more of the Flagships after Mejare and Tarak, though I'm the only one who actually knows about the anime part.

There's quite a few suggestion to just wait for John to wake up, but those are mostly just ignored.

What's worrying is the cause of the EMP.

Nobody seems to be quite sure what happened, but-

"Meia?"

Jura comes out of a door and I turn to acknowledge her.

"I was looking for you." She beckons me inside the storage area. "Do you know where Del is?"

I shake my head. "No, but she said she was going to help in the hangars. Why?"

"She's supposed to be helping me figure out this mess." She waves dismissively at the pile of boxes strew haphazardly around the room. "Duelo and Paiway need more supplies. There was a lot of cuts and bruises caused by an entire fleet losing gravity at once."

"I'm free for the moment, so I could help." I say.

"That would be a great help... Here, take this box, and this one, aaaand this one." She stacks three medium sized boxes on my raised arms. "Take these to medical." She grins slyly. "While you're there, say hi to Barnette for me. Oh, and John. He was looking pretty bad when that EMP hit, so check up on him for me, okay?"

I smile slightly. "Who died and made you leader?"

"Nobody. The old leader deserted, and I got a promotion." Jura pokes me in the ribs. "Don't worry, you'll still be in charge once everything goes back to normal. I'm not cut out to be a leader."

I recall something I hadn't heard her say in real life, but she had said on the DVD of our show. "Well, we should change that." I say firmly. Jura looks up at me in surprise. "There's always a chance something happens to me again. We need to be prepared."

Jura grins. "I'm glad you're back, Meia."

"Same."

With that, I turn and head down to the medical wing, boxes in tow.

I barely get into the medical wing when the boxes are practically snatched from my grasp by several medical assistants from the Melanos fleet and Paiway.

The youngest crew member of the Nirvana looks haggard. She's probably working hard for the first time in her young life. Still, she comes up to me and throws a small salute before going back to work. I give her some silent praise and promise to myself to give her some reward for her hard work.

I could get Dita to make her something for her birthday.

"What are you smiling to yourself for?"

John, leaning heavily on Dita, comes out of the large adjoined bathroom. I can't help but notice that Dita also looks freshly showered.

I give John a look. "I thought sixteen was too young?"

He looks away and coughs. "I'm glad you're okay." He says politely attempting to change the conversation.

"Sixteen is too young for what?" Dita asks, looking between us.

"You're the one that looks like he was put through a meat grinder." I point out.

"Feel like it too. Who knew that being half robot could be a bad thing?"

Dita helps him sit down on the bed assigned to him and she come in to whisper in my ear. "He has a tube attached to his crotch, just like he said."

I give her a look. "Why are you telling me this?"

She shrugs. "I got a look when I was washing him off. I figured you'd want to know."

I open my mouth to tell her off, but instead I just drop it. This girl. Instead I head up to John. "The harvesters redirected three Flagships toward Mejare and Tarak."

He nods. "Got it."

"I guess this means we successfully completed the mission?"

He grins and slowly lowers himself to the bed. "And we didn't need to make a star to do it either."

"What are you two talking about?" Dita looks between the both of us. "No, seriously. What's going on?"

* * *

It occurred to me after a while that something was wrong.

Something was missing. Someone was missing.

I asked Duelo. I asked the Captain when she came to ask me some questions about how things went in the DVD. I asked Meia and Dita.

None of them would tell me what happened to the missing party, Zan.

I don't think she's dead. Dita's not really good enough at controlling her emotions to be able to hide the death of her close friend, so I can at least rule out the worst. Still, everyone clams up as soon as I mention her name, even Paiway. That means there's something that everyone was informed not to tell me.

That doesn't stop people talking when they think I'm not listening, though.

It appears that there's actually a second, more "luxurious" cell in the female part of the Nirvana. I overheard two of the security personnel muttering about how they hated having to do guard duty in the middle of the night when they passed by the room, along with something to do with Zan.

I had hauled myself to my feet, and slowly chased after the guards by slumping from wall to wall to keep myself largely upright. They continue to talk under their breath all the way to the other set of cells, the words lost to distance but still allowing me to limp after them.

Eventually, I find myself outside a door. It's a plain one I had probably passed a few hundred times before, but the two guards had both gone into there.

I should probably find a way to sneak in, preferably before someone else comes along and asks me what the hell I'm doing out of bed.

Hell, I should be asking myself that. Everything still hurts, even if it's a little less than earlier.

Still... curiosity gets the better of me. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it also gave us a lot of info about Mars, and that's worth a cat or two.

Okay. So, how do I get in there? If this was splinter cell, I'd have that small periscope to peer under the door. Or thermal visors. Those are nice. Seeing as I'm lacking in both departments, I'll have to do something else.

Opening the door myself is probably a bad idea.

I don't know any way to fake an emergency, and that would be a terrible idea with so many people not part of the crew on the ship.

I'm not in any shape to go hand to hand with anyone, let alone the buffer women on the Nirvana.

As I ponder my options, the door opens of its own accord. The two guards come out into the hallway, still talking to each other.

"-creepy as hell."

"I agree. Let's just grab something to eat."

The two of them turn down the hallway, heading away from me. Thank whatever gods they did, and I'm kind of hard to miss even in the darkened hallway.

Hey, waiting patiently is a valid tactic in splinter cell as well, so I'll take my opportunity. I slip into the room and the door shuts behind me.

The lights are off, making the room pitch black.

I slowly move forward, left hand extended and three remaining fingers splayed to find furniture before I collide with it.

It doesn't take long before I smack my toe into something heavy and start whining in pain.

Before I can fully recover, I hear something else moving around in the room.

I stand as still as I can, suddenly aware of just how vulnerable I am.

Then, out of thin air, two bright, glowing cyan eyes open and focus on me.

* * *

"He can't transform anymore?"

Duelo shakes his head. "All of the nanorobots in his body were completely destroyed. Those robot where what turned him into things, if you recall."

Hmm. On one hand, it will be nice not to receive a report every half an hour about his latest attempt at pretending to be someone. On the other, it was definitely an asset that we might actually have use for in the near future. Those Melanos people are hiding something, I'm sure of it. Having someone who could just slip right in and take someone's place would be a great boon right about now.

"I don't think he even used that damn power to do anything but annoy me." I grumble.

"That does appear to be the case." Duelo fishes around in his lab coat's pocket for a second. "Which is why I'd like to discuss this with you."

It's a test tube. A test tube filled with sand. "Sand?"

Duelo shakes his head. "I kept some of the nanorobots in a Faraday cage with the rest of the sensitive equipment, and they made it through the EMP."

"Oh." I look down at the tube. "Are you sure those are safe?"

"No, I am not. But I decided that I should inform you of their existence now that it might help your lover."

"My love-" I can feel my face heating up. "He is not-"

"Either way, you're practically third in command of this ship right after BC and the Captain, and those two are currently busy dealing with our guests." Duelo gently passes me the capped test tube. "I leave it up to you to decide what to do with them."

"...Do I just smash the tube over his head? Dump it down his throat? Sprinkle some in his hair?"

"Just uncorking it should do the trick. They're already part of his system, so there shouldn't be any problems." Duelo assures me. "If you're going to give that back to him, I would suggest doing it sooner rather than later. They will have to populate again, and if we still want to be in Melanos space when he's able to transform again, you'll need to give them to him tonight."

"Alright. As loathe as I am to get even more reports of him abusing his transformation abilities, an infiltrator would be really useful right about now."

"Right this way." Duelo leads me towards the bed area of the medical ward, still crowded with people recovering from fractures and oxygen deprivation. He leads me right up to a bed which is clearly empty. After a brief moment of contemplation, he turns to me.

"Let me guess, he left without telling anyone?"

"He certainly didn't tell me." Duelo narrows his eyes. "He should NOT be up and about in his condition."

"I am going to throw him in a cell and throw away the key!" I tuck the bottle of nanobots into my jumpsuit pocket and head for the door.

"He already sleeps in a cell."

I sigh. "I know. Let's just go get him."

"He could be anywhere. He might have left the ship again."

I shake my head. "No, if there's anything I've learned about him in the past few months, it's that if there's something out of the ordinary going on, John will be there."

Duelo nods safely. "Just like the main characters of many a cartoon."

I open the door and Duelo follows me out. "You have cartoons on Tarak?"

"Most people don't have access to them." Duelo says. "I am a genius, and was given special privileges because of this. On Tarak, I was practically a celebrity." He delivers his words without a shred of emotion, as if he was just stating a fact, and not one particularly attached to him.

"Huh. I was led to believe you guys lived without any entertainment whatsoever."

"A lack of mental stimulation causes several detrimental effects, such as cabin fever." Duelo says with a hint of amusement. "Tarak is efficient, brutal on slackers, but we understand that you can't push your troops too hard or they'll break. On the other hand, Mejare looks like it's a constant party with how lax your discipline is. It may be because my primary observations have all been of this pirate crew though."

"No, it's like this everywhere on Mejare. If anything, we're a bit better organized. Mejare is in constant upheavals as one person makes it to power, changes some policies, and then gets taken down by the next politician who undoes everything. The jail system is a mess. As far as I know, the only reason Tarak hasn't been successful in taking over is that we have quite a few independent groups like ours that attack anything lifting off of Tarak."

"I see." Duello rubs his chin thoughtfully.

As we round a corner, I spot two women chatting to each other, each holding a bunch of snacks in their arms. "Kymnal? Ursis? Aren't you supposed to be guarding Zan?"

Kymnal starts and has the decency to look guilty, while Ursis just rolls her eyes. "We're hungry. We'll be back to guarding in no time. Besides, she's barely been aware of her surroundings, so I don't think she'll escape."

"That's not what we're worried about." I say. "We're worried someone else might get in."

"Oh." Kymnal starts edging down the passage. "So we should probably hurry back, right?"

I glare in her direction.

"Yeah, we might want to double time it too." Stage whispers Ursis.

The two start power walking down the hall, and I reluctantly follow, Duelo a few strides behind.

* * *

"I can't hear you singing."

The two floating blue orbs blink off then back on, two perfect spheres in the dark.

"Earlier, I heard you singing."

"Zan?" I ask quietly.

"Mmm?" The two blue orbs come right up next to my face. "What is it, John?"

"...What happened to you?"

She claps her hands together. "I learned to sing! I thought I could sing before, but now it has meaning!"

Her face is so close to mine that I can see more than just her eyes now, and I can confirm that it is indeed Zan. There are circuit board patterns glowing the same blue tracing all over the left side of her face, and these lines are the same shade of blue as her irises but not as bright. Her hair looks like it grew another foot in length in the short time I was away.

"All music has a meaning, even if it's only the meaning you assign it." I reply cautiously.

"Yes, but now I can hear it all!"

"...All of what?"

"Hey, just close your mouth and listen! You're the only other person who could possibly hear it, I'm sure of it!"

Silence descends, and aside from my slight tinnitus there's absolutely no sounds. Even my breath is loud in this silence.

"Do you hear it?"

"N... Maybe?"

"It's so beautiful right? The melody of the Nirvana? I just want to join in on the chorus and sing to it all day."

"Really? Hey, why don't you sing to it so I can... make sure I'm listening to the right tune?"

Zan takes a step back and starts humming to herself for a second before her voice bursts forth like a dam bursting.

It wasn't pretty. It wasn't a light melody, or that "song of the stars" crap. It's fast paced, seemingly random jumble of noise no human should be able to make with their throat.

In short, it's the sound of a dial up connection initializing.

I heard the dial up tone lots of times in media, but this was only the second time I had heard something like it in real life. Having it come from Zan's throat makes it a hundred times weirder, but I put the oddity of the situation to the side in favor of trying to figure out what's going on. After all, I'm currently inside an anime. Nothing tops that on the weird scale for me.

Dial up tones are a byproduct of listening to signals being sent to other locations. In the same way that some files can be opened up in the word program but they look like bizarre corruption has affected the file, a dial up tone is the just the electronic signals being interpreted by the wrong interpreter. It does contain all the login and connection information... I think. Because phone lines are designed to play any any electronic signals they receive, they used to not be able to refuse to play the screech of binary signals as it was transmitted.

So, if Zan is creating these kinds of noises, it's probably some sort of data transmission.

By the way, it's not exactly pleasant to listen to, but for the moment she's stopped staring at me, so I'll take it where I can get it.

What this implies is that she can hear something similar, and I had asked her to sing along with the Nirvana...

Can she hear data flowing through the ship? It would explain the "pattern" of her song.

I softly cough and Zan lets her voice fade away. "Ah, I was just wondering what that song you just sang meant." I ask, and the two blue spots move back to be inches from my face.

"Oh, all sorts of things! The chord playing right now is the security team's chatter, Layered over that is maintenance requesting access, and... oh it shifts too fast for words." In the dark, I suddenly see a row of teeth appear from the blackness. "You should sing with me! All sorts of things happen when I sing now, changing the words to suit my will!"

More screeching comes out of her throat somehow, and-

BRIGHT!

The lights come on in response to a particular wobbling sequence, and after a brief repeat with a small twist in tone the lights turn back off, and suddenly my eyes need to be completely readjusted.

What I saw in that brief moment though...

Zan's body isn't whole anymore. It looks like someone ripped all her bones out, wrapped them individually in flesh, and put them back together. The most easily noticeable example of that is her arms and ribs. Her forearms have a hole through the center where that the two bone separate. Her ribs reach around her organs like a sharp set of claws. Her organs are given the same treatment as the bones, individually wrapped in a bag of skin. The entire length of her body is covered in the blue traces of a circuit in the same way as her face. Oddly, her face is still all in piece aside from the aforementioned modification.

She's completely naked too, but there's nothing appealing about... that.

"W-What happened to-?" I bite my tongue, but not nearly fast enough.

"I decided to take my fate into my own hands!" She declares. "You, and Dita, and Meia and Jura, you all became something more, something better. Something us normal people couldn't touch! But I figured out what it was." She leans in really close. "The Paksis. In the show, it transformed everything outside the ship at the time. That means you guys all got lucky and were outside the ship when the bomb blew."

"I wouldn't call it lucky-"

"So, I figure out how to become one of the elites like you! To get on your level, as protagonists of this universe!"

I'm starting to get a sinking feeling, and I might be getting a bit sick.

"All I had to do was throw myself into the Paksis. It offered me... well, it changed me! Now I can hear the chorus, and if I want to-" She reaches a hand out and grabs my chin, forcing my eyes to meet hers. "-I can mute it."

A few chirps come from her throat, not through her mouth, but literally a mechanical section of her throat (explaining how she could generate the noises at least) and the door suddenly starts whining as it opens much to fast for it's mechanical parts. It starts making some grinding noises.

Zan releases my chin and grabs my arm, dragging me bodily out of the door. Her throat still occasionally chirping.

"Ah, Zan, where are we going?" I ask, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. It's not helping that out here I can see her mutilated form in all its glory.

"I heard it. They're making plans to take you away from me. I'm not going to let that happen. Never again." She looks back at me, the glow visible in here eyes even in the brightness of the hallway. "From now on, I'm never letting you out of my sight."

* * *

/Blatant self promotion below

I'm writing my own book, because I can. It's on fictionpress, called "The Necromancer of Galahad City." FF eats links for breakfast, so just copy the stuff below and delete the space and add the dot if you're interested.

fictionpress com/s/3323941/1/The-Necromancer-of-Galahad-City


	32. Chapter 32: Come Undone

Hello internet.

It's been an entire year since I started this fic. Since then, my mental state has improved greatly. As the original goal of the fic was to let me burn off steam and get my head in order, I'd say it's worked.

A year ago, I made the decision to stay here. I can now say that I'm glad I did.

I'm grateful to all of you who continue to read my self indulgent drivel. You've all made the time invested in this story worth it.

As an aside, guns should only ever be pointed at things you want to destroy with a chunk of metal at high speeds. Never point one at a human/animal you don't want to kill, an object you don't want to destroy. John probably needs to be reminded of this.

* * *

"RED ALERT! RED ALERT!"

My eyes are drawn to the far wall, once a bright bluish white that showed just how clean a spaceship is kept.

Currently, it's decorated in enough blood to cover the panel from floor to ceiling.

The source of the blood is one of the two guards that had been tasked with keeping Zan locked up: Judging by Meia's horrified yells and the other guard's screams, her name is Kymnal.

WAS, Kymnal.

Zan clearly got stronger with her upgrade, and faster too. Not sure why that resulted in turning herself into dissection dummy, but hey. Kymnal attempted to square up with Zan and lost pretty gruesomely. Her skull is bleeding quite profusely, which probably means she'll bleed out soon if she hasn't already.

Zan let me go once the party of four had approached her and I'm currently pinned in a corner that she's defending. It's actually a nice tactic on her part: I'm practically a hostage, with Meia and the others afraid to fire weapons due to the fact that they might hit me.

"ALL PERSONNEL, AVOID SECTORS E-G, I REPEAT, AVOID SECTORS E-G!"

God, that siren is loud.

Meia is saying something over her radio, probably reporting the situation. The good doctor Duelo is intently observing Zan. The surviving guard is finally getting her bearings back, raises her laser rifle and pulls the trigger.

The laser punctures on of the skin-wrapped lungs, bursting apart in a spray of yet more blood. The hallway is starting to look like it was intended to be covered in a coat of maroon.

And, I figure out why each organ is wrapped the way it is. The damaged lung sloughs off, and a new organ replaces the old. A new lung grows back in a matter of seconds.

"I said," Zan growls."Stop interfering!" She takes a slight breath and her throat starts emitting a stream of electronic noise.

The lights go out. The laser rifle fires a few more times, and then there's a sickening crunch... and then silence aside from short bursts of chirping and heavy panting.

If i'm going to get out of here, now is definitely the best time.

I push myself up against the wall, since I'm still a bit too weak to move about on my own. From there, I start edging around the room.

Two blue lights turn to face me, coming from about where the second guard had been. For a moment, Zan appears to be heading right for me.

A hear her hand colliding with the wall where I had been. "John? Where did you go?"

Okay, she can't see in the dark. That would be reassuring, but she can just turn the lights back on.

...Right?

I continue moving around the hall, steadily and slowly edging away from Zan as she scrabbles around in the dark.

A hand clamps onto my arm, then another clamps over my mouth.

My right arm reaches up to trap the hand covering my mouth, My left clamps the other arm between my bicep and ribcage, and I open my mouth wide to bite down as hard as I can.

A sharp hiss comes from beside me, and from the complete opposite direction, a pair of lights points in our direction. I quickly release my jaws.

The person holding onto me sinks down to the floor, dragging me down with her. It's a her- clearly identified by the close proximity of our bodies.

The blue lights come closer.

As the only surviving female around when the lights went out, I'm assuming it's Meia that's got a hold of me.

The throat chirping picks up speed again, only to cut off in confusion a moment later. "What? Who stopped the singing?" Zan asks, her voice almost pleading.

Meia finally releases my mouth and my arm, and I return the favor.

"John? Where did you go?" Something wet and meaty slams into a wall. "John?" Zan's voice continues to grow more desperate.

The two of us continue to crawl away, following the wall as it takes a curve, then heads around a corner, and then we reach a door.

Meia stand back up, fumbles around a keypad for a second, and then the door whooshes open, blinding me with the light on the other side.

Meia yanks me through the door, turns, and quickly closes the door behind us, engaging some sort of locking mechanism with a loud "Clunk". THen she sinks down to the floor beside me, cradling her injured hand.

For several seconds, the two of us sit there, eyes adjusting to the light.

I made a mistake resting my back against the door. It suddenly buckled slightly from inside, sending me face first into the floor.

"She..." Meia begins, swallowing nervously. "She's not going to be able to break down the door that quickly. We need to have a plan."

"I already have one." I say. "But, what happened to Duelo?"

Meia shakes her head. "I don't know. Possibly the same thing that happened to Kymnal and Ursis." She squints at me. "You have a plan?"

Ah, that's the second guard's name. Was her name.

Fuck, things were going so well up until a week ago.

"Do you know where Barnette is?" I ask the blue haired pilot.

* * *

"Hmm? John?"

I can hear him singing... but he shouldn't be singing, he wasn't earlier.

"Did you come back into this room?"

I head to where his song come from, and find a tube. On closer inspection, it doesn't sing quite like John... but I can still sing to it.

The canister crumbles under my grip.

* * *

Something is wrong with John.

I mean, he'd be the first to tell you, but recently I've been dismissing it as attention grabbing blustering. He wants attention, claims to be sick in the head, and hey presto, he's the center of attention.

That was before he shrugged off two people getting murdered in front of him with nary a blink.

I barely had the presence of mind to drag him away from that monster and get out of the hallway while trying to keep my stomach down.

He explains his "plan" if you could call it that as we head to engineering.

It should be quite obvious, but it appears that Zan immersed herself into the Paksis, and the Paksis caused her to mutate. This has pretty much been confirmed by the girl herself, according to John. John's solution though...

I look down at the shiny weapon in his right hand, a, what did Barnette call it, "Sig Sour Pea 229." Barnette had reluctantly parted with the weapon under threat of being thrown in with Zan, and is currently heading to the sealed hallway to reinforce the rest of the crew there to contain Zan.

I don't know what sour vegetables have to do with Barnette's aging collection, but John's eyes lit up when he saw her pull the pistol out of its case. Even as we jog down to engineering, he cradles the damn thing like it's a precious jewel. Or maybe a girlfriend? He was talking to it earlier.

No, I refuse to be jealous of a chunk of metal.

Anyway, his solution is to threaten the Paksis.

He's going to attempt to threaten some dimension hopping sapient energy source that as far as we know doesn't even have a significant enough mass to actually interact with the .40 cal bullet the thing spits.

It seems he thinks that he get the Paksis to reverse it. Possibly through force.

"So, what happens if your little show of force doesn't convince the Paksis to fix Zan?" I ask.

"Oh, I'm not worried about that." His face looks a bit strained. "I have a way to logic bomb it into a panic."

I gesture to the weapon in his hand. "Then what's that for?"

He grimaces. "Backup plan number 3."

* * *

John's song starts spreading around the hallway. It's spreading from the tube.

I ask it what it's doing.

It says that it's looking for John, just like me.

So we start looking.

And they find three other bodies.

* * *

The doors to engineering open with a swoosh, and I stride in with Meia hot on my heels.

Parfet looks up at me, a nervous tick forming on her face. "Eh, can it wait? The Paksis is acting up."

It is a bit hot in here, isn't it? However, I ignore the engineer and head for the entrance to the Paksis' chamber.

Meia intercepts Parfet. "Actually, it might be the fastest way to fix the problem."

"How? We've been experiencing weird fluctuations ever since Zan screwed up an entire sector of space." Parfet replies a bit snippy. She slaps a button on one of the consoles and the door in front of me lets out the "Chunk" sound of the mechanical locks being engaged,

"John thinks he... can..." Meia hesitates. "Look, just let him through?"

"No way." Parfet cross her arms. "Last person to head in there got turned into a grapevine of organs." She shudders.

I turn back to the pigtailed woman. In any other life, I'd probably get along well with her. After all, she's an engineer just like I am. "Parfet, you know that the Paksis is sapient, right?"

"No, that's just your imagination running away from you." She argues. "It does seem a bit in tune with emotions, but it can't think for itself."

I shake my head. "Okay, fine, believe that. But in any case, it transformed Zan." I pull the pistol up to my chest and rack the slide back and forth once to chamber a bullet. "And I'm pretty sure that it can put her back if it wants to. I just need to make it want to fix her really badly."

"...With a pistol?"

"It's plan C. And D, for that matter." I say.

Meia asks "Plan D?"

"It does the same thing to me that it did to Zan." I bring the gun up and poke my temple. "And I stop myself before it actually becomes a problem." Seeing as I don't actually want to kill myself- again- I quickly remove the gun and point it at the floor three feet in front of me, a nice neutral position that shouldn't be accidentally brow anyone brains out.

Parfet looks between Meia and I. "What are plans A and B?"

"A is to ask politely." Meia responds.

"B is to ask not so nicely." I finish. "Let me through so I can talk to it."

Parfet warily eyes Meia once more before reluctantly leaning over and pressing the switch to disable the locking mechanism.

"Thank you." I say, turning back to the door and pulling the lever.

The door swings inwards, and I step through into the chamber containing the sphere of light that started all of this.

I check the P229 in my hand one last time before closing my eyes, counting to three, and jumping into the blue ball.

* * *

The bodies are damaged! Cries the song. The remnants of John's song cover the bodies. They start to eat.

One of the bodies isn't heavily damaged. It appears to be resting against a wall rather than dead.

Which means that they weren't crushed.

Maybe they don't need to be crushed?

The others were crushed because they were in the way.

Is this last one in the way?

No, that one is useful.

It... he... has a name. There's not many "he"s on the ship. Not John, I feel him around me. Not the jumpy pilot, no this is the doctor.

Duelo.

He can fix John. He can make John sing again.

I'm sure of it.

* * *

Funny.

I last time I was in here, I was running away after having assaulted Meia.

I... really should do something to make up for that.

But first, I have a glowing blue ball to intimidate. I check the Sig Sauer P229 one last time, verifying that yes it is loaded, racked, and full of bullets. Nice .40 caliber rounds, 13 of them. 12 in the magazine, one in the chamber. This model happens to have a holographic sight on it, increasing the point-n'-shootyness of the firearm. just make sure the red dot is over the enemy's torso and use a nice, smooth trigger pull.

Ah, I need to stop grinning. Game face.

So, the war against the blue ball. First step is to determine a motive.

I walk right up to the perimeter of the sphere, right before I would have to enter the field.

"Paksis." I say, removing all emotions from my voice. Or, trying. I'm a bit giddy.

The sphere doesn't really seem to respond. It... well, it never really talks, does it. It usually does the bumblebee thing of hacking together other people's voices, and that only happens when you're inside the Paksis.

Which means that I can only go by it's color for the time being.

"Do you remember how you got here? You fled Earth, leaving behind a fragment of yourself. You got rid of your fear, and left it to rot where less scrupulous humans could get to it." I gesture around at the ship, hoping the thing gets my intent to point out the rest of the crew not present. "Up until a day ago, we were the best chance this universe had to get rid of your fear for good, but you ruined that. Now, we've got a rampaging... probably no longer technically human version of Zan killing the crew. Congratulations."

Again, the sphere doesn't seem to change. However, in the background I can hear Parfet squawking about weird power fluctuations. The now-familiar chill creeps down my spine, ever so slightly.

Good. It's listening, at least.

"So I've come to make you a deal." I pull my phone out of my pocket. "I figured out how to send messages to Earth. Right now, I can send a text straight to them, leading them here. Leading them to you. If you'd rather not get reunited with your other half in probably the worst way possible, how about you help me turn Zan back to normal, what do you say?"

A trace of red over the surface of the sphere. It heard me. Now I just have to wait for a response.

Er, which probably means I need to go in. The red is swirling a bit faster now, more obvious against the blue background.

"What the hell are you saying?"

I whip around and level the pistol at Meia- FUCK! I yank my aim to the side to get the barrel away from her. Oh god, I almost shot her-

"You can't just call the enemy here! We'll all die!"

"Please Meia, just trust me for a moment-"

"No! You're this close, THIS CLOSE-" She puts her fingers up a puts her thumb and index finger a centimeter apart. "to being completely off the deep end. Look, I care for you. God knows why, but I do. Ever since Christmas you've been getting worse and worse." She takes a breath to calm herself a bit and continues. "Please, stop doing everything yourself. You really suck at it. Just tell me what you brilliant plan is so I can find the three hundred obvious flaws in it."

I look down at the gun in my hand. "Okay then. Step one, confront the Paksis. Step two, convince it to help me turn Zan back. Step three..." I turn to look at the Paksis. "It took me to the Fixer before, and I figure I'd like to have a chat with him about screwing with my toys."

* * *

"Duelo." I say, moving up to where John's song remains dancing around the man.

"Ah, Zan. I don't suppose the other two are alive?"

Ah, this one is trying to confuse me. "I want you to bring the rest of John's song back."

"His song? I apologize but last I checked- eight hours ago, in fact- his vocal cords were working as fine as ever."

"NO!" Duelo flinches slightly at my yell. "I want you to bring back his song. Like the one that flows through the ship."

Duelo pauses. "I don't hear anything."

"I... I can't hear it now either." Frustrating. "The only song I can hear is John's."

"But...?" Duelo prompts.

"It's not right. It doesn't fill John, it spreads around the room like dust."

"Ah, I guess the nanobots got released then. I wondered what that shattering sound was."

"So fix his song." I demand.

"Of course." He seems lost in thought. "It will be hard to collect enough of the nanorobots to restore his 'song' as you call it. We also need to get to him, and deliver the nanorobots to him, then give them plenty of raw material to build up their numbers again."

"We need to collect his song?" I call out to the remnants of John's song and order them to come to me. It flies over to me and starts drifting onto my person, a light coating of dust. "Okay, I've collected it."

Duelo hmms. "I see, since they're not with their master, you can take control of them. Useful." He gently moves his hand out grasp my arm. "Do me a favor. Lead me to the exit."

* * *

With that declaration, John steps into the Paksis, with me right on his heels.

First, the cool blue wash envelopes me, a feeling familiar from before. Then, the nice coolness is replaced by something... dryer. Less welcoming. I open my eyes to find...

Nothing. A space that is completely white.

"Eh. Meia, you're here too?"

I glare at John. He holds up his hands in preemptive self defense. "No, I'm just surprised the Paksis brought you here too. I wasn't expecting you to come... Hopefully the Fixer isn't expecting you either."

"Huh? That creepy guy who sent you here?" I ask. Suddenly, I'm glad I always have my laser ring on me.

"Mmhmm. I know he's behind this. The Paksis is mysterious, but as far as I can tell it's never been malicious. It wouldn't do something so twisted for its own amusement. If Zan had asked to be turned into a mass of flesh covered organs, the Paksis might grant that request, but I don't think that was her intent. If the Paksis hadn't immediately sent us here, I was going to ask it exactly what she asked for, and possibly what the Fixer has on the Paksis to ensure it's cooperation."

"Oh, that's simple."

John and I both whip around and level our respective weapons on... well, he looks human, aside from being all different shades of grey.

He looks unconcerned with us pointing our weapons at him. "I used the same threat you used, J*****."

John narrows his eyes. "Well, it's not that hard to figure out that threat if you can see everything before it happens."

J*****? I've heard that somewhere. Didn't John say that to himself before we attacked the Flagship?

"Of course. Enjoying my little gift to you?"

"The DVD? Yeah, it's only caused another headache piling up over another thirty."

The Fixer sighs. "So hostile. After I gave you the powers of transformation, brought you to a world you understood-"

"Cut the shit." John snarls. "I met some of your friends from U-2. They claim you're the one who brought me here, and you're the one screwing with all these realities. So, you better have one hell of a good explanation."

The grey man shrugs. "Oh no, you caught me." His grin spreads out to cover his face, a lot wider than would be possible on a normal human face. "I must say, you've certainly been entertaining to me so far. Your friend was so distraught, she came to the Paksis and begged to be useful to you. I made sure the Paksis granted her wish. And here you are trying to take that away from-"

CRACK

The pistol roars in John's hand. To his credit, it was mostly accurate and would have hit the Fixer right in the stomach if he hadn't blocked with that shield.

Huh? Where did that shield come from? He didn't have it a second ago.

"Oh, so you get hammerspace? Give me a fucking break." John snaps. Two more shots report, only for the shield to practically teleport to block the rounds.

"It's not hammerspace." The Fixer still seems unconcerned. "It's actually a product of this dimension I designed." He gestures grandly. "Here, I can manifest my will however I like. I can creep into dimensions, conjure objects, and even create life!"

John's face untwists and he looks genuinely surprised. "Wait, you made a universe that can just create stuff at will?"

"Yes!" The Fixer gloats, hands on hips. "Anything I can imagine!"

"Just like Green Lantern huh?" John says, as if to himself.

"Yes! You get it! I designed this place to create things with just a thought-"

John's face twists into a mirror of the Fixer's manic expression and points his gun. "Black hole."

For a brief moment, the Fixer looks surprised. He claps his hands together in a hurry and the black sphere that hard just appeared collapses. "Now now, I didn't say you had access-"

"One hundred N2 Mines."

The Fixer quickly scrambles to waves away the hundred balls of death that had just appeared in the sky. "Now, see here-"

"Orbital Laser."

The Fixer dodges out of the way of a beam of light so powerful that it singes the very air turning the beam visible.

"Handcuffs!" I yell, and suddenly the grey man finds his hands behind his back, bound by metal rings.

John mutters to himself. "I guess that works." He levels his gun at the Fixer once again. "You know what really irritated me about the Green Lantern movie?"

The cuffs start to disappear, so I imagine that they're unbreakable, and, what was the word John was throwing around trying to look smart? Immutable?

Well, it works. The cuffs stop disappearing, at least for the moment.

"Hal Jordan, the hero, is so unimaginative. to escape a black hole, he harnesses two jet engines, and struggles to get away. Why not imagine a third engine? Or, something more powerful than jets, like a rocket engine? If power was the concern, then why not create the biggest counter black hole he could to drag him out in one instantaneous burst of speed?" John fires his gun a three more times, but the shield comes back up.

The Fixer spits to the side. "I hate this about you humans from U-3. You always have something else up your sleeve. Why can't you all just do what I tell you?"

"Haven't you heard? Humans are crazy." John fires yet another round, just as ineffectively as the first. "And you picked one who reads all kinds of crazy stuff." John's eyes narrow.

"Tarrasque."

* * *

Google Tarrasque. Do it.

Zan's mutated form is supposed to evoke something between a Banshee from Mass Effect, the flood forms from Halo and the Necromorphs form Dead Space. Add in a dash of SOMA for some nice lighting tricks...

...

This story is still tagged "Angst" and "Sci-fi", not "Horror", right?

I should probably go lay down now. And I need to go turn off all those LEDs around my room. The blue ones are staring at me.


End file.
